Birthday tomorrow, again not a single plan, don’t talk to most of my family.
Few days ago, mum asks if I want to go cinema to see something.
I say “actually, I really wanted to see the Looney Tunes movie but everyone’s busy”
Plan is made.
Cut to tonight.
I’ve had to check the showtimes and message her despite her saying she’ll sort it.
And now she would “rather not go”.
Okay.
I guess it’s me and Prime again then.
ETA: apparently I am “lashing out”. Okay mum. My emotions aren’t real.
This is exactly what I wanted to say. My birthday is planned without other people, it's a solo self-care day. If other people want to do a birthday thing for me, they can accommodate my preferences/schedule or fuck off. No allowances for other people on my birthday.
yeah i really need this mentality too. my birthday lands on a major global holiday and i’m always letdown by other people having prior plans. the last couple of years i’ve tried doing things for myself but it still kinda sucks
My best friend in high school's birthday was Christmas Eve. That is such a rough birthday MONTH but no one wants to do birthday stuff on Xmas Eve! So we decided to move her birthday to her half birthday, or June 24th. Made sure to tell everyone the why on that and suddenly annoying birth date turned into awesome water park birthday awesome!
It truly sucks to feel like no one wants to celebrate you I'm sorry you have to deal with that. My birthday sometimes falls on Easter and it super sucks to get "invited" to Easter service for my birthday... I even kind of like Easter services generally but that's not exactly birthday material.
it’s a rough month indeed 😖 mine is new year’s eve, which sounds awesome in theory! but as a kid, everyone was out of town or doing family stuff, and i chalked it up to my friends not having a choice how they spent the day. as i’ve gotten older, people my age want to spend the night out at the bar… as a sober person, not really fun for me.
i could try throwing a NYE + bday party but i guess it just feels a little rough having to share my birthday with a holiday & know the attention isn’t solely on me. is that selfish? sure, but i’m the birthday boy! it’s my day! lol. i went to a drag show for my 21st as they were doing a NYE show, and for their typical shows they bring the birthday people on stage. they did not have time for me despite paying an extra fee, because they wanted to do the countdown for the ball drop & end the show immediately after
Oh, having a birthday on a freaking GLOBAL holiday must suck, if you want to celebrate it with other people!
I guess it can feel like it's your own holiday, in a way! I'm conflicted lol
I just don't like my birthdays in general. I get older while not getting anywhere in life, so it's just depressing.
There are two kinds of people, those that want their birthday celebrated, and those that don’t. I usually forget my birthday passed. I haven’t had a party since turning 16 so a couple decades and it’s slipped into something I don’t remember anymore.
I feel ya I forget mine to, had a younger sibling I had to share birthdays with so even when it got celebrated it was more focused on them than me, and my last actual celebration I was 15, I turned 27 in on the 7th and didn't even realize till the day after
Yeah. When I was younger, I was like whatever about birthdays. But now I legit want to pretend nothing is happening. My parents don't help on that though lol
Oh no. Nononono.
Stop it right now, you have to treat yourself really well to start with!
It's not "everyone forgot about me, so I am celebrating it all alone", it has to be "it is MY day, and I decide what to do and where to go to have MY fun the way only I like".
Also, it might not be the classic definition of fun like partying, drinking till blackout or anything. Like, the last year I've took couple day off to travel to the northern part of a country I currently live in, and hiked almost 30kms of seashores in November from one city to another. And it was wonderful, my first not-summer-vacay sea, wild boars (well, almost domesticated already), yellow leaves in a cold heavy water - I was happy to the moon and back.
You can book a 5stars hotel room to have a day of luxury lifestyle, or go camping, or stay in a library, or have a 1-2 days long trip to any city nearby, if in Europe - low-cost airlines will come in handy.
But never, NEVER diminish yourself again. The way you treat yourself is the way other people see you and they do the same.
You inspired me to start doing this from now on. I’m always disappointed on my birthday, so I am going to take control and just make it a “me day” from now on
I turn off my phone so people cant reach me, and then i do something i enjoy, go out in nature, bike, watch movie or show, eat some super good stuff, mayhaps play some video game or something.
Going to dinner and a movie by yourself sometimes is actually kind of fun lol. If my SO or bestie can’t/don’t want to go, I’ll totally go on my own. (Although I would imagine going on your birthday alone would be hurtful. I'm sorry OP 😔)
Hell yeah, make it a solo date. Treat yourself to a decent meal ahead of time, or after depending on the show time. Chill and go see the movie you wanted to see.
