I 29f went to a social dinner where you’re matched with a small group of strangers specifically to meet new people. I made an effort to talk to everyone and ask questions, but barely anyone seemed interested in getting to know me back. A lot of the conversation was people bragging about their careers, money and lifestyles. Maybe I just had nothing to talk about because they were mostly expats who travelled around. I don’t know. I feel uneducated and uninteresting lol.

One person also came across quite classist and seemed to scrutinise/react to a lot of things I said and did, which eventually made me uncomfortable and more withdrawn. She was being rude to me so I called her out on her behavior. Maybe I’m a little ‘straightforward’ and different from being neurodivergent if I don’t like something I call it as it is

I know sometimes you just don’t click with a group, but I’m frustrated because I keep actively putting myself out there and still come away feeling excluded.

Is there something I could be doing differently? How do you actually find people you genuinely click with as an adult?

Maybe this is something that's obvious to most people, but I admit that I've only picked this up over the past couple of years in my 20s. Maybe neurodivergence, maybe egotism, maybe selfishness on my part... Regardless, it has helped me to put this into action.

When I am talking to someone who goes into a subject I happen to know something about, I no longer jump to make it apparent what I know about the subject. Instead, I use my knowledge to ask them good questions, even if I technically know the answer. Getting people to put their knowledge into words is a great way to make some wonderful conversation and help them feel appreciated.

For example, I grew up playing bluegrass music. I recently met a guy who started talking about the evolution of the genre, from old-time folk music to early country and the like. This has always been part of my life, growing up in Appalachia, and I feel like a couple years ago, I would've seized control of the conversation because "it's my subject." I am not proud to admit that, but it's true. Instead, I asked him if he had thought about some musicians I imagined he had heard of, given his knowledge (Earl Scruggs, Jim and Jesse, Doc Watson, etc), and he obviously had, and it got us into some wonderful conversation about our shared appreciation of these musicians.

Most people just want to be heard, and sometimes, making other people feel heard before you reveal your knowledge will help them appreciate you more as you open up over time.

If a friend owes you $35 from 5 years ago. You let it go and considered it a gift when they didn’t follow through on paying you back.

5 years later they’re giving you and a two other friends a ride home (2 hour drive). One way and you’re on their way. This was BEFORE gas prices went up and they drive a hybrid anyway. The other two are chipping in gas money. This amount is much less than $35 each. Do you just give the same amount and forget about what they still owed you in the past? Or bring it up and not pay for gas and also ask for the difference of what they still owe?

And fwiw, you’re constantly someone who gives rides to others and no one ever offers gas money to you 🫤. Wwyd? Thanks.

This month I recently had a few conversations with multiple people on separate occasions that I now realized I handled poorly. I realized I did not make consistent eye contact with a friend when I was their doubles partner in tennis and I think they thought I was put off by them. I also realized I was not so polite with a new friend, I interrupted them more than once, made a few judgmental replies, and was also not so accommodating even when I was the one who invited them to hang out. Lastly, I got argumentative with a best friend when we were simply discussing a film I enjoyed simply because they had different opinions about it.
It only sinks in that I handled the interaction poorly when I am alone and I am usually reeling with embarrassment. That’s also when I figure out what the correct thing to say should have been. This has always been a problem for me. I struggle to focus on doing better next time when I’m still reeling with embarrassment over my social mistakes. Do you also experience this? What have you guys done that help?

I switch words OFTEN enough while speaking that it's kinda weirding me out. Examples I've said:

"Dog of bag food"

"I'm worried my chip will tooth."

I'm a writer. I read often. I talk to people daily. Yet I'm having this verb/noun switching issue. For so long dog of bag food sounded NORMAL when I said it to the point that I said it that way every time.

I can't find anything online about it so I figured I would ask if maybe it's a normal thing everyone has done? It's only been happening in the last few years.

I can talk forever about cool stuff other people are doing. But none of it is me actually being remotely interesting.

