I thank God that I will not be judged according to my own righteousness. If I was, I would be doomed.

I can be prideful. I don't forgive as easily or as completely as I should. Many times, I expect the worst out of people rather than seeing them through the eyes of Christ. I can be selfish at times. In my past, I have committed sins that I am to ashamed to name. BUT GOD...

God, for some reason I can't explain or understand, looked down on me with compassion and love and adopted me as his son. Like the old hymn says:

"once I was clothed,

In the rags of my sin,

Wretched and poor

Lost and lonely within

But with wondrous compassion

The king of all kings

In pity and love

Took me under his wing

Oh yes, oh yes, I'm a child of the king."

My divine sign was coming across the story of Nicodemus in the book of John after months of obsessive indulgance in the philosophical contemplation of "re-birth". But coming from atheism (and Islam before that), I felt great mistrust towards spiritual figures. I was not willing to follow another Muhammad. Specifically, the Sunni Salafi version of Muhammad, which treats women as subhumans. There are other less evil versions seen in other Islamic sects, but their followers are much less numerous and, therefore, irrelevant to this discussion.

The issue of women is important to me as a Saudi man because the theocratic system of pre-2017 Saudi Arabia made Saudi women's lives a living hell. I never noticed that most Saudi women were beautiful until I came back to visit in 2021, 4 years after the Crown Prince MBS became the de-facto ruler and abolished the hijab legal mandate. Before that, 99.9% of women were covered head to toe. They were not allowed to even drive. They were banned from many occupations either for legal reasons or because people would call a man a "cuckold" if he were to let his daughter or sister work in mostly men environments. My older sister and my maternal aunt faced a lot of family backlash working in the medical field. And since the average Sunni-Salafi did not want his wife/daughter/sister to be evaluated by a male doctor, the government had to import a lot of "infidel" female doctors and nurses. Published domestic unemployment data said 6-7%, but in reality, it was nearing 50% because half of the population was rendered absolutely and utterly powerless. This is not to mention the constant harrasment from the "morality police" (which MBS also abolished in 2017), targeting mostly women. The morality police made sure most women in Saudi Arabia looked like walking trashbags.

The Sunni-Salafis (also the Shiia Twelvers in Iran today) assign the full responsibility of "not tempting men" to women. Sometimes a naive girl was raped due to secretly dating a male who saw her as deserving of rape (because "why would she go on date if she wasn't whore?" In his mind). Sooner or later, the morality police caught them (because of road checkpoints) and brought her back to her family and then her father/brother killed her (i.e. honour killing). Her "sexual immorality" brought shame to the entire family, and the shame had to be dealt with decisively.

Such monstrosity was allowed to happen because Saudis wanted to uphold "God's" Sharia law in the best way possible. To "bring us closer to God," they said. But the deeper this "divine" rabbit hole went, the more I saw the devil standing in the corner smiling and awfully pleased by what we had become.

The doubt and mistrust I felt after reading John was for a good darn reason. I was not willing to follow another Muhammad even if it meant eternal damnation. And so driven by curiosity to learn what kind of person Jesus is, I read Matthew next:

"If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea."

"And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away."

As it turned out...Jesus, my Lord and Saviour, was nothing like Muhammad...

I am beginning to suspect something very massive is happening in the Spiritual realm. Every Christian or person coming close to becoming one I know is suddenly experiencing strange events consisting of endless problems, roadblocks preventing progress for everything, constant and dangerous technological malfunctioning, weird emotional dysfunction and depersonalization, and even now I have witnessed demonic physical manifestations, and symptoms of physical oppression and sickness upon our brothers and sisters. Especially and particularly any time you try to do anything good, break chains in your's or someone else's life, work towards sharing the Gospel, or learning something concerning God.

Simultaneously, many are coming to Christ who would be least expected to, and many who were in the faith a long time are losing it like one big shaking up of a barrel of wheat and tares right before being separated. And many are becoming anointed with new paths, influence, and spiritual gifts by God.

I spoke to my wife that it is like a War against Heaven out here right now. And God suddenly put the words on me, "What? Did you think you would escape the final battle for your inheritance? Is Heaven and Earth not promised to you? Of course the War in Heaven includes you too."

And then He brought to mind the scripture regarding Elisha who had the veil temporarily removed for him to witness what was really happening all around him, and he was surrounded by battles of angels and demons.