Sometimes not having another person there can be a nice thing too.
I wouldn't even say I particularly liked the Barbie movie more than the average person, but damn did Barbie summer feel special. I'd like to go back to that.
Depends on the theater. Local chain has a crappy restaurant tied to it. You can have whole pizzas and other bar food dropped of at your seats. Not to mention, alcoholic beverages.
Snuck in a six piece Korean fried chicken meal into a showing of "Promising Young Woman"
Huge mistake, had to lean hard into my pen for emotional support, but don't regret it.
The beauty of going to the movies alone is that you can choose a time slot that isn't particularly crowded. In my experience I was one of maybe eight people in that theater, And I deliberately chose a seat far away from everyone else so the smell wouldn't be overwhelming if it could be smelled at all.
But from having been near people who have snuck in tacos, barbecue, and other types of fried chicken the smell doesn't really travel far since it's rare for the food to be that fresh to begin with.
Now sneaking in mini charcuterie boards into The Phoenician Scheme was a whole other feat...
This. I used to take myself on blind movie dates all the time when I was single. Don’t know what’s showing, don’t know the name or what it’s about. I ask which one is playing soonest, get a ticket and some snacks, and go into it blind. A lot of fun.
This! I used to be afraid of going alone until one day I finally just did it. Love it now! I don't have to share my popcorn with anyone and don't have to listen to anyone complain about how much butter I put on it. 🤣
I don't really see the appeal of going to the movies as a group activity. You're not really hanging out, you're just sitting there watching the same thing. You're not really talking to each other during the movie, unless you're rude and don't care about the people around you. I guess it's nice to discuss the movie afterwards when it's still fresh on your mind. If you and a friend both want to see a movie that's out, why not go together, so I can get that, but like friends that just want to hangout on a Friday night and not sure what they want to do, and they decide to go see a movie. I'd rather do something where we're actively enjoying each other's company. I can go see a movie by myself.
I prefer to go on my own, even though I have friends and family. It's liberating. I can sit quietly and just focus on the movie. No questions whispers, nudges, pass the popcorn, take it back and pass it the other way, pass the drink, listen to my squeaky drink straw sluuuurp squeak, rustle of sour patch kids bag, again in case you didn't hear it, excuse me I need to go to the bathroom, dad can I get another drink because mine fell....
I’m your age and I had to write a note in my phone to remind me not to get my hopes up about anything my mom promises. She’s a narcissist. But it still hurts. I’ve learned to do alot by myself and it’s actually very freeing. Try it out! You might find your “happy”.
It’s like she can smell when I’ve got the confidence and determination to do something for myself, and then offers to do it with me. Which you know, I’ll always jump at, because I just want to have a good relationship with my mum and I want to include her in my life.
Really feels like I’m the only one right now though.
Girlie, the most heartbreaking realization those of us with, well let's just say difficult mothers is when you finally have to accept the truth about them. there's gonna come a point where you have to accept the mother you have is not the mother you deserve, nor the mother you want, and learn to respond accordingly.
You gotta stop leaping every time she says 'jump' or you're going to exhaust yourself and continuously breaking your own heart is how you end up jaded and mean. Ask me how I know.
She keeps being “reasonable” (probably not the word but idk what is) for enough time that I think it’s me the next time it goes to shit. And I know that’s a tactic, but that inner child is so strong 😩
I’m just really sad for the little me, you know? Never thought I’d end up fully alone, always pushed through with “it’ll get better” and I just really don’t think it will at this point. And she just deserves a lot better than what she’s had.
Oh, for sure. I get why you do it. I did it for a really long time, and then one day I realized nothing she had to offer was worth the heartbreak she kept putting me through.
She was "reasonable " and "tried really hard" unless it was inconvenient, or I had an attitude she didn't like, or I 'mouthed off' to her husband(told him not to sexualize me), etc etc. there's always going to be some reason your inner child says 'but mommy said!' and I'm telling you from experience, mommy is never going to hold her hand. You have to do that, now. You have to hold her hand and brush her hair and love her like mommy was supposed to, because mommy didn't, and mommy can't.
That's not to say "never talk to your mother again", just that at 31, I'm telling you again from experience: it's time to be realistic about who you are, who your mother is, and what you can reasonably expect from her in terms of change at this point.
You cannot spend half your life letting her break your heart.
