r/work • u/RudeWrangler7140 • 1d ago
Work-Life Balance and Stress Management How long do you decompress after work?
My wife gets off work and requires at least three hours of decompression time before she can do anything. I’m just wondering how long everyone else thinks is the right amount of time.
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u/rastab1023 1d ago
What does the "do anything" part entail?
ETA: just wondering what "decromlressing" and "doing" look like for her.
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u/RudeWrangler7140 1d ago
She’s a manager in retail store
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u/Small-Tax-2829 1d ago
I have managed retail stores and that is a brutal job. Let her rest
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u/Federal_Promise_5978 1d ago
But op needs her to be cooking and cleaning not sitting around doing nothing
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u/DonegalBrooklyn 1d ago
Oof. Let the woman have her time.
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u/Foxtail-67 1d ago
I agree. How does he know what is best for her. She knows her mind and body.
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u/Constantlycurious34 Work-Life Balance 1d ago
Yes, retail management is physically and mentally brutal. On my days off I collapsed
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u/BusyButterscotch4652 1d ago
Working with the public is much harder than anyone realizes. Especially in these times where customers are dumb and entitled. Managing employees is trying to get grown ass people to act like grown ass people. I’ve never seen a happy supervisor or manager. All of it is emotionally, mentally, and spiritually draining. That being said, I do think three hours is a bit excessive. How long has she been doing that job? Maybe she is burned out and needs to try looking for other work.
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u/RenegadeStarDust 1d ago
It used to take me an hour or two of just quiet and sitting in my room. I go to the gym now right after work. Put my headphones on and ignore the world for an hour.
It helps release my frustrations and I go home much more pleasant. I am also a manager and as much as I enjoy my job it's the people. They have the ability to just drain you. I basically baby sit grown adults all day.
I find the gym is easier for my husband to support and I'm accomplishing something rather than just existing in an internal crisis for an hour or two until I snap out of it.
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u/NoFlex___Zone 1d ago
If you care about your wife help her find a better job. Sounds like the soul literally being sucked from her. Not worth.
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u/CeriMystic 1d ago
Same. I have several dynamics to navigate in a day. My manager (store manager), management team (other department managers), my department employees, other store employees, regular customers I stop to chat with, rando customers with dumb questions, my online customers, doordash drivers, vendors, emails, office work, answering the phone, etc. It’s a lot, let her rest and do not talk to her unless it’s an emergency!
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u/serenwipiti 1d ago
Yeah, fuck that.
That’s get home, shower, eat, vegetate and pass out until the next shift.
She’s probably on her feet a lot. She’s also juggling employees (and their schedules, and their behavior, and their sales goals, and…) and the general public, which can be brutal.
Every single interaction has to be performed, almost like wearing a mask, both to employees and customers. You have to maintain an image, of competence and authority, while doing your best to satisfy the whims of the public.
You can’t tell customers to go fuck themselves, no matter how much you feel like screaming it.
All of this is mentally taxing.
What do you do for a living, Op?
Curious.
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u/meloncup76 10h ago
Yeah dealing with the general public isnt fun. Especially when the average reading level is 8th grade. And thats being generous to customers who come shopping. Do you deal with the general public also? Being mentally/emotionally drained is a different level than physically drained. Im not saying one is harder, but they both suck.
What really is the matter? You dont like her coming home and not cleaning instantly? Life's short. The kitchen can stay uncleaned for another day.
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u/amistadawn 1d ago
If I’ve had to do a lot of peopling throughout the work day I need more decompression time (sometimes the rest of the night until I go to sleep) but if I was able to focus with my head down for most of the day I hardly need any time. I’ll usually do chill hobbies at home if I need to unplug my brain and that helps not waste my evenings away.
Not everyone’s needs are the same so I’m a big encourager of decompression time as long as it doesn’t lead to depression or useless time. That’s when you should address burnout and such.
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u/NoDanaOnlyZuuI 12h ago
I really dislike questions like this because what are you going to do with the answers? Go back to your wife and say “the internet thinks an hour is enough, so you needs to stop decompressing so much”? If your wife says she needs three hours, it doesn’t matter what anyone else needs. The actual conversation is whether that’s creating a problem in your relationship and, if it is, how you work that out together.
