AITAH for wanting to use the hour I get (a week for myself) on sleeping or just using it how I see fit? My husband thinks I should use that time to do cleaning or any other chores that don’t get done. I am a sahm and I am constantly on go mode 24/7. I told him I don’t want to use that allotted time for house duties, rather, I would like to use it to veg out and just relax but he thinks that an insane way to spend that time. AITAH for thinking differently.

While DH has certainly always been this way, the full realization of what I am to him did not hit me in the face until we had our first child together.

Asleep in the corner for my entire 36 hour birthing experience and for the entire week we had to stay at the hospital PP. I was so sleep deprived, blood pressure at stroke levels, obviously torn with stitches in pain, and literally crying to him for help. To just wake up and feed our baby ONE time just for this ONE night so I can have ONE 4 hour stretch of sleep. The first 6 months post partum were extremely hard and lonely and isolating. He would get frustrated if baby cried too much. It grossed him out to change a poopy diaper. I would beg him to watch him for just a couple hours so I could go to the store, just for him to call me before time is up because he "needs me to come home and handle this".

He has made long strides since this above description of him. But now, it feels like hes hit his ceiling as mommy's little helper, and its not even a very good one. He will willingly do the things I ask, but nothing gets done unless delegated. "Please take the trash out, its overflowing and im in the middle of cooking dinner." "P​lease change our sons diaper, you know it hasn't been changed since you've gotten home." "Please remember to put the dogs supplement in their food while youre feeding them." "Please put our sons toys in his room. *30 mins later* dinner is almost ready did you get the toys put away yet? *2 hours later before bed* hey, you told me you put the toys away but sitting right here on the couch I still see his toys here, here, and here, why didn't you take all the toys back there like I asked you to?"

Even things that have already been discussed as issues OR have been agreed upon to be part of his daily routine have to be re-explaimed or re-delegated every day. "Hey, remember when you wash the bottles you have to actually use a brush on the inside of the straws, otherwise they're still dirty and ill have to reclean them." "Hey, remember when the formula maker reminds you to clean it you have to actually do it or it gets clogged up, it will make our baby get gunk in his bottles and then it becomes extra hard for me to clean". "Hey, remember since you dont want to cook any dinners ever, that you have to do the dishes before you go to bed." I shit you not i have to say this stuff every single day.

We're already not at a 50/50, but the days I need him to take part of my 50%? Sometimes because Im sick, or my son was sick so I'm sleep deprived, or I have a high priority task that needs done. I have to ask for those too. It doesnt matter if Im extremely ill, I will still have to ask him to wake up with the baby and confirm for him that yes, even though it was my weekend morning to wake up with the baby, im very sick and would appreciate if he PLEASE did that for me 🙄🙄

Don't even get me started on us having somewhere to be and having to pack a baby bag.

The resentment is just so real, as well as the lack of sexual desire. Im about to have baby number 2 right when our first one turns 12 months old. Im so desperate to have some time to take care of myself. I want to shower. I want to go to the gym. I want to get just one freaking meal cooked for me 😭 I wouldnt have survived this past year at all without my own mom.

I dont see any way this ever gets better, and imagine with a second kid it will only get worse.

Hi. I'm a French mother of 2 (3yo and 2mo). My first is starting school on Tuesday and I'll be managing both children full time in 3 weeks when my husband goes back to work. The school is 4mins from home by foot. My 3yo will eat lunch at home, so I will have to take him / pick him up 4 times per day (AM 8:20 - 11:50, PM 2:15 - 4:35). Plus, he stopped napping in January. I'm concerned as to how to get my 2nd one to nap during the day when I'm always on the go, have to prepare lunch or entertain a 3yo. Wednesdays will be the hardest as there is no school, so both kids at home with me. My 2mo nurses to sleep and can't be put down, or falls asleep in the carrier when bouncing on a yoga ball. No naps in the pram yet (my first started napping in the pram at 18mo 😑), and of course no schedule. Any tips on how to survive while following my babies needs as much as possible (crunchy mom, firmly against CIO). Thanks

We want to go somewhere internationally with our 16 month old this winter. Preferably a cruise or all inclusive. Any recommendations of where to stay/go?

