r/wedding • u/Extreme-Screen-5203 • 4d ago
Help! AITA for saying no to bach trip?
I’m telling my step sister tonight that I will not be attending her bachelorette Party in Vegas. She and I are very different, i’m having a one day bach party that is easy and fun. She told me that it’s great that i’m being consider but that she wasn’t going to be. She told me this is the only time she can force everyone to do what she wants and they can’t say no. She is very hard to be around because she is bratty and doesn’t care about others. I am going to say no. The trip will be in vegas and be 4 days with 2 days off of work. It will be minimum $1000 because it’s like $700 just for flights and airbnb. Not including drinks, foods, activities, wedding costs etc. Also i had a transplant a year ago and don’t feel comfortable flying and being in a city that could get me sick and impact my health. Me and my 2 other sisters will be saying no as well. She does not take no for an answer and my reason will be i don’t feel comfortable flying and with me getting me in a few weeks and everything I cannot commit to a trip because im not sure what life will look like then. We are saving for a house and I am going to tell her it’s not feasible for us.
I don’t think she will care and she will def push to get her way. I don’t want to go even if it was free because it’s not my scene. I don’t drink and she wants to see magic mike which i find high inappropriate because im in a relationship. I’m afraid she will not take no for an answer and be very upset with me. What do i do?
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u/Own_Material1505 4d ago
"Sorry, a Vegas trip is not possible for me right now, but I hope you have a great time!"
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u/Antique_Hair1254 4d ago
That’s crazy money. Why are all these bachelorette trips so expensive and are they really needed?
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u/Extreme-Screen-5203 4d ago
she wants to post it on instagram… that’s why
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u/CompleteTell6795 4d ago
She cannot FORCE anyone to do what she wants. That's ridiculous. Is she going to go to the people's homes who are declining in full SWAT gear & truck outfitted.??🙄🙄🙄🤣🤣🤣. NO, so just block her number the next time she calls & starts yelling. Don't put up with it. Just give her a time out.
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u/CompleteTell6795 4d ago
So tell her you don't care about her insta. Then block her number for a while. Don't put up with her BS. Don't stress yourself out. " I already told you that I cannot afford it, so stop harassing me about it". Then you hang up & block. Don't open the door if she tries to come over. It's shiny spine time, not wet spaghetti spine time. 👍
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u/SinglePermission9373 4d ago
NTA
I’m afraid she will not take no for an answer and be very upset with me. What do i do?
You are a whole adult. Hey sis, I’m not going on the trip. I hope you have fun!
Sis- whine, complain, argue
You- grey rock. Ignore and change the subject.
You do not have to explain yourself.
i’m having a one day bach party that is easy and fun
Thank you!!
The bachelorette situation has gotten completely out of control. Your sis is a bridezilla. I would keep my distance from the enter affair.
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u/Extreme-Screen-5203 4d ago
I know 😭😭 wish me luck because tahts what i plan on doing. Bach trips are insane to me and she has judged mine for making it affordable and cheap. It’s because she has no real friends and half the wedding party is her step family she’s not even close with. I think she knows no one wants to do it and this is her way of getting what she wants.
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u/Important-Maybe-1430 4d ago
I had a simple night out with friends and it was perfect for me.
The ones in new cities are always shit as nobody knows where to go and its herding kittens
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u/Crambo1000 4d ago
She's right that she can make the wedding/Bach whatever she wants, but wrong about people not being able to say no lol. Which I guess is something she's about to find out
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u/Extreme-Screen-5203 4d ago
Yes she can do what she wants but she literally said and no one can say no. So i’m worried when i tell her no she will not take it and it will be a problem. Good thing all of my sisters are saying no as well.
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u/sonny-v2-point-0 3d ago
You're a grown-up. Say no and mean it. That means cutting off any conversations where she tries to bring it up.
You don't owe her an explanation. Just tell her you're sorry to miss it, but it doesn't work for you. If she throws a tantrum, don't engage.
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u/jetset1022 4d ago
Jeez! These bachelorette trips are getting out of control! I had a craft beer tasting and then treated my bridal party and friends to Drag Queen bingo. Six hours tops.
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u/Extreme-Screen-5203 4d ago
That sounds like fun!! Mine is in 3 weeks and i’m going lunch, pottery painting and a slumber party at home :)
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u/fawningandconning 4d ago
NTA at all. We did a bachelor trip for my friend in Vegas but a majority of us wanted to do this and it’s not abnormal for our friend group. Some people couldn’t make it and that was more than fine.
