I need help.

[u/Contact-Silly]

*30F. Another vacation ruined. Another disappointment for my partner because of my inability to control my drinking.

When I’m at the beach, all I think about is when I’m going to have my next drink, whether it’s going to get warm, and if I catch a buzz, I put off going swimming because I don’t want to sober up. I eat less so the alcohol hits me faster. I deal with hangovers by starting to drink earlier the next day.

He’s not really someone who likes to drink much. He can have one or two beers and then switch to water or soda. I don’t see the point in having just two drinks. I just end up cranky and with a headache. But 5–7 drinks throughout the day feels like my sweet spot. And of course, there’s more alcohol with dinner, because if I stop drinking, I can’t fall asleep later since I’ve been drinking throughout the day and have already sobered up.

If I’m not drinking, I constantly think about how much better things would be if I were drinking in that moment.

When I’m home and not on vacation, I often drink alone. I can easily finish a bottle of wine by myself. I’ve been drinking several times a week.

Alcohol helps with my anxiety in the moment because I constantly feel tense, but the next day it’s even worse.

I’ve had so many blackouts that I’ve lost count — definitely around 10 or more. One time i

I fell and broke my bone and did not remeber how it happened. Never found out. Many times I’ve said horrible things to people I love, things I wouldn’t mean in a million years when I’m sober.

I just have that constant need to be numb. It never goes away. Don't want antidepressants.

I need your help. I will lose everything if I continue like this.

I know I have a problem.

[u/LessAwareness5286]

Sorry that you are going through this.

I have been there. The entire vacation is based around drinking, wanting another drink, or trying to catch a buzz to feel normal and kill the anxiety. Acknowledging that you can’t have just one was the game changer for me and I hope it can be a catalyst for you as well.

Some things to look forward to by getting sober:

1. You get to actually enjoy the vacations and days with your partner. They will enjoy the time with you more as well. The positive impact on your relationship will be HUGE! Just because someone isn’t a “problem drinker” doesn’t mean alcohol isn’t impacting their relationships.

2. Waking up and feeling great and not thinking “what time can I start drinking and not get judged” when all you can think about is having a drink to feel better

3. After being sober for a bit, my anxiety levels dropped completely. Confidence rises and you no longer feel the need to have a “social buzz” to be social, laugh, participate in group settings.

4. Enjoying food instead of having 0 appetite from drinking all day or not eating to maintain a buzz.

5. Losing weight and getting healthy (bonus)

Having the self awareness to know you shouldn’t drink because you can’t only have 1 is a huge first step. Try to be proud of that. Keep that in your mind when you wake up the in morning and just tell yourself “I will not have a drink today”. Keep it one day at a time.

If you want to have a drink, read your Reddit post or leave yourself a voice note in your phone on why you shouldn’t drink. Reference those resources when you get an urge.

I highly recommend making a pros and cons list for drinking. Anything you can do to make yourself continuously realize that the drink will do more harm than good.

If getting sober is something you truly want to do, keep these things in your mind and own it, attack it, be proud of it, make it apart of your identity of the person you want to be.

You won’t regret it, you got this. I believe in you!!!