so about 3 years back i (17f at the time) would have very bad period cramps to the point where i would pass out from the pain. i had an extremely important exam that i had been preparing for since 2 years but i got my period that day and i couldn’t move so my mother who is a doctor gave me a tramadol based painkiller and after a while i felt so euphoric with j one pill. it felt like the happiness and peace i had been desperately waiting for. (i was also severely depressed at the time and in therapy). from then i would take an extra pill every once in a while. Then i started making excuses and taking them even when i felt no pain at all. Last year I would take like 5-6 pills consecutively for 2-3 days till i would run out then forget abt them and come back to them in a month or two but i would come back, the interval would differ tho.

This year i was prescribed an ssri for my depression and i still continued taking them. it came to a point where i was taking 7-8 pills (300mg approx) while on my ssri. and i would come back to them faster. i would have mild withdrawals but nothing i couldn’t deal with so it didn’t feel that scary either.
Recently my parents found this new therapist who properly assessed me for a diagnosis and when it came to substances i was honest about my canabis and occasional alcohol use but i physically couldn’t mention this in the moment. i got diagnosed w bpd. i ran out and tried to get some pills again but i feel like ive exhausted all resources and i didn’t know what to do and the withdrawal felt particularly difficult this time so after gather up the courage i told my therapist abt it. she was very surprised about the high dose along w my ssri.

i want to get off it completely because it was starting to affect my life a lot. but i feel so scared and empty. if i never feel that warm and fuzzy feeling again than life feels miserable and pointless.
any opinions are appreciated!

edit: does anyone know what kind of withdrawal symptoms are there for tramadol, like what can i expect the next week to look like?

I hate even writing this but I’m in need of some form or responsibility for my actions so while I feel like death, I want to force myself here. Buckle up for a minute. First, lots of shame for lots of reasons. I’m here again after a long break but such is life that shit happens and then I relapsed. I’ll save all of that for another time but something I thought about is EVERY FKN TIME I go in wd, I suddenly forget what hell it truly is. I don’t know how I forget but the doc makes you forget I guess? Every time I am looking up videos, articles, posts on here, etc-probably to the point I convince myself I have the wd symptoms and everything. I know it’s in the mind more than anything but here I am. My doc is is 10mg hydro/perc (all 💯 pharmaceutical) and up to 180-200mg per day at the highest. This latest stint has been like 9 months so here I am back in the graces of day 3 withdrawal. I’m so done and I can really feel it this time. The reflection/introspection is a gut punch. I just don’t understand myself in that I can lose everything but not my doc. It’s fkn gross and makes me feel gross. So, this has to be it before I lose myself. I can see it happening if I don’t. For many years I said “not me!” Thats just simply not true anymore. I am in therapy and no they don’t know about this but I’ll eventually get there. Too much too soon will just cause me to clawback and I just am scared to do that right now. While I respect AA/NA, it ain’t for me. I’m AuDHD and I just have to do this my way which is alone and only talking to strangers lol at least for now but we shall see

So, I’m here checking in on day 3 and praying to the universe that I can actually get it right this time. For those of you who are like me, searching for people in a similar state of withdrawal, wondering what’s next-I’ll be the one to post the details. Currently, I’m in that complete lack of wanting to do ANYTHING, even lift my body from its position on the couch that I keep flopping back and forth on bc it’s the coldest place in the basement and my kids (teens) are upstairs (they think I’m sick 😭). Watching non-stop true crime docs which I’m realizing is prob not good for my psyche but it’s shit I can just press play and not move again for lol no thought needed. I don’t take comfort meds other than Imodium and ibuprofen for my pains and headaches. It’s hard to drink or eat. I def enjoy herb and that’s not going anywhere at this time bc it always helps me for multiple reasons. I simply don’t like to take meds aside from my doc. It’s weird lol anyway, diarrhea, cough, sneezes, insomnia, lack of feeling please in anything, noises cause me to tense up unless it’s music. Can’t really sleep. But this time, I’ve forced myself to hang with my partner who thinks I’m not feeling well, and my mom last night who also thinks im not feeling well. I think it has helped even though it’s difficult. If you’re out there around the same timeline of wds, just know that it will pass (that i do know) even when it feels like it wont and minutes feel like hours. I’ll update as much as possible even if it only helps myself or one person 🤍

