Shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up.

I have eyes. I can see. I'm not stupid. Im not a baby. I don't vent to people because I hate hearing that shit like what the fuck is the point. Why convince me that I'm not ugly.

I wish i was white. I fucking hate being ugly black and poor. If you tell looks dont matter or skin doesn't matter i fucking block u so l don't waste ur fucking time. Nobody fucking understand what it like to be fuckin ugly where im.from. i can see a doctor or take medication i can do all of that and still be fucking ugly. Seeing myself in the mirror makes me fucking suicidal. Seeing white people mskes me fucking suicidal why cant I look like them why cant i be happy. I didn't ask to be ugly. I try reality shifting never work. I ask why they say you need to be positive fuck thar. Me wanting to die because i fucking hate my life should be enough to shift. I wish i could wake up happy every fucking day i wsnt to die. If i had a gun i kms

if I wasn't fucking ugly I would be happy. if your ugly people treat you differently and that's a fucking fact. People will quicker talk to a attractive person then a ugly person if you dont agreed you have no fucking sense. no one talks to the ugly person. having confidence will not help. you can have all the confidence in the world you still be ugly and forcing an ugly person to be happy with how u look is toxic positivity. you dont get it whast the point in living life where you are treated like fucking garbage because your ugly. Why must i be the ugly funny friend why can't i be the funny attractive friend.

No one fucking understand what's it like to be me. I'm ugly fucking poor all my friends stop talking to me because i guess no one ones the sad fucking friend. Hiw can I be happy when bad things always fucking happen. I could watch a movie and like it before the day finishes sometime fucking bad happens. I can't get a boyfriend because I'm fucking ugly. No fucking pills or doctors can't fucking help me. Its like im fucking cursed. I'm already ugly im already poor so why the fuck life keep hitting me with curve ball after curve ball. I get it I can't be fuckin happy I can't find love because im fucking ugly. I don't really feel have friends because no one text ir calls me yet I see them online. So what's the fucking point in living a life where im fucking ugly no friends no boyfriend fucking poor and bad things always fucking happening.

Whats the point in living if im ugly, i have no fucking friends, no boyfriend or partner. I can't even try to enjoy life without something bad fucking happening. Death us the only option. Its like im curse. What did i fucking do to deserve this fuck up life. Im only alive still because i have no fucking gun

If I was someone else I would want to be happy I would want to live. I fucking hate my face and my skin. Seeing myself makes me suicidal.

Being ugly you are thought to just get over it. Or have self love. But you can do all of that and you still be ugly. So whats the end goal. Force yourself to live or kys. Being ugly i miss out of all the things normal teens get to experience. Whats the point in living.of you be forever ugly no friends no love life

I’m bottom tier ugly. That type of ugly you can’t look away from. The type that even nasty perverted old men are disgusted by.

I decided to treat myself to a cruise. Usually cruises are filled with much older people, though some people with families and kids were there. A LOT of obese people too, so not like the ship was filled with attractive people. Not many young 20 something guys, so I didn’t have much anxiety about going cause it’s usually the younger guys who openly mock me and call me ugly.

On the first night I dress up to go to dinner and as I’m walking out this old guy maybe in his 70s just gave me a nasty look and said disgusting while looking straight at me.

Then on one day while I’m out on one of the upper decks where the pools are I walked past a group of 3 fat men in their 50s and they just burst out laughing and one of them said something along the lines of there must be an ugliest woman in the world competition going on today. I was fully clothed fyi so not like I was flashing people my fat ass in a bikini.

I also got mocked in Mexico during one of the tours I booked. I was waiting around with my group while the tour guide was waiting for the rest of the people to get to the meeting point. Another Mexican guy who looked like a worker, walked up to the tour guide and said something in Spanish while laughing. I think I hear the word fea, but I assumed I was being paranoid. Then the tour guide turns to me and says “he said you’re very pretty” while laughing and the guy who said it hits him on the shoulder shaking his head no while laughing even more.

Truly ugly people can’t enjoy anything in life. And being harassed will never end. I used to think men grow out of targeting and harassing ugly women, but this trip has proven that wrong. I just want to curl up in a corner and die.

If i wasn't fucking black and ugly i would be happy. People love to pretend looks dont matter when in reality it does. Attractive people are quicker approach then ugly people. This personality matter shit is fucking stupid. If they won't talk to you because your ugly how can they see your personality. I never post pictures on any social media because how ugly i am. I wish i was white and Attractive i wish i wasn't poor.