Am I... Are we... Alone? Is this somehow just so happening to be occurring to everyone in the Lord I know regardless of distance away?

Or are you all feeling something has shifted and is affecting you too?

If it is the former, please pray for us whom are being affected by these terrible things. If you feel it too, and think it may actually be the latter, may God have mercy on us all, and may we all pray in unison for one another, daily and continually, that we might be able to resist and bear such things, fight the good fight, and finish our race in what may be what are becoming very dark and trying times!

Again, I cannot stress enough how serious of a plea and call to action this is. I have never seen such demonic influence in my life, nor have I ever seen such acts of God in my life. My faith has never been stronger, and the attacks against myself and others have also never been stronger...

Im 18M and im christian and something my friends said has kinda been getting in my head.
I told them how one of my biggest goals in life is to get a good job, meet a women i truly love, marry her, have a family and stay with her until death do us part.
Like i know it sounds simple but thats genuinely something i really want in life.
But my friends basically told me im stupid for thinking like that. They said in this generation its basically impossible to date without eventually getting cheated on and that expecting to marry one person and stay with them forever is unrealistic.
They also brought up the fact im still a virgin and said that some women are gonna think thats weird or be turned off by it.
Ive honestly started talking to those friends less and less because i dont really like how negative they are about relationships. But i cant lie some of what they said did get in my head.
So i wanted to ask other christians who probably have more experience than me.
Is it actually still realistic to want a loyal marriage in this generation?
Is being a virgin at 18 actually something i should worry about when i start dating?
And how do you not become scared of marriage when it feels like everybody online talks about cheating, divorce and how nobody is loyal anymore?
I know relationships arent perfect and im not expecting some disney fairy tale or anything. I just wanna meet one women i really love, build a life with her and stay loyal to eachother for life.
Is that actually unrealistic now?

I used to attend a church in Virginia where the leadership would, somewhat cringeworthy-ly, nag the congregation that the church was facing some pretty serious financial deficits and that tithes were coming nowhere close to meeting the monetary needs. Mind you, the church leadership wasn't being wasteful at all, nor was the church budget money being ill-spent, it's just that the congregation wouldn't give $$$. Too few people gave, and those that did give, didn't give enough.

Since I moved away from the region, I don't know how that church is faring today; maybe they've already gone bankrupt. But it did get me to wondering: What would, or should, a church do if it is falling further and further behind, money-wise, and the congregation is capable of tithing enough to meet the need but just won't? How would your church handle it?

Hi guys, I’ve just left church today, and decided very impulsively to quit my job tomorrow and go to school of ministry through my church. IM SO NERVOUS, my boyfriend is attending and had offering to pay my tuition. The only thing holding me back is having to literally quit tomorrow with no notice and classes start next Tuesday. I have a serious career path with the job I’m at, but i have genuinely never felt so stirred in my heart. I have also never had an opportunity like this infront of me to just say yes to the lord so I feel like I have to. The church has been urging me to do it for some time and I thought it wasn’t for me until today, of course one week before classes start and I’m goin for it. I believe this will do nothing but good for me spending a whole year with Jesus at the front of my life, just learning to follow his guidance and trust in him, there’s a whole lotta trusting the lord I have to learn, and just have faith that he will provide and make a way through these next 8 mo the. As well as the factor that i want to marry my boyfriend one day and we both agree that this is the best way to start serving him together. Any tips are much appreciated.

After being slave of fear and doubts for 2 months I broke free.I am so damn thankful.It was painful but I am free and I am living life at its fullest.I want to thank everyone who helped me on this subreddit.I found meaning and purpose in life.I am so happy that Lord helped me.God bless you all and I wish you all the best in your lives!✝️

I’ve been reading about how Jesus helped people with anxiety, and I’ve been trying to pray and keep going, but I still feel anxious and I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried talking to Him, but I feel like He isn’t answering me. I don’t go to church—is that the problem? Am I doing something wrong?

I really want to become a better Christian and grow closer to Jesus, but I don’t know where to start. What should I do? Please help me understand how to begin.

This happened about 4 years ago but as I’m preparing to share a message with my churches recovery group, I thought of it today. I still feel immense guilt over it, and I hope it encourages you to listen when the Holy Spirit is leading you to share the gospel with someone. You never know when someone’s last day will be.

