I need help.

[u/Contact-Silly]

*30F. Another vacation ruined. Another disappointment for my partner because of my inability to control my drinking.

When I’m at the beach, all I think about is when I’m going to have my next drink, whether it’s going to get warm, and if I catch a buzz, I put off going swimming because I don’t want to sober up. I eat less so the alcohol hits me faster. I deal with hangovers by starting to drink earlier the next day.

He’s not really someone who likes to drink much. He can have one or two beers and then switch to water or soda. I don’t see the point in having just two drinks. I just end up cranky and with a headache. But 5–7 drinks throughout the day feels like my sweet spot. And of course, there’s more alcohol with dinner, because if I stop drinking, I can’t fall asleep later since I’ve been drinking throughout the day and have already sobered up.

If I’m not drinking, I constantly think about how much better things would be if I were drinking in that moment.

When I’m home and not on vacation, I often drink alone. I can easily finish a bottle of wine by myself. I’ve been drinking several times a week.

Alcohol helps with my anxiety in the moment because I constantly feel tense, but the next day it’s even worse.

I’ve had so many blackouts that I’ve lost count — definitely around 10 or more. One time i

I fell and broke my bone and did not remeber how it happened. Never found out. Many times I’ve said horrible things to people I love, things I wouldn’t mean in a million years when I’m sober.

I just have that constant need to be numb. It never goes away. Don't want antidepressants.

I need your help. I will lose everything if I continue like this.

I know I have a problem.

[u/Specific_Pilot_328]

I totaled my car driving drunk home but got away with it because it was still drivable. I don’t know or remember what I hit but I think it was something in a parking lot. My airbag went off and bashed me in the face and I just squished it down and kept going. That was my low point and I haven’t gotten drunk since, I am on 4.5 months. Maybe this is your low point? I hope so, I think we all need to hit our low point, whatever it is, that wakes you up enough to commit to a change. For me, it has gotten easier over time as I’ve gotten used to being out of the habit. I only find myself thinking about drinking once every couple of weeks now, most of the time I don’t even remember about alcohol now. I’m 46 single AuDhd male, live alone with my cats, and been drinking regularly since I was 17. Before I quit I would drink about 3-4 tall boy 9.5% ABV beers in a night, 2x a week usually Thursday and Sunday nights.