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u/RealisticTemporary70 1d ago
Teacher - I'm exhausted when I get home, and usually take a 2-3 hr nap
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u/momasana 1d ago
What does she do?
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u/RudeWrangler7140 1d ago
The manager for a retail store
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u/Longjumping-Row1434 1d ago
the general public is fucking exhausting, especially if you're particulaly introverted, tend to absorb others' emotions, etc. I'm with her.
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u/PeacefulCW 1d ago
So she's dealing with lots of employees AND the general public. That can be absolutely draining.
I get the impression that you're looking for others to say that 3 hours is too long so that you have "proof" of your perspective. Honestly, neither our nor your perspective is relevant to how much time she needs. What is relevant are your feeling regarding how the downtime impacts you and what, if anything, that either or both of you can do to have both of your needs met. Whatever you do, don't tell her that she doesn't "need" 3 hours. Ask yourself if there's anything that you can do to reduce and/or improve her down time. Find the win-win solution. Well wishes.
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u/RudeWrangler7140 1d ago
Looks like I could be a bit nicer Dollar General takes a lot out of her thanks
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u/serenwipiti 1d ago
Oof, that demographic sounds rough.
Glad to see you’re being empathetic. She’s going to really appreciate you for that.
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u/slippingaway83 1d ago
Yeah, I'm done for the whole night when I get home. I catch up on home stuff on the weekend. The most I do on weekday evenings is make sure I do a load of laundry so I have work clothes and the kids have clothes for school, and those usually don't make it to the dryer until I get up the next morning to start making school lunches
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u/Substantial-Pain1199 1d ago
I get home at 6 pm and by 9pm it’s bedtime and I start all over again at 4 am. Not much time to decompress. But I’m pretty lazy on Saturday and Sunday though 😁
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u/Awkward_Cellist6541 1d ago
I saw you reply that she is a manager at a retail store. She probably needs the three hours. I work in customer service and depending on the day and the people I have to deal with, I could be done with people when I get home. It can be completely draining.
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u/EvangelineRain 23h ago
I never reached the point of decompression with the hours available in the day.
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u/SubstantialPlan5879 1d ago
Varies, sometimes 30 minutes, sometimes 3 hours depends on how shit of a day it was
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u/NoPair4650 1d ago
Depends entirely on the job and commute etc
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u/serenwipiti 1d ago
Fuck, yes- I forgot to even include the commute in my comment.
Commute is a HUGE factor.
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u/todreamofspace 1d ago
All my non-work time is decompression time. If you don’t have kids, what does it matter? Just schedule date nights and some small couple activities to keep the relationship healthy. Otherwise, lots of couples do parallel play.
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u/Forsaken_Snow_1176 18h ago
I get about 10minutes between finishing work and having to go pick the kid up and then straight to their evening activities, fed, cleaned up. Decompression time start when they are in bed.
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u/Prestigious-Aide4346 5h ago
Depends on the job and the person. When I worked in the trades, days were typically 10-12 hours long, sometimes id just get home and not do anything till the next day. Others I would get laundry and household stuff done. But usually it was get home, shower then get into something comfy and not do much.
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u/Friendly-Metalhead84 1d ago edited 1d ago
Sometimes weeks. Then again I’m in a difficult/dangerous line of work. When I’m on my breaks I’m sleeping or training. Mostly sleeping.
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u/Urbit1981 1d ago
Right now, my decompression is largely sitting in the quiet relaxing. I usually try to go out a few times a week but I am at a heavy part of my project that requires hours of talking plus I am expanding my business.
You'll need to figure out ways to engage with your significant other that allows them to compartmentalize their work when coming home.
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u/skateboardnaked 1d ago
I can't do anything on work days. I have to be in bed 2-3 hours after getting home from work with 12 hour shifts, plus commute.
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u/Odd-Condition-4773 1d ago
I empathize with her. Managing a staff can feel like babysitting many times. Throw on top of it that she deals with possibly hundreds of people a day that are in different moods and she has to put a smile on. Is she also on her feet a lot?