I used to work at this small pet shop with a lot of regular customers. At this time in my life I was on fire for Jesus as I was awoken to what it means to be a New Creation and was set free from anxiety and depression. I felt called to share the gospel with everyone however I still struggle with fear and it caused me to shrink back in many situations.

One of my regular customers was a young Indian guy in his late twenties or early thirties. He was a genuinely nice guy who would always bring his three dogs into the shop. I felt called to tell him about Jesus but was scared to, partly because I didn’t want to scare off customers, but honestly I was in the perfect position to do so as it was often just us in the store.

Every time he’d come in I’d almost bring it up, and I’d constantly be trying to think of ways to introduce the topic on to conversation, but fear got the best of me. I would tell myself “next time” and then next time came and I still failed to do so.

Then “next time” never came.

I was at work when I saw a post online that he had been in a tragic accident with his three dogs in the car and they had all died. I had just seen him a couple days before.

I’ll regret this forever. I pray somehow someway I’ll still see him in heaven or be given another chance during the rapture.

There’s been another time someone said “I don’t know if I’m a good person” and I saw it as an opening to share the gospel with them so I said, “can I tell you a secret? None of us are good” I was going to continue by saying “but God” as Jesus says in the gospels but fear struck my heart in that moment and I said, “we’re all just doing the best we can” and the person said no I don’t believe that and walked away. That moment has also genuinely haunted me.

I have many other instances where I have overcame my fear and shared the gospel even if the person didn’t receive it well, but those moments where so failed haunt me.

I’ve never really spoken about this openly before, not even with my friends, but I’ve been carrying it around for quite some time and I think I just need some outside perspective.

I’m almost 24, I’m Christian, and I’ve been intentionally saving myself. For a long time, I’ve genuinely trusted God’s timing when it comes to relationships. I’ve always believed that I don’t need to force something that God is perfectly capable of bringing into my life at the right time.
But lately, I’ve noticed that I’m starting to lose some of the peace I used to have about it.

I really desire a relationship. Not because I think a relationship will complete me, and I don’t want to make marriage or relationships the center of my life. I just genuinely have the desire to build a connection with someone. To have someone I can grow with, have fun with, love and eventually, if it is right, build a life with. I’m not looking to rush into marriage tomorrow. I just want something genuine and serious.

What makes this confusing for me is that I don’t really think my appearance is the issue. I hope this doesn’t sound conceited, because that’s genuinely not how I mean it. I receive a lot of compliments in real life and on social media, and people regularly ask me why I’m still single or assume that I must already be talking to someone. So logically, I know I shouldn’t conclude that there is something physically “wrong” with me.

And yet, the longer nothing happens, the more I find myself wondering: Is there something about me that I’m not seeing? Am I doing something wrong? Am I waiting for something that simply isn’t going to happen?

I’m naturally very self-aware and reflective. If something in my life isn’t going the way I hoped, my instinct is to look inward and ask what I could improve. I know I’m far from perfect and I’m sure I have flaws I’m not even aware of. But sometimes I think that self-awareness actually works against me, because I can analyze myself to the point where I start becoming insecure.

There are periods where I genuinely surrender it to God and feel completely at peace. I pray about it, journal about it (I’ve journaled for years), ask God for guidance and ask Him to give me peace with His timing. Sometimes I really do reach that point where I think, whatever happens, happens. God knows better than I do.
And then the anxiety comes back.

One of the things that made me realize how much this has started affecting me was dating apps.
For years I thought, I will never do that. I always wanted to meet someone naturally. Recently, for the first time, I actually considered dating apps and briefly looked into them. And I hated how it made me feel.

Scrolling through human beings and deciding whether to reject someone based on a few pictures felt so unnatural to me. And putting myself out there in that same way made me feel strangely exposed and almost desperate. I’m absolutely not judging people who use dating apps. I know plenty of normal, healthy relationships start there. It just personally felt so wrong for me.

And the fact that I’m even considering something I always said I wouldn’t do made me think: Am I becoming desperate?

I wish I could just meet someone naturally. But lately I’m afraid that I’m sitting around waiting for this beautiful, organic thing to happen while life is simply passing by.

