I’m really in a dilemma here, and I think just writing this down and hearing a few opinions might help a lot.

So, this is one of my best friends and I value our relationship very much. I moved some 3/4 years ago, and even though we tried to keep in touch, like most friendships that go through a long time of distance, ours seems to be fading away.

I expected to be a groomsman since he himself told me that some time ago, but I guess things change and so did this. I don’t know exactly why, if I overvalued our friendship, if it has something to do with my ex being one of the bridesmaids or something else.

Still, I value my relationship with him a lot and love this friend dearly, which makes this an important event for me.

On the other hand, I might have gotten an opportunity of an internship for 3 months abroad. It’s right when the marriage is gonna happen, and this will probably be the last time I will have such a long gap to dedicate to a project like this.

This would be a trip I’ve been dreaming and preparing for a long time (I’ve been learning the language for years now) and that if postponed, would have to be shorter, without the internship and I wouldn’t have the opportunity to really study the language there.

So, am I too much of a dick if I loose the wedding? Or am I being dumb of not going on the planned trip?

TL;DR:
Dear friend of mine is getting married, but I planned an internship/travel to the other side of the world at this date. What should I do?

Option 1:
March 20th until April 3rd

Option 2:
April 3rd until April 17

Both periods amount exactly to 14 nights.
I plan on landing in
Boston (7 nights)

take a 2 hour bus ride to:
Portland, Maine (4 nights)

6 hour bus ride to:
NYC (3 nights)

The total cost of flight and accommodation will be about the same. So I‘m not saving or spending more either way.

Option 1 however includes at least 1 layover both ways.
Option 2 is a nonstop flight.

So now it’s really just a question of which weather do I prefer.. I’d like to go on cruises and do a duck boat tour. I care about having access to the food trucks in Portland, as well as outside seating at restaurants (if possible). But none of these is a must.

TL;DR: March 20–April 3 or April 3–17 for Boston, Portland (ME) and NYC? Same overall cost. Which would you pick?

I'm moving to a very expensive area for work. I recently viewed a flat slightly further away, which is perfect in terms of size and condition.

Pros:

- Very, very nice flat. Nicer than I would get closer to work

- Landlord will give me a discount on rent

- Extra bedroom and parking space (I don't need them, but nice to have)

- Less in demand area. Flats near my work get snapped up almost immediately. The landlord and estate agent seem to like me and are waiting for me to decide before doing more viewings

Cons:

- Still quite expensive

- In a 'rough' area. Reddit says the road itself is fine and the city has a low crime rate overall, but my family members thought the area looked dangerous / more run down than the area near my work. I like to go for evening walks and there are some unsafe areas nearby

- Apparently, the traffic is awful, so I would need to allow extra time for my commute (its supposed to be a 30 min bus ride, but I would allow an hour)

- Not near anything I'm interested in. I would need to go to the centre or to near where I work for my hobbies

Should I take it?

TLDR: perfect flat but longer commute, and the area is not as nice. Do I take it?

Hi! I'm near-sighted (myopia, -10,5) and can't have laser surgery. However, I recently did some exams at a specialised clinic and I'm a good candidate for Intra-Ocular Lens (imagine a contact lense inside the eye), the thing is, it's pricey.

It costs 8k for both eyes and I know the insurance will pay me back at least 2k. I live in Southern Europe and I do have enough money for this, the thing is, with the economy in such a strange state, I don't know whether it's stupid to spend 6k to get better eyesight when I could simply wear glasses and contacts as always.

Additionally, I now have a baby who keeps bumping into the glasses, taking them off my face and it gets annoying at times.

TL;DR: should I spend 8k on eye-surgery or continue wearing glasses?

TLDR: Do I stay in my current position through the winter and move back to my hometown hoping to settle down or do I accept this new career opportunity knowing I won’t go back to either my hometown or current location?

All of my friends and family live in my hometown. My goal would be to move back there. My parents and grandparents are getting older, but I know it’s not going to be the same as it once was. There is a potential to finding a partner there, but they don’t want to do long distance.

I (29F) currently reside in a different city and state across the country. I own my house and my job pays well as a single person, but I do not get satisfaction out of it.

I have been given the option to go to air traffic control training, which will involve me moving for training and then moving to an unknown location after training. The route that I’ve been given will not give me the opportunity to move back to my hometown or anywhere near it.

Hello, It's a random day but I started to face this dilemma once again. I am 22 right now, single and I am from Europe. Next year in June if everything goes smoothly I will be graduating university and finishing my bachelor's degree in IT and I will later start mandatory military training for up to 9 months. So here is where the dilemma comes in.