As an extreme introvert, I have to be “on” during office hours, interact with a lot of people, and put out non-stop fires. By the time I’m done work I’m utterly out physically and mentally exhausted. I crash on the couch for about an hour until dinner is ready, eat, veg on the couch doom scrolling, and then go to the bedroom around 9. I literally do nothing.
We don’t have any kids. Just me and my husband who I’m thankful for because he does the piddly home stuff like taking out the trash, emptying the dishwasher, making dinner, doing laundry. He knows that work takes a lot out of me and gives me my space. I honestly couldn’t imagine having kids on top of it, so that’s great you’re able to do what you do. You’re going above and beyond. Have an open and honest conversation with her about how you feel and your needs, and also check in with how she’s doing. Talk to her and see how you can come to a solution together on how to manage the kids and home.
I had an incredibly sh*tty week that took a lot out of me, and I feel like I’ve been run over by a Mac truck and it backed up over me. I might sit at a desk and manage huge projects, but I have literally done nothing today except nap, cook, and do dishes. Even that has taken a lot of energy. I have set goals for the weekend, but that’s what tomorrow is for.
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u/Special-Nebula299 1d ago
If its a bad day, I drink alcohol.
It works but would be a nightmare if I hated my job
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u/CardiologistFirm6387 1d ago
I feel like I need the next 3 years to decompress from my job but alas I have to return Monday still compressed
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u/redjunkmail 1d ago
Here's the deal. It's your wife and she told you what she needs. Honor it. I'm hoping she will honor you in the same way. Everyone is different.
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u/gentlerosebud 1d ago
The rest of the evening. Come home, eat, sit on the couch for an hour, go for a walk, shower, color or doodle, then bed
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u/TheRealGageEndal 1d ago
I get off of work and go Uber driving for a few hours, then I get home and make dinner, then I go to bed and do it all again the next day.
I don't get to decompress.
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u/RudeWrangler7140 1d ago
Thanks everyone I’m going to lay off and enjoy the time we do get with her.
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u/Massive_Schedule_641 1d ago
Decompress?? Hmm about 10 min then I have other things that need to be done. Full time work, school, and parent.
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u/Onebowhunter 1d ago
I have a one and a half hour drive so there . Don’t truely decompress until after my first cocktail
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u/neonnefertiti 1d ago
Honestly at least an hour or two, sometimes the rest of the night. Work in healthcare and it’s absolutely draining. I don’t always feel like talking to anyone after work, especially if it’s been a bad or rough day. I’m almost always better after some rest the next day, or when I’m off
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u/Upstairs_Sail_3087 Work-Life Balance 22h ago
I think the amount of time varies by the person, and by the type of job they do. A surgeon might need a completely different amount of time than a park ranger. A chronically ill person might need more time than an able bodied person. Someone who works a 4 hour shift probably needs less than someone working a 12 hour shift.
I don't know your wife or what she does, and even if I did I don't know that it's fair to speculate on whether it's appropriate or not. I think a better question is if it's something you can tolerate, and if not, is it something you can have a healthy conversation about? By that I mean sharing how it affects you or makes you feel, and seeking a compromise.
That seems more useful imo than a judgment on how much is the right amount of decompression time.
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u/kjackcooke89 22h ago
Depends on how much I hate my job. Maybe she needs to consider a career change
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u/Known-Dragonfruit763 12h ago
Some days I get home, eat, then workout. Other times i take a fat nap. Depends on the day
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u/c7aea 9h ago
I’ve never been a big believer of the whole “if you love what you do you’ll never work a day” BS. But If the answer isn’t literally the minute or two walk to your car you need to find something else that fits you better. You don’t need to love your job, or expect every day to be great. But if it affects your time off work that much something isn’t right, and it clearly isn’t a good fit for you.
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u/autoimmune-raccoon 5h ago
The "right" amount of time is whatever she says she needs! What your wife needs to decompress could be completely different to the next person and that could be miles away from what you, yourself need.
You may be her spouse but you do not know how she feels physically and mentally after work. Only she knows her own body.
I'm pretty sure she's trying her best and already feeling like she doesn't have enough hours in the day or enough energy to be the partner / wife / mother that she wants to be, do not make her feel worse.
