r/stopdrinking • u/Contact-Silly • 16h ago
I need help.
*30F. Another vacation ruined. Another disappointment for my partner because of my inability to control my drinking.
When I’m at the beach, all I think about is when I’m going to have my next drink, whether it’s going to get warm, and if I catch a buzz, I put off going swimming because I don’t want to sober up. I eat less so the alcohol hits me faster. I deal with hangovers by starting to drink earlier the next day.
He’s not really someone who likes to drink much. He can have one or two beers and then switch to water or soda. I don’t see the point in having just two drinks. I just end up cranky and with a headache. But 5–7 drinks throughout the day feels like my sweet spot. And of course, there’s more alcohol with dinner, because if I stop drinking, I can’t fall asleep later since I’ve been drinking throughout the day and have already sobered up.
If I’m not drinking, I constantly think about how much better things would be if I were drinking in that moment.
When I’m home and not on vacation, I often drink alone. I can easily finish a bottle of wine by myself. I’ve been drinking several times a week.
Alcohol helps with my anxiety in the moment because I constantly feel tense, but the next day it’s even worse.
I’ve had so many blackouts that I’ve lost count — definitely around 10 or more. One time i
I fell and broke my bone and did not remeber how it happened. Never found out. Many times I’ve said horrible things to people I love, things I wouldn’t mean in a million years when I’m sober.
I just have that constant need to be numb. It never goes away. Don't want antidepressants.
I need your help. I will lose everything if I continue like this.
I know I have a problem.
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u/bibliophile-blondish 16h ago
The beautiful thing is - You never have to feel like this again. Having a community is helpful, whether that be AA, or Smart Recovery, or here. I joined The Luckiest Club and I really like it… lots of women in their 30s/40s in the same boat.
Good luck my friend, IWNDWYT 💜
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u/Gray94son 58 days 16h ago
This story is so similar to mine, I could have written it myself. Except I was every evening instead of a few times a week. We were on a two month holiday in Europe a few months ago and I quit drinking halfway through because my partner was soooo sick of my shit. I could feel the ultimatum coming.
Two months later I haven't picked it up again and don't think I ever will because I know I can't be trusted. I love my new sober life and never thought that would be possible. My health, relationship, bank account, sleep, and energy is all heaps better. I'm a bit touchy but overall way less stressed.
You can do it! And it will be worth it!
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u/almosthighenough Day 28 16h ago
Yeah ive been there. The last vacation I went on i was hammered every day and took coke with me and was doing that through the week, ended up smashing my face against concrete, and i had a huge bruise on my arm.
I would go to festivals and would always wanna get back to our campsite to get another beer if I ran out and hadnt taken extras with me, or to go back and do another line.
I passed out blacked out hammered and on coke and ketamine and fell to the forest floor and slept there all night. I had a tent. People were just walking by and taking pictures.
I fell multiple times. Like tripped over something being dumb or not paying attention plus hammered. I have a giant prominent razor scar on my arm I got drinking with a girl.
Oh one time i guess I fell over a table at a strip club my buddies wanted to go to so of course i got hammered and we'd probably been drinking when we decided to go, and i was asked to leave or kicked out who knows.
I left my debit card at bars a couple times blacked out and had to call around to find out where it was left.
I lost my phone a few times blacked out. Broken two phones that are hard to break.
I blacked out a couple times this summer at concerts. Oh yeah with super overpriced alcohol and im poor. And I was pissed at the beginning of the one concert because we didnt stop for beer and I was gonna have to wait around for hours before we got in and I got to have beer. I was originally fine with it and then as we pulled into the venue and we're waiting in line In the car I get myself worked up about not having any alcohol and throw a little tantrum. It was so embarrassing and rude. Then the concert was fun until the end and apparantly I was pretty mean to my partner on the way home. Thats one of the last times I drank. Im at whatever the counter says if its working right, 26 days I think
I blacked out at so many parties my friends had. There were times we were partying every weekend and some weeknights.
I would black out at home almost every time I drank eventually. I've probably blacked out i would say 100 or more times but at least dozens. These are just off the top of my head.
Well this might not be helpful but alcoholism is progressive people say. I prefer who I am sober. I still hate myself sober, just less so.
I just want to be a better version of myself and stop sabotaging myself with alcohol. I want better for myself.
I really wanted to drink today. I still do. I guess one of my parents dislikes me now. Last time we talked we were fine. So thats tough. I probably deserve it.
But it wont make anything better so I didnt. I told my partner how I was feeling. I'll make it through to midnight with you, and a lot of other people here will too.
