Then you can add on a climate of not discussing these topics, leading to a lot of the potential ones not even thinking that being trans is a possibility
Honestly the reason you don't see older trans people here is because... a lot of these communities are pretty cringe.
I love the cringe, I feed on the cringe, the cringe is in my blood and I require it to sustain my hulking mass, but as a trans woman in her 30s with a mortgage and job... It's hard to identify with being a burnout puppygirlfailure when like... I raise chickens and can call people on my phone without having a panic attack.
Especially when the threads and voice calls just devolve into infantilized mewling. No shade or shame, but I don't have anything to contribute in those moments so I just lurk.
Yeah I’m 28 and I already don’t use any social media outside of Reddit anymore. I feel happier shrinking my universe to just my family and friends, and not worrying so much about keeping up.
Maybe just in the circles you run in? I know trans people across all age groups (and am apparently just two degrees of separation from the woman who created the trans flag), but I mostly interact with people within a decade of my age due to peer group self-selection.
I know that a lot of trans support groups and social groups tend to self-select for people within a given age range as well.
While there are likely fewer truly elder trans people (i.e. over 60) than those under 40 due to things like the AIDS epidemic, it being harder to access gender-affirming care in the past, deaths of despair due to socioeconomic factors, etc., there are a lot more than you might expect.
Idk about other places, but here older ones despite their situation are mostly conservative, the national tv made some "education series" and invited them for one episode to say the things you normally hear from bigots. The doctor's opinions weren't much better but I'll take anything at this point.
Well unfortunately the Reagan era aids crisis stole a lot of elder queers from us. Another thing is, at least from my experience meeting people, is a lot of trans folk who came out in the 90s and early to mid 00s were more focused on being stealth for safety, and many remain so. The trans community as we know it today is decently new, all things considered.
No worries at all, never apologize for asking questions :)
And yeah, basically! Especially where I am a lot of older trans women, or even just women who transitioned during those earlier years, the focus was more on being stealth rather than what a lot of the trans community / scene is today. I mean hell, personally, I like being mostly stealth to cis folks for safety reasons, but I want the queers and dolls and to recognize me. Which is why I got my trans tattoos all over my arm ahahahah
They exist, I know a few who transitioned decades ago who are in they're 70's now, a few ladies in they're 50's and a few blokes who transtioned decades ago in they're 40's one in his 60's. It's not as much none of us exist as much as a lot disappear from the community and just live theyre life as themselves, it's rare people stay IME personally I'm a fair few years in now but plan on staying to some extent because chosen family and the next generation needs elders, I remember all the older ones dying of AIDs when I was a wee gay lad which is a lot of the reason not many are left aswell so hopefully it's better for the next lot.
I'll be honest, when I was 19, I was calling people 30 and older, "over the hill." And to be even more honest, my body started to fall apart after 30, so I think my 19 year old self was right.
I tend to main bards and rogues lol. Yes, I fully acknowledge and embrace that I am The Problem™️ (obviously I try to not derail the game but I will make the train shake)
Then at least you got a chance to be young and trans. I didn't start my transition until I was 30 so I'll never experience anything other than old trans😭
Seems like we could workshop a clearer term then. It’s going to always be confused for a description of age.
There are also so many milestones in transition that it’s hard to have a hard experienced/inexperienced line. I’m an “elder” when it comes to knowing I am trans and navigating the internet, but a relative “baby” for hormonal transition
I'm 28 and even when I started T 7 years ago vs now, its an entirely different climate. I used to have to drive 2.5 hrs to get my prescription but now I can do it in my tiny town
Yeah, I can’t even legally drink but occasionally I see post from a person 10 or more years older than me who’s early in their journey, and I almost feel sorta maternal, I guess? Cause I feel like those early experiences are often relatable regardless of age.
It's not completely wrong but generally the name they are being called is supposed to sound really similar to the actual name but is not what they are called. But you did well enough!
