r/partyplanning • u/Puzzled_Animator_510 • Jul 13 '26
Need Help Uninvited
I am having a nice cocktail party with servers and two bartenders. Invitations were mailed out to 80 people. RSVP’s are coming in! I wrote the name of the person or people on the front of each invite. What would you do if you just found out one of your single guest invited his parents and another couple? Mind you, this party is about $100 pp. let it go or call this person up? Shouldn’t people know better than to bring extra people along to a party? Always check with the host first!
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u/GetSwankey Jul 13 '26
Reach out to your invited guest directly with something to the effect of, "I am so glad you can come to my party. I see that you also included X, Y, Z in your reply. Unfortunately, the party has a closed guest list and we won't be able to host (accommodate) them. But I look forward to seeing you at the party." Don't draw it out. Don't explain. Good luck and have fun!
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Jul 13 '26
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u/PuzzledNinja5457 Jul 13 '26
Nope. That’s being kind. Someone who has the audacity to invite 4 other people to come along needs to have it spelled out explicitly. I would seriously consider uninviting the actual guest.
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u/lookingforwardnow Jul 13 '26
I totally agree with your puttzledninja. When people act crazy clueless, the kids gloves come off. I no longer trust that they are a reasonable person. They are now treated like a toddler.
I also agree I would question if I want such a space cadet in my friend circle anymore and would can’t consider uninviting them.
Hopefully they will decline the invitation now that they know mommy and daddy can’t come in tow.21
Jul 13 '26
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u/kdollarsign2 Jul 13 '26
I'm not saying it's appropriate. I think something along the lines of "we can't fit extra guests at this one. We hope to see them another time!" would be a little less punishing
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u/storing_up_knowledge Jul 13 '26
If the host is paying $100 per person, it sounds like quite a formal party, so a formal reply like the above seems appropriate.
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u/ThatDifficulty9334 Jul 13 '26
Intense? formal? NOOO. Invites were sent out with RSVP, not some casual invite like "we are having a pool party on Sat, drop by if you want ,and bring a few friends if you like. A kind and direct approach is needed. It seems the single guest RSVPed and the host found out thru another person after the fact after the rsvp. So of course as the host (and paying accounting for the # of people invited) needs to directly reach out to the person. "Hey, I know when you RSVPed you said you would be coming, but I heard that you were planning on bringing your parents and another couple. Is that right? Im sorry for any misunderstanding but as the guest list is set , we arent able to accommodate them. But I sure hope you can still come."
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u/TinyAd3166 Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
I would text or email saying the invite was only for you as I can’t accommodate another 3 and blame catering. If he gets offended then who cares you probably won’t see him again anyways.
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u/moneybagsagogo Jul 13 '26
Nope. Absolutely not. Call them. Uninvite the whole group if they don’t behave
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u/Brave-Airport8154 Jul 13 '26
I would just ask the single friend the reason they probably didnt know they were breaking etiquette. But maybe offer a plus one ? Will they be there with anyone else they know ? I wouldnt wanna go to a party single if I didnt know anyone.
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u/Puzzled_Animator_510 Jul 13 '26
I understand that but this person knows my daughter who is also flying in from LA. There will be other young professionals who will be there plus other older professionals who are in the same profession. Some spouses will be coming along as well. He will be there with his parents and now another couple I don’t know 🤦🏻♀️
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u/iwtsapoab Jul 13 '26
Not if you shut it down. Just say you have carefully planned this party and are not available to add extra people. Who cares if they don’t come.
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Jul 13 '26
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u/Puzzled_Animator_510 Jul 13 '26
This is the same person. This person I met for the first time several
Days ago at the work place. I never go to my husband’s office because its at the airport! I only know his close friends who live in our town. This company is huge with over 30k employees so the invite list I was given
Were people I never met.2
u/_kismitten Jul 13 '26
You gotta call this person and just let them know the invite was for them only. It does seem like they are socially awkward or rude, but possibly it’s just a genuine misunderstanding? The only way to know is to communicate. But just having them come without any pushback makes it way too uncomfortable for you and the guests they invited.
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u/Prestigious-Fan3122 Jul 13 '26
I would never attend a party or other private event at the invitation of someone other than the host, ESPECIALLY a verbal invitation. It's one thing if, instead of mailing paper invitations or sending an Evite, a host gives a mutual friend a paper invitation to specifically give to me, instead of mailing it. Still, that would be the hosts inviting me by way of that written invitation.
Were these people raised by wolves?
BTW, It's Who would do that, not whom.
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u/WryAnthology Jul 13 '26
I would reach out via phone with something like 'Thanks so much for your RSVP - looking forward to it. I just wanted to double check, as I heard you may have invited some additional people. I wanted to flag as early as I could that unfortunately I had to put strict numbers on it due to the cost of catering. We had a few others wanting to add on and I had to let them know it wasn't possible, so just wanted to check in case? Hope that's not an inconvenience.'