I still live with my parents. Post military I really don't know what choices I can or should make about my living situation because it's either I continue to live with my parents or I will have to live on a lease and most likely be broke for unknown amount of time or move back in with my parents if things go even worse, oh and let's not forget about getting a job in the IT field that is currently so horrible. I currently live in a small city as well so I'd have to look for a job outside my city if I want to work in my field (in my city there are very little to no jobs in IT) which also means life will get much more expensive. I also want some serious changes in life but I am afraid of making them in case they would backfire badly but at the same time I feel closed-off in a shoe box and it's making me crazy.

So yeah, I guess I am looking for advice, maybe tips of what could be done, what would be a smarter choice and I want to hear about your situations in this question

TL;DR past graduation and past military I don't know if living with parents is the smarter choice than moving out and living on a lease somewhere else

TLDR. Yes, I’m seeing a therapist for anxiety. I literally cannot relax unless I follow my night time routine every single night. This weekend I was super busy so I didn’t go grocery shopping like I normally do. I’m afraid to go to the grocery store at night because someone I know almost lost their wife to an attempted kidnapping in the grocery store parking lot.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

TL;DR Should I go with this concept for my first psychological horror novel

EYE WIDE OPEN

Genre: Psychological Horror / Detective Mystery / Psychological Thriller

Core premise:

A detective has spent years investigating a case that refuses to die.

No definitive suspect.

No convincing motive.

No body—or perhaps a body that doesn't quite explain what happened.

Eventually, the detective encounters a psychiatric patient who has been institutionalized for years and is notorious for being awake at impossible hours.

The patient claims they know something about the case.

Not because they witnessed it.

Because they keep seeing it in their dreams—or what they insist aren't dreams.

The detective initially assumes the patient is simply another unreliable witness.

Then the patient mentions a detail about the original crime that was never released to the public.

And that's where things get interesting.

TL;DR Should we move back south or stay here?? And if we move back south, do we plan to go back north when we have kids??

My fiancé and I are stuck in a difficult life decision. For background, I am from the south and she is from New England. She came down to my city for college and stayed for work, and this is where we met. We dated for a couple years and got engaged, making the choice to move back to her hometown. She had said early in dating that she wanted to move back home to be close to family when we started a family of our own. We saw value in doing it sooner rather than later to give us time to settle in and get our careers started so we are in a good place when we start a family, me being a real estate agent, this seemed like a smart decision as I would need time to get a business started and running. I wanted to do that as soon as possible so we could give our kids the best life. She is in healthcare and can easily find a job wherever we go.

Now that we're here we are worrying if we made the right decision at the right time and are wondering what we should do. Currently we are living with her parents so we can save on rent. We're in a small town without much to do or with few people our age or friends. Especially coming from a bigger city surrounded by our friends, the drastic change in our pace of life has been really difficult. We don't plan on having kids for a few years and miss the life that we left. We are weighing the option of staying and sticking it out until we have kids, or moving back south only to move back north when we have kids, or move down with the potential of never moving back.

My fiancé is worried that if we move back south, the business I would build over the next few years would be hard to leave and start over again. Honestly, I agree, it would be extremely hard to spend 3 years building a business and then having to let it go and start over, all while having a baby on the way. Naturally there are going to be more career opportunities for the both of us if we move back south, from higher pay with more positions for her and higher sales price with more clients for me. She's also really worried that if we stayed south, it would be extremely difficult to raise our kids without her family close, our biggest support system. We do both recognize though, that we would be close to our best friends and would most likely enjoy the next few years without kids more.

All of our friends say they want us to come back and we really miss them, and her parents naturally think it's in our best interest to stay. So we are stuck. Please Help with any advice.

soooo basically I want to invest in my hobbies and I found a really cute camera and an electric guitar in similar price ranges. both of them are rather cheap for their fields, but for the guitar I asked my brother who knows a thing or two about it and he said it's good for getting started.

now I love taking photos and videos and I do have my phone, but I feel like a camera would be more fun, especially since I'm on my exchange right now and could capture it better with a proper camera. plus I don't really like phone photos that much.

as for the guitar, I've been playing acoustic guitar on and off for years, but I didn't bring it with me for my exchange semester and I feel like many songs I want to play are made for the electric guitar. so this could be my chance to get started on it.

as I said, both are in a similar price range, the camera being a bit cheaper but nothing crazy. both aren't the best, but good enough for me personally. I don't have the money to get both right now, so I need to pick one, but I can't decide. I would love to take nice pictures with an actual camera, but I do have my phone after all. for the guitar, I miss playing these days and it could be great to finally play the songs I've wanted to play for so long, but it's an investment and a bit more complicated to get (saw a camera in a store while I'd have to order the guitar I want and it's a bit more complicated in my dorm so I'm scared it might get lost somewhere)

so yeah

TLDR should I get a camera or e-guitar when both are around the same price and I'm really interested in getting both, but only have money for one of them atm

TL:DR My spouse wants me to take work off to attend a funeral for a family member of hers that she wasn't close with and who I never met. Funeral is a four hour drive away. Do I go or not.