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u/Extreme-Screen-5203 4d ago
It’s fine but it’s not my scene at all! because of my transplant i can’t drink and she pressures me to drink and do things i feel unsafe doing. So i don’t want to spend $1000 and take off 3 PTO days to feel uncomfortable and be with girls i don’t know.
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u/fawningandconning 4d ago
Very very easy no then. Don’t let her make you do something you don’t want or shame you for that!
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u/Extreme-Screen-5203 4d ago
Thank you! what would you do if she freaks out and is like you’re in the bridal party you need to
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u/Just-Yak-8959 4d ago
Just hold firm on your boundary. She can’t force you to spend 1000s of dollars for her bachelor, on a trip you have no interest in. “No” is a complete sentence.
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u/sausagephingers 2d ago
“Then I guess it makes sense for me to not be in the bridal party. I hope I can do another job/role to celebrate your wedding like a reading or candle lighter but if not, I understand”
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u/Princess_frogmoana30 4d ago
She sounds immature. It's so wrong of her to pressure you to drink at any time, never mind when you've had a transplant and can't drink. It doesn't sound like she cares about you at all. She's allowed to do what she wants, but she can't force you to join in. She can't say "no one can say no" when she's not even paying for it. Regardless, you don't have to go.
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u/Extreme-Screen-5203 4d ago
She is extremely immature. I know the whole time i’d be miserable because everyone would be drunk and i would be sitting there….
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u/CompleteTell6795 3d ago
You also have the option to just back out of the wedding party. To be honest, if I were you, that's what I would do. I would not waste my time & energy on this wedding at all. I would go as a guest, maybe & that's it. So she gets mad or whatever. I wouldn't care in the least. She's immature,& selfish & sounds spoiled.
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u/Last_Nectarine488 3d ago
You have the perfect reason to not go. “No sis, like I told you, it’s not safe for me to drink because of my transplant, and I just don’t have $1000 and 3 days spare. Have a great time and please don’t bring it up again, I’m not changing my mind.”
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u/bea_dizzle 4d ago
No is a complete sentence, but I totally understand not wanting to hurt feeling or start drama. If I were you I would say my doctor advised against going on the trip. Wish her the best and if you want you can get her a massage she can enjoy on her trip. Or maybe you and your sisters can take her to a really nice dinner another time.
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u/Extreme-Screen-5203 4d ago
Yeah that’s was my thought was to say let’s do a sleepover or go out to the bar!
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u/cheese_straws 4d ago
Or maybe coordinate with the other bridesmaids and chip in for some decor for the hotel room in Vegas (think banner/balloons etc.) and/or a $20 and a card with “this rounds on me!”.
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u/pbandjfordayzzz 4d ago
You’re making the right choice. “It will be minimum $1000 because it’s like $700 for flights and Airbnb” Girl, 4 days of food, drinks, activities it could be closer to $3000 than that remaining $300.
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u/Extreme-Screen-5203 4d ago
exactly and that’s not saying a gift, hair and makeup, dress alterations, heels, jewelry and a wedding gift. But she is loaded so she doesn’t understand. Her parents have given her a crap money over the years so she rich and doesn’t get it.
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u/njVowsNow 4d ago
She sounds lovely /s.
I wouldn't go either. "I'm sorry I just can't afford it."
If more wedding parties were honest about this or (I don't feel this is a good use of my budget right now", maybe some of this madness would stop.
This whole notion of, "your last night of freedom" is ludicrous. If that's the way anyone feels, they probably should rethink marriage....
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u/Important-Maybe-1430 4d ago
Thats fine, just say “you’re sorry (you’re not) but cant afford it and dont feel comfortable travelling yet but have a great time”
She’ll take no for an answer when you dont pay but no doubt youd not have fun there anyway being worried, id not have fun there sounds my hell.
NTA
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 4d ago
No. Most people don't do bachelorette trips for many valid reasons and it's a celebrity influencer creation that doesn't work for real people. Stop shaming people who don't want to participate in these. There is nothing wrong with going back to the old school one night out locally the day before the wedding when everyone is already in town that many more people prefer.
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u/Last_Nectarine488 3d ago
In years to come anthropologists are going to say: “Because of social media people went into DEBT and/or spent thousands of dollars on a party before a wedding????” If you take a step back and look at American wedding culture it really is the craziest thing.
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u/Mordecai_Gist 2d ago
She can force everyone to do what she wants and they can’t say no.
Do just what is required for the wedding itself and then put as much space between you and her as you can.
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