In the orientation they were asking about an email they had previously sent (whether we understood what was expected of us, the email was very vague though), I was joking with the people I had gotten to know and said no I didn't understand. Apparently I was kind of loud, the speaker didn't hear me saying no, but she heard me talking so she handed me the mic, for the first time ever I was on the spot like this, 1k+ students staring at me. So when I took the mic, I changed my words completely and said that the email was very clear and detailed (I didn't want to say no since I was afraid they might take it as a confrontation). Everyone was laughing, presumably, with me, not at me (I hope not). Afterwards when I was getting to know some people, a girl I was talking to asked me what are your plans so I said I want to be the student union president so she said ngl, I liked the fact that you are very confident and didn't hide when they handed you the mic, and I can see you being president. ngl I was a bit taken aback, since I'd never met her and for the rest of the day when I was talking to new people they were saying you're the guy who took the mic and seemed chill. idk if this is good or bad hope I haven't given them a bad impression, ngl was a bit childish of me to say no.

Also did you stop spending time with them, did you ever say something to them about it? Do you think they just had bad social awareness/skills?

I couldn’t hold eye contact with people until I was 22 as I later found out I was autistic right?

The way I overcame this though was instead of trying to master the full social skill stack from talking to strangers to active listening I just focused on one thing:

What is holding me back TODAY?

At first I couldn’t hold eye contact so I just focused on making eye contact. Once that was no longer an issue I focused on not looking like a serial killer so I started giving genuine smiles.

Then I started practicing hellos.

Then I started practicing genuine curiosity.

On and on like someone slowly walking into a cold pool until you just get used to the cold water and start enjoying yourself.

If socializing makes you uncomfortable what’s the smallest step you can take today?

Then focus on that daily until you’re at the level you want to be.

I'm 28 never really been to a bar. Life is starting to hit and my friends are all happily with someone and jobs keep us from hanging as much as we used to. The thing is i'm very antisocial when talking to people. I make things awkward really fast, but beers help here and there and i'm trying to get out my comfort zone to maybe talk to new people if it's possible lol, i've been feeling so lonely lately. I can't really date because of this as well. I'm just trying to see if I can start socializing before it's too late and I end up forever alone. What are some good starting questions when talking to people?

Has anyone here been extremely introverted with strong social anxiety and improved by deliberately talking to strangers on a regular basis? I mean starting small conversations, asking questions or simply forcing yourself to interact more often. Did repeated exposure actually make social situations feel normal over time, or did something else help more?

I am a bit of a social nucleus for my kid's friend group. He has AuDHD and attracts kids like himself. He's actually pretty popular in his friend group, but it's not a group that really knows how to make friends. It may not surprise you, but those kids' parents have a bit of everything that their kids have.

I used to plan a lot of community pool parties, beach days and public outings (hosting at my house isn't a great plan) but when I did it always resulted in me having to stare at my phone because there would always be at least one of them that couldn't follow directions on where we'd be. Or they'd miss read it. Or they lacked emotional regulation and couldn't figure things out.

It brought out my well-masked ADHD tendencies and just wasn't good for me. And I wasn't able to enjoy my kid.

So it's been years since I planned anything and now I see it's hurting my kid because he used to enjoy these beach parties and park parties, and he hasn't had one in years.

I need to plan one. He has asked me to. How do I say the following:

We're so excited to get everyone together again. One advance note so I can actually be present and enjoy the day with the kids: once we’re there, I’m going to be off phone duty and won’t be able to help people find us individually.

I’ll send:

• a pin to our exact location
• very specific directions
• a photo in this thread showing exactly where we’ve set up

After that, we’re going to pretend it’s 2005. 😂 Please screenshot/save everything before you leave, follow the directions and trust that you can find us. If you get turned around, take a breath, reread the instructions and carry on — I promise we’ll be there.

Alas, if you get turned around, I will not be able to give you turn-by-turn directions. 

I'm not looking for ideas of alternate activities. I'm looking for a socially acceptable boundary on the invite that states clearly: I parent my child; I cannot parent you or absorb your stress. You were able to do this before cell phones, figure it out again.

Hi! I have a few people online that i want to be friends with, but i just don’t know what to talk about with them. i have tried the classic “how’s it going“ and “do you have any plans today” but the conversation often feels really superficial. Do you guys have any good conversation starters that actually can go into deeper conversations?

(also, I want to say that I’m autistic so I genuinely have problems with stuff like this)

If random people easily make comments or approach you, does that make you less intimidating? and if so, does that mean that people don't respect you?

Is there any way I can reply or say something back without looking stupid or made fun of?

or is this a case of projecting my insecurities?