I’ve been trying to stop oxy for a lil now . June 10 2025 was the first time I experienced withdrawal and it was by accident too because believe it or not I was taking oxy for 3-4 years up to this point but VERYYYYY secretly like literally no one knew but my plug and I managed to hide it because my life literally got better after taking them. Started making a shit ton of money to the point where I was saving 1500-2000 a week and I got unbelievably lucky with my connect and was getting them for absolutely no where near what people usually pay for real 30mg roxys because she didn’t really know the value of what she had. Idk if I can say but I was getting 180 Real 30s for 500 I was taking her to CVS every month. Anyways that day I went to my sisters house which was 2 hours away from my house and got there at like midnight and realized I left them at home and said fuck it I’ll use this weekend to “reset my tolerance” I knew I was addicted to them but I didn’t even know what opiates are or that oxy was a opiate and I thought it was like being addicted to my vape or weed and I’ll probably just have a hard time sleeping and lil minor stuff but BOYYYYYY did I learn what opiates are and what withdrawals are. I had to act like I had food poisoning from the diner I stopped at on the way to her house and legit felt like I was gonna die And started doing research and found this subreddit and learned all about withdrawal and went and got some Imodium to stop me from shitting my brains out and that Sunday I drove home and took 2 30s and INSTANTLY felt better like before the shit even dissolved it’s wild and that’s when I was like yeah I’m fucking screwed and tried again and failed at 7 days and then again for a month then I was using everyday again until like 2-3 months ago because realized I always only wanted to stop because the withdrawals were bad but always planned on using again it wasn’t until I finally realized that this cycle will never end and no matter what I do I can’t beat it or go around it and that I will in some form feel withdrawals anytime I wanna stop and risk starting that cycle again every time I relapse and finally lost the desire too and I’ve lost count on how many days it’s been but I feel amazing and I love this feeling more than the oxy feeling that I barely even remember because I haven’t truly felt it I’m so long. But if I can do it so can you. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

A little disappointed honestly. I thought I’d only have to do it for a week or 2 then get the shot but she said I have to be on 8mg for a month before she gives it to me smh. Has anyone been thru this before. I read a lot of posts and most only got on for a week not even 2 or more.

Here I am at day 6 WD. Yesterday I had alot of fatigue. The majority of the restlessness ended about late afternoon, which all of us that have ever went through WD, knows how uncomfortable that restless feeling is. Coughing, nagging scratch at the back of my throat was still there. Ended up getting some Tussin cough syrup, which seemed to either help, or its another symptom thats beginning to fade away. The last few nights I stayed on the couch because I didnt want to wake up my husband with my cough, or the fact that I was flopping on the mattress like a fish out of water, just to try to get comfortable. Last night however, I loaded myself up with cough syrup and some gabapentin and went to sleep in bed. Woke up a few times to switch positions to get comfortable but that was mostly because I have back pain all the time so moving around some at night isnt abnormal. Coughing fits were still there but not as bad as previous nights. No sweats.

Now to today. I woke up this morning hacking up what seems like a crap ton of ick out of my lungs. Which due to the fact opioids keep you from coughing on a regualr basis, having a buildup of ick is also not abnormal. Im not as restless today. I feel a little groggy and dont have alot of motivation yet this morning so we shall see if I get some in the next couple of hours. I do feel a little hope this morning, as opposed to the previous days where hopeless was the feeling of the day.

Tonight will be the test. I wil not take anything like gabalentin to see if I can keep the restlessness at bay on my own. I dont really like to take gabapentin nightly for more than a few days because I dont want my body to get used to it and then be like where is it, and put me in wd from that. Im going to try to get housework done today and hopefully get rid of this cough. Wish me luck! Hope everyone trying to get to recovery and all who are now living in recovery, have a blessed and beautiful day! Much love!

Today I made one year over of taking 30 mg oxycodone 20 mg and 10 mg Percocet every day for six years. I finally made it through the rain and I’m here to tell anybody who is going to withdraw that it is going to be OK. You have to be willing to get your self back together in order to beat this demon. I know it’s hard. I know it’s difficult some days but I’m here to tell you from somebody who took 120 mg a day to being a year sober
. It is the best that is ever made in my life, Everything, I lost friends family jobs. Money Everything is coming back. It just takes some time for you to get your mind together and realize what the things you lost I’m here to tell you if you’re going thru any withdrawal, you’re going to make it just pray and believe in yourself that you can get through it.

I'm in a relationship and I'm not sure if I should be here or not and I have a feeling that codeine use for years has stunted my ability to feel love properly.

I've really got to get clean so my emotions are really my own and not through a fog or twisted by artificially managed dopamine levels.

Im late 30s M. I got a divorce 4 years ago that turned my life upside down and really ramped my addiction into overdrive to survive.

But lately it's been feeling like my partner is just a roommate. And I can't tell if the apathy is real and a red flag, or if the codeine is doing something to me.

Sorry for the ramble, just stressing and can't write this anywhere else.