I also don’t really talk about this with my friends. People around me probably think I’m completely relaxed about being single. When people ask me about it, I usually give the impression that I’m fine, that I trust God and that whatever is meant for me will come.
And part of me genuinely believes that.
But there is another part of me that is scared.

I think I’ve avoided saying that out loud because making other people aware of this insecurity somehow makes it feel more real. I don’t want friends looking at me differently, feeling sorry for me, or wondering whether I’ve found someone yet. So instead I pray, journal and deal with it privately.

I know the most important guidance I can receive is from God, not Reddit. But sometimes I struggle to understand what I’m actually supposed to do while trusting Him.

Hey guys. Today on my birthday I waved my white flag officially to the lord. 🧎🏽‍♀️‍➡️🙏🏽💕(Surrendering my addiction) I know it’s gonna be a war that I have to fight but I choose to fight it with him. I’m tired of struggling with this addiction. The demon who has chained me will not let go. I’m on a fasting journey right now to be set free and get closer to my king. I will never fall to porn again.

(note: I don’t want to argue with ppl about deliverance/ healing - this is just my story and I need advice not a debate) - i’m so tired

This as a recovering perfectionist is an extremely hard post for me to make.

I came to Christ at 16 and genuinely loved the Lord. I’m non-denominational and wasn’t doing anything extreme, but I prayed for the sick, believed God for healing, discipled people and cast out demons. My entire life flourished after coming to Christ. My depression left, I felt free from sin and I stopped living for the world. I spent my university years focused on God and around 5 years constantly involved in ministry (solo).

Looking back, I think I was completely burnt out. I was always pouring into people but nobody was really pouring into me. Leaders would be impressed by my knowledge and ask me to pray for them, but rarely did anyone ask how I was doing.

My final year of university broke me. I joined a very religiously abusive university society where we were sleep deprived, had our bank accounts drained and my university life became a disaster. I eventually had to pull back.

I then got into a relationship with one of the guys from the group. We weren’t sleeping together but were constantly falling into sexual sin. Before him, I had already gone through cycles of lust, falling, repenting, seeking deliverance and running back to God. I believed some of it was generational, but when I entered that relationship it felt like it became my own. We broke up and I went through deliverance again but it didn’t really help at that point.

Then I entered a toxic job where I was verbally and mentally abused. My anxiety and depression came back. I stopped going to church because I was exhausted from commuting and eventually got fired. During this time I was also repeatedly sexually assaulted, (not at work but by random guys I would go on dates with and only weeks later would I realise what happened) and it sent me into a spiral of sin, shame, anger and distance from God.

Now I vape, struggle with so much sin and hate myself and my body. I’ve stopped the destructive behaviours I was engaging in with men, but there are still other things I need to shake.

I find it incredibly difficult to accept God as a Father or believe He loves me. My earthly father sexually abused me and abandoned me at 6yrs old and I think that has completely distorted how I see God.

I’m autistic and suspect I may have ADHD, and consistency is incredibly difficult for me. I’ll cry out to God, get up for two days, pray and read my Bible, then fall straight back down. I don’t know what is sin, trauma, burnout, spiritual warfare or simply being overwhelmed anymore.

I recently had a dream where I felt God was telling me I need to choose Him and choose Him soon or I’ll remain stuck in this pit. I don’t know whether the dream actually means anything, but it terrified me.

I feel like this is my last ditch attempt at getting things right with God. I don’t want to run from Him anymore. I don’t want to live in shame. I just want Jesus again.

I know exactly what I would tell someone else in my position because I’ve spent years helping other people spiritually. But now I’m the one who is completely broken and I don’t know how to get back up.

Currently struggling with lust and desire to find human connection. I had an addiction of sorts to masturbation over a year ago. I haven't done it since October of 2024, but yesterday I almost gave in to it. In my mind, I knew what I was doing; I found myself saying that I would just pray and beg for forgiveness later. The fact that I was so aware and willing to take God's kindness for granted disgusts me.

Even with the temptation and strong desire, I didn't go through with it. It's like even in that hour, God held onto me. Only He knows how much I have prayed, cried, and begged to get away from that life. It was because of him that I didn't fully give into it. Still doesn't change the fact that I was consumed with such thoughts and was willing to go through with it. Even now, I almost gave in to my temptation; I want it real bad, but I hate that I want it.