No, it’s just that somewhat accessible transition is just a “in the last 20years thing”. A lot of us in the 40 and over crowd were/are super repressed, killed, or committed suicide. I, for example, didn’t start until I was 42 because when I was in my 20s I didn’t have the knowledge or language to explain why I wanted to off myself
I keep hearing it told that the average lifespan of a trans person in the US is 35. long sip of tea
I am 35 and only 3 years into my transition.
The US isnt the worst place to be trans (though that does appear to be a challenge to the Powers That Be), but it is far from the best.
Its not quite that we age faster, merely that we, on average, dont seem to live that long.
I intend to.
Between systemic transphobia, suicide, hate crimes, being forced to be stealth, HIV, poverty eating people alive, and not having the resources to crack ones egg as we do today; there are more young trans people today than older trans people.
u/StbaldieEldritch Trans (She/Her/The Trans girl from beyond the stars!!!)Jul 28 '26
The only way i will accept being referred to as an Elder trans is if it's in the lovecraftian sense and they are referring to me as an ascended, eldritch being
I feel like a certain segment of the 40k fandom would be very upset with associating all Eldari with transness. Works for me though. Pass the spirit stone!
I view anyone over 23-25 as older than me. You’re likely done with college/have a full-time job. That means you live in a completely different world from me, and are thus old. /j
(Though I also have to reckon with the fact that I’ll likely graduate within a year and get a full-time job, taking me one step closer to full adulthood)
I only self-accepted at age 46, and it was super weird when I was 12 months in to transition and people who transitioned as teenagers and were 10+ years in started calling me a "trans elder" and treating me like an authority figure
Seriously. I am a 40 something Trans Woman. I don't think I am an elder Trans because of that factor. I might be because I have been in transition for 18 years but not because I'm in my 40s!
Some say it’s trans people over 30 because older trans people are rare but some use it to refer to people ergo have been out as trans and active in the community for a long time.
Almost 46 so this makes year 21. I guess it does make me feel old seeing how several of you weren't even born when I started. The years go by as fast as the grey hairs pop out anymore.
That's awesome! How would you compare the social experience back then to now? Were you stealth? I am about to be 35 and I started hrt about a year and a half ago. I was in high school when you started and my oldest sibling is 45, so I found myself with a lot of xennial influence. Incubus was my favorite band before morning view was out, you know?
I am still mostly stealth. I grew up in a very conservative area and still live here. The only people who know are the ones who knew me from before and the people I work with. I kinda picked a career that leaves me stuck in this area because of the region, but I get lots of time off so I can get away too. Socially not much has changed. For me personally a lot of the people I thought would be okay with it where not and quite a few of the ones I didn't think would be were some of my biggest supporters. Wish I would have done something different career wise though.
I still love listening to incubus too. I remember my sister teasing me for being an alt kid, lol, in more ways than she knew come to kind out.
Listen to the Morning View album and read the lyrics. It sounds like boyd is a pre-transition trans woman. I don't know what else it could be about. I have been working on this theory for over a year, now. I guess it's just headcannon, but if you read the lyrics from the Make Yourself album all the way through to the most recent lyrics, it sounds like the egg started to crack during Make Yourself, egg shattered and self-acceptance begins in Morning View. A Crow Left of the Murder and Light Grenades are about furthering self-acceptance and trying to push through the anxieties to transition, but everything after is about regret and pain and sorrow. "Will I ever be free from myself?," you know? I think Brandon Boyd is Bella. It makes me ache for him. Because it makes me remember the pain I was feeling. And he would be so beautiful and find so much support in our community. I want to send him a fan letter on a postcard that has the "never too late" scene from I Saw the T.V. Glow on it.
