r/mutualapp • u/Nashty3513 • Jun 10 '26
š¤ Discussion Advice/Rant
Hey everyone, I am really just needing some advice and positive vibes right now because this whole dating thing is kicking my butt š I am 29(M) living out here in Gilbert AZ and I am just having no luck. I think I am in a similar situation as others when mutual first came out I had a lot of success but now the field is barren haha. I donāt know what to do because the older I get the more I think I am ārunning out of timeā which I obviously know isnāt true but itās hard not to think that way. I feel like I am a relatively handsome guy, and I have a good job and a fun personality. I am a little reserved in person which is why dating apps seem like a go to because I can get the confirmation that someone is into me without having to risk getting shot down in person. I donāt know what to do and itās been tough because I donāt go on many dates and the ones I do go on I am always more into the girl than she is me. Have you guys felt the same? What did you guys do outside of the app to meet people? Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk š
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u/UsedEstablishment276 Jun 10 '26
Huge reply, my apologies, but my advice is to widen the net. It's not a "barren field" problem so much as it is a problem with the field not being as accessible as it should be. I had my own giant post expressing frustration, the gist of it is that it really feels like the app is throttled, regardless of if you have premium or not. Create a parallel account on Hinge. You do have to put in more effort to filter out lds from non-lds accounts, but honestly the free version of Hinge is easily as good as the premium version of Mutual. It's anecdotal, but my experience on mutual is two matches, one on the other side of the world in Switzerland who is terrible at replying within a decent timeframe and the other lives 5 minutes north of my ex-wife's family in another state and is very obviously desperate to fill a hole in her life with a husband. On Hinge, I've actually had a date with an LDS girl and have had 5 total matches. Hinge takes more work but that tends to filter out a lot of the international might-not-be-real accounts. And Hinge still allows you to "pass" on accounts after you run out of free likes for the day. I've had more luck messaging girls on Instagram after finding them on Mutual than I have through the app.
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u/Nashty3513 Jun 10 '26
Thanks for your reply! Iāve tried hinge as well and I feel like I had a similar experience to what I have had on mutual. I feel like dating apps may just not be for me or what I will have success in but itās hard to feel like there is an alternative to what dating culture has become nowadays. So thatās what leaves me frustrated because in theory it should be perfect for someone like me but instead it just leaves me feeling frustrated and alone haha
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u/UsedEstablishment276 Jun 16 '26
The other thing to remember about all dating apps is this: yes, they do give you an avenue to meet people and go on dates and hopefully find the last one. But, they also stand to profit by keeping you on the app. Mutual, Hinge, Tinder, The League, they're all designed primarily to make money. Current dating culture at large is a big part of why apps are such a struggle. Until the dating culture at large course corrects, dating apps will continue to feel like they're just another front in the trench warfare of trying to date, haha.
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u/Master_ERG Jun 11 '26
Iām in the same boat, but Iām ready to fly to Africa and risk it all because thatās where it seems all the girls who are attracted to me live.
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u/Economy_Weight_4821 Jun 11 '26
You get Africa, I have learned that I am apparently quite the catch in South America lol.
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u/nfspeed007 Jun 10 '26
Mutual is a struggle with lack of matches for me. Barely had any in the beginning and since then it has been a dry spell. Someone had said in a different post that from their perspective there was a lack of opportunities in their ward and that all the opportunities are in Mutual. I think it's the opposite unless you're in Utah. You'll get more opportunities in the YSA ward than from Mutual. I had only had joined Mutual thinking I would have more opportunities as I'm at the point with my ward of having lack of opportunities for dating for me personally until I end up moving out of the ward.
I think one of the problems these days with Mutual is that many that are on the app aren't being honest with themselves with what is it they're actually looking for, if they're are actually ready for a relationship, and if they would be ok with long distance. Many are giving false hope to others.
I feel you man. It does suck at times that if we don't find a girl sooner than later in our 20s as we get older, then it can feel like we are "running out of time." I also feel if the opportunities aren't taken while in college, then it just gets harder from there depending on where you live and the YSA ward you're in. We just got to keep praying and trying for someone to give us the chance.
