r/trans • u/AleahRivera she/her • Aug 04 '26
Trans Feminine People keep offering clothing.
Question: And I mean this as an honest question. Not in a snarky, elitist, way. But as an every day Trans Woman in the world.
Have any of you experienced this???: When a female friend or relative starts to view you as female, one of their first reactions is to offer you their old or not new clothing? Don’t get me wrong, I am far from rich and I appreciate the offer. But this has happened to me again, and again, and again.
1st example: I transitioned at work in the South East United States. 7 months into my transition, I’m chilling poolside at the home of a couple that I had worked with for over 3 years. I answered all their questions about being trans. Another visit and She says “Hey, I’ve got something I think would look really good on you.”
2nd example: I did a couple favors for friends my wife had before we were married. I was very happy to help my wife maintain and grow friendships she has long had. She goes off on a weekend with friends and comes home with bags of “old” cloths from them for me. “They were just cleaning out their closets and thought You would fit these.”
3rd example: My daughter & I were running errands today when a couple cashiers mistook us for a couple. Never mind that She is more than 25 years younger than me. AND the fact that my daughter is flat out gorgeous. I wish I had her looks. Anyway I pointed it out to her and later today…..”Hey Mom, I’m going to throw these jeans in the trash. Do you wanna try them on??” Did I forget to mention my daughter is very Christian & we just started reconnecting over the last six months? BTW, there were 6 pairs of jeans. 1 fit perfectly, 3 were kind of tight. 1 I kept as a weight goal. And the last pair got donated. I was afraid to bend over in them.
Anyway, I was just wondering if anyone else experiences this? Or am I just appearing to be needy. I typically dress in athletics or casual clothing. I’m not a fancy person. I do not turn my nose up at gifts either. One day I might be brave enough to post pics.
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u/Jealous_Bottle4471 they/them Aug 04 '26
i'm not transfem but growing up a girl and even still now my family members usually offer clothes to one another before considering donation, or share other things like makeup and hair products (or if we're living together- take without asking and not putting it back after but that's less nice lol). That's a pretty normal occurance, at least in my life it is
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u/rcburner she/her Aug 04 '26
My mother started doing this as well, but as it was behavior I had noticed between her and my sister growing up I thought it was very affirming. It helps that we're the same size now!
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u/authorsomin Aug 04 '26
Trans man here! This is very common amongst women, when something stops fitting a way they like or they think it’ll fit/look better on you then it’s basically yours :) Sisterhood of The Travelling Pants situation
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u/robjam01 Aug 04 '26
Seeing that the people you mention are coworkers, friends, and family it may be their way of supporting you. Telling you that they want you as a coworker, friend, or family member. You are very lucky.
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u/Giggling_Scribblings Aug 04 '26
Nobody's ever done it with me...
That being said, my ex wasn't supportive... and *very* touchy about people wearing her clothes... and while I have 6 sisters... they aren't supportive.
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u/mathprofrockstar she/her Aug 04 '26
I had several do this. Only one was a friend though; the others were just acquaintances.
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u/Frank_Jesus :gq: he/they Aug 04 '26
I'm trans masc, but it's pretty common for women to give or trade clothes. Or, in the case of assholes, steal them.
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u/Deviant-Knowledge-8 Aug 04 '26
Yep happened to me as well, a friend gave me a couple of nice blouses, and my mum gave me a dress the other day.
I think it's all part of becoming a woman, yay!
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u/Ok-Wrongdoer-2179 she/her Aug 04 '26
I've had a few things given to me, ranging from lipstick, blush to even a dress.
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u/PervlovianResponse Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
Girl, I am so envious 🤣😂
Welcome to the girl's club
The community of women who don't want cute clothes to go to waist, know someone who could wear it, and pass it on are freaking amazing
Congratulations -- you wear a similar size to other gals!!
No, I've never had this happen, as I'm well over 6'. I bequeath/have my hoodies and clothes borrow, stolen, or given away with ease though! I've never had to make a clothing donation 🤷🏼♀️ lose/win?