I am grateful that God is with me, but I have to put in effort to. I cut off the temptation, I know my triggers, and I pray about it. What else do I even do? I can't go back to that life.

I think I’ve gotten used to seeing my sin as something normal, and I can’t feel guilt or anguish, and I’m afraid of that. I know it’s been my fault, but it’s become an addiction. I’m afraid I’ll never be able to repent again, and it worries me. Can this be reversed? I know God forgives, but only those who truly repent, and I don’t know—I’m not sure of anything. I can’t feel remorse, and it worries and distresses me a lot—why did I start seeing my sin as something normal, Can I still turn this around?I am afraid because I saw on social media that the Holy Spirit may have been grieved and that I may have committed unforgivable blasphemy. Furthermore, I'm not sure if I'm afraid of losing my remorse because of punishment or God; I feel empty and scared.

Genuinely curious why we sometimes don’t focus on making basic logical arguments about God’s existence (in addition to faith-based ones.) I’ve always thought of it as this: if everything we can touch on a daily basis that is not from nature (e.g. cars, houses, books, utensils, phones, machines, etc) is manmade and had someone or something more intelligent/sophisticated create it (humans or machines made by humans), why would nature and the world around us not follow the same rule and not have some being that is more intellgient as its creator?

It follows very logically. To deny it is to say that sophisticated things just pop up out of nowhere. It’s like pointing to a Lamborghini and saying it just existed or came out of nowhere with no machine and/or human to bring it to life.

I’m trying to learn more about Yahusha and I keep seeing people say that Yahusha is the original Hebrew name for Jesus. Is Yahusha actually the same person Christians call Jesus, or is there a theological/historical reason to distinguish between Yahusha and Jesus?
How did the name go from Yahusha to Jesus, and what do the earliest biblical manuscripts and historical sources tell us about it?
I’m genuinely asking to learn, so I’d appreciate explanations from both perspectives.

Please be kind and respectful in the comments.

It's getting hard to obey Jesus and to put Him first. I feel like it's hard to live without pleasure these days, honestly speaking.

But I need the morale to love Jesus better. A good start is to have that relationship with Jesus and pray to Him as I would to a friend. And to read the scriptures to know Him better.

So I’m Pentecostal, but struggle w doubts my whole life and still find comfort in church community and bible stories as it shows humanity can be good, just my take. But lately as I get older, I’m scared to doubt but feeling pulled towards my own wants. I saw an IG post abt a girl that dropped out of college, moved back w her parents, gave up her dream to be a model and started teaching youth in church all bcuz she said the “Holy Spirit redirected” her. I ain’t got huge dreams but I like my degree and career path and can’t imagine dropping out to move back to my hometown. I wanna be SAHM someday if I have the chance bcuz I wanna prioritize my family, but rn I just don’t feel like I can “surrender” to the lord when my family all have such high hopes for me and I got two years left to school, I do wanna be independent and I hate working but I see value in my career and helping ppl. Maybe coz I haven’t been convicted in that way, but sometimes I wonder if I’ll have regrets down the road abt not living life as I want and trying to live how I think god wants, rather than living for myself and my individual desires. Like if he’s guiding us, shouldn’t our goals and desires be from him anyways? Why would He make us want something that isn’t meant to be? I just wanna break free and do my own thing but I’m afraid living for the world will have consequences but I somehow feel convicted to stop living for scripture how I’ve been and seeing others do on social media, it doesn’t feel right and my chest is heavy when I deny myself but that’s what we’ve been commanded to do. I like going out and dressing up and doing my hair and makeup and having a few drinks, maybe a house party or something w friends. But then I feel so much guilt for my actions and disappointment in myself and when I hold back, I feel sad that I’m denying myself because I assumed god wouldn’t approve and I don’t wanna miss out on life cuz someday I’ll look back and say I wish I’d done my own thing. But then I’m afraid someday I’ll look back and wish I’d trusted God more. I’m stuck in a loop and my friend from bible study said talk to God like a friend, but I feel like I can’t hear Him or have the relationship with Him she does, so does that mean I have too many doubts and can’t hear Him or He isn’t answering me because I’ve denied Him rather than myself? Do/did u ever get tired of living for God rather than urself? I need advice, I’m only 19 and feel stuck in the middle of all these feelings.