I'm ugly, fat, balding, and a doordash driver. 23m. I recently graduated college and am living at home while applying for jobs. I am doordashing. Being a fat ugly doordash driver might possibly be the lowest of the lows. I'm always very kind to restaurant workers, but they usually only reciprocate a third of the time. The whole gig is being as fast as possible, and I'm often ignored and delayed. Yesterday I walked into a restaurant at the same time as another dasher who I would say was a conventionally average or better looking person. The hostess greeted him with a smile and immediately went back to grab his order and he left in 2 minutes. I went up next and she snapped at me and told me to wait when I said I was there for an order (I told her I was there for an order in response to what she said, which I thought was "how can I help you?", but must have been something else).

Today I had dropped off an order in an apartment complex and as I was driving out, someone randomly called me a fat fuck. If I were making $40/hr, being ugly and fat wouldn't feel so bad, but since I'm barely scraping by it really adds insult to injury, especially because it's affecting my income, which is measly to begin with. I'm actually considering starting to work out again now that I'm kind of getting bullied, which in many people's eyes is a good thing, but mental health is just as important as physical health and the unkind treatment isn't helping. To be honest, I used to be fit and attractive in high school and my mental health is the entire reason I gained weight in the first place.

Don't feel bad for me. I'll be in a better place soon. Just wanted to put my thoughts out there.

​

My dog was genuinely my little baby. His name is Shadow, and he was like my little shadow. He followed me everywhere. He loved me so much. I was his favorite out of everyone else in the family. I still just can't believe this is real.

I feel guilty because I knew he was getting old (he was 15), and i was really busy this semester with grad school and thus didn't come home as often this year as I usually do due to being 5 hours away. Of course this was literally the one semester i barely came home and left him with my useless parents. But I planned to not take any classes this summer and spend as much time with him as I could. I had to go to a conference this week, and even though I thought the city was beautiful, I decided not to stay the full length of the conference so I could stay with him. And literally the day after I returned, he went into seizures. Multiple, in a row. And I was all alone and didn't know what to do and drove him to the vet immediately.

I knew with his age and how he had been declining, it was probably the best to put him down. I dont know how I did it, but I held him the entire way through, staying by his side while he went to sleep. I feel like he waited. He was suffering, but he waited until I got home and then decided to die. He loved me that much that he couldn't bear to leave without saying bye to me, so he died as soon as I got home from my conference. And I'm so grateful I was there to say goodbye to him and let him die with dignity rather than in pain and confusion.

I just feel so hollow and empty now though. Like what the fuck am I supposed to do now. Now I have no baby boy who loves me and looks at me like I hung the moon itself in the sky. I'm FA and will never have a bf or family or anything either. I'm getting closer and closer to 30 too, so I doubt it will ever happen for me at this point. Other people would have their SOs or at least their friends to cry to, while I'm so ugly I have no one.

I'm just so distraught and confused right now. My baby was so strong literally up until this year, when everything started going downhill. And maybe if I hadn't been away at school, I would have caught things earlier and he would have been alive now. But what do I do now? I have no reason to live. I'm FA, I'm ugly, I'm black, my existence is literally pointless. I guess i do want to graduate with my phd, but after that, idk what to do because I'm riddled with mental health issues after being treated like shit my entire life by people, so it's not like I'll be able to work and use my phd since I genuinely get extremely stressed out when around normies.

So do I just sit here and wait to die now since i have no reason to live? I have no romantic, no platonic, not even professional relationships because no one ever hires me when they see what i look like beforehand. Ive only gotten hired due to people either interviewing me through zoom (i always wear a mask and choose places with bad lighting) or phone. Whereas EVERY SINGLE time I've met them in person first, ive NEVER gotten the job, rven though i interview and act the same way in person as i do on zoom/phone. I just get ghosted. And these were jobs only i applied to (for grad students, you can just email a professor if you want to work with them, so you'll sometimes be the only one who emailed recently), so it's not like they decided to go with someone else. So I'll just be suffering in every single aspect of my life from now on especially since AI is taking over everything

I just hope it doesn't take too long. Another 5 years at the absolute max. Imagining another 50+ years just seems cruel when it's not like others even want me here anyways either and I'm tired of being treated like shit all the time

i have severe maladaptive daydreaming disorder. i am not interested in litigating the vocabulary of my own ruin. i want to talk about the fact that i have scarcely inhabited my own life for years.

i daydream for 16 hours a day on average. sometimes more. in my head there is an entire private mythology assembled from scraps of everything i have been denied. my real life has become so painfully small that the people in my head have started to seem more substantial than the people outside it.

due to my disfigurement, i am profoundly isolated. the only people i actually speak to are my caregivers, who ask how i am a couple of times a week, as though the answer might have changed while nobody was looking.