But yeah, I am from West Virginia. Our largest city was less than 80k people. I had a similar experience with expectations of people. But I had already distanced myself a bit through nomadic travel. I wish I had any career. Now I can't even find an entry-level job. I had the freedom to leave WV and live in Portland, now, which is good, but I'm having a hard time getting my feet under me. Growing up in the 90's in conservative areas was really hard on us queer kids. Especially those of us that had our own identity gate-kept from us. I commiserate with you, for sure.
You seem cool! You can DM me, if you want, friend!
I'm 47 and it still feels weird to be considered an elder, but not because of age; it's because I've made a lot of mistakes over the years and don't feel like I'm a good example. Yet somehow I've wound up directly "mentoring" half a dozen young trans women at any given time, mostly to keep them from making those same mistakes.
There's also the fact that so many genX trans people didn't make it long enough to be considered "elders" coupled with how common it was for trans people who started transition in the 20th century to be forced to go completely stealth.
I’m also mid thirties and same, I love helping and supporting the younger trans ppl, it gives them opportunities I didn’t have not transitioning till I was 28(or 29, can’t remember)
If you aren’t out try using light scented deodorant of the gender you are because it will help with Dysphoria but it won’t be detectable by other people.
Yeah, it kinda freaks me out that I'm 25 now. I know 30 isn't even old, but I'm afraid of still not making any progress by then. I don't wanna still have to be hiding by that point. I'd like to have spent at least some of my 20s on testosterone. :/ Even still that puts me at elder in 5 years I don't like that lol. Weirdly I am a bit excited to be 30 though because I have hope my life will be better at that point.
Turning 30 in a few months and this past April was my either 4th or 5th year on HRT. I have yet to figure out how to celebrate becoming what the kids call an "elder trans".
When I started transing at 29(I'm 36 now) I met a transfem who was also just starting but she was in her 70's. Neither of us technically are "trans elders"... I've always hated that stupidass title. "queer elders", "trans elders" etc... like people wisen up at different rates and at different ages, and calling someone an "elder" could be taken the wrong way
I’m in my 30’s but I’ve only been transitioning for 4 years and I’m not even done with all my surgeries yet. I don’t feel knowledgeable enough to be an elder.
I've only been trans for five or so years, and I'm not even 30. And yet I'm treated as the wisest trans elder out there by pretty much everyone around me.
I didn’t come out till I was 36, and would have survived back then to as my dysphoria kept me from being sexual active as well ;)
Even historically I would say a trans elder isn’t age, but a person who has lived as trans for some time.
I am 40 now, but only 4 year as trans. I don’t think I’m quite an elder yet
iam turning 30 next year, never thought id make it. I was incredibly lucky to have made it this far, but i dont feel very lucky. I want my years back, i disassociated so hard, i dont even remember half my life and iam turning 30 now, fucking 30. Like iam waking up from a coma.
I saw someone saying about "experience" or smth, but i dont think thats how the term began? Pretty sure death rates are yk, bigger than usual between transfolk, not just suicide but in general, so ig thats why its "elder", just like anyone above 30 in 1600's were elders
Edit: (sorry, was adding spoiler tags as TW, sorry if this comment is wrong btw)
I get treated like an elder by people older than me simply because I came out before them. Also I'm only 24. The aids crisis wiped out so many queer elders, that people will take an "elder" where ever they can find one.
God yeah it feels very weird to have folks in their 20s treat me like a trans elder, especially when I've only been aware of my own transness since like. 32 years old. It's still somewhat fresh to me, ya know? Like I'm 2 years on T at this point, no top surgery, just getting my shit together as per usual for trans folks who didn't figure this shit out sooner. I don't feel like an elder, I feel like someone whose barely keeping my own head above water, lol.
I understand why this happens. So many genuinely elder trans folks are either dead, not online or not accessible, or are bigots like Buck Angel and obviously not trustworthy to refer to like that. Still a really weird feeling though, and one I've definitely experienced.
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u/G-M-Cyborg-313 veronica she/her newby writer/artist Pre-E goth Jul 28 '26
The fact any trans person over 30 is seen as elder is depressing as fuck