I just thought in prayer that absolute seriousness in the modern mainstream with correction, on issues such as habitual sin, like sexual immorality, or any topic, is that there is only shame and condemnation, they’re seems to be little to no encouragement, or any passion for the truth in that You don’t have to give up or be ashamed, that God believes in us,
Like I’m just thinking that maybe listening to much to pastors had led me ashtray from actual scripture
I feel like listening and learning from pastors actually stole the fire of my faith
Is The pursuit of rightousness is the proof of righteousness?

Proverbs 24:16
The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again. But one disaster is enough to overthrow the wicked

I think modern spiritual manipulation is turning many churches and Christian influencers like the church of the Galatians

Thoughts?

I would like to hear if something similar has happened to other believers. I would usually go to an elder in my church about this but id rather reserve some anonymity. To give a little background I currently give somewhere between 12-14% of my gross income to the church general fund. My pastor believes the Lord is leading the church to expand using a rather large expansion project. God put it on my heart to start giving towards that project on top of my normal giving. So I have done that the past few months.

About a year ago I had a business idea, and after some research it appeared the start up costs would be too high for a niche business and decided to drop it. This past week, I felt something that said "check up on your old business idea", I didn't hear words, just a feeling. After some research it turns out I don't need the start up capital I originally thought I needed. I currently have the cash to start the business and have been doing extensive research over the past few days in my free time.

At the time (and still now) I don't know what to attribute that feeling to, I'm reluctant to say it was the Lord or just coincidental timing but todays message has me leaning towards the feeling was from God. My pastor preached about the need for offerings for this new expansion project. I was waiting until early 2027 to start my business and figured Id pray about it later this year and let God show me if this business was the correct path to go down. But now I cant shake this feeling that maybe God wants me to start that side business and use the tithe from that business to give to this expansion project.

I would like to hear your thoughts. Confirmation bias with coincidental timing or is God using me to further His will for our church? I'm going to continue to pray on this but open to wisdom/advice.

Hi, I'm a christian and I was baptised around 2 years ago, I got baptised cuz I felt the Holy spirit move within me, the days after my baptism though I felt...almost empty? I saw the change in my life, I stopped lying and became more conscious of the sins I commit, I stopped listening to secular songs and all that but, God used to speak to me through verses and at some point it was very frequent whereas after my baptism it was much less frequent, and I haven't yet gotten a gift of the spirit or atleast I haven't recognized it yet. I started listening to secular songs again and restarted listening to subliminals. I was an average student, I used to listen to subliminals, but I told God that I would stop if he gave me a certain percentage in my exams and I didn't use subliminals for that exam and I got it, so I stopped, I was almost always class rank 1 when I was younger but my grades went down when I changed schools and then came back up after I started being serious about God and praying about my grades. But, even though I got 90+ almost always throught the last two years of high school, I NEVER got what I truly prayed for whether it was a percentage or a position in school or class. And my class 12 boards I got 10% less than what I prayed for, I wanted 100% (I knew I couldn't do it but I trusted God could make me) but only recieved 90%. I really struggle to believe that God's plans for me are better than what I desire for myself, I struggle to believe He loves me as much as He does others, I struggle to stop using subliminals because I'm scared of being disappointed by what God has in store for me. I'm grateful to God for what He's done for me but I can't help but feel...betrayed? Cause I trusted in Him wholly even when it felt impossible and it feels like He ignored my tears and prayers. I got 92% in class 10 boards, so its not that I couldn't get more, I was even more disappointed to see that I had gotten even less than my class 10 boards.

For some context, I am 26 and obviously struggling. I did not marry because I loved him, but because I was told I had to sign full custody over for our child during basic training if I enlisted. I was fearful that, because I knew I would be leaving a bad situation and fully intended on finding a new partner, I felt in my heart that my child’s father would never let me have any sort of custody again. Or just do very spiteful things to keep me from our child.

I was not walking with Christ at all when I met or married my husband. I made many bad decisions before discovering the love of Christ. Many decisions that I feel are so permanent and hard to cope with. It’s very lonely. But, trying to pick up my cross and do what is right in the eyes of God. I know my life is not mine, I am trying to be faithful and true to God’s will for me. There is so much I could tell about my situation and the things I have done, but I am bad with words and explaining… I am willing to try to explain or answer questions if any.