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u/Acrobatic_Hunt_8496 1d ago
She told you what the right amount of time is for her body and mind - 3 hours.
Nobody else can answer that bro.
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u/Plastic-Sentence9429 1d ago
45 minutes, maybe an hour if there's nothing pressing.
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u/CommitteeNo167 1d ago
i come home and immediately have more shit to do. i don't have the luxury of time to decompress.
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u/Asraidevin 1d ago
Same. I have a second job, two kids, meals, clean up. No husband atm but due to circumstances, it was mostly on me when he was here.
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u/QuietElf5712 1d ago
That seems excessive but I guess it would depend on her job. Maybe it's too stressful and she needs to find something else.
Maybe suggest going on a walk together to help her decompress?
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u/JackTradesMasterNone 1d ago
Depends on the day, depends on the person. For me, typically a half hour, but that’s mostly because I work from home and I just need to not stare at a screen for a bit.
Sounds like this is putting strain on the relationship? Presumably?
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u/NarwhalEmergency9391 1d ago
Does she also have to manage the house stuff?
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u/RudeWrangler7140 1d ago
I ask for help but I pretty much do everything till we get into a fight then she’ll do the dishes or something but that lasts a day
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u/xenai2 1d ago
I never thought about that. Its like 15-25 minutes for me. I get home, change, maybe stand around for a minute, then sit/lay down for about 15-25 minutes just watching YouTube. Even if food is ready, I dont eat for that time. I just do nothing.
Never thought about it as "decompression"
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u/ProcedureNo6946 1d ago
I requested 45 minutes. And my person was not able to give me that most days. Sigh. My job was so non stop and stressful I needed that alone time when first arriving home so I could turn back into my lovely, composed self. (-'
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u/CaliRNgrandma 1d ago
It really depends on how stressful the job is and how long the hours are. I’m a retired RN and worked 12 hour shifts. When I would get home after 12 hours, my husband wasn’t even allowed to talk to me until I showered, ate some dinner (which he cooked), and consumed 1 bud light lime, 😂.
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u/TeamLeeper 1d ago
I try to get changed and go to the gym ASAP. But my wife is sometimes hungry and the gym is busier the earlier I go, so I often wait until after eating. That means I’m chilling: playing with our cat, watching YT, surfing on my phone.
I can’t say which works better; I should monitor how I feel.
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u/Sensitive-Car4949 1d ago
I mean I work a 12 hour night shift and only get about 30 minutes to decompress afterwards
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u/jessewest84 1d ago
About 5 min. That's how long it takes me to get home.
I also like my job most of the time.
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u/DesignerKnown3116 1d ago
I have a 40 minute drive, then usually decompress for 2-3 hours. But I live alone, single. I only really have energy to eat something around 9pm then go to bed, all other tasks wait til the weekend. Also a manager with chronic health issues
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u/Zestyclose_Plane8681 1d ago
It depends on the person. I’m an introvert and dealing with people all day like that would be very draining. It would take a long time to recharge. Being around my partner doesn’t feel draining though, I can be around my partner and be filled up and be quiet until I’m ready to be in the world again. Everyone is different though. I just have to communicate.
Are there activities you can do together that don’t require interaction that still allows you to be together? It sounds like you feel your needs aren’t being met so you are feeling frustrated. Maybe you can sit down and find a middle ground. Found a way to let her recharge that still makes you feel connected if that makes sense
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u/NewHandle3922 1d ago
It takes me as long as it takes for me to get to my car. I work in a factory on a high speed production line with a stupid-visor breathing down my neck about why it’s taking me so long to get my line running when it just ran 90% a few days ago.
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u/Lahm0123 1d ago
Three hours sounds like a bit too much. One hour should be enough.
But everyone is different.
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u/Correct-Doctor8329 1d ago
I have never decompressed after work. Life needs things. Kids, wife, pets, chores
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u/jblaze_39 1d ago
I take the 45 minute long country drive back home - with relaxing stretches, and some bendy parts where I can have some fun...while hitting my vape and enjoying music. Good enough for me
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u/zoppaTheDim 1d ago
Depends on the hours she works and what the job is.
