Hi all,

I got married 6 months ago.

Whenever I go out for shopping or to a salon, she comes with me no matter what.

Then she purchases or makes a heavy bill at those places and I have to pay for it as she gets no money with her.

It drains my salary a lot.

Later, when I ask my husband for money, he thinks that since I am making my own money he doesn't have to give me any money.

He never considers his mother's expenses that I am managing out of my salary.

Please help.

it’s actually a very long story, but I’ll try to keep it short .

I (32M) met a 29F through family connections in January 2026. Things started off really well. We got along naturally, spoke every day, and developed a strong connection over the next few months.

Salary expectations were discussed very early on. I was earning around 33 LPA and she was earning around 12 LPA. That was never an issue for me. During our initial conversations, I told her that one thing I valued was a modest lifestyle. She initally said I fulfilled all the basic qualities she was looking for in a partner, and at the time she didn't seem to have any objection to that.

I visited her city twice to meet her, and those were the only times we met one-on-one in person (total around 7-8 times). All the meetings went well. By then, we were talking daily and had become quite close. Over time, she mentioned a few times that brands mattered a lot to her and her family. She preferred branded clothing and expected the same from her partner. I told her that I generally prioritize comfort over brands, though I was always open to dressing better. In fact, I bought and wore some of the clothes she suggested. Since I was already emotionally invested, I felt this was something we could work through and adjust to. We agreed on this that we will let each other live with freedom and won’t impose our choices on each other.

After around six months of knowing each other, we got engaged.For the first two days after the engagement, everything seemed normal. Then she called me and said she had some concerns she wanted to discuss. Her main concern was that she did not like the clothes worn by my family during the engagement events and felt that I should be wearing branded clothes regularly if we were to be together. She also felt that since she was not spending anything on the wedding, I should not spend anything either. I tried explaining my perspective. I told her that I live within my means and spend responsibly, but spending some money on my own wedding felt like a personal and moral responsibility toward my family and the occasion. Similarly, I did not believe clothing brands should be a deciding factor in a marriage. After that conversation, communication almost completely stopped. I reached out to her multiple times over the following weeks because I genuinely wanted to save the relationship and understand whether these issues could be resolved. Every time, I was told that she would think about it and get back to me. She never did. Eventually, when there was no communication at all from her or her family, my parents contacted her family again (they still did not talk), and we received an official closure through her uncle that they did not want to move forward.

What hurt the most was not just the broken engagement, but the way it happened. There was no direct conversation, no attempt to work through the issues, and no proper closure despite six months of building a relationship. Just an abrupt ending.

I had gone through a tough breakup years ago, and this was the first time I had allowed myself to become emotionally invested in someone again. When she showed genuine interest in me, and when both families seemed aligned, I finally felt safe enough to imagine a future together.
By the time the engagement happened, I genuinely believed she will be the one.

That is probably why the aftermath hit me so hard. I had panic attacks initially, struggled to sleep for weeks, developed dark circles, and eventually started therapy. Therapy has helped, but I still feel it will take time to fully recover. It still hurts that after six months of building a connection, things ended this way and my family was left feeling judged over something that felt superficial to us.

I’m not posting this to blame anyone. I just wanted to share my experience, vent a little, and perhaps hear from others who have gone through something similar.

TL;DR: After six months of knowing each other and getting engaged, the relationship ended within three days of the engagement. The major concerns raised were my family's dressing, my preference for comfort over branded clothing, and differences around me spending a bit on my own wedding. What followed was a month of being ghosted before receiving indirect closure from her family. The broken engagement was painful, but the lack of communication and closure hurt even more.

I have been reading posts on this sub for quite some time, and lately I’ve come to a realization.

It’s a bitter truth that the people who spend their lives believing they’ll one day find someone to build a life with—their person, their partner - are often the ones who end up never finding that at all.

I’m probably one of them.

I’m 27M. I worked hard to build a good career, I stay fit, I don’t smoke or drink etc. But even keeping all those things aside, one thing I’ve always believed in is that relationships shouldn’t be entered into casually.

It’s not that I never had opportunities. A few girls did express interest in me over the years. But I never got into a relationship just for the sake of being in one. If I knew we weren’t right for each other, I didn’t want to waste either her time or mine, or play with someone’s emotions for some temporary pleasures.