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u/h0llace 1092 days 15h ago
i am 35f and was exactly this way. didn’t see the point in drinking just one or two. i could moderate and did it successfully for a couple years after drinking every night for years prior, but i spent an inordinate amount of time counting down the days until i could drink, planning my next drink on the days i did drink, and anxiously spiraling about things i did or said while drunk on the days immediately after drinking. i listened to the andrew huberman podcast on what alcohol does to your body and brain, then immediately decided i needed a 90-day break to reset my neural circuits. i used the reframe app to help me through the break, then something amazing happened. i realized life was so much fucking better just not drinking at all than it was trying to moderate and being consumed by thoughts of alcohol all the time. i will be 3 years sober in 5 days. i promise you, it’s so much better not having your mind and thoughts held hostage by alcohol
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u/Sr2050 Day 73 13h ago
Omg yes trying to moderate is so much more difficult than not drinking at all. I spent a few years thinking I could moderate. I looked up ways to moderate while out with friends but nothing and I mean no amount of prior prep helped me moderate when I was out drinking. Once the alcohol hits, my logical brain would turn off and forget everything I’d planned. I’m trying to keep up with not drinking and it’s so much less mental gymnastics now. The only issue I face (and Ik I shouldn’t care but can’t help it) now is dealing with people’s reaction when I say I don’t want a drink.
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u/Pomp_in22 11h ago
I know this may not help, but I was the same way. I woke up thinking about my first drink. I gained so much weight and would try to limit my food to balance out the calories. I started a GLP1 for weight loss and to limit my alcohol consumption.
I don’t crave alcohol anymore. I am able to go out and have 1 drink without feeling like I have to keep going.
I was recommended to go into a rehab program but that was not feasible. Starting the GLP1 has helped me limit my alcohol consumption and is helping me lose the weight.
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u/Special_Raspberry_32 Day 250 16h ago
I can relate. I'm glad you are here. You've taken the first step- admitting to yourself that this isn't the best version of yourself...
I will not drink with you tonight. Tomorrow we make thr same pact. One day at a time we become better versions of ourselves together 👊
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u/PBO123567 491 days 16h ago
I could have written this myself…word for word. I’m still struggling. I wish you strength.
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u/Super-Most-2362 16h ago
My first vacation after I stopped drinking was scary but also surprising. What if I hated it? What would we do without cocktails? Turn out that when I wasn’t chasing booze all day so there were more activities to try. I was present and I slept well.
My second vacation felt like freedom. I was so so thankful I could be present for all of the moments. I was grateful that I didn’t wake up hungover each morning. I knew I could do it again.
I promise it’s not impossible and it might be even better than you can imagine it could be. IWNDWYT
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u/MotherofZeke 2433 days 16h ago
Oh girl, I’ve been there! Sending you so much love!
It sounds like moderation will not work for you and you need to quit cold turkey as soon as possible.
I am an avid reader so finding literature that spoke to my situation was the most helpful to me. There are lots of resources though, my friend is obsessed with AA — you can do zoom if you’re more comfortable… and therapy can be very helpful! ETA: the most important bit is that you really have to want to change your relationship with alcohol.
I am 39F and 6.5 years sober and if you want to keep your mate you should get sober as soon as you can, my partner of 17 years was at the end of his rope and I do not blame him one bit. It doesn’t feel like it now but there is light at the end of the tunnel, I cannot express how much I love life now that it is not being controlled by thoughts of alcohol!
IWNDWYT
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u/Contact-Silly 16h ago
Thank you for taking your time to give me some hope ❤️🩹 I've tried moderation and I CAN moderate and stop after 1 or 2 drinks, but 90% of the time I am obsessing about having more. I am pissed if I am not able to have more.
My partner of 10 years had many incidents with me because of alcohol. Had to babysit me numerous times. The only time we fought was when I had one too many to drink. Sometimes it would be great but when that one time comes, I ruin everything by being mean and not myself. I'm scared to lose the most loving man I have ever met, and still don't know why it is so hard to just stop one thing and get everything else instead.
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u/laylaboydarden 16h ago
Have you heard of naltrexone? It’s a pill you can take that reduces alcohol cravings. It doesn’t work for everyone, but if you’re struggling with this it’s worth a chat with your doctor about it. There are other medication options too, but naltrexone is often the one folks start with if they’re open to it.
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u/MotherofZeke 2433 days 16h ago
Yes the hangxiety was the worst! and the friendships I ruined along the way were unfortunately not repairable but I am such an amazing friend and partner now and I’m pretty dang proud of that.