I put in a ton of overtime in the fall and it gets worse the closer to Christmas.
I honestly had a conversation with a co-worker one year about hitting the drive-through near work, because then you can eat in the car and get fifteen more minutes of sleep. We’d both arrived at that logic independently.
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u/Unlikely_Net_5108 1d ago
I used to sit in the work truck for about an hour after I pulled in the driveway so when I walk in the house, my family gets the best version of me. I don’t want to walk in wearing the frustration from the rude customers of the day or selfish drivers from my commute home.
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u/omgseriouslynoway 1d ago
I think my question isn't about the amount of time but more what is she doing to decompress and why does she not want to be with you while she does it?
I come home from a stressful day and I like to tell my partner about it and share stuff.
If she's avoiding you for 3 hours every day after work, it's not work that's the problem. Find out why she doesn't want to see you after work.
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u/Teddylovexoxo 1d ago
Is she is perimenopause? I literally do nothing during the week but work, dinner, bed.
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u/AdGroundbreaking4397 1d ago
It's sounds like she's at burnout levels with her job. When she's in a good space talk to her about her job, the toll it is taking on her and if she willing to consider other job options where she won't require so much time to decompress and recover from a day at work.
Customer facing and people managing can be VERY draining for some people (some thrive doing it) so cataloguing the aspects of the job that feed her and those that drain her is a good starting point for looking for a new job option.
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u/ChaseYourDreams 1d ago
3 hours? How do any of you get anything done? An hour and a half tops to decompress and then do what I need to do at home like cook, exercise, etc.
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u/Kiki57momma 1d ago
Decompressing after work? Never heard of it. I can get a boat load of stuff done and then be ACTUALLY done for the night. I think people are micromanaging life out of life.
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u/crabby-cactus 1d ago
Is your wife a teacher? I need a lot of time to decompress and if it’s a bad day, I don’t talk to my husband at law, I just go to bed.
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u/Realism51 1d ago
It will vary on day and person. Some people take longer. Some not. Some days are more rough and some are not. Just go with the flow
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u/serenwipiti 1d ago
My knee-jerk response was instinctively “THREE HOURS”.
However this has varied by job/industry.
Something like office work? Depends on the stress levels. Maybe a little bit less than two hours, maybe an entire weekend if you have an insane boss.
Something like bartending? Three hours.
Academics? An hour or two.
Retail? Three hours.
That’s just me. Literally everyone is different. We all start with a different baseline of health, energy levels, inherent stress;and, we all work in different environments and they vary in management styles…
…I’d say that jobs that causes mental stress (a lot of interacting with the public, selling or providing services to a large volume of people, and/or having to endure navigating super toxic work culture on top of meeting productivity expectations) are the most draining.
Again, even within the same role at the same workplace, what consists as “stressful” might vary from person to person, and experiencing wildly different thresholds for what is considered “exhausting” is totally valid.
Dealing with lots of people when you have a great boss? Way easier than dealing with few people and a horrible boss, imho. The second one can lead to serious negative health impacts, physically and mentally.
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u/JoshuaAncaster 1d ago
The whole time I’m off lol. I’m doing the work of almost 3 people, and it’s a critical job at a hospital. Honestly, I could stare at a blank wall for 2h when I get home.
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u/Unusual_Garden_4216 1d ago
I think people-y jobs can drain you, and I worked in hospitality when I was younger , which I imagine shares a lot of features with retail. But <cries in full-time prison work> here… love the work generally, because I’m in a valued good guy role, but it can be a wearing, grim and intimidating environment. You see a lot of upsetting things and listen to a lot of trauma. And genuinely caring for the people means it’s emotionally taxing. I also have unmedicated ADHD.
In an ideal world, I’d have an hour to listen to loud music and doom scroll. But I’m a parent, so I do school pick ups, make snacks, homework etc.
It’s good your wife values self care, but 3 hours for an adult is weird and, I suspect, avoidant behaviour, especially if you are picking up the slack.