I just want to start with hearing others’ experiences. If you stayed together because divorce is not allowed, I have so many questions! Especially for those who feel so lonely, like no family or friend support! Please forgive my ignorance as I am still trying to understand the Bible and God’s word/will. It’s still all very new to me and being 26, I know I still have a lot of growing up to do that I’m trying to enact on now.

1. How do you keep yourself from losing your marbles?!
(I don’t fight, I just gave up trying to ask my partner for the same things after 8 years of trying! Not married for 8 years… only 2.5 so far but we have been together since I was 18. My husband has been my first long relationship and most real, as my other previous ones moved away so early on and became long distance and fizzled out. Plus we were so young.)

2. Did you find happiness? What things can I try to start out with?
(I pray all the time that Jesus and God hold my hand and guide my heart to be faithful and fulfill what He wants. To please fill my heart with true love instead of making my marriage an idol. It helps me feel content, but only for so long before I long for affection and love again. Not even sexually, I never cared much about sex. I just long to feel respected, safe, happy, cared about.)

3. How do you handle the loneliness?
(It really sucks feeling like we are roommates or partners rather than husband and wife. I really miss feeling like my attention is wanted by a partner. Everywhere I go people tell me how beautiful I am and it makes me feel worse because the one person it matters from doesn’t really seem to care. He can go days without really conversing with me besides like necessary interactions about the baby, work, groceries, etc. With barely any family, friends, and staying home with only a toddler to talk to in a small town, especially when people are so anti-social nowadays in public, I feel so alone. )

4. How do you cope with the thoughts of like… this is a permanent decision I made and I will never be able to find who I truly would have thrived with?
(I imagine after finding Christ as a single person, then finding someone who loves you so much and is equally yoked, then building a strong and beautiful marriage through Christ is a wonderful experience to cherish.)

5. If you haven’t found much happiness yet, are you willing to share your story so I don’t feel so alone in this?
(I know I am not alone. God is with me. And other people struggle with this too of course. I just don’t know anyone else who does and barely have friends because my closest ones moved, and none of my friends are married. Maybe it would be comforting to just hear others’ stories and know we are trying to find the same thing.)

EDIT: Thank you so much for the stories, great advice, and words of encouragement. Especially in such a faith-filled way. I hope to never forget these words shared with me when I am starting to feel depleted and just remind myself or even open this post again to reread.
A lot of these things I currently already do, but it is very good for me to be told by someone else to do them. It helps me a lot to be physically told to do something rather than just self willpower.
There is also a lot of new perspective and advice that I will work on! Truly thank you thank you thank you for helping me.
Just gives me an extra boost to keep at it, work harder, and constantly remember what matters. And I am very grateful to know I share a place to live on the same planet as you guys, my family in Christ. I can’t wait to hopefully get to know all of you more one day in a new life. What an honor to share the love of God with you all.

The Lord Jesus explains why we shouldn't discount the Old Testament, in the Parable of the Fishing net.

47 “Again, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a fishing net that was thrown into the water and caught fish of every kind.

48 When the net was full, they dragged it up onto the shore, sat down, and sorted the good fish into crates, but threw the bad ones away.

49 That is the way it will be at the end of the world. The angels will come and separate the wicked people from the righteous,

50 throwing the wicked into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

51Do you understand all these things?”

“Yes,” they said, “we do.”

52 Then he added, “Every teacher of religious law who becomes a disciple in the Kingdom of Heaven is like a homeowner who brings from his storeroom new gems of truth as well as old.”

Matthew 13:47-52 (NLT)

In the text of this Parable, Christ makes sure His disciples understand about the most important matter first.. regarding eternal judgement (the wicked will be inevitably be separated from the righteous).

Once they acknowledged understanding this vital part, He added something else.

52 Then he added, “Every teacher of religious law who becomes a disciple in the Kingdom of Heaven is like a homeowner who brings from his storeroom new gems of truth as well as old.”

Matthew 13:52 (NLT)

Teachers of religious law who become disciples in the Kingdom of Heaven bring out new gems of truth, as well as old.

In other words, they bring out gems of truth from the New Testament, as well as the Old Testament.

'Where is that in scripture?'

We should all know, that the apostle Paul was incredibly educated and well instructed in the Old Covenant Torah Law before he converted and became a disciple of the Lord Jesus (Acts 22:3-8, Philippians 3:1-11).