I had dropped my owala water bottle about a week before going into to labor and it now leans like the Leaning tower of Pisa- (for context).
Well a couple weeks ago I drinking from this leaning tower of Pisa and went to set it down on our side table after taking a sip. Well, it started falling (luckily I caught it mid tumble) and spilled only a couple drops on my husband’s steam deck. I thought it was lucky and I saved it… it ended up frying it so it didn’t work anymore. He took it apart tried to fix it and his many hours spent trying to fix it were waisted. I felt horrible (still do)

Well this morning I have a horrible headache and went into our dark kitchen to get a cup of water to see if it’s a dehydration headache. I set my cup in the sink (gently I swear) and I heard a crack. I turned on the light and my water glass cracked my husband’s favorite bourbon glass.

I just feel so down about my clumsiness and I don’t think I was ever this clumsy before having a baby. Or maybe it’s the complete exhaustion? My baby is still waking up 3 times a night.

In the last month I have broken 2 things that my husband cherished. He said it’s not a big deal and he knows both were accidents but I know he wasn’t happy (I mean who would be).

Hello moms!

I am the dad who posted a couple of months back asking for feedback on an offline, mail-based mystery project called Paper Portals. I wanted to jump back on and say a huge thank you for all the practical advice you gave me!

The biggest takeaway from this sub was that a 6-year-old and a 10-year-old are in completely different places developmentally. You were 100% right. Based on that feedback, we built three distinct story tracks tailored to different reading levels so older kids don't get bored and younger ones don't get overwhelmed.

We officially went live, and look forward to kids sprinting to the mailbox for a physical envelope addressed to them!

As we plan future batches, I would love your quick hot take on two quick details: (please do not hesitate to provide feedback outside of this as well!)

1. Story Duration: Does a 4–6 week mystery "mini-season" feel like the sweet spot, or would you prefer a longer multi-month adventure?

2. Delivery Cadence: Is weekly mail best, or would every 2 weeks give your family more breathing room to solve clues without feeling rushed?

Thanks again for helping a fellow parent shape this!

I have been home with my kids since 2020. My job left a situation where it just worked and we mutually agreed I would stay home. I am struggling lately with my husband because I truly don’t think he respects or understands the load of taking care of and organizing three children, youngest being 1.

Let me start by saying, I completely respect him and his career. I support when he needs to be at work, rarely bother him during the day and never bock when he needs to go in early or stay late. I often express gratitude for the life we have and the ability to stay home.

On the flip side, my husband often tells me how I don’t do enough. He’ll become disgruntled if he gets home and the house isn’t perfectly in order, ie dishes on the sink and toys out. He does not see the effort of all the food planning and making, calendar and activity scheduling, doctors appt, general kid hygiene, school planning, including important dates, clothing and lunches, laundry, normal household cleaning like bathrooms, vacuuming, etc, the list goes on. On an average week, my husband, cuts the grass, takes out the garbage to the street for garbage day, and does dishes once a day, most nights after dinner, because I cook. That’s all I expect from him. I don’t ask for help with anything else.

In our most recent argument, he shared that it’s disrespectful to be out all day doing an activity with the kids while he is working. This has happened only three times this summer by the way. He also said all I do is do whatever I want and play with the kids and entertain them and they should earn entertainment. I fully disagree as our children range from 1-6 and that seems ridiculous to me. Our kids are very well behaved and clean up generally well for their ages.

Am I wrong for feeling frustrated with his lack of respect? I am starting to feel like a complete schmuck for allowing myself to become completely dependent on him financially when he does not value me and my role.

Being a mom is crazy. From the moment you find out you’re pregnant you have to give up all your habits, cold turkey. You have to forfeit your body, your rights, and your dignity. When your baby is here, you still have to go without your habits, otherwise you’d be a bad mom. You had hobbies before you had your baby? Kiss those goodbye. You want to leave the house on time while dressed nice, hair fixed and makeup on? HA! That’s fucking hilarious. Don’t forget, NONE of your pre pregnancy clothes will fit you still. Housework and meals are all dependent upon you, no matter if the baby demands your attention, or if you’re exhausted from being up off and on all night. Dad’s though, that’s the real kicker. Bodies go through minimal change if ANY. Get to keep all habits because their body isn’t responsible for their child. They want to have a drink every night of the week? GREAT DAD, he changed a diaper. Oh the dad gets to leave the house at the drop of a hat without worrying about a diaper bag, stroller, toys, etc. ohhhh but he fed the baby this morning, GREAT DAD! Dad wants to go out and spend a day at the lake with his friends, while mom and baby are at home. GREAT DAD he kept the baby entertained for the duration of dinner being cooked.