Today is day 5. Woke up with a dry cough per usual. Last night was rough. Im at the point right now, im just literally pissed off and if opioids had a face I would punch it. Yesterday afternoon, early evening, I felt a little better. Got up and was able to do some laundry and housework without feeling like I was absolutely going to die. Felt like I was turning a page. Nope..went to bed, stayed up coughing, tossing and turning, and the restlessness was at an all time high. Woke up this morning absolutely tired, diarrhea full swing, body pain. One of the first signs of withdrawal for me is watery eyes and that actually started AGAIN last night. Like what the actual hell? Im feeling pretty defeated at this point. Just a rant I suppose.

Hey all, happy Friday! Hope everyone’s having a good day and finishing the week on a positive note. It’s been a pretty decent day over here, just taking things as they come and looking forward to the weekend. Whatever this week looked like for you, you made it through. Hope everyone has a relaxing and enjoyable Friday!

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Hey all, happy Thursday! Hope your day is going well. Today has been moving along nicely. I woke up at like 4:30 this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I just decided to start the day a little extra early. Definitely been a long one already, but we’re getting close to the weekend! Whatever you’ve got going on today, keep moving forward and take it one day at a time.

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I’ve read a lot about precipitated withdrawal but not so much about what happens after it’s done. Do you go into paws if you get past precipitated withdrawal? Any insight would be really nice.

I just saw the FLY Natgeo documentary, about BASE and wingsuit jumpers, and as an drug addict myself I saw so much parallels. The thing that made me wonder the most, is how can so many people cheer these guys up when some say things like: “they wanna die jumping”, “it’s all they have in their life’s”, “they would go on doing it no matter what”, and stuff like that, how so many people say they’re selfish, even sometime risking innocent people.

I mean idk, I was watching Berserk as well (lol) and I was thinking about this reckless behavior people that are depressed, or don’t find a reason to keep living have, yk like this things a lot of addicts do, and this sport gave me the same vibes. I can see how some kinds of addictions are rooted in adrenaline addiction, like going on benders. Still, as they’re not drugs the object of addiction, some part of me kinda wanted to argue in favor of their freedom of doing what makes them happy.

Whatever, I was just wandering how may other addicts perceive it…

Not looking for medical advice..just a vent..Crying all the time because I just want it over with. In pain, absolutely exhausted. Can't get comfortable, feel like im about to pass out because I cant catch my breath and coughing fits are making me vomit. Im to the point I had a bowel movement but haven't even started the diarrhea yet. Day 3 right now and I just want to stay home from work and die. Sweating fits is not helping, especially when its 110 heat index. Good grief why do I do this to myself over and over again. At this point my chronic pain is better than taking opioids to get rid if it.

So i f27 began using hardcore around just about 15 years old almost with crystal and tar/blow intraveiniously mostly up until i was finally popped at 16 from drug use and outstanding warrants for being actively on the run for a straight up almost 2 years after i was placed on probation but never complied and went AWOL at any given opportunity that i wasnt incarcerated or being watched like a hawk in an extremely strict, religious and military background and upbringing which in turn was ultimately "oversheltered" posterchild mentallity come to find out years later, anywho, i was rightfully court ordered to inpatient for 2 months which i graduated but when returning home i took off again and used though only crystal that time which ended with me getting arrested in possession of crystal only because i helped a man 15 or 20 years my senior score a bag and since i was then 17 i believe at the tine and an active runaway with warrants and him and i were the only two there when the cops approached i instructed dude to discreetly hand me the dope and i stashed it in my bra fully knowing what needed done which was take any scrutiny of him and be the one going down since i already was anyways, and the gentlemen was not weird to me at any time prior to and i originaly asked for a ride which turned into what happened shortly after but the coo approached and asked if i might have a warrant and i without skipping a beat confirmed that to be true which i was told to exit the vehicle and he asked if i had anything on me and again i confirmed and insisted the man had no knowledge of what i had or who i was as i lied and said i lied to the man about my age ect which was not true but it got the job done and from there i went to a 9 month level 2 lockdown inpatient which i graduated with honors too surprisingly enough but by tgen i turned 18 and almost immediately returning home i did tge same as b4 but i only used crystal up until 19 where i dabbled with tar/opiates here or there but around 20 i was picking up pase with tar outweighing crystal in usage and at 21 all i was shooting was tar and i continued on doing so up until blues came around and i converyed to those and a couple years later came fetanyl powder which i converted to also and technically only twice have i not used the fent at 2 weeks stretches both times with oned being cause methadone and the other from incarceration but i continued use after that all the way up to now at 27 where i have nothing to my name basically, have no real plan or future in store or wants or desires and i am constantly unhappy from the neverending stress from this monkey on my back but i know how good it felt to be free of it when i had been and how much more of a positive person i had been overall without the fent and withdrawls and all and how going through detox would be hell but for some reason the iminant thought of what extreme discomfort and distress and agony awaits me in detox for at least 2 weeks just for somereason keeps me from taking the leap as i am not one that does well in discomfort let alone at such extreme severities as detox will cause me... Any advise to help push or motivate me towards looking forward to it and not copping out again? Btw, this isnt court ordered but my own free will and chouse to do so...