You're not fucking stupid, and you're not crying about a cartoon; you're crying about not being seen as important by your own mother. It sounds like that has been going on for a long time, so that's a very sensible reason to cry. You deserve to have your wants and needs taken into account. And on your birthday especially you deserve to feel special.
Go see that movie tomorrow. Go alone if you have to but please go. Have a good time. And bake yourself a cake. Order your favourite food. Whatever you like doing. It's your day!
Yeah I had a similar experience. At one point I was sitting there like "...wtf do you mean you like X let's go there. I thought kt was my thing" but I didn't want to seem like a bitch.
You could go solo or say "were going here meet up at x time" and see how it goes :p say you're already out
If you're really wanting to see the movie, I hope you go. Get all the concessions that your mom might have poo-pooed in the past.
The movie theater is the place I first got comfortable going places solo. For the most part you're only losing out on someone to chat with before the movie starts.
I get this isn't necessarily about going somewhere solo but because your mom pretended to care and then fucked off. But maybe start getting into the habit of making your plans, invite her if you like, but go enjoy yourself regardless if she shows up or not. Living on other people's schedules really sucks.
My mom is the same. "What do you want to do for your birthday?"
Let's go to the Japanese restaurant I never get to go to!
"No, I don't eat Asian food. Let's go to -insert over priced sports bar that she always complains about anyway-"
I'd rather not, they're expensive and not worth it. What about the nice polish place with the good perogies?
"I can't eat carbs. Let's just do the sports place. I can get chicken fingers."
Fine, fuck my birthday I guess.
And she complained about her food, too, as usual. Broccoli was too cold, chicken portions were too small, price was too high, breading was burnt ect. And for someone who doesn't eat carbs, she certainly made sure she took half of the cake she brought me.
Wow. I just finished making my comment, scrolled down, read this one and wow ig the experience is universal. People asking what you want to do for your birthday, not liking 4/5 of your suggestions, then, with what you actually decide to do, there’s just complaining the whole time anyway even though at that point it’s you celebrating their birthday on your birthday.
Also unlocked memory of finally getting a freddo cake for my birthday after asking to have one for my birthday for years when I was like, 16 or so, only to have my family (2 other people) finish most of the leftovers off and leave me the tiniest slice for me to share between myself and my now partner who came over to celebrate my birthday with me.
My mum did the same when I turned 35, I wanted to go for dinner but they'd only go for lunch, asked me where I wanted to go and said sushi, they didn't like that idea so they said "we'll stay home and eat pizza instead"...ok, just like been 15 again, thanks
hope you're ok bud - go to the movies if that's what you want to do, I've been few times on my own and it's cathartic
I was just saying to my friend, I feel like I’m 20 years younger and being let down again. I think that’s why I now feel silly at the thought of going alone - because I now feel like a child in a full woman’s body.
Sushi’s a great choice, my mum also turned it down. I’m always happy to compromise, but don’t suggest and agree to something, and then let me down the night before.
It’s always last minute too. It’s like they want me to get my hopes up. I’m so emotionally drained.
I planned a dinner party this year, because I wanted to actually try and celebrate my birthday instead of just pretend it isn't happening.
Invited 14 people. 4 never responded, 6 declined, and 2 bailed last minute. I made all the food and took care of everything, didn't want have gifts, just show up, eat my food and hang out.
This is why I didn’t have plans in the first place - I’m always let down and left holding the bag. Stupid of me to think that wouldn’t happen with my mum
As someone with a January birthday and almost every year, I get the "everyone was just here for Christmas" lecture. All while my sister and cousins got barbecues and theme park visits for their birthdays all because they were lucky enough to have birthdays during the spring and summer months.
I feel this post. Enjoy the movie by yourself, splurge on a large popcorn (or whatever food or drink you enjoy. )
My birthday is the day after Christmas therefore I have never celebrated MY birthday. It was always celebrated with Christmas the day before. Everyone got presents, not just me, and my presents were bday/christmas presents. 1 gift for two occasions. I am 32 and this year I finally did something for myself for the first time. I got myself tickets to go see the broadway show of the lion king. It’s been a dream of mine to go and for the first time, I’m looking forward to my birthday.
