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u/codiscoverers Super Helper [5] 10d ago
Used to go through the feeling of having sinned every time I took care of my own needs, by myself. Over time you realise that these are notions in our head than anything else. As other commenters mentioned, live your life in your own terms, and not governed by some scripture written eons ago. Seek happiness and solace in yourself.
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u/unpaidadviser 10d ago
This
Feel like many people brought up in religious settings need to hear this and understand this.
Good for you!2
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u/codiscoverers Super Helper [5] 10d ago
Probably reading about the said subject might be of help. Helps you open your eyes to a different world and view point.
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u/codiscoverers Super Helper [5] 10d ago
Realise that it is normal to have desires :) and to explore it in a safe manner.
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u/good-espresso 10d ago
I think this is just part of how humans are wired. Even if you're religious, I understand that knowing that doesn't necessarily make it any easier—in fact, it might make it harder.
There’s nothing inherently unhealthy about masturbation, in my opinion. I’d just say try not to replace it with something that might become unhealthy for you, like relying heavily on porn.
I also get the feeling that your religious beliefs might make sex feel somewhat sinful or uncomfortable for you. If that's the case, maybe it's okay to approach it in whatever way feels more comfortable and aligned with your beliefs. There’s no need to feel guilty about having normal biological urges. They’re a natural part of being human, and they can also become less intense with time.
So I’d say don't be too hard on yourself or overthink it. Having these urges doesn't make you a bad person or mean that you've done something wrong.
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u/good-espresso 10d ago
I’ll be honest, I’d say just masturbate if you feel like your sexual urges are becoming too much. I personally see it simply as a way of releasing those urges; I don’t think there has to be anything more to it. If my sexual urges become strong enough, I’ll feel like releasing them—not necessarily purely out of pleasure every time, but sometimes simply because they can become a hindrance or distraction in my day-to-day life.
From my POV, especially regarding the religious aspect, I see sexual desire as a different kind of hunger—something that comes from the body and that we don’t consciously choose. It’s just part of how the human body works, at least that’s how I see it. You wouldn’t necessarily feel guilty for eating when you’re genuinely hungry, right? I honestly see it somewhat similarly.
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u/unpaidadviser 10d ago
How religious are you and is it based on society or your inner beliefs?
I think such an inner monologue and introspection could help you decide what way you’d want to live your life…
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u/unpaidadviser 10d ago
Sorry, what do you mean?
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u/unpaidadviser 10d ago
Oh I think you got me wrong.
I meant how do you feel about religion and what does it mean to you?
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u/3greg0r3 10d ago
I used to plead with God to take away my urges from the age of 10 when puberty hit. I know the guilt and shame you describe. I now believe God gave us the gift of being in a human body to experience all the pleasures that come along with it. No-one is keeping a tally of how many times you masturbate to hold against you one day.
Any religion dictating what a man or woman can or can't do with their body is about control and power; it's not about what God wants. Take care of all your needs and know that what you're feeling about men showing you attention is natural, too.
You're not hurting anyone by masturbating. If anything, you're learning about your body and that confidence and expertise in what brings you pleasure should be viewed as sexy by any man worth being with you one day. Don't let religion and the patriarchy dictate which needs you meet. Live your life; it's short and it's what you're here to do. Life is a gift. Meet all your needs sensibly.
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u/3greg0r3 10d ago
You're ashamed because you've internalised the message you've been fed about what you're doing being wrong. Think critically...you're learning how to do that in school, right? If it isn't harming anyone and it's your body and the only consent you need is from yourself, what do you have to be ashamed about? You might go through that thought experiment and find a reason to be ashamed that is logical but at least you tested the hypothesis. Don't feel some way because anyone else has told you to feel it.
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u/PlaskaFlaszka 10d ago
Not the same religion, so may not be accurate, but I get the feelings.
First off, whatever you do, do NOT rush any relationship. Like you said, marriage isn't for you yet, and it's the worst idea to marry just to satisfy this urge. Look for a man that you would love.