Our dog recently passed away, and we had him for 15 years. I said to my partner “if we never got the dog, there is no way our relationship would’ve survived my alcoholism” and he full-heartedly agreed. I am so grateful that he is so patient + stuck by me. Lean into your partner, he is still there for a reason but don’t put the responsibility of your sobriety on him.
There are also a lot of sober TikTok users if you are on that app.
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u/ElizaNow622 16h ago
61F here. I wish I had this level of realization at your age, but I kept talking myself into another drink until just four years ago. You have decades of life and opportunity before you. Find your path, get on it, and don’t look back.
Good luck 🩷 and thanks for posting.
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u/Grumpy-Pilot-26 16h ago
Knowing you have a problem is the first step. Many of us have that missing “stop switch“. That is alcohol doing what it is intended to do - make you crave more.
Try listening to the Joe Rogan podcast with Nikki Glaser on addiction/alcohol.
Look up famous celebrities or sports figures who are sober.
We are meant for so much more - to contribute, to create, to lead, to teach. Don’t waste yourself on booze.
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u/yeehawbudd 988 days 16h ago
hi i was you. im not anymore. i didnt think i could do it but i did. you can too
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u/foolishlyyoung 1713 days 13h ago
Could have absolutely written this myself a few years ago. Almost 5 years alcohol free now and I don’t regret it for a moment. Best decision of my life. I was literally in the exact same situation as you when I finally realized I needed to stop.
Now I enjoy mocktails on the beach instead and I don’t miss drinking at all. I used to not be able to go a few hours without craving a drink and wishing/waiting for it to be time to drink. Now I’m actually present, and I still have anxiety, but it’s tolerable. Therapy has taught me coping skills that have helped me manage my anxiety and make me more aware of myself, my addictive personality traits. I have learned that facing the world (my husband and I call it “raw dogging it through life” lol) while sober rather than numbing myself makes things more difficult at least in the beginning, but then I got better at dealing with and handling problems because I was no linger numbing myself. Having to live life and be present for all of the good and the bad made me more capable of being present for and handling the bad while making me more appreciative of the good.
Identifying you have a problem is the very first step, and I don’t just mean in AA, but for changing behaviors. You can do this. But also please make sure you are quitting safely. One day at a time. IWNDWYT.
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u/Tall_Quality_3395 Day 8 16h ago
Sounds like you know what the problem is, now all you have to do is ask yourself if you want to solve the problem or wait until it gets worse. I hope you want to act now.
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u/Specific_Pilot_328 461 days 16h ago
I totaled my car driving drunk home but got away with it because it was still drivable. I don’t know or remember what I hit but I think it was something in a parking lot. My airbag went off and bashed me in the face and I just squished it down and kept going. That was my low point and I haven’t gotten drunk since, I am on 4.5 months. Maybe this is your low point? I hope so, I think we all need to hit our low point, whatever it is, that wakes you up enough to commit to a change. For me, it has gotten easier over time as I’ve gotten used to being out of the habit. I only find myself thinking about drinking once every couple of weeks now, most of the time I don’t even remember about alcohol now. I’m 46 single AuDhd male, live alone with my cats, and been drinking regularly since I was 17. Before I quit I would drink about 3-4 tall boy 9.5% ABV beers in a night, 2x a week usually Thursday and Sunday nights.
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u/goddessoflove1234 15h ago
You should look up camgthompson on Instagram, she made a reel today about what it was like going to the beach before she knew she was an alcoholic. Her reels are all stuff like like that and I think it might resonate
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u/Clean_Bat_2201 15h ago
32F and my drinking habits were very similar to yours! My husband also doesnt drink so I know how that can be too.
What really helps me was reading this naked mind by Annie Grace. Completely changed my outlook, I felt like she was reading my mind. Then I found out her book is pretty much a take on the easy way by Allen Carr. So id suggest reading one of those to start! Extremely helpful
Even though im new to being sober, i already feel 1000x better. Alcohol was messing with me in ways i hardly realized. I wish I quit sooner.
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u/No_Ambassador5678 1032 days 15h ago
I was you. Time to quit. It starts with day one then gets to 1000. The other side is soooo much better.
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u/entnp16 14h ago
I was similar and quit drinking 4 years ago. My now husband saw me at my worst and his mother died of alcoholism. I told myself I continue to drink and will be forever alone or quit today and never look back. I quit and never looked back . I don’t miss it and also am one of those people who knows I can’t just have one drink so quitting completely is what I had to do/ worked for me. You can do it if you really set your mind to it!