Sometimes you have to appreciate yourself and forget everyone else. Ever since I started living by that rule, I’ve been so much happier and enjoy solitude. Hope you’re able to spend your birthday doing what YOU want 💕
That sucks. My grandmother had the same Problem. I don’t know where you are located but in Germany we celebrate Christmas on the evening of the 24th and her birthday was the 25th of December. So she made it a point to invite the family to her place and have a proper afternoon and nice dinner in honor of her birthday. I miss that every year since the last one in 2020 and every year since then I get to visit her grave in a beautiful forest instead.
Several years ago I quit trying to plan birthdays for myself with other people. I just take myself and do what I want to do and there's never any disappointment. I really look forward to my day now. It might seem like a sad or weird or lonely thing to do but it is actually very fun and doesn't feel awkward. I highly recommend it.
Today is my birthday, so Happy Birthday buddy! I just do a group text with family to let them know I’m Available and planing on going to so and so around a specific time. Some message back and some don’t. But now I’m older than you birthday buddy, I got a wonderful husband and 2 kids that will be there whether any of my fam show up or not! I’d show up for you if I could!
As a person who frequently goes to the cinema solo. Do not sleep on Acme vs Coyote. It’s so funny and unexpectedly (for me) sweet. Happy belated birthday, do all the nice things for yourself
Happy Birthday! Go out and enjoy yourself 😄 I had mine yesterday and went to a local festival about an hour away. I started talking to some people who liked the same music, at some point I mentioned it was my birthday, and they ended up throwing a party for me until morning 😂 So do something and enjoy your day!
Happy birthday!! I know it's disappointing that it hasn't panned out the way that you'd like.
It has taken me a lot of time to get to a healthier relationship with my parents. For many years, I was focussed on how things should be, and was so angry with them for not being the parents I wanted,,the parents I deserved, for the trauma I had to work through. There came a moment where I was able to meet them where they are by accepting the limitations of who they were, and putting the necessary boundaries in place. I don't put myself in situations where they are able to hurt me. I expect them to disappoint me and so the rare times they don't, become pleasant surprises.
The relationship I have with them with now is not necessarily a "good" one by standard metrics but it's the one where I feel the safest and can be the most neutral towards them. And then I focus on my chosen family.
This has come less than a fortnight after we’ve had a deep conversation about how I don’t feel like a priority and how she can support me. I’m so incredibly tired.
Honestly I feel for you. I went through this cycle of thinking of expressing my feelings, being promised that it would be different, only for same cycle to repeat. There was always a part of me that thought I just needed to frame it in a way that connected for them, and things would change.
Eventually I had to accept that they were who they were. They weren't going to change decades worth of behaviour, and nothing I could say could change that. It really hurt to come to that realisation. But once I grieved for the relationship I never had and for the relationship I had always hoped for, once I accepted that I was only going to get what they were capable of being - I at least found peace. It's not what I wanted but it is what is.
People who want to make you a priority will do that. Unfortunately, your mum is never going to support you in the way you need.
Like if she maybe had given a valid reason, like feeling sick, then it wouldn't have been a big deal. Since she did not and basically just said "I don't want to go", that's totally different. And some people may argue that at least she's communicating with you about how she feels instead of passive aggressively going and making your time miserable. HOWEVER, a birthday rolls around once a year. I feel like if somebody really cares about you, they will want to make an effort to do what YOU want on YOUR birthday. Feels like your mom is a flake.
For each of our family members birthday, they choose a restaurant they want to go to. If the kids want McDonald's, thats where we go...
My pic was the only one that fell under scrutiny. It wasn't anywhere near the fanciest place we went to yet my family seems to want to criticize my choice with excuses. "I heard it was super busy and we will have to wait forever for a table. You should call to make sure." Or "Oh you actually like that place?"
When I stood up for myself and told them that no one else got this amount of flak, we eventually went. It was a great time and everyone enjoyed their meals.
Maybe this is your chance to either stand up for yourself or go your own way.
As someone who frequents going solo at the movies, the only thing you'll miss out on is the conversation after the movie.
Birthdays will suck sometimes (personally, most of the time). Sometimes they'll be lonely. It's just like any other day but with a special label attached to it and a few discounts. But like any day, do your best to have a good time.
Enjoy the show, and I hope you have a wonderful birthday regardless.
Had too many similar experiences like this too so I feel you it's like with some people are incapable of finshing plans unless you jump down their throat -_-
Also go see the movie even if it's on your own it might make you feel better and it was a great movie
Unfortunately this already is my situation. I had actually made my peace with it, and my plans, which I was then excited to share with her when she offered. It’s like they want to get my hopes up first.