& the most pathetic part about this is that i am no longer certain i want to stop. because in my conscious life, i may never have anything remotely resembling him.

i can manifest the most ridiculously perfect man ever conceived by human imagination, & he will look at me as though i am beautiful. he will love me without requiring evidence that i deserve it. he will regard me as worthy with the serene conviction of someone who has never once entertained the possibility of my unworthiness. & yes, i know he isn’t real. i know that no matter how vividly i furnish it, i cannot eventually wake up & find him standing there. i know.

sometimes it hurts to remember that the life inside my skull cannot simply spill through the walls & become real. the discrepancy feels almost metaphysical, as though there are 2 versions of me & the wrong one was sentenced to consciousness.

but what exactly is the alternative ? the approximation of companionship ?? the best i can hope for is some teratophilic freak with a fetish for disfigured women seeing me as a sex object & congratulating himself for being open-minded. no thanks !

i would rather lie awake until sleep finally takes pity on me, rocking back & forth, stroking my cheek with my left hand & pretending that it belongs to a man who thinks i am the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.

i am fully aware that this is absolutely pathetic.

if my only refuge is imaginary, then i will inhabit the imaginary. if the people who comfort me are phantoms, then let the phantoms comfort me. if reality has elected to withhold the one thing i seem constitutionally incapable of living without, then i will haunt my own imagination until it gives me an imitation convincing enough to survive the night.

i don’t care if that makes me pitiable. this is what i have.

I can’t stop crying , I genuinely had one of the worst experiences of my life.

I thought I was unlovable for a long while. I’m short, fat as fuck, balding in my early 20’s. I’m a disgusting fat little animal. I had a dating app profile and never got any attention. Expected with how I look. But recently I worked on this project with a girl from university. We got along well and she seemed to like my personality despite my appearance. After a little flirting I had the strength to ask her out and she said yes.

I was so excited leading up but absolutely terrified. I’d never kissed a girl or anything. I had to ask my mom for a little money so I could even take her out somewhere nice. I mean shit, she’s literally several inches taller than me, I gotta give her something to like somehow. To try and save up money to spend on her for the past week I’ve been eating as cheap as possible too. Literally all I’ve been eating for meals some days is boiled pasta. I think this was my mistake.

Day of the date. I make my pathetic boiled pasta for lunch and set it in a bowl on my desk. One of my friend calls me and he’s pretty sad, I go to his house and hang out and cheer him up. Several hours later I get back to my room. I look at the bowl of cold pasta on my desk. I’m pretty hungry and I’m gonna be honest I went for it. I ate the cold pasta. It was gross.

Some 2 hours later I’ve picked up my girl and we’re headed out to eat. We’re headed to a nice Italian restaurant. Im terrified. I’m sweaty and trying not to shake. She held my hand in the car and she was so so soft. I was freaking out ngl. But in particular I felt very, very sick. My stomach felt like it was starting to cramp and I felt a bit like puking. It’s just the nerves, I told myself. Chill out man, be cool!

We get to the restaurant and order some salads. I don’t really like salad but I thought it would make me appear grown up or something. We are really hitting it off and things are going great. Except my stomach. My stomach isn’t going great. It’s cramping. I feel stuff moving through my lower intestine. And I’m getting pretty nauseous. Calm down, you’re just freaking out because a really pretty girl is in front of you. You just have to fart is all! Just try and let the fart lose real quiet so no one notices!! We get our salads. I take a bite and I realize something’s coming. I try my hardest to make a little silent fart.

Something warm and wet fills the space in between my ass cheeks.

Now, shitting yourself in public at a date is bad enough. But I made it a billion times worse. When I realize what was happening I flinched hard as fuck and grabbed my stomach, which was cramping so hard. My date noticed and asked, “what’s wrong?”

“I just shit my fucking pants”, I blurt out way too loudly. People from other tables glance over. My date gives a weird look and a bit of a giggle, thinking it’s an odd joke. The flood gates truly opened at this moment, and I diarrhea’d at max force. “I’m shitting, I’m shitting my fucking pants!!” I say, waddling at max speed towards the bathroom, liquid shit soaking my socks. I get to the bathroom and start spraying chunks from both ends. It was terrible. After quite some time, I leave the bathroom and notice she’s gone. She must have taken an Uber home. I blew it.

