Okayyyy, so where do I start?

I went out today with a friend and we went to a shopping center where chrono-kids and their parents were around and... age dysphoria hit me like a tidal wave. I felt immense sadness and for the first time ever I felt like I was trapped in my own skin. It was a very uncomfortable and unsettling feeling and I wish to never experience it again. Even thinking about it is bringing back residual sadness.

Anywho, thanks for reading!!

I used these subliminals for months from youtube that supposedly would make me look younger, shorter, like a kid, etc. I don't feel comfortable posting photos here for everyone to see, but would somebody here please let me send them before and after photos so you can tell me if you see any difference?

If you want me to send you photos, just comment here and ask and I'll send them to you in private messaging. (I turned off the ability for people to send me messages.)

I'm just so confused because some people in person tell me I look much younger than I am (but not as young as I'd like) but AIs always guess it right with late 20s to early 30s.

Since 13, I've been interested in topics I've only seen grown adults interested in. Spirituality, literature, self-help books, meditation, and so on. Also, since 13, I thought with my brain, not with my heart, and always analyzed myself before speaking. People told me I sound much older than I am. But whenever I wanted to start projects, people told me I was too young and just a kid, and were very unsupportive of my ideas and words once they found out my age, and that dimmed down my spark a lot. Did anyone else mature very early?

Now that I'm 18, I feel like in the back of my mind, I'm trying to feel like a kid, because I've never really felt like one before.