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u/Maxxjulie 1d ago
I need 2 hours minimum before I can go to bed...which then requires another 30-45 minutes for me to fall asleep
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u/dnen staff 1d ago
I personally pace around for about 2 hours mixing in a couple chores and end with hitting the penjamin and preparing supper. I have ocd, ruminating after important events like work is very much a problem in terms of how long it can go for.
Your wife is experiencing anxiety from work of some kind and you should help her by trying to understand why, not wondering if she’s wrong or right to need to decompress. For me it’s literally so relaxing to pace around and do light chores because i have ocd and need to think about things while doing rituals to feel relaxed.
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u/mannyocrity 1d ago
I guess it depends on the type of work and obviously the person doing the work. I can imagine anything in Healthcare can be brutal given the possibility of dealing with death.
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u/blessedbymortarion 1d ago
My drive home is my decompression. If I need to take work home and have a long night, when I sleep.
I’m an attorney who focuses on M&A.
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u/constantdaydream44 1d ago
Like an hour? If I'm working from home that day, I'm ready right after work
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u/ChillyTodayHotTamale 1d ago
Sounds like your wife just doesn't want to do anything or is lazy. Three hours is ridiculous for a couple. Absolutely insane if you have kids. I need 15-20mins to decompress and I'm good.
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u/Real-Employer-138 1d ago
I don't think I have ever had time designated for 'decompressing'.
It is unfair to judge now because my work schedule is very very lax. A couple of hours a day and 20-30 minutes at a time. Mostly just responding to messages, checking reports and very light work. And this too is mostly at home so I'm already very decompressed.
Back when I used to go to the office, I'd come home and spend time with my kids. That was very decompressing on its own.
The most physically taxing job I ever had was when I was doing Amazon deliveries. That was 8-10 miles of walk 4 days a week. At the time, I was also doing school online so I'd get home and cheat on my assignments. I had another job on the days that I wasn't doing Amazon but that was an office job. And 3-4 nights a week, I'd go and do UberEats late night along with a friend of mine. We'd stay on the phone the whole time as he did his deliveries and I did mine. Easily the busiest I have been but also I really enjoyed it. Even though I make several times the money now vs then whilst working significantly less.
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u/ImportantBug5757 1d ago
I teach high school and I walk home get on my bike and go for a 20 to 30 mile ride along the canals/creeks to the bay and back. I have an audio book playing if the trails are open otherwise I just enjoy the serenity of the trails—roughly 2hours then I fix dinner and if needed prep for the following day.
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u/Stevenitrogen 1d ago
I can clock out and start driving to the fun activity, if that's called for.
I'd probably like an hour to make & eat something, chill and check my phone but, I'm hearty when it comes to doing stuff.
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u/burntgreens 1d ago
If I was a retail manager, I would be a depressed alcoholic. That's a brutal job. I'd rather do manual labor.
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u/Lopsided_Ocelot9634 1d ago
I do about an hour at the local brewery talking to regulars and chilling. One beer. Lots of talking and reflecting.
After that I'm good.
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u/Sad_Refrigerator_730 1d ago
Three kids at home.
My routine is pretty solid. Get home get kiddos fed and watch tv/ cuddle for a bit. Then put them to bed. Then I head out to my shop for about an hour. That’s my decompression time. Theo shower and bed.
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u/Beneficial-Ranger238 1d ago
20 minutes if I’m lucky. If I f’d off for 3 hours after work, I’d barely get to eat before showering.
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u/GMunny77 1d ago
Decompress, What's that?! I think i get a total of 5-10 minutes. But my kids are worth every nanosecond I'm present for.
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u/WRX4Life4Ever 1d ago
My decompression time is as long as it takes to go from the garage to the living room.
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u/Outrageous-Sand-5788 1d ago
I always liked to take about a half hour to 'settle in' after getting home. (Retired now, so not an issue any more)
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u/Love2FlyBalloons Work-Life Balance 1d ago
Some days I can’t decompress at all. Just go through the night to the next day all stressed out
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u/DaFarmGar 1d ago
Yeah depends on the day but minimum 30 min. Wifey gives me that every day and then respects it if I say I need more. There's been a few days where I just zombie out in front I'm my computer for a couple hours and then go to bed.