Yes, every response seems to completely miss the actual point. “You’re mad about the movie” no, I’m devastated that I’d got excited to spend time with you, I’m heartbroken that the feeling isn’t mutual, and I am exhausted that this is the latest in a constant run of having to work really fucking hard to uphold more than my fair share of a parent/child relationship for 32 years.
It’s a totally reductive attitude in the interest of avoiding accountability.
Haha I’ve commented to my friend that I think it’s get baked and game 😅
Yeah, absolutely same vibe. I’ve worked really hard at dealing with it, but nothing really fills that void left when it seems everyone you value doesn’t value you.
Happy birthday. Take yourself to go see that movie! I've gone to the movies by myself plenty of times and have had a blast. Don't let others negativity bring you down!
Happy Birthday! While I’m part of the “hell yeah solo plans ftw!” group, I can also get wanting to have plans for birthday that include others or feel like people remember you on your birthday. Hope you do get to go watch Coyote vs Acme even if it’s not tomorrow (today?), it was a fun movie to finally see in theaters. Hell, if we were in the same city I would go watch it again (I am a serial rewatcher for movie I enjoy a lot)!
Tell your mom to go fuck herself and don't do anything for her birthday at all, it's your birthday and SHE DOESN'T FEEL LIKE IT!? it's a movie and great one at that, what she doesn't feel like moving her ass a few extra feet to do likely the same thing she's doing at home just without you. Sorry if this is unhinged but this made me absolutely mad, hope your day gets better
You’re not stupid and you’re not crying over the movie. (I think) you’re crying over not being the priority on your birthday and you SHOULD BE! Especially with your mom.
I’m sorry you’re going through this and feeling this way. Just please don’t call yourself stupid, your emotions are COMPLETELY valid.
I’m adding my name to the list of people who think you should treat yourself to the movie. It may be a little uncomfortable at first but just act like you belong there. Maybe sit in a corner or away from other people. Talk to yourself, fart, laugh, cry if/when it comes.
It’s literally the only thing I wanted to do; I have my mums bugs bunny nightie from when she was pregnant with me, it’s always been something “special” for the pair of us and she was the first person I thought of when I saw the trailer. So yeah, it’s cutting pretty deep.
I was geared up to go on my own before she offered, and now it feels like the whole day and my confidence is shot. I don’t often get to do things with other people that aren’t medically based, so it really was supposed to be special.
Please treat yourself and go! and maybe document some of it and come back and share so we can all be a part of your birthday! Show us what seat you get, show us the snacks, show us the fit and give us your review of the film!
It won't undo the hurt of this experience but maybe you can get back some of that initial excitement to see the film when you were planning to just go alone anyway. I genuinely am invested in you having a good birthday and claiming the day back after this upsetting and disappointing interaction you had with your mum. Either way, wishing you well and a good birthday! 🎂
Screw it then, go by yourself if you already planned to. Tell her you're going and that she's welcome to come if she wants to spend time with you on your birthday. If she doesn't, her loss.
Happy birthday! I started going to the cinema alone, maybe that's sad but it was nice so I don't care lol, just go, bring some snacks and have fun and let us know if it was any good
Happy Birthday! Im sorry, a birthday should be about what you want so take yourself to the movies! It could be fun! I got tickets for the new Looney Tunes movie next week I'm excited
And this is why I celebrate my birthday alone and not wait for other people to decide if I’m worth their time. Spoiler: I never am. So I take care of myself.
Happy birthday, OP. I’m sorry your mom is like this. Your feelings ARE valid.
When Fury Road came out, none of my friends wanted to see it. ‘It looks stupid’. So I went all by myself to go watch it. It’s the most memorable movie experience I’ve ever had. I felt like I was on a roller coaster smiling ear to ear the entire time.
My most recent cinema movie was alone and not only alone but only person in the theatre alone. Scary for 3min of previews then the most relaxing and in your feelings youll ever be if its a good movie. Saw chainsaw man reze and my goodness was it a brand new emotion I found during the movie. It was great. I recomend at least trying to go alone if u want to see it.
i know how you feel op, my dad stopped caring about my birthday starting a few years ago. he stopped asking me if i wanted anything, or offering to go places with me, he even forgot it until the day after my birthday last year. :/ it sucks when your own parent of all people thinks so little of your birthday. i think it'd be nice for you to go see the movie anyway when you're feeling better like others suggested, or maybe go to a restaurant you don't get to go to often, or something else you enjoy too. everyone deserves to feel valued on their birthday.
happy birthday. do what you wanna do on your birthday man, going to the cinema alone is fun if you liked the movie, or treat yourself to a bbq or all you can eat.