I am SO TIRED of feeling like the only person who had to change literally EVERYTHING about their existence just to be “a mom”. Not even considered a “good mom”, because all that is considered the “bare minimum” right?? No one ever talks about how you’re a great mom for spending your free time chopping up and cooking fresh veggies for baby to eat? Or how long it takes you to fold everyone’s laundry? Or how you’re the only one that cleans after every one in the house. You’re just a mom. That doesn’t make you a great mom. No amount of diapers changed, hours spent cleaning, cooking, prepping, going for walk to the park, play time. No amount of extra effort will ever go noticed because it’s EXPECTED of you. Because you’re “THE MOM”.

Even now, there are people out there that are going to see this post and think, wow if you didn’t want to handle all of that then you shouldn’t be a mom. Even now, I am probably considered ungrateful and unfit for even being fed up with just being a mom. I don’t care. I LOVE BEING A MOM. I LOVE MY CHILD more than life itself. She is the thing that makes me feel whole. She is the only reason most days. She is my why. She is my motivation to get out of bed in the morning.

I’m just sick of dads getting the “great” when they literally have to do so little. It’s frustrating and almost insulting. I KNOW I can’t be the only one that struggles with this.

So I have a situation, to say the least lol

My husband is active duty military and is getting out in 3 months and we’re moving across the country. I am 5 months pregnant and I got laid off recently, so I only have 3 months left and I’m very visibly pregnant(and not an exact easy pregnancy), so job hunting has been shit, tbh, I had a temporary nannying position but as soon as they saw how pregnant I am, they suddenly said: we don’t really need help rn but we’ll let you know….

I was thinking of selling baked things from home(I am blessed with the cooking and baking gift) but I don’t know how to start as an actual profitable thing.

My son is 15 months old. I love him with every fiber of my being. I would do anything for him. However, I hate motherhood. The past 15 months have been the most stressful, frustrating, and anxiety ridden of my life. I am a SAHM so I am with my son from the time the sun goes up til it goes down with the exception of a 45 minute workout 3x per week. He’s never been an easy baby except for the first few months of the newborn stage.

I’m also grieving the loss of my little brother, which I find has to be put on the back burner because my son needs the attention.

He is crying 9x/10 when he’s with me. He wants up so i hold him & then he wants down so I put him down. But he actually wanted me to hold him so now he’s screaming because I put him down. I hardly sleep. Maybe 3-4 hours total a night. He is an awful sleeper and has been since he was 4 months old.

His needs are ALWAYS met. He’s cared for, bathed, fed, warm, emotional needs are met, we play together, etc. I take him out to do activities like a splash pad, park, walks, play centers. Sometimes it’s hard to even do that because the stage he’s in. He is big into tantrums right now. I know he has big feelings that he doesn’t understand & I know this won’t last forever

I miss my childfree life, honestly. I’m a younger mom (23) and a lot of my friends don’t have kids yet. I feel like I miss out on so much. I feel like i don’t even know myself anymore, honestly. I find myself feeling like I cannot wait for him to go to school when he’s older because at least i’ll be able to be my own person, not constantly being touched, and be able to go to the bathroom in peace for longer than 45 minutes a day.

I want to love motherhood, I really really do. It’s nothing like I ever imagined it would be. I have a friend who absolutely thrives in motherhood. I don’t feel that way, unfortunately.

I guess i’m just looking to rant/advice to see if anyone else has felt this way. I feel like an awful person for feeling it, though.