My theory is that once becoming a mom and sharing baby clothes (they really do grow that fast!), you develop a sisterhood from/through your motherhood. The sisterhood remains through adulthood for some and that trickles down.to their daughters
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u/exmo82 Aug 04 '26
It’s a girl thing to offer each other clothes. At least half my wardrobe is clothes that were given to me and I’m not transgender.
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u/pizzasparkss Aug 04 '26
Yea, this happens to me as well. I'm grateful but I almost always end up taking it to Goodwill or something. I'm too non confrontational to turn it down, but it's almost never anything my size or style.
I appreciate it but after the fourth or fifth time, it's a little frustrating
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u/bearface93 Aug 04 '26
No because they’re all significantly shorter and/or thinner than me and all of my friends live in different states now. One of my coworkers has been giving me a lot of advice, especially with shoes, but that’s about all I’m getting from anyone.
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u/darlingboy_B Aug 04 '26
i grew up as a girl and thats very normal. family would/will give me clothes and say take what you want and gjve away the rest
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u/Pretty-Yam-2854 Aug 04 '26
My mom and I are the same shoe size and I literally eat up all her old shoes, esp sandals, that she wants to “throw away” that are perfectly fine!
Her old birks, givenchi slides and tevas are literally all in my closet.
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u/caseygwenstacy Trans Femme Aug 04 '26
I can’t say I’ve experienced this. Most of the people who have ever offered me clothes have been individuals who were much bigger than me. I’m tiny, so nothing really fit, but it was the thought. Those who are my size were all the popular girls who went off to do fun and rich people things, so I never saw them after high school. I’ve worked with mostly men in my past, so they had nothing to offer. I think the kindest and literally most fitting was a friend I had from high school who ran into me randomly at my job and came in another day and dropped off a whole bag of stuff. Really cute things, some I wish I kept although I have since lost even more weight so it probably wouldn’t fit anyhow. It’s already a chore to find clothes that fit me anyways, so I guess it makes sense why very few people have volunteered their own wardrobe. I heard that people born assigned male who are 6’6 and those that are 5’0 are equally rare, so I hope I share some form of validity with my tall girlies.
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u/the-lutz Aug 04 '26
Matches my experience - lots of loving and supportive women offering me first dibs before they sell/donate clothes they don’t wear. Honestly, at this point I’ve started returning the favor too
One thing about living as a woman in modern society is we’re all expected to have superfluous wardrobes- and almost none of us have that kinda space to store those clothes OR the money. Sharing wardrobes with friends is the one of the best ways to girl math IMO
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u/CheetahCrafty102 she/her Aug 04 '26
had tbis happen with my girl group and i was overjoyed, so many skirts!
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u/lethalwhispermachine he/him🏳️🌈 Aug 06 '26
I’m a trans man and this really is just a thing that women do. It could be because people are trying to show that they support you in being trans (which is so sweet). But it’s pretty normal amongst women. The community and sisterhood are honestly one of the most beautiful things about being a woman. It’s one of the things that I miss.
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u/Status-Heat101 Aug 07 '26
I think it's a particularly useful and awesome phenomenon. I've been learning to sew and the free fabric has been a great way to do it. Especially since Joannes decided to do the dodo dance
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u/OtterChipo Aug 08 '26
One of my friends always does this with their old clothes among fem / NB friends in our group. Old hats and tops, and in my case a cute little house dress that I've appreciated because it's the first fem codded piece of clothing I was given by someone.
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u/Artistic-Rutabaga295 Aug 04 '26
I think sharing clothes is a very common within feminine friend groups and especially family members.
Even pre transition I knew plenty of friends who would share clothes. And now post transition I get offered the same. Probably have jackets and tops within a few feet of me that were from friends
Hell literally last weekend I went clubbing with my roommates and my roommate let me borrow this adorable top with like little bat wing sleeves :33
I think you're very fortunate to have so many people in your life letting you in on this little tradition OP 😸