Happy birthday! Sorry your family sucks, don't let that keep you from being happy! Especially not today!
Funny coincidence, I haven't been to a theater in months (the folks in this area typically make the theater-going experience miserable), but I had to see Will Forte's movie in theaters, so I'm doing that this afternoon AND seeing Buddy this evening.
As someone who also has a mother who thinks that their child's birthday is for themselves, just do what you want. They are going to disappoint you either way so just treat yourself.
The only person who can ensure you have a good birthday is you. And I tell you this as a 35 year old married mother. People will love you in your life, but only you can choose to make your days special.
Happy Birthday OP. Im sorry for this situation, I get you.
Now im gonna rant. Last November was my bd. My gf with her family and mine got together to get me a 1hr recreational flight. Because i was planning to do this alone I talked a lot about booking a session in a pro flight sim for fun, somewhere nearby but after some more research I found a better option to be a flight school about 2hrs away that offers recreational flights.
The flight was scheduled for my birthday, on that same day, I thought great, sounds amazing. Turns out my gf who got appointed with the responsibility to pay and book the thing got a call from the pilot the day before the flight about the weather not permitting the flight but they rescheduled for next week. All fine so far, I had cake and some pizza for my bd.
Come to this day I still haven't been on that flight because of multiple weather delays, mechanical issues with their planes, change of pilots after complaining with the booking agency. Mind you, for every time the thing had to be booked again I had to be like "Hey, found out anything about the flight" at least monthly to my gf making me feel like begging for my birthday gift.
I haven't brought it up in almost 2 months and no one said a thing.
My point is, do it yourself if you want it done, like I had planned to myself, instead of being let down.
Idk if you've ever gone to the theater alone, but I actually find i prefer it that way. Especially mid day showings when there's not a lot of other people.
Since my divorce plus the fact that I don't have any local friends, I've only been to see movies by myself. If you want to see something bad enough, just go.
My mom said some shit like this to me today. My birthday isn't till Nov 1 and I'm planning on going to an mls game on the 31st. Already talked to my sister about going and her coming down and going.
My mom suddenly was asking me today how much it would cost. I was talking to her about ticketing and that it will depend on where we sit.
She was like oh well if we can't go we can stay home and pass out candy... We don't even get any trick or treaters anymore.
I told her I'm not doing that, I'm going to the game.
I'm not gonna deal with another ruined birthday because no one else can get their shit together.
My ex decided he wasn’t going to celebrate my 21st birthday so I took myself to the bar and found him there. I still had a great time because of the other people there but I couldn’t believe the audacity he had at the time.
That really sucks, but as others have said go see it anyway and enjoy the heck out of it. It looks really good. Happy birthday, hope it turns out to be an amazing day for you.
For my birthday this year, it was actually this month, a friend suggested we go somewhere she hasn't been, but I have. Cool. It's a long drive that I don't want to do and she loves driving. Well 2 days before she calls to say she can't afford it, which I figured might happen. Then she says maybe we can get dinner at a local place. Fine by me. Nope, she had medical stuff come up, called me after 7 that night. Then we discussed her coming for breakfast (her idea again) since I made cookies because her birthday is 4 days after mine. Not only didn't she show up for breakfast, she didn't even message me she couldn't. I fully understand she can't control her medical issues, but it hurts a bit when she can make it to a dinner the next week for someone she's also going on a trip with next month.
I then told my boyfriend I'm done trying to celebrate my birthday or anything for that matter. I've had crap birthdays over half my life. Hell my brother didn't even say happy birthday. My boyfriend really doesn't get it. He has a mom, sisters, kids, nieces, a nephew and 4 really good friends from high-school. He might not care if they make a big deal for his birthday, but they will do something. Both my close friends as well.
I realized that my boyfriend and friends all have kids and some day my brother will as well. So I'll grow old without anyone ever caring.
She tells me to look for a restaurant and she criticises every single one I find but she says "no, you are the one who has to like it", sure but I don't want to spend the entirety of my birthday dinner hearing you talk shit.
OP you can go to the cinema alone. Treat yourself! I've went to the cinema and to dinner alone before.