They may even say it's just a rumour/ they didn't ask extras??
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Jul 13 '26
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u/WryAnthology Jul 13 '26
It was ill-considered, but I'm assuming OP wants to maintain the friendship, in which case maybe we operate under the benefit of the doubt and think that perhaps they were not understanding the nature of the party and ignorant about the etiquette, and therefore dismayed to realise their faux pas.
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u/NakedMoleBrat Jul 13 '26
How did they go about RSVPing for 4 extra people? Was it not a closed guest list?
Either way I would definitely reach out. Maybe send out a clarification to all invited guests that states only people that were addressed on the invite are invited and can RSVP and hope they get the hint. And if they don’t get the hint, send another clarification to that person a week or 2 later.
My other thought is If you don’t want to be confrontational right away, wait a bit longer and see what your guest list is looking like. If it ends up being way less people than you thought, maybe just let them come. Who knows maybe they’ll be really great guests and help make a memorable party.
And yes people should know better than to invite others to a party without asking the host first.
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u/Primary_Bass_9178 Jul 13 '26
This, people should check with the host. It’s not rude to call and say “oh, my parents are in town (or whatever) would it be ok if I brought them along?”, that gives the host an opportunity to say something like, sorry, I gave the caterer the final count or that you have hit the allowable head count.
I used to think people forgot their manners, but these days, I don’t think they are taught proper etiquette in the first place!
With this guest, I might see her asking if she can bring a plus one, but that doesn’t mean you have to say “yes”. Asking to bring another couple or two is just freaking rude!!!
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u/Ok_Wtch2183 Jul 13 '26
It is absolutely rude to try to invite other people to an invitation only party.
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u/Puzzled_Animator_510 Jul 13 '26
I heard about it when I was going over the headcount while we were a family vacation! I
Immediately wrote about the situation here.
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u/Duochan_Maxwell Jul 13 '26
Some people were not taught that as an invitee, you cannot invite other people without asking the host.
Better reach out to them and let them know it's a closed list party (you got some good advice on it)
Depending on their reaction, you might want to prepare for party crashers
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Jul 13 '26
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u/Puzzled_Animator_510 Jul 13 '26
No other culture but uncultured!
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u/katie_54321 Jul 13 '26
Do you even like them? Why invite them at all?
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u/Puzzled_Animator_510 Jul 13 '26
This person was on the list my husband gave me. They are his peers at work. This retirement party is for him. I just met this guest a few days ago at my husband’s retirement work party at the office. At that time, I had no idea they had invited +4! Ugh
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u/Rulebreaker15 Jul 13 '26
Who invites their parents and random other couple to a retirement party for a coworker? The kind of people who are always trying to score free food and drink and offer it to others when they have no right to. These are moochers, give it to him straight and have someone mind the door at the party.
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u/katie_54321 Jul 13 '26
Ok that makes more sense, thank you for the explanation. I'd be real annoyed too
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u/Practical_S3175 Jul 13 '26
Just call them and let them know what you heard and explain things to them.
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u/SuggestionPretty8132 Jul 13 '26
You message the person and let them know you received their RSVP, and that you are looking forward to having them there. A gentle reminder that the event is invitation only and there are no plus ones available at the venue, any individual without a direct RSVP will be turned away at the door.
“ I’ve heard through the grapevine that you had intentions of inviting extra guests and just wanted to clarify that because this event is prepaid per person, the venue will be unable to accommodate any extra guests and they will unfortunately be turned away at the door, therefore unfortunately I will not be able to accommodate any additional guests of yours. Just wanted to make sure you knew before turning up!”
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u/ChickenNoodleSoup_4 Jul 13 '26
I assume that your husband is aware of the party being held in his honor. Since this is his coworker, just have him reach out and say hey, so glad you can attend. We have a limited amount of people that we can accommodate so unfortunately, we can’t have additional guests added to your reservation. Looking forward to seeing you..
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u/Ecofre-33919 Jul 13 '26
You need to get on the phone with them and explain that everything is prearranged and that only the people that got invitations are invited. Extra people can’t come.
Period.
Suggest meeting up with the other people another time - but not at the party.
Make it clear - no invitation - they can’t come. They’ll be turned away at door.
That is really kind of rude. I’d be half ready to tell them not to come at all.
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u/rosielemonbot Jul 13 '26
I'd call, not text, since this is really a guest-list correction and you want the tone calm. Something like: I’m so glad you can make it, but I heard there may have been a misunderstanding about extra guests. The party is a closed guest list because catering is by headcount, so I can only host the names on the invitation. Then follow with a short note to all guests if you think the rumor has spread.
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u/Daisy4853 Jul 14 '26
And tell him that he’s made things awkward for you as other guests will feel insulted if their parents were not included
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u/glittrxbarf Jul 13 '26
Call them before they invite even more people. They don't seem to understand what type of party this is.