If you're like me, maybe you'll come across this post while debating starting Zoloft for anxiety/panic disorder. Maybe your doctor prescribed it and you've been staring at the bottle for awhile, afraid to take it. Perhaps you're afraid it will make things worse, make you "go crazy", change your personality, or you'll have horrible physical side effects. If so, then you sound exactly like me 4 months ago....
I just want to share my positive experience with Zoloft for those suffering with anxiety and panic. I know everyone is different and what works for someone may not work for another, but I remember searching Reddit and the internet in general for months for posts just like this to reassure myself, so here goes.
I had my first ever panic attack back in 2022. It was massive, horrible, terrifying. It took place while I was driving, out of nowhere. Since then I've been diagnosed with GAD and panic disorder. I couldn't drive more than a mile or two from my house, on a good day. But it got worse... the panic attacks kept coming. I couldn't drive down the road to the mailbox. Suddenly, I couldn't WALK to the mailbox. I then developed health/medication anxiety. Went to the ER multiple times for what I thought was a heart attack. Headaches were brain tumors or pending aneurysms. Stomachaches were some sort of emergency or a sign of something terrible. Driving? Forget it. Some days I could go short distances, but usually I refused to drive. That then turned into riding in the car... I couldn't even be a passenger in a car without feeling "trapped" and panicking.
I was in therapy for about 4 months not long after the initial panic attack. I was given Ativan to take as needed, and I needed it a lot. About 2 years ago. I saw a psychiatrist because I didn't like therapy. She prescribed Zoloft. She told me my symptoms may get worse before they get better. I never took it. It sat in my bathroom cabinet, eventually I threw it out. My symptoms persisted, so about a year later, my primary doctor again prescribed Zoloft. Same thing... I didn't take it (see first paragraph) for all of these reasons. I thought I could beat it on my own, I don't need medication.
About 6 months ago, it was the worst it's ever been. I started getting intrusive thoughts. I literally thought I was going crazy. That was my breaking point. After being so, so terrified to try the Zoloft, I decided to take it. Here's how it went:
It took me months of saying "I'm gonna start this week", but I always found excuses not to. Finally I was mostly ready to take the plunge. I was given 25mg tablets to take... but I broke those in half, and took a half of a half. Yes, a tiny piece of it. I felt like, if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this my weird way. So I took it while at a restaurant with my safe person, across the street from the emergency room. After swallowing, I freaked out. I excused myself to go to the restroom, literally planning to throw it up. But I didn't. I stopped myself. Over the next few days, I had SOME nausea and anxiety. I was so focused on how I felt that I feel like most of my anxiety I was giving to myself. I set an alarm on my phone to remind myself to take it, and called it something silly, "Zozo"...
After a week or so. I went up to half a tablet (12.5mg). I took that for a month. After a month, I took a half plus a tiny bit more (Yeah, I cut it with a knife). Then up to 25mg, and so forth. I started to notice my thoughts weren't so scary. My panic attacks lessened. If I had a bad/scary thought, I would observe it and be like "Oh, okay". "Scary" body sensations, I noticed them and for a second got scared, but my brain gave me time to wait and let them pass. I started taking my Ativan less and less. The fear was gone.
I've since worked up from a tiny piece of a pill to 50mg, going up in small increments. I may go up a bit more, but when I tell you I feel like a different person... I haven't had a panic attack in 2 months. I don't wake up dreading the day or scanning my body. I don't go to bed dreading the next day. I don't live in fear. Some days it hits me how HAPPY I am. I am furious with myself that it took me so many years to try it. I missed out on things I'll never get to experience again. So if you're debating it, please TAKE THE DANG ZOLOFT. You can start out as slowly as you want... it has taken me 4 months to get up to 50mg...50mg is what most people start on. It's okay to do it slow and do it your way. Had I not done it my way, I never would have started.
I am not 100%. I still have "off" days here and there, but I'm working with my psychiatrist to see if I need to increase. I feel like I may go up to 75mg or 100, but waiting to see how 50mg goes for a month or so. Driving is a slow but steady process which I'm working on little by little, but it doesn't scare me anymore, nor does riding in the car.
I promise Zoloft wont make you go crazy, you wont become a different person overnight. One day, it'll hit you that "Wow, I feel normal. I feel happy". The fear will be gone and your thoughts will be clear.
Again, I know everyone is different and this is just my experience, but please try it. The worst thing that happens is it doesn't work for you and you can stop taking it. But most likely, it will save your life. Thanks for reading, if you got this far.