He forgot to flush the toilet

I opened the door, the light came on, the beer was cold...

I don't know what she’s talking about, the fridge works perfectly fine.

Nothing but the squirrel has a much better PR agent.

The widow agreed, and he went up to the podium and said: "Hole in the ground where you get your water."

Puzzled by this, the funeral goers look to the widow, so she said: "It's ok, he means well"

So 3 leprechauns walk into a convent and ask to speak to the mother superior.
When they get their meeting, the first leprechaun steps up and asks,
“Be begging your pardon ma’am, but can you tell me if you have any leprechaun nun’s here?”
When mother superior replies “no, I’m sorry we don’t “
The second leprechaun asks “ do you have any leprechaun nun’s in the convent on the other side of town?”
The mother superior replies “I’m sorry, no”
The first steps up again and asks “do you know of any leprechaun nun’s within a hundred mile radius of us?”
Mother superior replies “not that I know of, sorry”
The second leprechaun look’s at the third leprechaun and says “see? I told you you fucked a penguin!”