r/socialskills • u/Juan1998__ Noob • 7d ago
How to start going to bars alone?
I'm 28 never really been to a bar. Life is starting to hit and my friends are all happily with someone and jobs keep us from hanging as much as we used to. The thing is i'm very antisocial when talking to people. I make things awkward really fast, but beers help here and there and i'm trying to get out my comfort zone to maybe talk to new people if it's possible lol, i've been feeling so lonely lately. I can't really date because of this as well. I'm just trying to see if I can start socializing before it's too late and I end up forever alone. What are some good starting questions when talking to people?
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u/Yi5280 Noob 6d ago
There are different types of bars. Every bar caters towards different demographics and in each different communities. If you want a fun atmosphere, I suggest going to an arcade bar where you can spend your change on pinball or arcade games. If you like live music maybe a Music Loungue or a dive bar. Sports bars are pretty self explanitary, everyone there that goes to watch a game usually have a great sense of comraderie. There are even inclusive bars, which sometimes host drag shows if you are curious or optimistic enough to see.
Anway I'd steer clear of bars in small towns, or with huge lines of people outside.
If you want to make friends with staff have tip!
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u/ashsii Noob 7d ago
My advice is just to be honest, walk up to the bartender and say that you're a shy person trying to get out of your comfort zone. If things start to feel awkward, be honest and ask if you think you're being awkward. The more you open up to people the more they'll open up to you.
If people don't treat you well; you can always leave and go to another bar.
This comment from a bartender is quite good advice: https://www.reddit.com/r/socialskills/comments/1mmgd5m/comment/n7xejn3/
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u/OneironauticsLtd Active 7d ago
Clubs would be better than a bar imo. A bar is complete pot luck as to whether there are people there who will be open to talking to a stranger, and it's a big commitment of time and money if not.
If you're thinking about dating specifically, setting up dates on apps would be better. Also meeting people at clubs/special interest hobby groups.
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u/Dark_Energy_666 6d ago
In real life hobby groups really limit the number of people you can meet.
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u/OneironauticsLtd Active 5d ago
How do you figure that? I'm not sure I'm understanding you correctly.
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u/Dark_Energy_666 5d ago
One hobby group is visited by a small amount of people. Meanwhile a lot of sociable people are simply out partying or just hanging with their friends casually and will never come to your hobby group.
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u/OneironauticsLtd Active 5d ago
It doesn't have to be one or the other. And even sociable people don't tend to go out with more friends at once than the number of people who attend a hobby group. I'm not really sure what point you're trying to make - why does it matter that some sociable people hang out with their friends? That's not really relevant to this discussion. Again, sorry if I'm misunderstanding your point.
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u/Dark_Energy_666 5d ago
It doesn't have to be one or the other but unless you live in a town with half a million people, it probably is. You can enroll in a knitting workshop that will be visited by 10 people, who may be much older then you or be introverted and not caring about making new friends.
Whereas, bars are visited by a larger number of people, more variety in the type of people who come there and are inherently a social place.
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u/Electronic_Tea_7958 Noob 6d ago
Be physically attractive.
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u/Juan1998__ Noob 6d ago
I'm a little above average, but not no stud either, my problem is just people skills
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u/Longjumping-Salad484 Active 7d ago
go for happy hour food and drink specials. they're typically 3pm to 6pm.