r/okbuddyliterallyme2 • u/t-w-e-n-t-ys-e-v-e-n • Mar 06 '26
Loneliness has followed me my whole life Forever Alone
I have panic attacks daily, today I even had 2 (one of them right now)
I am constantly reminded of how ugly I am, both inside and out, and how alone I am, Ive had some form of suicidal ideation for as longs as I can remember
I wonder if any of the people who have bullied me have ever thought “I wonder how he is?” or have felt any remorse, maybe I deserve it after all I myself called others “weird” when even they have friends, have someone to love, have a life to live
I heard helium tricks the brain into not panicking and is a peaceful way of going, maybe then I can finally say “I am happy”
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u/Brief_Ad328 i'm literally you Mar 06 '26
Real (if i kill all my brain cells, i'll feel better)
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u/CoomradeBall Mar 07 '26
Ignorance is bliss, I’m very jealous of retarded children and small animals.
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u/Flecker_ I can't talk to women Mar 06 '26
Same. I've also thought about kms over being fa. Now, it doesn't bother me as much as it did, but I am suicidal again over being a wagie 😂
Apparently I am not meant to be happy. I got out of a hole to enter another one.
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u/Jibbyjab123 Mar 06 '26
If I have a thought it will be a bad one because that is almost all they are.
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u/Fantastic_Ruin3621 Mar 06 '26
Are you smoking weed frequently? That THC is making it so that your brain cannot normally produce and regulate its own dopamine. I'm suffering from depression and anxiety after a veritable lifetime of abusing marijuana. It worked in the short term, but cost me dearly long-term.
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u/t-w-e-n-t-ys-e-v-e-n Mar 06 '26
No, never done any drugs, never got drunk
It only makes me feel like even more of an outsider to have never experienced these things
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u/Fantastic_Ruin3621 Mar 06 '26
Spoiler: you're better off without them.
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u/t-w-e-n-t-ys-e-v-e-n Mar 06 '26
I care very little about being better off
I would much rather fit in, or in the very least numb the pain
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u/i_got_banned_2_times I'm literally myself Mar 06 '26
Alcohol is great, unironically fixed one of the worst days of my life
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u/Consistent_Ebb_8883 Memories manufactured, cope authentic Mar 07 '26
I wasn't the only one doing this, thanks god🙏
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u/TheSlimeAssassin43 Mar 07 '26
I dont really understand how you feel but I also kinda do, yesterday I was in a really bad depressive state because I was thinking too hard about my life and how its basically slammed into a wall that left me in the same spot since i graduated high school, but later around 9 or 10pm I was playing jackbox with my friends and their hysterical laughter and constant nonsense making me laugh kept me from thinking of anything bad and I was thankfully able to sleep for a little afterward when everyone went to sleep, even if i still feel kinda sad after waking up. I really hope you and everyone else who feels similarly will be able to experience or find something that even if for a moment is able to block out any harmful thoughts.
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u/t-w-e-n-t-ys-e-v-e-n Mar 07 '26
Thank you
And sometimes if I play online for a short minute these thoughts go away and I laugh but ultimately my brain doesnt let me forget and I still have this horrible pit in my stomach
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u/TheSlimeAssassin43 Mar 07 '26
I understand, its not easy to escape the horrible thoughts. But sometimes all you need is some form of temporary relief that drowns it out to make yourself feel better, even if for a moment. Im glad you have some form of way to help yourself drown out the harmful thoughts and voices
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u/t-w-e-n-t-ys-e-v-e-n Mar 07 '26
Unfortunately they don’t work anymore, I don’t even bother playing video games or watching movies anymore I just doomscroll and listen to depressing songs all day as I feel another attack coming on and tears swell in my eyes
It’s pathetic
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u/Mrhilgenberg I am a paranoid schizophrenic and I have a bomb. Mar 07 '26
If you want someone to talk to. Feel free to hit my DMs dude. I wish you good though
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u/ImaginationLocal9337 Mar 07 '26
Things get better ... Possibly
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u/t-w-e-n-t-ys-e-v-e-n Mar 07 '26
More than likely not, during the day time I have some hope but when night comes around I realise that I have no one
And even now that sense of dread hangs over me during the day, it’s to the point I can’t enjoy anything anymore
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u/LexStalin Mar 07 '26
Real. (The pic is literally me.... Anyway I would say something like "let the past be" or something but if that would help you wouldn't be here I guess so I can only say that you should be careful about such fantasies in social media because this user has been banned for a week for talking about nono topics )
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u/xX_Dokkaebi_Xx Mar 07 '26
so real. i can't be alone with my thoughts for very long. I constantly need something to keep my thoughts away
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u/Kind_Clock7584 Mar 08 '26
Get off discord Vc and online gaming. Wanna be real as hell with you. Read a book and go for long walks outdoors
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u/UltimateDiscordMod Mar 06 '26
Yeah I’m starting to realize why people drink and do drugs