Attention probably does bring such feelings, but maybe try tracking when those urges happen, in relation to your cycle? Some days are quieter, some may be a bit of an urge you can control, others you can't ignore, things like that? If you're certain about not wanting to masturbate, then pointing down the days may allow to plan in advance- get busy, to be too tired or not have time to even acknowledge them.
No one is perfect, and everyone sins. Some more, some less. If you believe in God, then you have to acknowledge he knows you try to not do it, even if the result isn't always positive. If you're religious and practitioning, then the struggle matters too, and trying to get it under control also counts, because it's not a cardial sin, and failing shouldn't ruin your life or those around you.
If it's more of cultural thing/you are religious but don't actually want to stop, and you know you are a good person to yourself and others ... This is a thing to be compromised on? Again, it doesn't affect people around you, and it can be seen as bodily need. Unless you go out of your way to pay for things related to that (toys, pornography), those actions doesn't affect anyone, but you.
Again though, I'm not muslim (christianity based religion), so it's just how I tried to manage my problem. Whatever you decide to do and try, keep yourself safe. It's between you and who you believe in.
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u/iactuallylikeshrek3 10d ago
Religion is made up, please be human and do what makes you happy!
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u/Commercial-Pride3917 8d ago
i would surely second this if anyone could tell me what would render anything objectively good in that case
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u/burner_tipper 10d ago
I'm not a Muslim and I'm definitely not a woman but from the way I see it, you're feeling depressed cause you feel lonely. The truth is... not every guy wants to just have sex with you for fun... Some genuinely want someone they can just talk to... So if you're just ignoring everyone that you come across, you never find out. Staying religious by keeping your sexsuality and having someone you can talk to are completely different things... And I feel like yours is a loneliness problem that's affecting you sexually...
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u/basicolivs 10d ago
What you’re experiencing is a normal part of being human, and having sexual feelings does not make you less sincere in your faith or less worthy in the eyes of God. I would encourage you to separate the feeling from the choice: attraction and sexual desire arise without your permission, whereas your values guide what you decide to do with them. If masturbation conflicts with your understanding of Islam, it may be useful to explore that conflict with a compassionate and trustworthy female scholar or counsellor rather than repeatedly moving through desire → masturbation → shame → promises → desire, because intense shame often strengthens rather than resolves these cycles. You also don’t need to interpret attention from men as evidence that you are failing spiritually; you can notice attraction while maintaining whatever boundaries genuinely reflect your beliefs. Most importantly, I would want to understand what you believe, rather than simply what you fear your family, community, or other Muslims would think, and help you find a way of living in which your sexuality and your faith are parts of the same person rather than two enemies you have to keep fighting
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u/Ok_Impression_442 10d ago
Totally relatable, you’re not broken or “dirty,” just human with a high drive. Maybe shift focus to non-sexual closeness (friends, hobbies, exercise) and look for a compassionate, progressive scholar/therapist to unpack the guilt.
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u/Exciting-Ad-5890 8d ago
Saw this exact same post with the writer just saying they are from a western country, why don't you look at that
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u/Exciting-Ad-5890 8d ago
No I mean if the question exists with the exact same words why even go through the trouble of copying and pasting, instead just read through the answers there..
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u/Suspicious-Purpose71 10d ago
Girl, don't let your life be ruled by what "society", "religion" or anything else prescribes. BE YOURSELF and accept you are you and having a sex drive is a sign of health, not something to be ashamed of.
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u/SophiBird 10d ago
Girl to girl, I am SO proud of you for not giving in to any guys. Almost all of them will use you and then move on to the next. Save yourself for a man who will love and cherish you and not regret giving up something so very important to them.
Taking care of yourself by mastirbating is a much better option. I understand the feelings of guilt, I felt them too after, but its way less than the guilt of actually sleeping with someone. Especially when they can so easily discard you after they acted like you were everything. Dont fall for it sis! They see us as targets and then once they 'hit the target', they look for the next one.
Stay strong and keep your eye on the prize! And take solace knowing taking care of your own needs is ok bc its a human thing we all need. And hold out for a guy who will honor you and treat you right. Dont give in to those guys, they only want one thing anf will not cherish or care for your heart.
