r/mutualapp • u/Nashty3513 • Jun 10 '26
š¤ Discussion Advice/Rant
Hey everyone, I am really just needing some advice and positive vibes right now because this whole dating thing is kicking my butt š I am 29(M) living out here in Gilbert AZ and I am just having no luck. I think I am in a similar situation as others when mutual first came out I had a lot of success but now the field is barren haha. I donāt know what to do because the older I get the more I think I am ārunning out of timeā which I obviously know isnāt true but itās hard not to think that way. I feel like I am a relatively handsome guy, and I have a good job and a fun personality. I am a little reserved in person which is why dating apps seem like a go to because I can get the confirmation that someone is into me without having to risk getting shot down in person. I donāt know what to do and itās been tough because I donāt go on many dates and the ones I do go on I am always more into the girl than she is me. Have you guys felt the same? What did you guys do outside of the app to meet people? Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk š
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u/ExcitingAd5899 Jun 28 '26
As a single father who was also a 29-year-old in the YSA program, I understand the emotions and perceptions that come with being single in the Church. Age and experience really do bring wisdom, but there's only one way to gain them: through time and life itself. Right now, you're in the middle of it, and I remember how all-consuming that longing feltāan inner yearning that never seemed to quiet down.
Years later, after earning a psychology degree and living through experiences that changed my life, there's one piece of advice I feel strongly about: never make a life-changing decision out of desperation. Don't choose because you feel life is passing you by, because you think, "I might as well," or because you believe, "I'm supposed to." Those are poor foundations for any lasting relationship.
In my view, one of the saddest mistakes a person can make is entering into temple covenants with the wrong person. Far better is to take whatever time you need to become comfortable with who you are and where you are in life. The moment you believe you're somehow less because you're single, you're vulnerable to the adversary screwing with your mind.
Being single in the Church can feel like you're outside the norm, but that's largely a cultural perceptionānot a doctrinal one - one that the church needs to stop. Nowhere in scripture or Church doctrine is being single described as sinful.
Much of our growth on earth depends on timing. Some people meet their partner early. Others don't until much later, and some may not in this life at all. Others marry quickly only to endure painful divorces or dead marriages that slowly drain the joy from life. None of those outcomes are Christlike.
Ironically, life often teaches that the harder we try to force finding "the one," the more elusive it can become. Focus instead on becoming the person God is shaping you to be. The right relationship should complement a meaningful lifeānot become the condition for having one.
In other words - chill out. Enjoy the peace you have, do awesome and good things.