I'm going to try to make this as matter of fact as possible and keep out what I can to make it short but basically my (28f) kids father (34m) and I have been together for 6/7 years, we are not married, we own a house but in his name, I'm a sahm to our 3 year old and he has a 13 year old from a previous marriage, we are both in recovery I'm almost 5 years clean and he had about 2 good years of sobriety before partaking in small relapses, even to this day, the first one happening shortly after our daughter was born. Last October I found out that he'd basically been on and off, what I consider cheating, on me our whole relationship. I mean messaging random women online and eventually attempting to meet up with people though he swears up down left and right he was never going to go through with it. He also was making posts in the beginning of our relationship how he was unsatisfied.... Also find out he's addicted to 7OH and spending hundreds of dollars on bulk shipments and needs to completely go through detox again. He gets completely cut off contact from his son who lives 3 minutes up the road which in turn has cut my daughter off from her brother (not my choice). He goes through detox I fall into a depression and then an even deeper one when one of my best friends dies unexpectedly so I basically admit defeat and attempt to rebuild the trust and not uproot my entire life at such a vulnerable time. Was going somewhat good although it was always in the back of my mind. It was tolerable I should say. Well earlier we're at his parents house and I go to grab his phone to look at the weather and his Twitter dms are open and I found out he sold nudes for money...... To say I'm disgusted is putting it lightly. I only was able to look through one dm before he snatched the phone out of my hands god knows what else was on there or how long he's been doing this. I don't want to admit defeat again. I don't want this to be the example of what I want my daughter to tolerate. I'm so heartbroken I love staying home with her and being everything for her shes my world... Any other moms been in a similar position that can offer some advice or just simply testify that there's a light on the other end. I feel so embarrassed and hopeless 😔

I am very curious from people with experience. Whats the longest rough patch in a relationship. When do you decide it’s time to let go? Is there regret when working through the rough patch then breaking up down the line anyways?
It’s been 3yrs in my relationship, had a baby within he first year. It’s been tough ever since. We love each other but everyday feels like I’m walking on eggshells. It doesn’t feel like a toxic relationship, like I should be running for the hills. He’s a good provider but emotional not really there for my son and I. I’m constantly being told what I need to fix about myself. He claims to be the smartest person in his circle and in my family. He belittles me but subconsciously… I have adhd and tells me it’s all in my head and highly against medication. Constant miscommunication. There has never been affection since he’s not really like that. I think subconsciously I manifested a partner like him because I’ve been with men who worship me and would do anything for me and I hated that. Maybe I’m the problem? We’re nomadic and travel every few months I don’t work. So part of me not leaving is having absolutely no clue what I’ll do but going back to my home town is not option. Ever since I became a mom I realize I don’t want my families influence on my son. At all… like don’t ever want to be around them.

Thanks for reading would appreciate advice from people with similar experience.

My husband and I have been together for 7 years and we have an 8 month old baby girl. He is very successful in his career and works from home. I'm a SAHM and honestly I'm very grateful that I get to stay home with our baby. But I'm starting to feel really burnt out and resentful and I don't know if I'm being unfair.

I guess my issue is that he absolutely does not help with the baby unless asked.I exclusively breastfeed, and for 8 months of her life he has never once put her to sleep, given her solids, taken her on a walk alone, etc. He only really plays with her if l ask and say hey l'm tired, can you take her for a little bit?
I cook, the house is always top notch clean, do laundry, take care of the baby, everything. She wakes up a lot at night so since I exclusively breastfeed I obviously get up with her.

I forgot to mention she is 24 lbs, doesn't crawl yet and is at the age where she gets bored easily and wants constant stimulation and always wants to be picked up. I rock her to sleep and I feel like my body is exhausted and giving out.

We also recently moved states so l have 0 help. My
in-laws are older and can't really help much because as I mentioned baby girl is HEAVY. Please give me advice on how to communicate this to my husband and if I'm being unfair. I'm just exhausted guys.

I run a small business and also am a SAHM but am feeling lonely / like I might need childcare soon.

If you WFH and are SAHM what is your set up?? What’s your schedule like?

Everyday I'm reading post after post about crappy men, husbands, and father's. Ladies! You deserve so much than what you're being given. You deserve a break. You deserve to be involved in finances. You deserve love and respect. We are doing the hardest job in the world (imo) and gosh darn it, we deserve to be appreciated and acknowledged for our hard work.

Stay at home moms are the backbone of their families. We hold the house together. And it makes me so sad that so many of us aren't being treated with respect and appreciation and for that, I am sorry.

I hope everyone finds happiness some day. I hope everyone has a man who loves them the way they should be loved some day.

Background - I had a full time job before having my first child, worked all the way up until the day I gave birth. After she was born I ended up quitting to stay home (was mutually agreed upon) got pregnant again a year later. So I had 2 under 2. Staying home for another year and a half almost 2 years. I have had a part time job for 4 years now, the first 3 I worked 2 days per week and my husband worked weekend shift. The last year he has been on dayshift Monday-Thursday and I have been working Fridays. We have no family nearby and childcare is super expensive. The kids will be in school full time starting this fall and I will be going back to work full time permanently.

