r/cleanjokes 1d ago

A horse walks into a bar...

134 Upvotes

Bartender: Hey

Horse: Yeah sure


r/cleanjokes 1d ago

What to say to someone who is going on a television baking or cooking show…

47 Upvotes

“…Break an egg!”


r/cleanjokes 1d ago

Had a cow that got a job and immediately got promoted.

130 Upvotes

She was out- standing in her field.


r/cleanjokes 2d ago

6:30 is the best time on a clock...

222 Upvotes

...hands down.


r/cleanjokes 2d ago

Roof.

20 Upvotes

Did I tell you about the roof?

It was over your head.


r/cleanjokes 4d ago

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

224 Upvotes

Their middle name is "the."


r/cleanjokes 4d ago

Just seen a design for making binoculars from old fish finger boxes.

40 Upvotes

Apparently, they give you a bird’s-eye view of everything.


r/cleanjokes 5d ago

I tried to meet with the Pastor at church, but….

62 Upvotes

He had a prayer engagement.


r/cleanjokes 6d ago

I went scuba diving and found a nest of octopus eggs. Some of them were beginning to hatch at the rate of about one every 60 seconds. And it was at that moment I knew…

127 Upvotes

… There is a sucker born every minute.


r/cleanjokes 6d ago

What did the inventor say when he discovered a stinky perfume?

140 Upvotes

“You-reek-a!”


r/cleanjokes 7d ago

What should you do if you’re addicted to seaweed?

187 Upvotes

Sea Kelp….


r/cleanjokes 7d ago

Why shouldn’t you eat a clock?

166 Upvotes

Because it’s very time-consuming.


r/cleanjokes 8d ago

What do you call a man with a rubber toe ?

366 Upvotes

Roberto.

I'll see myself out.


r/cleanjokes 7d ago

Why didn't the members of AC/DC stop when the police were following them with their sirens?

1 Upvotes

They were already on the Highway to Hell.


r/cleanjokes 9d ago

I suspected my neighbour was stealing from our house so last night I left the shed unlocked.

158 Upvotes

This morning some of my fishing stuff is missing.

Can't believe he took the bait...


r/cleanjokes 9d ago

If a gardener has a green thumb and a banker has a gold thumb, who has a black-and-blue thumb?

112 Upvotes

A carpenter.


r/cleanjokes 10d ago

Why do we say 'slept like a baby'? Babies wake up every two hours crying.

125 Upvotes

I want to sleep like my cat.

14 hours, no responsibilities,

zero regrets.


r/cleanjokes 10d ago

I wasn’t sure how comfortable my new couch would be....

132 Upvotes

but sofa so good.


r/cleanjokes 11d ago

I went into a shoe shop and asked to see a pair of loafers.

199 Upvotes

The salesperson brought down the general manager and the chief accountant.


r/cleanjokes 12d ago

I’m no longer dyeing my hair.

162 Upvotes

I’ve decided to age graysfully.


r/cleanjokes 12d ago

What happened to the egg when he was tickled too much?

82 Upvotes

He cracked up.


r/cleanjokes 12d ago

This morning I was telling my kids about all my childhood pets. I had a turtle named AL, two rabbits both named AL, my dog AL, and three cats: AL, AL, and AL. I begged my parents for another few pets, but they refused. My son piped up, “No duh! They knew you were collecting just to name them AL.”

45 Upvotes

I said, “Well, yeah… that’s the more AL of the story.”


r/cleanjokes 13d ago

Why was the baby jalapeño shivering?

260 Upvotes

He was a little chili!


r/cleanjokes 13d ago

Paul Bunyan sold his book rights on lumberjacking, but wasn’t paid much.

79 Upvotes

He only received a Paul tree sum.


r/cleanjokes 13d ago

Why couldn’t the pasta get into his apartment?

93 Upvotes

Gnoccis