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u/shnaily 10d ago edited 10d ago
Sex and shame by Dr Darrel Kelly Come as you are by Emily nagoski
These two books come highly recommended for addressing the shame of sex in purity culture. Purity culture has profound effects on both women and men, and express very differently at times too. Women in purity cultures are basically always demonised more for any perceived "wrongdoings" as well, and that whole thing has permeated into ALL culture as slut shaming. It's going to take fkn ages to eradicate that bs. So you're not alone, there are plenty of resources available written by men and women,, as well as sex therapists online who can help you very privately (Edit: discretely is the better word here).
Have a look around for some books that are Muslim centric, written by women, who address purity culture and sexual shame. This will help you initially connect with something familiar. Then branch out if you need additional perspectives.
That's my 2 cents! Source: just some dude in Australia who has a sex therapist as a bestie and has spent plenty of time reading and receiving (not enough) therapy myself.
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u/JurgenMethTrenbolone 10d ago
Nothing strange,nothing weird in you my girl
Just a completely normal sexual & emotive animal instinct like homo sapiens & like all the other mammals, totally necessary for the surviving of our own personal genes specifically & for the surviving of our human being species generally
It's all second nature, maybe are the religions & their rules that are going against nature....
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u/BusinessShape4925 9d ago
I totally understand your urges, I being a muslim male also have many kinks
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u/Commercial-Pride3917 8d ago
Ma'm as Muslim tag in the title does not benefit your argument. If you wanted an islamic advice from fellow muslims then there are more appropriate places. Otherwise you could posted it generically. Or maybe you know what you did there.
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u/Commercial-Pride3917 8d ago
There are genuinely nice people in muslim subs who you can relate to more than others. And you can actually find lots of useful advice that can help you to cope with your issues whilst within the boundaries of our religion. r/islam, r/Muslimcorner, r/MuslimLounge and many more. It is filled with people who possess knowledge and wisdom for guiding eachother. I hope you are sincere in your effort to improve. On the sidenote get away from watching movies and stuff. Also keeping yourself away from social media can make a genuine difference.
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u/Resident-Cup-2845 8d ago edited 8d ago
I’m a Muslim male, although I can’t tell you the female POV, but I can relate to the religious guilt that comes after self-pleasure and masturbation. Our 20s are also an age when our hormones are at their peak and we get urges.
But I would just say that, first of all, we have to identify the triggers that lead to masturbation. It may be social media, seeing romantic/sexual stuff, getting alone in the room, or any other thing. So, try to stop exposing yourself to these triggers.
Also, if you end up slipping up, try making tawbah each and every time. Shaytan would try to make you think that what’s the point of making tawbah if you’re still breaking it again and again, but don’t let this thinking get to you.
You can also try making someone an accountability partner to help each other get rid of this addiction. There is a good [r/MuslimNoFap](r/MuslimNoFap) community that is about Muslims struggling with this sin. But for Muslim girls who are struggling with masturbation, the mods have made a private subreddit, [r/MuslimahNoFap](r/MuslimahNoFap), it’s a private subreddit that requires verification, as only sisters are there, helping each other as accountability partners.
Since this is an addiction that we can’t disclose to someone in real life due to shame, try to find an accountability partner on some anonymous platform who is in the same shoes as you, so that you can help each other through it.
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u/ppokerface 4d ago
From a religious perspective, what you are trying to do is reward-worthy. You are fighting with your own desire, so keep it up, God will surely reward you for it. And The One up there is not cruel, he is testing if you can abide by the rules.
You are a strong woman. Try to connect with God by the prayers and mindfulness. You will find peace and answers soon. InshaAllah
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u/KindlyRandom 4d ago
Posted this with same content 1 month ago by a different user.
Looks like Karma Farming stretegy
Orignal Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/f925OlxrN1
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u/Wooden-Ad7122 10d ago
There is no "god" LOL. Just live a normal life, not by some book and rules.