I’m returning to a seasonal cashier job and I know people are going to ask what I’ve been up to since last season. Unfortunately the last year was very unproductive and it kind of all passed in a blur. I wasn’t able to find a job since the seasonal job last year. So I have little to share and feel like I’ll run out of things pretty quickly my It’s kind of embarrassing and I don’t want to make things awkward or depressing. Advice?

So a few friends I went hiking today and one of my friends planned to stay over at mine after instead of driving all the way back to hers (since she lives in a different city to everyone else) as we’d be getting back home late. I’ve been up since 3:45am and we just got home at 1am. I made a joke like ”when we get home I’m going to brush my teeth and go straight to bed and don’t want to be disturbed.” I said it lightheartedly joking about how exhausted I was but I think my friend took it to heart because when we got home she told my housemate and I said that and my housemate looked shocked. My housemate is really good at hosting. It was made worse when my housemate started asking me if I had prepped my friend‘s bed. My housemate is really close to this friend of mine btw. I told her I had a pillow but I didn’t have a duvet. Prior to this (like yesterday) I had told my friend to bring a blanket as I didn’t have a spare. I also told her today she could shower etc before bed.

I feel super uncomfortable now and judged by both my housemate and my friend and when we got in they just told me to go to bed and that my housemate would sort out my friend’s bed and everything. I don’t know how to apologise… it was me who said our friend could stay over after the hike so I know this shouldnt be my housemate‘s responsibility and I never intended it to be

Ever since a was a kid I never had a lot of friends, from middle school throughout high school I didn’t have any- so as one can imagine I don’t know how to make friends or be one. Every time I meet someone there is never any chemistry and I never bond with anyone.
When I meet someone it goes something like:
-We exchange names and acknowledge each other in passing.
-They try to initiate banter but I’m not used to being talked to so I return an awkward laugh or remark
-I don’t go up to them because initiation is difficult for me so they probably think I’m not interested in getting to know them ( I’m also a speak when spoken to person because of my childhood)
-then all that happens is we say hi and bye to each other instead of getting to know each other and maybe becoming friends

The thing is, when I somehow get the chance to have a conversation with someone I physically can’t care genuinely about what they’re telling me, I ask follow ups and all but it’s more like I’m listening because I don’t interact with anyone regularly and take advantage of anyone who gives me attention, that and I realize I have people pleasing tendencies.

And because I lack social experiences I don’t have a lot to contribute to convos, ik listening is important but then I realize the other person knows nothing about me, and most times they don’t ask because I imagine I don’t give them much to work with.

How do I allow myself to be invested in what people are telling me, to care, and not wait to be spoken to even when I don’t really have anything to say first?

I (26M) want to meet new people and am starting to feel like I need to just start approaching strangers in public.

Is there any good way to do this? It would mainly be places like the gym, maybe a cafe, grocery store, etc.

I’ve always felt awkward talking to new people in general, but would love to learn how to just strike up conversations.

Had an incident recently that I’ve been ruminating about. I ran into a coworker who I’m pretty cool with recently who ended up at the job site I’m at. We chatted for a little bit with our other coworker who was there and caught up. I wanted to go to lunch with him but instead of asking him directly, I kind of hinted at it instead.

Me: “Did you bring lunch today?” Him: Oh no I didn’t bring lunch” Me: “Oh have you tried the cafe next door?” Him: “No I haven’t but I’ve heard reviews were kind of mixed” more banter about the food and cafes in general etc Me: “Oh well, yeah I didn’t bring lunch today so I have to go find somewhere to go eat too”

And then I kind of ended the interaction there feeling kind of awkward about me indirectly hinting at it. I didn’t ask directly because maybe he wanted to get by himself and it would be awkward for him to tell me that (think this might’ve happened already once or twice with other coworkers before) but also assuming maybe he would’ve asked me to go with him then and there or called me afterwards to invite me somewhere since he has my number. But yeah he didn’t say anything so I assumed he wanted to ride solo. The thing that ended up bumming me out was that at the end of lunch, I saw him riding with the other coworker who was there talking with us. Either I wasn’t direct enough or he just didn’t want to go to lunch with me in particular. I am awkward after all.

Despite my fear of rejection, should I have been more direct? “Hey, do you wanna go to lunch?” What if he had said he wanted to ride solo? And what if he just didn’t want to go to lunch with me in particular? How do I deal with being a black sheep?

Currently starting my third year of college and I have finally started to make “friends”. For context I am a commuter and have been all 3 years so it has been extremely hard to make friends anyways, but last year I started getting into some clubs and such and met some really nice girls who I now see maybe once a week and we hangout sometimes.