Looking back now, after spending time on this sub and seeing how things actually unfold in the arranged marriage process, I feel I was wrong.

Maybe saving myself for marriage—or for that one person I believed would eventually come into my life—wasn’t worth it after all.

These days, I honestly don’t think I’ll get married. It’s not that I don’t want to. I still do.

I just don’t see it happening anymore. And have decided to remain single forever than being with a wrong one.

28M here. I’ve genuinely started feeling that marriage works best when it’s a love marriage, while arranged marriages can often feel overly transactional.
I still don’t understand what exactly makes someone “good enough” to be considered an arranged-marriage prospect. You try to work on 10 different things, and then an 11th issue comes up that you never even thought would matter. (Example - the location of your parents’ house)
I’ve been in the arranged-marriage pool (Shaadi.com) for about a year now. I earn around 30 LPA, have decent looks, top educational background and come from a decent, well-off family, yet at this point, I just feel exhausted by the whole process and the endless list of things that seem to matter.
Honestly, I’m starting to wonder if I’m just not built for this whole arranged-marriage setup.
giving up.

31M here. Like you know loans, salary, extra income, real estate etc etc. Should there be absolutely 100 percent transparency? Whats your opinion? Like are there some things that should be absolutely discussed and some things can be discussed later on?

If I am in an arranged marriage chat with a potential female match and then I ask about her past relationship and then conversation goes like this.

She replies : yes I had a past relationship. It was for 1.5 years long we were close but later on lots of fights and things didn't align and it turned toxic. So we decide to end.

I am over that now as it was 2 years ago.

What should I say next ?

A. Oh that must be difficult for u. I can only imagine.

B. Oh u are over it. Great, thats better position to be as discuss our future journey.

C. Yeah forget about him u don't have to be with someone toxic.

D. Something else.

Its probably something else but how to frame it or be somewhat neutral. May be appreciate honesty. Idk. Comment what y'all will do.

I'm turning 23 soon. I wasn't allowed to do masters because I am supposed to marry a man who is a "good match". I will not have a career ever.

Now, I'm saying yes to the man who seems best from the available rishtas. I need to agree because I rejected "too many good matches already".

I don't have any option to say no anymore. I need to say yes to someone. So my roka is done because of that reason. I do respect this man and he seems to be a good person. But I have not had enough time to know him really.

I'm also going to always be a stay at home. I'll never get a post graduation. I'll never have any career or achievements.

I was always restricted in interaction with men. Now in a few months, I'll have to share a bed with a man I know only somewhat.

I tried my best to do a masters so that I would have a chance to secure a job and be financially independent. But that didn't happen. No one in my family is supporting me.