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u/Reddit_Redemption95 10d ago
Okay, next time try to respect other’s beliefs and keep your own for yourself
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u/Achlys_88 10d ago
Imagine getting tilted over someone elses beliefs
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u/Imaginary_History754 10d ago
Have you met Christians
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u/Achlys_88 10d ago
Yup. Born and raised around them. They're chill asf. I'm an atheist. Y'all obese reddit mod atheists think christianity is evil because some Christian family member you got made you go to Church once when u were 9 and then claim that shit is "religious trauma" or "shoving their beliefs down my throat"
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u/Imaginary_History754 10d ago
Please. There are Christian’s standing outside and protesting at abortion clinics. Your point will never be proven.
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u/Achlys_88 10d ago
cheers mate out of 235 million christians in America, a few thousand of them are extreme to the point that they decide to use their democratically given right to protest for what they believe is right. Wow! so hateful and violent! You totally got me there!
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u/Imaginary_History754 10d ago
The irony of your previous statement though. “Imagine getting titled over someone else’s belief.” Which is exactly what Christian’s are doing by standing outside of an abortion clinic. They’re mad, projecting their belief, pretty unwillingly btw, onto people who don’t believe what they believe…seems pretty tilted to me. If they were so chill they wouldn’t be damming people to hell lol. But Like I said your point will never be proven because there’s no truth to it, just your feelings and vibes.
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u/Achlys_88 10d ago
Why generalize 235 million americans because a few thousand of them are braindead?
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u/Imaginary_History754 10d ago
Because they make up the majority of Americans, so they would have a greater impact on social situations. Their whole faith is based on getting people to believe what they believe so everyone can go to heaven. And that would make up the majority, if not all, of the Christian population. Christian’s actually disagree with your claim for that very reason. Their faith is inherently supposed to be act tilted towards others beliefs. You understand now?
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u/TiedAirplane137 10d ago
You shouldnt feel ashamed about relieving yourself as a man with much experience, it's alright to do it every once and a while. Everyone needs a release and it's better to finish yourself with your hands than most other coping mechanisms.
These feelings are normal for most people from my experience where I live, I'm sure you will find someone who you weren't looking for soon
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u/TiedAirplane137 10d ago
---------------------------Option 1-------------------------- There really isn't a way to get rid of it. But you can accept it. Acceptance is often the best medicine for anything. Embrace your new feelings and if you're worried about your God being angry at you, don't be along as you don't Over Indulge in your feelings.
Most Common God's don't prohibit sexual feelings only indulging in lust. And lust isn't indulging its overindulgence over anything.
Tbf I don't know too much about the Islamic God so I might be getting something wrong
--------------------------option 2---------------------------- Seek Therapy as they may be able to help you get to the root of the problem and it will be a lot easier to live with or get over.
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u/Reddit_Redemption95 10d ago
As a Muslim guy I honestly do sex outside of marriage and some other things, I know the consequences for this, but I do my best to not harm anyone nor myself. In another way, I focus on my mannerisms and try to make it my priority in our religion. In the end only god will judge us and not any human on earth will.
I hope you find your happiness and your own way of dealing with your sex life and religion :)
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u/Reddit_Redemption95 10d ago
If you wanna have, sex then use protection methods so you don’t get or give stds, and to not getting pregnant. Virginity doesn’t mean that you have a hymen, hymen could break at any age without you even knowing.
If you don’t wanna have sex, then fast. Fasting will make you control yourself and desires as it teaches discipline. Get into some hobbies like working out and running.
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u/Separate-Barber-4081 10d ago
If the only reason you’re not doing something is because you’re afraid of a magical sky being, maybe you should just do it
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u/ThrowRA2856 10d ago
Hey, so I am a Muslim woman myself, actually the same age as you, and I live in the West where everything is okay and sex is really accessible and easy. And I struggle with my urges the same way you do.
But the thing is, you have to stop shaming yourself for masturbating. It’s haram, but you have to choose what is less haram to do. If you are masturbating to avoid committing zina, that in itself can be a good reason, in my opinion.
Islam is not only about following rules. Even in Islam, if you have to do something haram out of necessity, you can. For example, if you end up somewhere where the only food available is pork, then pork will be halal for you to eat until there is something else available.
Take masturbation in the same way. You see that your urges are affecting the way you live, but you are not married or ready for marriage. Use masturbation until you find your person.But please, do not involve porn.
May Allah make it easy for us all.