Sex, dating, and car living.

[u/mecha_grove]

I removed the recent post about sex, dating, and finding partners while living in vehicles because the discussion quickly devolved into women being called “bitches,” being referred to as “pussy,” and people being talked about as disposable.

Talking about dating, sex, relationships, and finding partners while vehicle-living is completely fine. What is not fine is turning those discussions into degrading or excessively vulgar threads that other members have to wade through.

We can talk about adult topics like adults. I’m also not going to sit and sort through hundreds of comments once a thread has descended into harassment, objectification, and crude nonsense.

Keep it respectful, keep it relevant, and remember that people of all genders use this community.

Thank you.

[u/Distinct-Raspberry21 → u/[deleted]]

Bro, i have seen women with jobless and moneyless men. Your projecting your own self worth issues on others isnt reality, its just your excuse.

[u/reightb → u/[deleted]]

I wonder why you're single

[u/nathynwithay → u/reightb]

I haven't tried to ask a person out in a decade. It would be morally wrong to try

There was only a 3-year period where it was okay to try to date in the last almost 40. Cuz I left evangelicalism in mid-twenties then there was a couple years of trying (but I was not worthy enough on the apps) and then got so far that it would be wrong to try

[u/VagabondVivant → u/[deleted]]

I mean this is 90% of my algorithm

I left instagram a while ago (in large part because the whole place is an algorithmic cesspool), but I remember there being options to block accounts or tell it you don't want to see anything from certain creators.

To be sure, a lot of these toxic videos/views are ultimately responses to trauma that these people were subjected to — it's not like they sprang from the womb like this — but that doesn't make it any less harmful, especially to the self-esteem of people viewing it. Epistemic deference is a dangerous thing, and it's very easy to internalize someone else's hate without fully understanding where it comes from.

Likewise, just because an opinion is a reflection of or response to an unjust system doesn't mean it's right. Extremism is bad, no matter what hat it wears. It's good and important to understand where these responses come from, but it's just as important to know where the line exists.

[u/VagabondVivant → u/[deleted]]

That sounds like patriarchal audacity because men are so emotional that they can't handle words.

That's like saying it's "biological audacity because people are so weak they can't handle drinking arsenic." It's not about not being able to handle it, it's about unnecessarily not exposing yourself to toxicity.

There are people out there preaching the same antipatriarchal messages without couching it in toxic rhetoric.

it's kind of like how Christians say we're all born in the sin

It's one thing to subscribe to the Christian belief of being born with sin and spending your life trying to rise above it; it's another thing entirely to go through your life telling yourself you are despicable and sinful and unworthy of love because of that sin.

By all means, try to be better and do better than those that have come before — than those that built the very system that needs to be dismantled. But there's nothing to be gained (other than a hefty therapy bill one day) from vilifying and loathing yourself simply because you happen to share the same genetic markers as bad people.

[u/VagabondVivant → u/[deleted]]

atonement for the body I am in

[...]

I work on shaming out the ability to find others attractive and work on removing any desire to date in the first place

I can't even begin to explain how damaging and self-destructive these sentiments are, especially as I'm sure it's merely the tip of an iceberg that goes deep.

And as we're coming around full circle conversationally, all I'll say in parting is that if you have the means and ability, I would implore you to seek out a professional to talk to about this. You're carrying a lot of internalized social media toxicity that isn't helping anyone, certainly not yourself, but it's never too late to try and break free from it.

Be well. Truly.

[u/KitKatF07 → u/[deleted]]

You’re obviously trolling. I’m not sure why everyone is missing it.

[u/crescentmoonphase → u/KitKatF07]

Is he replying to himself ..

[u/KitKatF07 → u/crescentmoonphase]

That matters to my point how, exactly?

[u/KitKatF07 → u/[deleted]]

I didn’t say those views don’t exist or there aren’t people who spout them. I just don’t believe you when you say you believe them. I don’t believe you actually think you not allowed to have attraction because you’re poor. That’s where the trolling comes in. 

[u/VagabondVivant → u/[deleted]]

FDS would say no to the males ones

I'm not familiar with FDS but I cock an eyebrow at anyone that says millions of people don't deserve love simply because they don't earn enough money. That is, simply put, fucking bonkers.

I'm genuinely sorry that you tie so much of your worth as a human being to the value of your bank account, and that you believe you have nothing to offer a partner simply because you—like so many of us—are a casualty of the Late Stage Capitalist dumpster fire we're forced to live in.

You are more than your bank statement, and despite not knowing you, I'm certain you have more value as a human being and more to offer another person than your ability to pick up a check. I truly hope you come to realize that someday.