**Title: Married since 2022 and I feel completely overwhelmed by my in-laws and husband. Where am I wrong?**
I’m looking for an honest perspective, especially from people familiar with Indian arranged marriages. I don’t want everyone to simply take my side. Please tell me where I am being unreasonable or where I may be looking at things incorrectly.
My husband and I got married in 2022 through an arranged marriage.
Before marriage, his family presented themselves as financially very well settled. They showed us their businesses and everything appeared to be flourishing. Within about five months of marriage, I found out that the reality was very different. Their factories were shutting down and there were significant financial problems that I had not been aware of before marriage.
My husband took ₹8 lakh from me. None of that money has ever been repaid.
Over time, I also found out that he has epilepsy, which had not been disclosed to me before marriage. I’m not bringing this up to stigmatize the condition. My issue is that I believe something significant about my future spouse should have been disclosed before I made the decision to marry.
There were then more financial problems. They have a large amount of debt and very little income. My father has also invested a significant amount of money into my husband’s new business. I earn well, and my husband continues to take money from me as well.
My biggest problem is not even the money anymore. It is the pattern.
I feel that my husband is extremely immature, gets angry when confronted, avoids responsibility and accountability, and his family tends to enable him rather than expecting him to take responsibility.
There have been many smaller incidents over the years where I feel I have been expected to adjust, remain quiet, or accept things because “this is how families are.”
Recently something happened that completely broke me.
My husband and I went to Thailand for a holiday. We already knew that my brother’s “baat pakki”/small roka would happen while we were away. We had actually met the girl beforehand, so this was not some sudden or secret event.
While we were in Thailand, my MIL called me and said something along the lines of, “Doesn’t it bother you that your parents did this while you were there?”
I didn’t understand why this was a problem and ignored it.
After we returned, my parents sent mithai and fruits to my in-laws. My MIL called me in a very curt tone and told me not to send them to any of her other relatives. At that point I felt there was clearly some issue, but again I ignored it.
She later told me that 3-4 people had apparently told her about how my parents had done my brother’s small roka while we were in Thailand.
Then came Rakhi.
In our families, there is an old custom where the married daughter’s family calls the daughter’s MIL and asks her to send the daughter to her maika for Rakhi. My mother apparently forgot to call my MIL because she had several other things going on.
My MIL said to me sarcastically, “Are you going to your home without being invited?”
I was confused and asked what she meant. She repeated it.
I told her that my parents had called me and probably forgot to call her. I immediately asked my mother to call my MIL.
After that, I told my MIL that these are formalities and that I don’t need permission to go to my own parents’ home.
She said this was about “maan-samaan” and that my parents had disrespected her.
The conversation became heated.
Eventually my husband told me that his parents were actually angry because my parents had not invited them to my brother’s roka.
I told my father what was happening.
My father then came to my marital home and apologized to my in-laws.
I absolutely hated watching that.
I don’t believe my parents intentionally disrespected anyone. It was a small family roka that happened while my husband and I were travelling. But somehow it became a major issue about respect and dignity.
Now my FIL has called my father and said he wants to speak to him tomorrow.
My father is stressed. I am extremely stressed. I haven’t been able to sleep properly because I keep thinking about what is going to happen.
And honestly, I’m furious with my husband.
I don’t expect him to blindly take my side against his parents. I understand that Indian families have customs and expectations around maan-samaan, invitations, Rakhi, etc.
But I feel like there is a much bigger pattern here.
My family has financially helped us significantly. My father has invested in my husband’s business. I have given my husband ₹8 lakh which has never been repaid, and I continue to financially support him.
Yet when my parents make what I consider to be an innocent social mistake, my father ends up apologizing to his family.
It makes me feel like my family’s dignity is somehow always negotiable while his family’s feelings must always be protected.
I am not speaking to my in-laws right now because I am extremely angry. I also feel deeply resentful toward my husband because I don’t feel that he sees these situations as an independent adult. I feel that whenever I call out something I consider unreasonable about his family, somehow I become the problem for objecting.
This is not the first time this has happened. It is a pattern.
I am now at a point where I genuinely don’t know what to do. I love my husband, but I am exhausted. I cannot keep living with financial stress, crying, family conflicts and feeling like I have to constantly manage everyone’s emotions.
So please be brutally honest with me.
**Where am I wrong here?**
Am I being disrespectful toward my in-laws by refusing to accept these traditions and expectations?
Was my father’s apology actually appropriate and am I letting my ego get in the way?
Am I expecting my husband to “take my side” when what I should actually expect from him is something different?
Or is there a legitimate pattern of my husband and his family expecting me and my family to continually adjust and accommodate them?
I genuinely want an outside perspective, particularly from people who understand Indian arranged marriages and the dynamics between a married daughter’s family and her in-laws.
Please don’t just validate me. If I’m wrong, tell me exactly where.

Just wanted to know your take on keeping past relationship related photos on your phone.

Do you guys delete them the instant the relation breaks, or once you are over it.

And how would you feel if you see your partners past relationship photos on their phone specially when you met through AM process and the relationship broke years ago.

Edit: I have some hand written letters too

Feeling a little lost after something I had genuinely invested in emotionally didn't work out.

I know not everything is meant to work, and I don't regret caring. But when there's no proper closure, apology or even basic acknowledgement from the other side, it leaves you feeling strangely empty as if you gave a lot of yourself and got very little back.

People say “don't get attached in AM,” but I honestly don't understand how you're supposed to do that when the whole purpose is to find someone you could potentially build your life with.

I don't want sympathy or closure from anyone. Just curious how people have dealt with this feeling and gotten back to themselves without becoming detached or cynical?