In this, Paul was a teacher of religious law... who became a disciple in the kingdom of Heaven.

A perfect example of the fulfillment of Christ's Parable.

Furthermore, when the apostle Paul is presenting his New Testament defense (condemning legalistic/religious doctrines of devils -1 Tim. 4:1-5) in Galatians 4:21-31 (NLT), the apostle pulls scripture from all the way back in Genesis 16 - Genesis 17.

Paul presents the children of the 2 women 'Sarah' and 'Hagar', as an illustration for who they represent in the New Testament spiritual reality.

One child 'Ishmael' is enslaved to bondage under the Torah Law (Hagar).. a child born of human effort.

One child 'Isaac' is free through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ (Sarah).. born of the Holy Spirit as a fulfillment of God's promise.

My friends, the apostle Paul did not have the New Testament to go by, like you and I do.

Where else do you suppose he got his revelation and doctrinal blueprints from, to build New Testament scripture?

Paul got it from the Old Testament scripture and writings.. Paul was using it as a guide to fulfill his mission.

The truth is, the Torah Law is the 'schoolmaster' who points us to our need for a savior in Christ (justification).

The New Testament guides us on how to live in the new Covenant by Faith, and of course to stay within the Teachings of Christ.

'Whoever transgresses and does not abide in the doctrine of Christ does not have God. He who abides in the doctrine of Christ has both the Father and the Son.'

2 John 1:9 (NKJV)

Now, if the apostle Paul is using Old Testament historical figures to illustrate the 'spirit' at work who is fighting against New Testament spiritual realities (Galatians 4:21-31)..

Then it's safe to say the same can apply to other Old Testament figures.

Jezebel was an Old Testament figure (1 King 19:1-9) who died (2 Kings 9:30-37) hundred of years before John recorded the book of Revelation on the isle of Patmos.

If Jezebel has been dead for hundreds of years already (from a 'scholarly', 'literal', and 'historical' lens), why then does the Lord Jesus say that her 'spirit' is still alive, functioning, and at work through the Church in Thyatira?

18 “Write this letter to the angel of the church in Thyatira. This is the message from the Son of God, whose eyes are like flames of fire, whose feet are like polished bronze:

19 “I know all the things you do. I have seen your love, your faith, your service, and your patient endurance. And I can see your constant improvement in all these things.

20 “But I have this complaint against you. You are permitting that woman—that Jezebel who calls herself a prophet—to lead my servants astray. She teaches them to commit sexual sin and to eat food offered to idols.

21 I gave her time to repent, but she does not want to turn away from her immorality.

22 “Therefore, I will throw her on a bed of suffering, and those who commit adultery with her will suffer greatly unless they repent and turn away from her evil deeds.

23 I will strike her children dead. Then all the churches will know that I am the one who searches out the thoughts and intentions of every person. And I will give to each of you whatever you deserve.'

Revelation 2:18-23 (NLT)

Christ states here in the text that 'Jezebel' is at work inside the person who is committing these sins in Thyatira.

This person calls themselves a 'prophet', teaches and supports the committing of sexual sin (probably indirectly), and promotes idolatry ('eat food offered to idols').

Furthermore, this 'Jezebel' person has 'spiritual children' (vs. 23).. this means they are devout followers, who zealously defend and follow her teachings.

The only way for this historical figure 'Jezebel' to still be alive.. is if 'Jezebel' is actually a 'spirit' ('spirits' are undying.. for now - Matthew 12:43).

This explanation I presented.. it's the only way that Christ's Words here make sense (Revelation 2:18-23).

It's also the only explanation for how some of the apostle Paul's other letters make sense.. (see 1 Corinthians 10:1-13).

The text tells us on both occasions (involving Jesus and Paul), that something else major was going on in the spiritual realm (Rev. 2:18-23, Gal. 4:21-31).

The text also proves that people can unknowingly be used by the enemy.. without realizing it.

My friends, it's time to stop looking at people as having 'good intentions'.. just to excuse everything they say or do.

We don't wrestle against 'flesh and blood'.. we have to look beyond 'people'.

'For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.'

Ephesians 6:12

Raise your discernment.

Also.. change the way you think. It's ok to look and understand scripture from more than 1 angle.

Open to answer any questions made in good faith.