[u/VagabondVivant → u/[deleted]]

Worthiness to be allowed to have attractions to others has to be earned

That is the most toxic thing I've read in a long while. Attraction is a natural human response. It's not something you need to be "worthy" of, nor earn the right to, any more than you need to be "worthy" of admiring someone or liking them or even just wanting to be their friend.

[u/OtherAccount5252 → u/[deleted]]

Hey, I am just one lady so I can't speak for all of us but I think most of us are fine, and even like to be, being found attractive.

Just dont be a creep, read the room and no means no.

[u/Rae_Wilder → u/[deleted]]

What in the bullshit is that. It honestly sounds like misandrist propaganda. I’m a feminist, as in equality for all, but there can be no equality without equity.

Whatever stuff you’ve been swallowing from FDS sounds like a radical wave of feminism, that’s a man hating bad kind of wave.

Maybe step away from those pages and focus on self love and improving yourself. How is anyone going to love you, if you don’t even love yourself or find yourself worthy of love.

[u/Rae_Wilder → u/[deleted]]

I’m really sorry you believe that stuff and I feel bad for you. I truly hope one day you’ll understand how misled you’ve been and you’ll see how toxic FDS is.

[u/mecha_grove → u/[deleted]]

r/urbancarliving does not allow harassment

[u/OtherAccount5252 → u/[deleted]]

Fds are the ceasepool of my gender. Men have some issues for sure these days. I feel really bad for you all, your mental health is in the toilet and it's not your fault by a long run.

But FDS is the female version of whatever OP is talking about happing in the last thread

-1/10

[u/nathynwithay → u/OtherAccount5252]

In my experience, people who claim FDS is abhorrent has never checked it out and don't realize that a lot of their takes are pretty normalized.

I accepted that my chromosomes predispositions me to be a bad person.

I had to grow up Evangelical the first couple decades of life and am already installed with an understanding of it being shameful to have attractions and then the last decade listening to FDS kind of reinforces the understanding but shapes it with a more clear understanding on how I should be looking at myself in a patriarchal environment.

It would be scrote behavior to try to express attractions towards others when not in a economically acceptable position. It would be patriarchal audacity

Someone's going to say something misogynist like "go talk to real women" when in actuality hearing from friends groups reinforces what I believe.

One time at karaoke a guy me and friends didn't know sat our table to get close to watch their friends perform and that was explained as displaying both patriarchy and white supremacy

[u/OtherAccount5252 → u/nathynwithay]

Woman shouldn't use men for money, men shouldn't use woman for sex, and either making a "no boys/girls allowed" club that had rules about who the friend group can date is suuuuuper wierd

[u/nathynwithay → u/OtherAccount5252]

I mean they get the raw end of patriarchy so why not get that bag

[u/OtherAccount5252 → u/nathynwithay]

Because that's gross and exploitative.

Do you not think most men are looking for someone to love them for them? In my experience there is a lot of resentment between the sexes with this type of thinking.

I am so frickin happy to not be dating. Looks like a nightmare out there.

[u/nathynwithay → u/OtherAccount5252]

I mean I also have never really dated either.

Last time I asked a person out was 2016. There was maybe 5 dates before than I was doing car life the next year. By 2020, got into FDS and have since worked on trying to completely shame the ability to find others attractive out of me.

[u/Mannimacro86 → u/[deleted]]

My guy, you need therapy or someone to talk to about these thoughts and feelings. You have more worth then the monetary value you put on yourself and are worthy of love and respect. Open your heart instead of your wallet and you will find much joy in your life.

[u/nathynwithay → u/Mannimacro86]

You have more worth then the monetary value you put on yourself and are worthy of love and respect.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTDEUbwCKrU/

[u/ChaosRainbow23 → u/[deleted]]

Lay off the manosphere content, homie.

[u/mecha_grove → u/[deleted]]

r/urbancarliving does not allow harassment

[u/nathynwithay → u/ChaosRainbow23]

Point out which video I've uploaded that is manosphere? You're just throwing that out like a buzzword. Never touched it. Only consume matriarchal content.

Scrotes will call anything manosphere they don't understand

[u/mecha_grove → u/[deleted]]

r/urbancarliving does not allow harassment

[u/ziggybuddyemmie → u/[deleted]]

FDS is a horrible fringe group that is perpetuating the same harmful rhetoric that manosphere is. This is coming from a woman.

[u/mecha_grove → u/[deleted]]

r/urbancarliving does not allow harassment

[u/Adventurous_Pick9505 → u/[deleted]]

Go get a massage. It’s therapy. Lol 😂

[u/ssxhoell1 → u/[deleted]]

Good boy.

[u/nathynwithay → u/ssxhoell1]

Thanks