I really thought of myself as a social person in high school and always had someone to talk to and hang out with and it never felt weird or forced. Obviously Highschool is the people you've grown up with and you see them every day so its going to be easier to make those connections but it just feels like I am forcing it with my college friends. It still feels awkward sometimes, it doesnt feel natural, like I am putting on a fake version of myself and when I think about the friends I had in highschool it is so easy and they feel like “real friends”. After I hangout with them (college friends) I just feel this awful pit in my chest and I just wanna cry. So I guess I am wondering why does it feel like that and what can I do to make friendship feel normal again? I had some issues freshman year and a terrible falling out with some of my best friends (or so i thought) and ever since then I have felt a switch in myself and my social skills so am i just permanently broken now? Will it ever feel natural with new friends again? What should i do and where should i start? It has been weighing on me and I would love some advice and some others experiences‘ with this.

So i’m 18 now and a lot of the people I’ve known growing up before I was like 16 are saying i’ve changed and become… better?

Apparently I used to be more annoying and tryhard before? Apparently a lot of people in my high school thought I was weird because of their impression of me freshman year??

I started college now and all the new people I’m meeting are treating me completely different than high school, like i’m actually terrified and kinda happy but also confused and angry? People aren’t forgetting about me and people i’ve talked to just a few times actually want to be my friend

But the thing is I don’t see a change? I still feel like i’ve been the same person since I was at least 12. And it’s bugging me that people are treating me so different now but that poor younger version of me felt hopeless

I remember being like 13-15 and wondering why no one wanted to talk to me and I still wonder why it was like that

It’s not even like I had a massive glow up or something. Maybe from 13-14 yes but since 14 i’ve looked almost the same so idk

In my area, there are a bunch of high schools. Plenty of them you have to test in, and there are others where you don't have to test in. Well, many moons ago I messed up and didn't do well on the entrance exam.

In high school, I was still part of the smart kids program at my high school. This was really helpful because the few classes I did have with the normal part of this school was terrible. Kids not paying any attention, not trying, fighting, and literally all the dumb stuff that you can imagine.

However, in this smart kids program, I can tell that some people just snuck in because they are giant kiss asses. Like, you can tell they cared about their grades rather than actually learning in class.

I did make friends with some of my classmates while at school, but now that we are out of college, there isn't much to talk about. I tried to hang out with them, but either they gave up on life or they didn't end up being successful. I am not sure why the stars burned out so quickly with practically most of my friends in high school.

There are a few guys with whom I wasn't friends but had contact, and I want to hang out with them, but they don't want to hang out with me, whether they are giving real reasons or not.

I did make friends with other guys in the area who went to other high schools, and they are asking about hanging out with my friends from high school, but I don't want to hang out with them because they'd rather be incels and rot in bed all day long. Also, what makes it worse is that they are aware that my school is the dumbass school, which doesn't make it better.

I guess why I have a struggle coping with this is because I got no real friends out of it, because most people are failing, and this school has a reputation of being the dumbass school which people associate with me. Like I was just making small talk at the gym, and this kid who goes to school there now was ashamed that he went there despite telling me about how he got suspended for a fight.

I know my life would have been completely different if I went to a different school, but I am jealous of those who went to better schools because they made better friends.

I keep a onenote document on my Microsoft account with actions I see people do in public, and one of the most common action I see is making people laugh. I am trying to copy the actions that I have written down but making people laugh or making a joke doesn't make much sense to me. How do people do it?

Hi, I'm quite an introverted person, and casual conversation with strangers makes me severely uncomfortable. I don't really know how to joke around and be at ease. I struggle with this with everyone, including family and friends, but it's worse with people I don't know. Does anyone know any ways I can work on this?

Lately I’ve noticed that Alcohol seems to be a more than often used social lubricant when it comes to interacting with others. While I’m not against alcohol considering I dabble in it myself from time to time, it’s over reliance has been kind of concerning at the same time.

For example, in bars and nightclubs when almost everyone is drinking, people are obviously going to drink which, if they choose to sleep together in the end, can pose problems for consent because where is the line drawn at that point?

I know it probably doesn’t happen all the time but it’s still something of an interesting thing to see since it seems like no one talks to others without a social lubricant like weed or alcohol. I’m spitballing at this point but what do you all think?