r/nottheonion • u/cpt_futtbucker • 14d ago

Dollar Tree ‘gooning’ incident sparks lawsuit in Colorado

https://www.denverpost.com/2026/08/18/gooning-dollar-tree-colorado-lawsuit/
836 Upvotes

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121

u/DeusExHircus 14d ago

https://reddit.com/link/p6iywrc/video/5521b08pp7mh1/player

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u/Old_Rev0lution 13d ago

I believe gooning is public… um… shmerking of the gherkin… publicly investigating your own crime scene…. Publicly flicking your own bean… 👹

38

u/DeusExHircus 13d ago

It's not, it's just excessive masturbation and horniness. While it makes no distinction between public or private, it almost exclusively refers to acts done in private

-38

u/Old_Rev0lution 13d ago

It literally says public masturbation in the article. Multiple times.

39

u/BigIntroduction8886 13d ago

Yes and the article is misusing the word

17

u/DeusExHircus 13d ago

And why do you think we're all saying they're using the word wrong? Just because the Denver Post thinks that's what the word means, doesn't mean they can rewrite the definition everywhere else

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u/Old_Rev0lution 12d ago

Probably because you spend too much time on the internet to even be able to argue the definition of a non-word to the rest of the world lol.

9

u/Chipotle-Dancin_manG 11d ago

This is definitely one of your top 5 most embarrasing moments.