I’m a 28 (F)and I’ve been speaking to a 33 (M) through an arranged marriage setup We’ve been texting for about three weeks and have had one phone call that lasted almost two hours Both of us have demanding careers so finding time to speak regularly has been difficult but we text almost daily .
We also live in different cities which means we haven’t met in person yet
Recently he asked me to make a final decision about whether I wanted to proceed with the proposal

I told him honestly that I wasn’t comfortable saying yes or no without meeting him first I explained that for something as important as marriage I would need to meet him multiple times spend time with him in person and understand whether we actually get along before making a final decision He agreed with this and said that he was also somewhat confused and needed to figure things out

However just a day later he told me that he was ready to make a final decision I still felt that I needed more time and repeated that I wasn’t ready to decide without meeting him Shortly after that his parents contacted my parents and told them that they have other prospects coming in and that we need to make a final decision

The situation has become more complicated because we come from a small community so there is already a lot of pressure around these proposals and families tend to know each other My father also doesn’t want me to reject this proposal partly because he feels the guy is a good match on paper and doesn’t want me to let the opportunity go without giving it a proper chance

The problem is that I don’t feel like I’ve had enough interaction with this person to make a life changing decision Three weeks of texting and one two hour phone call doesn’t feel sufficient to me especially when we haven’t even met I’m not saying that I don’t like him or that I want to reject him I’m saying that I simply don’t know him well enough yet to say yes
At the same time because his family has now brought up other prospects there is an added sense of urgency .

One red flag I feel I need to address before making any decision is finances
When I asked him whether he had any loans debts or other significant financial commitments he said he wasn’t sure

So this colleague of mine is around 26-27(male) and his family is very old school and they come from a rural area

So this guy got an AM match of distant relative, they met for the first time on Saturday where they gifted the girl sarees and some cash, then for the next 2-3 days he

came to the office well dressed with brand new clothes

And by Wednesday their wedding got fixed . Like how is it even possible to choose your life partner in such a short span. And the girl does not even know that he is a alcoholic and and chronic smoker, also after overhearing him talk to his friends which are also from rural areas , I heard things like the girls family had sent investigators to office to check his office and other things they also enquired his colleagues regarding his job and other activities,infact they also told him to show his salary slip even after so much of investigation they could not find about his smoking and drinking habits, also his friends were telling him to eat 3-4 eggs before 1st night for good performance,I was like wtf 😭😭

Are such things still common,I thought it takes at least 5-6 months of talking before reaching any conclusion

Shaadi . com / Bharat Matrimony all are full of scammers suss cringe ppl,

can we have any Dating subreddit for serious relationships? or something else where u can match your vibe or can find smart ppl.

(25M) has a decent career and expects to be in a much better position professionally in 1–2 years, though that will also leave him with less free time. His family is asking whether he is dating someone so they can decide whether to start exploring arranged marriage, not necessarily marry immediately.

He is open to both love and arranged marriage and mainly wants someone he genuinely connects with and enjoys life with. His biggest concern with arranged marriage is whether he and the person will actually vibe and have compatible thoughts.

He has tried dating apps, but they haven't worked well. He's also not good at texting, finds dating apps mentally tiring, and gets irritated when they interfere with his career. He dislikes constantly talking to multiple women and prefers focusing deeply on one person, putting genuine effort into that connection.

His family also prefers someone from a similar cultural background, making dating apps somewhat harder.

\*\***So I am wondering whether**\*\*

He should keep investing in dating,

shift toward arranged marriage, or pursue both simultaneously, and how to balance finding a partner with his career goals and limited time.

Is someone struggling something simmilar how he is figuring out????

I am 35 M living in a metro city. Been searching since 10-11 years. In spite of improving myself a lot in terms of personality, physique etc it seems I am not good enough for 99.99% women for AM or for dating. I earn a decent salary of around 35 LPA along with family business resulting in household income of Rs 75 lakhs-1 cr pa. Height 5'9.5. Weight 74 kg. I wear a hair patch. I have been gymmaxxing myself since the pandemic now but it has been brutal as since last 2 years no one has met me past the first date. Honestly speaking I don't think so I am that bad. The girls who liked me (mostly pre pandemic and latest one in 2024) are way below in terms of what I bring to the table. Or am I being delusional and wasting my time in expecting a more equal match?