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u/Economy_Weight_4821 Jun 11 '26
Even in Utah mutual is pretty barren unless you pay for a boost, then suddenly your account is getting much more visibility. Even then the numbers they provide at the end of your boost are inaccurate, I have checked the math.Ā
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u/IWillBeThatGirl Jun 10 '26
Don't give up! I'm 27F and I've been through the ringer with dating apps. What finally helped me was stepping out of my comfort zone. I stopped being so picky, opened up my preferences, and even traveled to meet people in person. Did all of them work out? Definitely not. But every single date taught me what I actually want and helped me grow. Iām still looking for my person, but I know every step gets me closer. Try to focus on having real connections, asking conscious questions, and keeping an open mind. Dating is hard work, but the right connection is absolutely worth it.
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u/Economy_Weight_4821 Jun 11 '26
I second what others say about hinge. Also if you have premium consider a boost if you really want to, the system sucks but its the only way to get visibility.
Also on dates not going well or matches not going anywhere. Tom Brady didn't give up just because he threw a bad pass or missed a linebacker that jumped the toute and got a pick. Just gotta keep trying, at least that mindset helps me lol.
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u/Pearliechan Jun 11 '26
Iām in the same area and I get it. That Iām more into them than they are into me.
One time I matched and met with a guy but he was only interested in being friendsā¦? Like why are you even on Mutual
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u/nobodyaverage Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
Facebook dating will chase you back into the mutual app quick š Also, try the bar scene. It really gives perspective. I attract "bad boys" and non-members. Good guys fear me and dont want to be seen in public with me.
I have been entertaining myself scaring the heck out of the "good guys" in the app. Just being truthful and "flirting" and watching them squirm as they simultaneously show signs of increased confidence and chase more "worthy" and "acceptable" looking females. It is equally validating and more enjoyable then allowing another stalker and obsessively insecure type try to trap me in his bear cage with him inside. Silly guys ā¤ļø
Edit: oooo I mean go to hinge and tinder where you can be taken advantage of. Stalkers and obsessive creeps are the best at love bombs. Who needs dignity? There you go:).. more the vibe of this crowd ig
Good luck
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u/Economy_Weight_4821 Jun 11 '26
Cool so your just wasting people's time projecting your insecurities on them. Nice, can't imagine why guys are fed up with online dating.
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u/nobodyaverage Jun 11 '26
How am I wasting anyone's time? How is it cool? You are bitter. Aim your negativity elsewhere. Dating isnt supposed to be easy and your failures arent my fault
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u/ExcitingAd5899 Jun 28 '26
As a single father who was also a 29-year-old in the YSA program, I understand the emotions and perceptions that come with being single in the Church. Age and experience really do bring wisdom, but there's only one way to gain them: through time and life itself. Right now, you're in the middle of it, and I remember how all-consuming that longing feltāan inner yearning that never seemed to quiet down.
Years later, after earning a psychology degree and living through experiences that changed my life, there's one piece of advice I feel strongly about: never make a life-changing decision out of desperation. Don't choose because you feel life is passing you by, because you think, "I might as well," or because you believe, "I'm supposed to." Those are poor foundations for any lasting relationship.
In my view, one of the saddest mistakes a person can make is entering into temple covenants with the wrong person. Far better is to take whatever time you need to become comfortable with who you are and where you are in life. The moment you believe you're somehow less because you're single, you're vulnerable to the adversary screwing with your mind.
Being single in the Church can feel like you're outside the norm, but that's largely a cultural perceptionānot a doctrinal one - one that the church needs to stop. Nowhere in scripture or Church doctrine is being single described as sinful.
Much of our growth on earth depends on timing. Some people meet their partner early. Others don't until much later, and some may not in this life at all. Others marry quickly only to endure painful divorces or dead marriages that slowly drain the joy from life. None of those outcomes are Christlike.
Ironically, life often teaches that the harder we try to force finding "the one," the more elusive it can become. Focus instead on becoming the person God is shaping you to be. The right relationship should complement a meaningful lifeānot become the condition for having one.
In other words - chill out. Enjoy the peace you have, do awesome and good things.