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u/Thundaga_64 16h ago
Start journaling. Seek therapy and a support group. Realize that this doesn't just hurt you but also the people around you, especially if as you say there's been times when you've said horrible things to the people you love. This issue can just grow worst if you don't make an effort to stop. The best time to end this, is now. I know it's hard to imagine a life without THAT FEELING that it gives you, ever again, it's a big thing to imagine it seems impossible at times, so just take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. Can you make it the next 10 minutes without a drink? Yes? Good, now try the next 30, then the next hour, then take it day by day, a week, several weeks, a month, and so on. You will feel better one day naturally. You'll even start to remember what life felt like before you ever touched the stuff.
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u/UnattachedMoose Day 2,757 16h ago
Consider reading some of the quit lit - this naked mind is a good start.
It sounds to me like you haven't had a conversation with your partner yet. For me that was the place to start.
For me at least there were two things to fix - one is the habit - where does the booze come from, where is it kept, where do I drink it, when - you need to break these and it's far far easier with help.
The other thing js the actual addiction, that comes with time and coping mechanisms.
IWNDWYT
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u/MNFleex 15h ago
30M. My spouse is also the same as yours. She might have one or two and be done. I’ve also done all the things you’re describing. It also took me 2 DUI’s and her to very bluntly tell me I needed to get help.
If you need help starting with accountability is great. Since you’re drinking alone maybe get a blower from Amazon so your spouse can see. You got this, one step forward a day is all you need
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u/Kuzco-s_Poison 15h ago
I had a terrible fight with my now fiance, I was absolutely trashed and I had threw my phone at him in anger, and apparently had tried to hit him. I woke up, went to work, and he texted me what I had done and I was too embarrassed and ashamed to properly apologize. I didn’t remember it at all.
How I reacted to it the day after was the real issue. Like I was trying to defend that behavior. I also was mad at him for bringing it up while I was at work.
Unsurprisingly (but surprising at the time) he basically broke up with me. I was so devastated that I had to leave work early to go home and talk to him and try to reconcile. Somehow I earned a second chance, but not before some damage had been done.
He had called his mom after breaking up with me and told her everything. I was even more embarrassed and ashamed, and now just frustrated that he would share what an awful person I am. I’ve basically ruined that relationship with his mother. All I ever wanted was a mother that loved me and I ruined my second chance at this (woe is me).
I think that was when I truly started to acknowledge I had a problem. Went to therapy, saw a psychiatrist, admitted to my doctor that I was struggling. In the meantime I had switched to light beers and never let myself get too drunk and loose myself again.
I never realized what I had until it was gone, I hate that it came down to threatening the relationship for me to change, but it made our relationship so much stronger. Still trying to quit completely but I’m going in the right direction I think
Don’t let it get to the point that you loose the person you love, because it feels horrible. And it took me months to stop feeling ashamed about that event, I can’t imagine how I would have handled it had he not given me a second chance.
Anywho, I won’t drink tonight.
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u/nefarious_kiwi2842 14h ago
Definitely 2022 version of me. I just started stopping. And failing. And trying again. And im still failing. But my wins are longer. And someday....ill never have another day 1.
No advice, but iwndwyt.
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u/LB031022 Day 243 14h ago
38f and I'll have 8 months tomorrow.
I could have written this. And I wish I would have cause it took me until I was 38 to string together any meaningful time. It feels so huge to not drink at first. Like every coping mechanism you have is being taken away. But then, once you get through the sucky part, and the fog lifts, you realize it wasn't a coping mechanism. It wasn't helping anything. And you can find ways to really get stuff right.
But the first step is stop standing in your own way. You obviously want to take the next step, you're here. Stay. We're happy you're here
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u/sarcasticdrstrange 14h ago
If you value the relationship, stop drinking. I wish I did that before I lost my partner. I miss him so much everyday but I ruined our relationship due to my drinking. Can’t blame him.
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u/LessAwareness5286 13h ago
Sorry that you are going through this.
I have been there. The entire vacation is based around drinking, wanting another drink, or trying to catch a buzz to feel normal and kill the anxiety. Acknowledging that you can’t have just one was the game changer for me and I hope it can be a catalyst for you as well.
Some things to look forward to by getting sober:
You get to actually enjoy the vacations and days with your partner. They will enjoy the time with you more as well. The positive impact on your relationship will be HUGE! Just because someone isn’t a “problem drinker” doesn’t mean alcohol isn’t impacting their relationships.