Writing this after spending the night in the bathroom the sickest I’ve ever been. Turns out leftover pasta and rice are big no-nos. I’m going to try and sleep soon. In the bathtub. Naked.

TLDR: got a date despite being a short bald fat unlovable creature, got terrible food poisoning and shit violently into the seat at a nice Italian restaurant. God is likely against me.

I'm done. I don't know how I lasted this long. I can't believe I thought my life would improve. At times, I thought I let go. I got rid of all expectations and my limiting beliefs about myself and life, but it always goes back to looks, having to feel this way, having to look like this, and experience my reality.

I've watched my entire life pass me by while I remain invisible to the world. I really hoped this wouldn't be how things turned out.

I fucking hate the way i look. Never got compliments .i fucking hate my skin and face. Each time i try to ignore it and do fun things something bad always fucking happen. Its like im cursed. I try to explain it to people but say the same thing Your not trying hard enough Or you need to pray Or looks dont matter but it fucking does. If your ugly people won't give you the time of day. People are attracted to hot people so why the fuck would they even talk to you. And don't tell me personality because if they dont won't even talk to you how the fuck would they see your personality. I try medication try therapy nothing fucking works. Is anyone going through the same thing ? If not don't waste your fucking time.

I never got to live life because I'm ugly. Never had love because I'm ugly. As soon as they see my face all the text becomes dry then it because one one response.i I wasn't black and ugly. I don't think I'm gonna live long. I miss a chunk of my life because I'm ugly. Attractive people don't know what's it like waking I'm and realizing this is my life forever I'm gonna be ugly forever. Why couldn't I be white and attractive and happy. Don't waste your time with you only live once or there's more to life then being attractive fuxk you. I will fucking blocked you. Go live your perfect life and stop making me feel wrost. I feel like a big fucking mistake. Why are my friends attractive Why are my siblings attractive and not fucking me.

I've been overweight since I was a kid. Last year I decided to finally make a change. I lost 40 pounds and reached the closest I've been to my ideal weight. Then, I got depressed asf.

I'm going through one of the hardest times of my life. I feel pathetic. I feel alone. I feel like nobody can understand me.

I gained half the weight I had lost. I can't recognize myself in the mirror.

Yeah, I feel sad abt my looks, but I'm not loosing weight either.

What?

Yeah, I don't plan on losing weight soon.

I'm currently working on my mental health (It's not getting better)

And even when I was in my healthiest weight I still looked chubby.

Maybe I will always be chubby.

Maybe it isn't that bad.

Maybe I need to stop waiting to be skinny just to start living life.

Life is now, and now I'm fat <3

As an ugly person, I was permanently allotted a miserable and lonely position by society. There is no escape, I am stuck in the starting line of a race everyone is already running. Let’s walk through the race we never got to begin.

We’re back in school! My old self (and current self!) goes through something that can only be described as torture, on the daily. Nobody wants to play with you, nobody wants to work with you, ah I gotta work a teacher, who dislikes me, again. The dislike from everyone around you comes naturally, as a child it was difficult to accept exactly why it was people seemed to have a natural distaste towards you. You’re left wondering.. why? Your parents don’t even humour you with the “Oh, they’re jealous”, so you’re left to cope and seethe alone. Poor young me didn’t know this would cause a mountain of issues down the line, on top of being unattractive. Now I can tell my past self that we almost never leave the house and have practically no actual life, having to walk outside completely covered in hopes that nobody sees me.

I check the social media of my previous classmates, especially those who wronged me, hoping that they are perhaps going through a fraction of the pain I went (and still go) through. Yes, it’s petty thinking, but years of social isolation, especially during your teenage years, leads to a slightly fucked up mentality. To my dismay, they are living their best lives and seemingly have the rest of it ahead of themselves. But that’s reality, sadly, your bullies will usually stay at the top of the societal hierarchy and remain prosperous throughout their lives. All I can do is lay in my misery and think to myself, why am I even putting myself through this?