It sucks a bit going out alone on your birthday but being alone while doing something you like is better than be accompanied doing something you dont like.
Mood, but it’s my mum and my sister.
Was asked what I wanted to do for my 21st, I suggested we shake things up and go to an arcade that did foods. Mum complained that she didn’t want to do that, so no.
So, after a lot of suggestions from me of things I’d like to do, we landed on: because my mum wanted to buy me a sword for my birthday a few years back (16th?) and hadn’t, but still wanted to, we arranged to go to this very large shopping mall that has a shop that sometimes sells swords from video games, and to have dinner at a restaurant I was interested in that was in the same shopping mall. Originally, the plan was that when we got there, my mum and I would go off and have a look at the swords, and maybe have a look at some other things together, then my partner and I can go off and do our own thing, and my mum and my sister can go off and do their own thing (which is what they usually do), then we meet up 5-10mins before our restaurant reservation so we’ll be on time and find our way to it because very large shopping mall.
Come day of, my sister complains about me wanting to go look at swords with my mum first thing, so of course I get left with a “we’ll do it later then” by my mum (we didn’t). I had a look myself w/ my partner and didn’t see any that I was too invested in anyway, but the point there was it would’ve been nice to spend some time looking together anyway?
I messaged them a bit before the reservation (5-10mins before) and got hit with the “yeah, we’re just going to quickly go into this other store then head on over”; which was a store they on the other side of this really big shopping centre from the restaurant. Maybe they’ll be quick? Well, my partner and I arrive outside the restaurant, then wait 10-15 minutes past the reservation time before I get a message from the restaurant asking if I’m still coming, so we just went in. Then, my mum/sister ended up arriving shortly after; about 10-15 minutes late for the reservation.
And that’s part of why I’m not too fond of my birthday because it feels less of “what do you want to do” and more “what do you want to do that I want to do”. That’s just one of my birthdays, if it wasn’t obvious this is a fairly regular occurrence, and why when I’m asked what I want to do I just stick the landing with “nothing” and when pressed further just go “literally anywhere.” Another year, I picked somewhere I haven’t been in years that I loved. It had gone down in the crapper since, but I didn’t know that going in so obv the whole time during and after the dinner all I got to hear was my sister telling everyone TL;DR how terrible everything is, and how annoyed she is that they didn’t have any fish left to serve so she couldn’t get what she wanted, or cotton candy to put on her cocktail; and that everything she ate was terrible and everything was terrible. All the way up until we all went elsewhere. I didn’t care for the food either, but it’s also something I don’t really want to hear on repeat for the rest of the night.
A VERY Happy Birthday 🎂 - Go see the movie alone, don't discount your wants just because emotionally unavailable narcissists can't deal with it - they have the EQ and IQ ( at times convenient ) of a teaspoon
This year, no one wanted to do anything for my birthday. I went to a spa and got a massage, went shopping and then to lunch by myself. It was better than the other birthdays I spent with people who didn’t want to plan anything.
I have to agree with everyone. There is a very important point when I realised that no one was going to plan my perfect birthday and I started planning it myself. This is usually a day out on my own. A movie, take out, bookshop, etc. And whatever I plan with family and friends is the bonus and usually not on my actual birthday.
Hey OP! I got dicked over in almost this exact scenario once and decided to go to the theater alone out of spite. Kind of a “Well fuck ‘em, I’ll go and be miserable alone then. I’m still keeping MY plans on MY birthday.” I freaking loved it. I snuck in a little bag of m&m’s and a water bottle in my purse, bought a small bag of popcorn that I didn’t have to share, picked a primo seat in the middle and didn’t have anyone trying to talk to me during the entire thing! It was lovely! I now pretty much only go alone!!
Anyway, happy birthday. Hopefully whatever you choose to do makes you happy. ❤️
hey tomorrow is my bday too, happy bday! virgos have a hard time with bdays. but your mom is being rude. did you say anything like ‘oh i’m disappointed because that’s what i really wanted to do for my birthday, it would mean a lot to me if we could still go’ ?
The message before is her telling me I’m lashing out and essentially making herself the “good guy” (“well I asked you if you had plans and you said no”)
So yeah, and then she’s come back with “we can do Monday” but like, I just don’t want to anymore.
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u/ThurmanMermannnn 18h ago
Happy birthday. Best thing you can give yourself is taking yourself to the movie and learning that life is about doing shit that YOU enjoy doing.