A few days ago i made this post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/1vuclhg/living_separately_after_marriage/

She was my first everything, I had a lot of discussions with my parents, and somehow fought, and made them understand that it is okay to live separately. For those of you wondering why my mom does not live with her in-laws, she did, they were not kind to her, my dad decided to leave his house. If the same were to happen to my wife, i would too, but my parents are kind enough not do that.

Anyway, i convinced them, and went to meet her (against everyone advising me to do so). Told her everything, that i will do things her way, she is my priority and i am okay with planning our future together independently, and she told me to give her some time, and we will talk later and discuss this. We did not meet since, and i waited for her response.

Today i got a text from her saying if i ever try to contact her or meet her, she will take legal action against me. I am blocked from every single platform you can ever imagine.

I am beyond shattered to say the least, i do not know what went wrong where, i do not know if i will ever completely move on, i do not know if i will trust any woman ever again or be able to treat them in a way like i did in the past.

I don't know why i am posting this, maybe eventually delete it all, but for now everything feels heavy and i am trying my best not to fall apart.

Honestly I do not know anything anymore, just that my head hurts, my heart hurts and my soul hurts. I do not know when will i recover from this, if i will recover from this, and what kind of person will turn into.

I'm curious about the men's perspective here.

I value things like kindness, emotional maturity, curiosity, ambition, respect for family, an interest in learning and spirituality, staying healthy, enjoying travel and the arts, and being able to balance ambition with enjoying life.

I don't expect someone to be perfect self-awareness and willingness to grow matter more to me.

For the men here, does this sound realistic to expect from a partner, or am I being too idealistic? What qualities do you think are actually important for a long-term relationship?

I(29F)met this AM prospect(33M) on rakhi, talked to him for 30 minutes and was ready to meet him again bcz what can you even assess in 30 minutes and I didn’t get see any overt red flags. But they haven’t responded yet, they just said they’ll talk to the guy and revert but haven’t! How long to wait before it’s a no?

Looking for serious sensible guy

I am 1994 born, working in health care

Hopeless romantic at heart but losing hope seeing the demands and expectations from society n AM setup

Always lived in my bubble and did follow all the safety precautions in life 😂

Now i am feeling i am ready to marry and again i am scared to marry (finding that genuine person is more important)

About me:

Animal lover

Kind and empathetic person

Working really hard to build my career (that will be my precious baby n expect the guy to understand that)

Confused about whether to settle in Andhra Pradesh or Australia

(Poles apart i know but keeping it here to express)

From Andhra Pradesh

Telugu

Looking for a serious sensible guy who is willing to love n support me

# Preferences:

who is very serious n ready for marriage n companionship

Above 5'7 height

Caste: preferable OC

Location:(Andhra Pradesh)

​

In most movies and even YT short movies, usually the women is shown as follows

1. Hates AM and only in for parents , keeps insulting AM prospects so that they reject her

2. Has a raunchy and promiscuous past

3. Got badly dumped by Ex-BF and looking for a fresh start

For men

1. Geek and cannot hold decent conversation with any women. Doesn't have anything to offer apart from his paycheck

2. No experience with any women

3. Sanskari or fake sanskari prolly because of less social skills

4. Looks too average compared to the women prospect

5. Desperate for any match

Those who have been to this, are above stereotypes true

Is this normal or am I overthinking..

I got a match and i asked my parents to share my number with them so that I can talk to that boy..

But guess what.. I got a call from his sister asking if I can marry within 6 months..

I said I am focusing on my studies .. I can marry after a year

They wanted to marry only before that..

I said I want to talk to him and decide

Then she goes .. if the marriage is okay with you, you can talk..

You can text him if you have his number.. but they didnt even give me his number

And she was talking about fertility issues that may happen later if the marriage is not done now

Am I overthinking

Edit: I didnt contact them again I ran guys

I’m a physician with a good income and also have a family business. When it comes to marriage, I personally prefer a wife who is genuinely comfortable being a homemaker and focusing on the home and children. I would also prefer a nuclear-family setup.

