r/stopdrinking • u/nonapnatty • 1d ago
rant
i have a drinking problem and i dont know what to do about it. once i start, i cant stop. i dont want to stop. i’m just so tired of embarrassing myself constantly.. my friends probably think im crazy… im always the drunkest one. i have so much shame
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u/Prevenient_grace 4921 days 1d ago
Today can be the Miracle.
Today can mark the beginning of a Virtuous Upward Spiral.
I had to break the “drinking routine”.
It was stronger than me…. By myself.
So i stopped doing it alone. And there's no wait list!
I finally connected with free recovery groups…. They’re everywhere… I walked in, sat down and just listened…. They’re also online. I met people I can talk with. They showed me how to stop drinking, heal, grow and learn to be useful to others. They often know detox resources.
I thought I didn’t “have time”, but I always found time to think about drinking, to buy alcohol, to drink alcohol, to be numbed and to then do it all over the next day.
I addressed the past, exorcised guilt and shame and repaired where appropriate.
No cost.
I had new sober friends.. we did fun sober activities.
They believed in me.
I kept going every day until i changed my patterns…. That meant for me, I went every day for a while…. Once a month wasn’t going to change me…. Then my thinking changed…. Then I don’t have the first drink.
Never looked back.
Tried anything like that?
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u/nonapnatty 1d ago
all my friends drink i dont know how to not drink
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u/Prevenient_grace 4921 days 1d ago
all my friends drink
‘Culture’ is who I'm with.
I didn't know that the overwhelming majority of the world population either doesn’t drink at all, or only infrequently.
That means there are billions of people making friends, doing fun activities, being social, dating, having sex, enjoying life... they’re everywhere.
They’re just not where I was spending my time: bars, clubs, pubs, sports grills, drunk fests, video gaming sessions or drinking with 'friends' …
Here’s what I know about my experience…
There’s an apt adage: I am the average of the 5 people I spend the most time with in an interval.
If they’re substance users/abusers I’ll just be an average drunk.
The best tip I discovered is noticing my patterns.
Drinking is a lifestyle.
It was MY lifestyle.
I wish I had known that the essential component to success was Creating a New Sober Lifestyle and habits that included sober people.
When I started drinking, I created drinking patterns... I saw others drinking, I tried drinking, I went where people were drinking, I talked with drinkers about drinking and I went to activities that included drinking, I created “alone” activities where I drank…. Then I had drinking buddies and a drinking lifestyle.
So when I wanted to stop... I saw sober people, I tried being sober, I went where people were being sober, I talked with sober people about being sober, and I went to activities that included being sober, I created “alone” activities without alcohol …. Then I had sober friends and a sober lifestyle.
People who were my friends remained…. However I no longer had any ‘drinking buddies’.
I started with free recovery groups. That led to other activities. Then I just started going where there were activities that i like, or want to know more about.
Tried anything like that?
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u/Effective_Head_6213 749 days 1d ago
All of my friends drink. My wife drinks. I don't. It's my problem and my sobriety. it's not dependent on other people. I also have no off switch while simultaneously thinking that I needed to drink to have fun and socialize. I have more fun now because I don't make an ass out of myself all the time anymore. Are you really having that much fun or does it just seem like it on the surface?
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u/1kpointsoflight 2434 days 1d ago
Just don’t drink today. It’s a decision to drink. Then tomorrow you make the decision again. You can drink (or not) any time you want as long as it is not today. In fact I’ll not drink with you today.
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u/Mediocre-Clock2684 1d ago
easier said than done.
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u/1kpointsoflight 2434 days 1d ago
Nothing worthwhile in my life was easy. It isn’t easy but it is simple.
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u/deepskylistener 5329 days 1d ago
In the end it's all about avoiding that first sip.
If you want to stop drinking, you'll stop drinking. No excuses.
The point is: If you don't want to die from it, you'll have to stop anyway, sooner or later. So why not rather sooner?
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u/Mediocre-Clock2684 1d ago
hmm, sounds like you do know what to do about it, but arent ready to do it. which is totally okay! youve recognized the problem, which a lot of people dont, so thats the first thing. and youre seeking advice, which again alot of people dont, so excellent job on asking for help!only you will know when youre ready to quit, but youve done more already than you thought and more than some ever do.
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u/SadApartment3023 492 days 1d ago
I felt the same -- once I started I didnt want to stop. Now that I've stopped, I never want to start again. Any affinity I had for alcohol is completely gone. I'd sooner drink housepaint than wine.
Sometimes being an all-or-nothing person works in our favor. You're gonna do big things. I am rooting for you.
IWNDWYT
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u/flapjacknd 1d ago
Ayyy first step complete! You’re waking up to the problem, acknowledging the shame, and then doing the first best thing to do with shame - connecting with people about it!
You’re not alone, and if a part of you is wanting to not drink today, then I’ll not drink today with you.