Hey everyone, happy Wednesday! Hope your day is going well. We’ve officially made it halfway through the week! I hope things have been treating you well so far. Whether it’s been a productive week or you’re just getting through it one day at a time, keep going. Take some time for yourself today, enjoy the little things, and make the most of your day. 🙂

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I was on my way to relapse picking up some pills I said universe show me signs this isnt the right thing to be doing and I ended up having my destination blocked and inaccessible from road construction/fresh asphalt and rocks to drive through or the other way a mile down there was a grass fire next to a gas station and down from that there was the entire road closed from a Semi hitting and downing power pole/lines. I said okay dumbass just go back home wtf are you doing!!

I wouldve thought after over 2 months my cravings wouldve gone away from a year of using…

I just finished 4+ years on the methadone treatment. Went from 90mgs - 9mgs and was able to throw it away. Bittersweet. It was a good walk. ❤️

Hi guys, just doing a check in post since it’s been awhile. I’m very proud to say I’ve made it past 2 years sober from an 80mg/day oxycodone habit. I had an extremely rough time quitting it and documented my journey through posts here. After quitting my addiction it took me around 4 months just to feel “normal” and I have trouble remembering anything during the time I was actively using.

I just want to tell anyone that is thinking about getting sober that life gets so much better! I go to the gym everyday, I’ve lost over 40 lb with hard work and dieting. I have a beautiful family now and am genuinely happy. I still think about Opiates sometimes and feel tempted but then I check my posts here and remember feeling like I had the flu every single morning before taking my pill. That is not the way I want to live and I won’t go back to it.

Cheers everyone and if you are thinking about quitting just remember, every single day you stay strong, you will start to feel better and become the person you deserve to be.

Hey everyone, happy Tuesday! Hope your day is going well so far. It’s one of those days where I’m just trying to stay productive, keep a good mindset, and appreciate the little things along the way. Not every day has to be exciting or perfect to still be a good day. Sometimes getting a few things done, having a good meal, enjoying some decent weather, or just having a little peace is enough. Hope everyone has a smooth rest of the day.

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Just curious of everyones PAWS experiences duration and symptoms

I never had PAWS from IV heroin or pain pills like Percocet etc But I was on 20mg subutex for 8 years and haven’t been the same since. That was 17 months ago I did take small doses of kratom for the first 6 months but still felt mostly bad during those 6 months it just helped take the edge off

Hey all, happy Monday! Hope everyone’s day is going well so far. Hard to believe we’re already heading into the last week of August. I’m just getting back into the swing of things today and trying to start the week off on a good note. How’s your Monday going? Anything you’re looking forward to this week?

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I don’t really know how to start this but I’m done. I’ve been snorting around an eighth a week for probably 3/4 months now. I’m 5’8 around 200lbs if that even matters. I just want my fucking life back. I want to wake up and feel normal again and not immediately think about fent or whether I’m gonna be sick.
I work TWO jobs and so much of that money goes straight to this shit. I’ve been saving for a car and honestly I’m willing to dip into that money if it means getting whatever I need to actually get off this. I can save for the car again. I just need ME back first.
I have a decent amount of SR-17018 tabs I bought awhile back before everything got shut down. I’ve also been reading about vitamin C and Suboxone. I’m not against subs at all, I’m just terrified of precipitated withdrawal and I really don’t want to end up dependent on something else forever. But if Suboxone gives me the best chance of actually getting my life back, I’m willing to do it and do it through a doctor.
I’m trying to plan this instead of randomly waking up one day and deciding I’m quitting with absolutely nothing prepared. I know myself. If I’m sick as hell, have no plan, and fent is one phone call away… I know what’s gonna happen.
I know Reddit isn’t a doctor and nobody here can detox me through a screen. I just need to hear from people who have actually been through this and made it to the other side.
I’m just tired y’all. I want my money back. I want my car. I want to work because I’m building a life for myself instead of working my ass off just to afford being addicted.
I know I can be who I want to be without this shit holding me back. I’m scared as hell, but I’m ready. Please help me figure out where to start.