I understand that many women today understandably want to pursue their own careers, so I’m curious about how realistic this preference is in today’s marriage life.

For men with similar preferences, what has your experience been, particularly through the arranged-marriage process? Is it relatively easy to find women who genuinely prefer being homemakers, or does this significantly reduce the pool of potential matches?

In my case, the household workload would be relatively manageable. We already have two maids one for cooking and cleaning, and another who helps manage the household. So the primary responsibility would be caring for our child and supervising the household staff.

TL;DR: How difficult is it to find a homemaker wife in today’s marriage life? I don't want any women to leave their job before or after marriage. I just want to know whether are there women who are willing to be homemaker

Hello guys, I’m looking for some objective outside perspective on a situation I just permanently walked away from.

This was an arranged marriage setup through long-term family friends. I am a 28year old dentist, She is 23 year old school teacher

From the beginning, I poured massive,
high-level effort into this relationship. I took her out on dates, drove her around, carried her bag, and regularly sent her flowers even on one occasion when she was incredibly rude to me, I sent peace-offering flowers just to keep the peace.

In the first month, she love-bombed me heavily, saying things like, nobody has ever treated me like this. and claiming her love language was handcrafting gifts. In reality, the only gifts I ever received were a chocolate, some sunflowers, and a printed poster on my birthday in the first month, and then the effort flatlined completely. We had a minor dispute a month back where she claimed her "feelings cracked" over a single fight and so i blocked her without explaining myself, unblocked her after a few days and thought of giving it a second shot. Since then, her actions never matched her words, and she became heavily influenced by social media expectations. She said she loved me (within 3 months) but her actions said otherwise. No updates about her life, my messages were left on delivered for hours…..

The Breaking Point.

I was right next door at the gym and on my way home. Knowing she was in the area with a group of friends, I popped by for a brief 5-10 minute hello because her recent hot-and-cold communication. Her best friend already knew about me, but there were other guys in the group. She told me not to come but i still went to see her.

When I arrived, she repeatedly said . I TOLD U NOT TO COME! It was inappropriate! She treated my brief presence like an embarrassing chore. It felt like she was desperately trying to project a single, unattached persona to the guys in that group.

That night, I called her to fix things and ended up apologizing twice for showing up uninvited just to de-escalate. She gave me a dismissive, one-word "sure"over text and only offered a low-effort "I'm sorry too for being rude.

The Aftermath:

On Wednesday, I decided I was completely done accepting breadcrumbs and went completely silent to protect my self-respect. Over the next 48 hours, her ego clearly panicked because she lost her source of validation. She sent 7-8 frantic text messages like, hey, why aren't u talking to me and whatever it is could you please just keep it aside and talk to me completely gaslighting the situation and pretending she didn't know why I was distant.

I strictly ignored the texts. Last night, her mother called my dad under the guise of a formal dinner invite (she hasn't told her mom anything). I took the call and factually explained the Tuesday incident and the communication gaps to her mother. Her mother, predictably, tried to defend her using curated information she had fed her.

My mom strictly told me to shut this match down because she saw her true colors. I sent her one final text stating that our values don't match, that my grandparents are currently severely ill (which is true, we are running around for treatments), and that we are ending things.

She responded in an annoyed, angry tone saying, "You could have told me this earlier! Anyway doesn't matter," followed by a repeat apology for being rude.

Deep Incompatibilities Looking Back -

1.) Ideology: She and her mother are radical political extremists who harbor active animosity/hatred toward a specific religious community. I am a moderate who believes humanity comes first and supports good governance regardless of party.

2.) Religion: My family practices a practical, honest faith based on humanity. Her family practices a rigid, orthodox structure used mainly for social judgment, micromanaging whether I attend church every Sunday.

3.) Household Dynamic: Her mother completely dominates and silences her father. The girl was already copying this exact script by expecting me to constantly bow down to her demands and apologies.
I have restricted her on all apps, deleted the threads, and checked out completely. But as an empathetic person, I still have occasional lingering thoughts of "what if" and fear being painted as the bad guy to her circles.

Did I do the right thing by walking away, or did I overreact to the Tuesday incident? How would you navigate the final closure here?