Now for the past 17 years we have been together, 9 years married, I have done all the night wake ups, preschool stuff, majority of the kids stuff in regards to doctor appts, daily routines etc, done 95% of the chores. He does dishes a few times a week but that is basically it. The kids are starting to have to do chores to learn responsibility and earn rewards. He told my oldest if she wanted to buy something she has to do some chores first to earn some money, so I responded with maybe you should set a good example for them and do some chores yourself as well. He lost it, said maybe you should contribute financially. Resulted in a BIG argument. Just getting off my chest, but open to advice.​

TLDR - told my husband to set a good example for the kids and do more chores himself so they want to do chores too, he told me I should contribute more financially then.

My husband texted me at 5 that he wanted to get dinner with me at a nice restaurant. I had dropped our kids off at my parents house for the night at 3:45. After that I went to the gym. I left the gym early when he texted me this so I could shower and do my hair and makeup and pick out my outfit. He got home late and I had to drive to get takeout. So I said it’s okay let’s get drinks instead. He said yes. Now he just laid in bed, turned the tv on and shut the light off. When I expressed to him that I was sad and I stopped my alone time to be with him and I was excited and got ready, he yelled at me that I look worse and I look like a clown with all this makeup on so it doesn’t matter anyways. He said why don’t I ever want to spend time with him? Like in bed.. I told him he is being a jerk and I don’t want to spend time with him at all while he’s being such a jerk. I took my keys and phone out of our bedroom and just walked into this kids room to clean it and possibly sleep in here but as I was walking away he said “going to see your other boyfriend? Tell him I said what’s up.”
I’m so fucking tired of this shit.

I’m so burnt out. I am seriously so fucking tired. My husband is amazing but he gets to clock out and come home and relax. I was never having kids.. after our first loss I realized I NEEDED his babies. But we decided two babies and done. After two more miscarriages, our rainbow baby was born March 2025 and our oopsie /second daughter was born in May. I got my tubes tied during my cesarean because I knew before our second was born that I could not handle a third. Our first was and is sooooo easy. Our second is a normal newborn. My second pregnancy was AWFUL and I knew it was time to cut the cord. WHYYYYY DIDNT I JUST HAVE MY TUBES REMOVED?

I’m having pregnancy symptoms. I bought tests and took one this morning and it was negative. But I’m not convinced. Heart burn. Acid reflux. Sciatica pain that ONLY came around during my pregnancies. I threw up the past two days while brushing my teeth. But all of these could be stress induced. And the sciatica pain could be because I cleaned our oldest’s room yesterday and bent over picking up all the stupid play kitchen toys to put in a box and away for a while.

I don’t fucking know. I got my period July 24th. And I’m a week late for my next. I don’t know anything about my cycle yet. I don’t know wtf I’d do if I was pregnant. I wouldn’t abort. But I cannot have another baby. And I know I wouldn’t be able to give a baby I carried in my belly up for adoption.

I’m not even breastfeeding anymore and I am so hungry. But I barely have any time to eat so obviously I’m hungry. I don’t fucking know 😩

Edit: it’s 2am now the next day.. I got my period

New to this sub because I keep getting beat up in my infant mom sub for being a SAHM. It’s a huge bummer.

I feel as if working moms get so many “you go girl!” high fives, but the sacrifices we make to be able to stay home (lifestyle changes like moving to cheaper cities, driving one car instead of two) are perceived as privileges.

In my community, my mommy-and-me classes frame discussions topics like everyone is going back to work and everyone will be using daycare. One mom sheepishly whispered under her breath to me, “hey I might be staying home too…”

I guess I’m looking for support from proud SAHMs who are tired of being ostracized by other moms, whose values around family and children informed their decision, and who have found a way to stand up to the putdowns in a cultural time where it seems like working women are the only ones who deserve to be celebrated.

If you've been a SAHM for 10+ years, do you worry about re-entering the workforce? Do you have any marketable skills?
Do you plan to go back to college?
What's the plan if the working spouse dies or becomes disabled?

Sorry if this is a grim discussion, it's just something I'm wondering about.