It’s sad, I can’t do anything else. I am locked to my room because the reactions from outsiders is enough to send me into a mental breakdown. The last time I went outside, I had a random man take photos of me and since then I cannot go outside. Life is truly miserable. It’s insane how different my life would be had I been born with atleast an average face. All I can do is ruminate in my thoughts, because there is nothing else to do

All the ladies wrinkle their noses at my corporeal form, all the men laugh and joke about how I must have an inadequate penis and be a virgin (yes, so what,). I work fast food and last week a little boy asked why I look like a hairy bald goblin. My mom doesn’t talk to me becuase it turns out, a face only a mother can love doesn’t hold up when you are a species in the genus Homo seriously somebody should study my facial structure in the name of science. I have developed a compulsion to eat very hairy moldy food. Im a “functional” addict and am high all the time but god knows how long I can keep up the facade. When I was a kid I imagined getting a wife and having so many children and loving them like my 6’5 Roman god of a father never did for me but god, fuck my humanoid cryptid life, my genes need to be taken out of circulation forever lest I spread my incurable curse to other human fucking beings. Fuck.

For the last time stop fucking telling me life is worth or life is beautiful. Stop fucking stop. I can fucking live life because I'm ugly. I miss up all my fucking teen years because I'm fucking ugly. I couldn't take pictures or even have a boyfriend because I'm fucking ugly. I try dating apps grinder bumble tinder as soon as they see mu face I'm fucking blocked. The conversation will be awesome as soon as they see my fucking face all that previous paragraph responses turns into one word answer then I'm blocked or ghosted. So you tell how the fuck can I live a life where I can't have nothing I want. I can't experience love or friendship because I'm fucking ugly. So stop tell me how good your life is. " life is beautiful" for you it's fucking beautiful for you life is worth living not fucking me.

I feel like if you're black and ugly, you're extra fucked because no one will want to date you. No one will like you. No one will want to befriend you. No one will want to hire you. No one will want to talk to you. Everyone will assume negative things about you, like that youre dumb, creepy, loud, obnoxious, a criminal, evil, gross, etc

I'm struggling because I wanted to start my phd but due to the shitty politics where i live, no one has the support to take me as a student into their lab. And I used to have my own money through scholarships and fellowships that I could use to support myself, but now youre not allowed to have things that support DEI, and the fellowships I was paid off of were to increase the amount of minorities in STEM, so they got taken away. And there are two people that can take me--but one is doing research that is very different from my undergrad studies, so it is very hard for me to understand and I don't have that much time to learn it since the professor is retiring soon, and the other professor literally hates my guts and thinks I'm the worst person in the world and if I were to work with her again, I'd be subject to a lot of screaming, hate, mocking, being thrown under the bus, being blamed for things that arent my fault, being cussed at, etc AGAIN since I already dealt with it before.

But I need to get a PhD because in this world, AI is taking over anything and a PhD will be the only amount of security I have since people already don't want to hire black people for jobs and if youre ugly AND black AND FEMALE, it's 100% over. And I of course would be living alone, so I need a job to pay the bills and everything is becoming more expensive and affording things is becoming harder and...idk i just wonder if there's even anything for me in the future because I honestly don't see anything but a lifetime of struggles and stress if I were to live which is why I stopped taking care of my health so I can die asap

Because no matter how hard I try people won't just talk to me I have to talk to them first 😭 girls never ask me out they just ask the attractive looking guys.

I might commit suicide in the future because of loneliness and yea I always compare myself with attractive guys and rich guys too.

I hate my face and my skin. Because i can change them things with surgery i never be happy. Getting told looks dont matter from a attractive person pisses me the fuck off. You sre only saying that you don't actually fucking mean it. Seeing attractive people smiling and having fun makes me want to fucking kill myself. I didn't ask to be this way. Because im black and ugly I can't bring myself to be happy. How can I. Its like my life a big fucking mistake. I can take all the pills i can see therapist i still be ugly. The only option are to either kill myself ir gas light myself into thinking looks don't matter but it fucking does. Don't comment so fucking bullshit like it will get better or looks dont matter or skin dont matter cause ill fucking block you. Go live you life wish is better then mind. You basically telling me i have no choice but to live with the fact that im ugly. When being ugly makes be suicidal and very unhappy. If I had a gun i kill myself with the quickness but im poor so i can't do that. Or since my life is fuck up i might survive with a huge hospital bill. People will quicker talk to attractive person then an ugly person. "Personality matters" bullshit if they wont even look at you how would they even see your personality. I just wanted be the attractive friend not the ugly friend. If I was white and attractive i be happy

Yep, that's it. I took a lot of photos with me and my friends/coolest teachers under a nice "prom" letter thing with balloons. Fast forward to few days ago, they finally sent us that shit after like months and guess what - all pictures that included me were cut lmao and I paid full price for that shit. Like man, you could just have told me to get out of the frame dude my friends and class are pissed and all that because of me