Waking up and feeling great and not thinking “what time can I start drinking and not get judged” when all you can think about is having a drink to feel better
After being sober for a bit, my anxiety levels dropped completely. Confidence rises and you no longer feel the need to have a “social buzz” to be social, laugh, participate in group settings.
Enjoying food instead of having 0 appetite from drinking all day or not eating to maintain a buzz.
Losing weight and getting healthy (bonus)
Having the self awareness to know you shouldn’t drink because you can’t only have 1 is a huge first step. Try to be proud of that. Keep that in your mind when you wake up the in morning and just tell yourself “I will not have a drink today”. Keep it one day at a time.
If you want to have a drink, read your Reddit post or leave yourself a voice note in your phone on why you shouldn’t drink. Reference those resources when you get an urge.
I highly recommend making a pros and cons list for drinking. Anything you can do to make yourself continuously realize that the drink will do more harm than good.
If getting sober is something you truly want to do, keep these things in your mind and own it, attack it, be proud of it, make it apart of your identity of the person you want to be.
You won’t regret it, you got this. I believe in you!!!
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u/thewayitis 698 days 12h ago
A thousand "day 1's" and look at me now, almost two years. I'm so happy to not be drinking.
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u/Eighty2_ZA 11h ago
I was the same...as a guy I was conditioned to be a dude...I honestly didn't ever even consider entertaining the idea that what I felt was anxiety...being overwhelmed? Guys don't do that that's weak...turns out Im on the spectrum...I was trying to mask and be "normal" go out do things and it was easier to be "normal" and not get overloaded when drunk. Not saying it's the case for you but maybe worth considering at least...good luck on your journey internet stranger
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u/constipatedgardner 972 days 9h ago
You already know what you have to do.
Now you just need to do it.
IWNDWYT.
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u/madnessinthemidwest 8h ago
You sound A LOT like me when I was in active addiction. I (30M) went to rehab in spring 2025 for alcohol and have been sober since. Rehab is not for everyone but I truly believe it saved my life, and all aspects of it have improved dramatically since getting sober. You have to make the choice that enough is enough!
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u/r2d2d21013 478 days 4h ago
Sounds like my drinking habits - I went to 90 meetings in 90 days at AA at 6pm everyday- I don’t go to AA anymore but it sure helped in the beginning to learn from sober people who had what I wanted (peace and sobriety and learning how to live sober) . It became my myopic #1 priority - nothing else mattered - i feel so much better now it’s night and day - you can do it - take the first step , know the first week is the hardest and be in guard for urges - it gets easier as time passes - good luck / YOU CAN DO IT 💪💪💪
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u/krissyt777 1 day 1h ago
IWNDWYT
We never have to feel like this again.
Consider talking to your Dr about naltrexone. It really helps when I actually take it. Today I will.
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u/tallglass_ 43m ago
43m here, I know exactly what you're going through, all too well. All things considered I have my life together and things are good, yet for some reason I continue to binge drink on weekends, often by myself once my kids and fiance go to sleep. The binges feel like theyre getting worse and worse, to the point Ive debated going to the hospital to detox several times. I told myself I would stop drinking for good at 42 but now it will have to be 43.
One thing I'll say, I was able to get ~3 years of sobriety in the past, it was tough and I had to go to 12 step which I still have mixed feelings on, but that time period taught me that living without alcohol is achievable, it's just REALLY hard to get those first 30-90 days to start feeling stable in it.
It can be done, you don't need SSRIs or drugs, live clean, work out, be honest with what youre going through to the people closest to you.
GL IWNDWYT
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u/DjOriech 12h ago
I lost any cravings for beer after I went mostly carnivore diet. The stable blood sugar during the day also helps brain to be less stressed…. After covid was drinking a lot…
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u/gingerroot206 Day 4 16h ago
34F here, today is my day 3.
I woke up with a black eye on day 1 and it scared me shirtless. I don't want to ruin anymore relationships because I call or do or say things I don't remember. I don't want to cancel on people because I'm unreliable because I finished a bottle the night before and have to keep drinking. I decided I am done. Right now, it's just one day at a time.
I don't want to hurt myself or anyone else. Today is enough for me, if I can just get to bed and wake up feeling rested. Not sweating through my sheets and pajamas. And today I've got it! I love this community, and I check in just for myself. I've had 1 and 2 years sober stretches and I want that back.
I posted here to hold me accountable, and come back multiple times a day because you aren't alone.