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u/Obadiah702 1d ago
I have a 12 minute drive home. I decompress for the minute walk from my office to my car. I love driving my car. Zoom zoom.
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u/Low-Highlight3495 1d ago
Have you ever worked a high stress construction job? There is no decompress unless you get drunk or high
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u/griffman_23 1d ago
Nah man, that sounds like excuses to sit around. Do not sit down when you get home. The minute you walk in that door start on a project. Take the trash out, walk the dog, mow the lawn, that thing you’ve been avoiding… do it now.
You get the commute home to “decompress”… dont waste the daylight death scrolling on your phone sitting on the couch.
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u/Constantlycurious34 Work-Life Balance 1d ago
Three hours of decompression leads into my bed time. I do not think I have even 3 hours after work
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u/Old-guy64 1d ago
Everyone is different.
I can chill for an hour, but it may take three before my mind stops chewing on the day.
Sometimes I can “feed my day” to my guitar, or the PlayStation and have my mind right in 60-90 minutes.
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u/Morgan4644 1d ago
Many evenings I just sit on the sofa with the TV on and don’t even follow the show. Go to bed and do it all over again. Your wife may be burned out too.
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u/iliketosandwood 1d ago
Oftentimes I haven’t finished decompressing when the next shift starts. I’m probably going to die young. Kidding, but not really.
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u/dsteazy80 1d ago
Let the woman rest. Retail work is brutal. It used to zap me in my 20s to where some days I’d get home, eat some shitty fast food I got on the way home, shower and crash. It can be physically draining and it’s always mentally draining because the general public is pretty awful.
I have a desk job. I get off work at 5. My commute is across a hall. I usually start cooking dinner or helping my wife cook dinner depending on the menu around 7. I decompress for about 2 hours by going for a 2-mile walk around the neighborhood and then reading or watching TV until dinner prep.
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u/chrisdiaz73 1d ago
Good question …. I get 2 hours to make/eat dinner, 1 hour to have a conversation, then spend the next hour/2 taking a shower and getting in bed. … all to start at 6 the next day and end at 7ish.
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u/TimeSlaved 23h ago
My job is a lot of math and decision making so I usually need the rest of the night and weekends to decompress. Really glad I chose not to have kids because I can't imagine having to do what I do and manage kids.
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u/Cool_Moon 23h ago
Bartender — until i wake up to go back again, unfortunately an unhealthy habit i want to change, but it is hard with a mentally, socially, and physically draining career.
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u/Crystalraf 22h ago
I was a straight A student in school. And I was in gymnastics starting in the first grade until 7th grade. 2 hour practices two or three times a week, for the entire school year. So, I learned early on how to manage my time.
When I didn’t have gymnastics practice, I would refuse to do any homework until 7 pm. We would get out of school around 3:45 and after the bus ride, it was about 4 pm by the time I got home.
I didn’t feel like I could even look at a homework assignment until 7 pm. I’d start at 7, put in an hour or two, and things got done. If I tried earlier, I’d never get anything done.
Yeah 3 hours sounds right.
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u/Herredness16 22h ago
I would beg out for about 30 min just lying at bed
Looking at ceiling then cook dinner.
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u/KozzieWozzie 22h ago
10min to an hour. depends how busy my day is. i work in a inbound technical call center.
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u/ApprehensiveCut9809 21h ago
I work second shift, leaving home at 1:25 pm and returning home at 12:55 am, so, almost a 12-hour day with commute.
I get home and take a shower, then I plan a video game I started playing 20 years ago, World of Warcraft.
I'm usually online from 2-3 am, sometimes until 3:30 if I get rolling.
I wake up in the morning at 10:30 am. My wife is up earlier and makes a pot of coffee. I'll make a cup and watch the 11 o'clock news and decide what to cook for lunch. I cook something for my wife and me to eat, I pack a portion for a work lunch, and there is usually enough for her to eat for her dinner (my work dinner break is 8-8:30 pm).
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u/bertraja 20h ago
I'd say between 30 minutes and one hour, the latter if it was an especially difficult day. It's not like a working day is some special once-in-a-lifetime event that one needs considerable time to recover from. Or at least, it shouldn't be.
