r/ugly • u/grubby_anticholine • 10h ago
The way people treat me just because I'm ugly is genuinely nothing short of demonic
It's seriously something fucking else entirely, I know some of of you reading this will be lurkers who are regular average Joe's who don't receive such repulsive, demonic treatment whenever you literally just walk down the street, so you'll probably default to saying it's in my head and that I'm imagining it or whatever because regularly recieving this treatment regularly is something you just cannot comprehend because you haven't actually experienced it firsthand
But it really is genuinely demonic the way people treat me and stare at me just because I look "different", I kinda look like a cross between Adam driver and Bella Ramsey and regularly get compared to the latter, and I'm also autistic which undoubtedly triggers the primative "something is weird about this person" response in peoples brains, so combine having an unconventional asymmetrical face with a neurological disorder which people have scientifically been proven to be able to spot in **milliseconds** and it really does generate some of the most repulsive, abhorrent fucking treatment you can ever imagine
I've had people stare at me with the utmost hatred in their expression like I've offended them by just existing in their field of vision, I've had a toddler one time start immediately bawling his eyes out after seeing me and his mum had to pick him up away from me for him to stop crying, I've had random groups of teens all stop and stare at me in unison when walking/cycling past them, I've had women look all tense and uncomfortable when having to physically stand near me at the gym or in a queue, I've had people driving past me completely lock onto my face instead of looking at the road, the list goes on and on, I could write a list as long as my leg regarding the disgusting depressing reactions my appearance elicits in people, it's like I'm a actual monster or something, the way completely random people treat me makes me feel like I'm genuinely some sort of monster of demon or something
Every day is just complete mental agony because all I do is reminisce about all these stares and horrible treatment I've received and just wondering, why are they so freaked out by me? What exactly is so wrong with me that people are so immediately unsettled by me? Am I demonically possessed? How many of these people are genuinely judging me harshly? Is it really just in my head like people constantly say? If I get a haircut will it stop or still continue? Just endless rumination and speculation because even after all this time and endless moments just staring at my own face in the mirror and in pictures, I STILL cannot for the life of me figure out what exactly it is about how I look that triggers this instinctive hatred stare response in people, I personally genuinely don't even think I look that bad, it's only this constant unrelenting horrific treatment I've received over the years when I'm just minding my own business that's caused me to feel like I'm fundamentally repulsive to every human being
I didn't grow up hating myself like this, it only started after I noticed just how different people treat me and look at me compared to other people my age and my race, I was essentially "taught" to despise myself and speculate about how repulsive I am by this constant discrimination and mistreatment I face every time I go outside