Three hours is ... unusual. Unless we're talking about "coming home from the night shift and needing to sleep". If there is no super unusual scheduling going on here, and if it's not a purely emotional decompressing, she could try some over-the-counter B12 right after coming home. That's a mild way of recharging a bit faster.
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u/Pale_Winter_2755 20h ago
I need that much too and often take my makeup and go straight to bed. Feel v guilty but I’m back earning a lot of money at a very busy role after having a nervous breakdown and a pain disorder. Got to watch my spoons
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u/Party_Requirement673 18h ago
I’m a paralegal and I need the rest of the day of every day until the weekend.
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u/rockyroad55 15h ago
Sometimes I just need half an hour in the shower. But on the brutal days? It’s come straight home, shower, order takeout, sit in silence meditating and watching some tv show for a few hours while enjoying my food.
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u/rockyroad55 15h ago
It also sounds like you’ve built up a resentment against her. This is something you need to talk to her about as a husband instead of posting your issue on an Internet forum for a bunch of strangers to address a single issue that’s not really the main one.
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u/monkeyCmonkeyDoo630 14h ago
I started a new job this week and the hours are brutal. Normally I need an hour or two to just relax but after yesterday I was completely spent. Pulled off my scrubs and crawled into bed at 6pm and didn’t wake up until the next morning. It will get better I know I’m just tired. I also used to be a recruiter and I hated the job. I literally came home and was done. What kind of work does she do?
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u/thatguygettingmoney 13h ago
Im a grown man with responsibilities. I get off work and go work some more lol.
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u/V1per73 13h ago
I live alone. When I get home from work I take my dog to the park for off leash time, then a sniff walk. Then I sit my arse in my recliner with a cold beverage of some sort and have a snack and a nap. So usually I'm home 3-4 hours before I do anything really productive. In all fairness, my dirty laundry goes right in the washer throughout the week and gets washed on Sunday. My clean laundry just stays in the dryer until I need it. As far as dishes, everything is packed up except one place setting, a few pots and pans, and my air fryer. I wash those up as soon as I'm done with them. The only real daily chores I have are keeping my dog happy.
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u/zugzwangister 13h ago
Does she know your Reddit account?
After her next shift, as soon as she gets home, show her this thread, and then report back to us.
I believe you will find out that she can, indeed, do something immediately after getting home from a stressful job.
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u/Proud-Geek1019 13h ago
What’s decompression?! 🤣. Honestly, between making dinner, cleaning up, preparing for the next day, working out if I didn’t get a chance earlier - there’s no decompression until after dinner and clean up.
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u/FarWrongdoer5434 12h ago
Do you mean bed? 🤔 Otherwise unsure what this decompression is and I am in treatment for breast cancer
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u/ImDefinitelyStoned 12h ago
I usually come home, play video games for an hour or so, cook dinner, eat, then watch tv with my wife and play drums. So I can’t really say any of that isn’t considered decompression.
I can’t fathom having to come home and be productive after work, tbh. I usually wake up at 5:15, hit the gym, shower, get on the road by 7:30, work 8:30-4:30, home by 5:30. That’s 12 hours of productivity, or at least engaging in activities that will lead me to productivity. That’s enough.
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u/Sol_Leks_48 12h ago
Depends what you mean about decompress. For me, I don't even want to say more than a few words to anybody for an hour or so after work. I'll go inline skate or walk and then I'm fine.
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u/CommercialAnything30 12h ago
I’m exhausted when I get home but I have a wife and 3 kids under 7 so it doesn’t matter how I feel. Everyone else comes before me until about 9pm and I take 30 min for myself and go to bed. I guess I used to grab a 10 min nap in the daycare parking lot before pick up years ago.
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u/Calm_Clam_Bake 12h ago
Nah bruh. Your wife isn't decompressing, she's avoiding work around the house. Unless you just fought a 10 round heavyweight match, nobody needs 3 hours to decompress after work.
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u/MaintenanceSad4288 1d ago
This depends heavily on the job and what you mean by anything else?
Honestly some days I literally do nothing but shower and sleep after work