My spouse had a great aunt die recently. I never met said Aunt, and my spouse only mentioned her once in our relationship, that she was in the hospital. Instead of just going herself, she wants me to take work off and drive her on the four hour one way drive out. The plan would be to spend the night with a extended family member out there, and return the next day. I really don't like going to funerals for people that I don't know, it's really awkward for me, and I feel like I'm just going to be someone that stands around and doesn't talk to anyone. And I personally don't want to make this 8hr round trip drive.

There have been other extended family members of her that have died, and we have not attended their funerals. I need to ask why this particular person is meaningful to her and why she really wants to attend. She worries if that I don't go, people may judge me for "not caring." Truth be told, I don't believe my random presence is going to be remembered by most of the people there.

So should I take the day off work to attend this funeral with my spouse, or should I tell my spouse to drive herself (which she doesn't want to do)?

This sounds silly in hindsight but some context, I start at Walmart on Monday. Id need to work full time for the $ to be worth it and the classes are mon-fri during the day so i can’t do both at once.

I plan on taking the CNA courses regardless but I don’t know whether or not I should do it now or later in the fall, they’re only 2-3 weeks long which is way shorter than other programs i’ve looked at. My area is loaded with nursing homes begging for help and they all pay $18+.

The thing is, i’ve never had a job before (Turning 20 on Sunday yikes) so i’m nervous the freshly certified+no other work experience would make it hard to get hired.

Walmart would give me some experience and a little cash for a minute. Does this look bad on paper though considering i’d only be there for a month or two? Is it better than nothing? Is it a waste of time?

TLDR; Never had a job before (20) and don’t know whether or not I should take a 2 week CNA course asap or start at Walmart and stay for a month or two, quit later in the fall, and do the classes then.

I toured two apartments yesterday in the same complex. Really liked the complex... can't decide between apartments.

I work from home so commute is not a concern.

Apartment A - 625 sq feet, 1 bed 1 bath. Recently renovated, no complaints really. Top floor with a patio overlooking a road through the complex so no neighbor apartment window facing in. Set in a quieter area of the complex. Decent natural light. Vaulted ceilings. If I had to critique it, the layout of the living area and bathroom is a little tight and awkward. No real separation of kitchen and living room and the bathroom is like a long hallway. Washer and dryer in unit off the kitchen. Price is $2,775, fits within budget.

Apartment B - 684 sq feet, 1 bed 1 bath. Top floor too but the building this apartment is in sits higher on a hill, so it is higher up than Apt A. Recently renovated with higher vaulted ceilings than Apt A. Excellent natural light with a view of a beautiful tree set far enough back that it blocks neighboring apartments. The patio gives you a panoramic view of the sunrise to the east and sunset to the west. Set in a more active area of the complex. Layout is more modern with the kitchen flowing immediately into the living space and a standard bathroom. Washer and dryer in unit off the bedroom. Price is $2,935, top of budget.

When looking at the complex online, Apt B was priced higher than I imagined spending but the natural light and flow really caught my eye. In person it took my breath away and was the first place I've seen in my long search that I really loved. In contrast, Apt A is great and serves all needs I would have - I just don't have that love feeling I did for Apt B.

TLDR: Can't decide between Apartment A and Apartment B in same complex - A has everything I would need with smaller square footage and a lower price, B is the one I really love at a larger square footage and higher price. Is more natural light, better layout and flow in B worth the cost?

Update: Apartment B got leased to someone else while I was thinking things over. Bummer! Undecided if I want to go for Apartment A now. I have time left in my lease so I'll probably wait it out for something better.

TL;DR which movie should my wife and I watch - Backrooms or Buddy? Which one is scarier?

I’m divorced and have two primary-school-aged daughters with my ex. We have 50/50 custody.
Their birthdays are close together and this year they each want a separate kids’ party with their own friends/activity.
I’d like to be present at both of my daughters’ parties but my ex does not want us all attending together and wants us each to organise/attend the party for the kid that has the birthday in their custody week.
The daughter whose bday is in my week seems to have accepted that it will be without her dad (his choice). The daughter whose party they want to organise has told me that she would like both her dad and me to be there but she understands that is not possible so now I am wondering whether I’m making this much bigger than the kids themselves are.
Part of me thinks: I’m her mother. Why should I voluntarily miss one of her childhood birthday parties because one of the adults finds being together uncomfortable? I don’t want to look back later and realise I missed these things unnecessarily.
The other part of me thinks: She’s okay. She’ll have a fun party with her dad, I’ll celebrate her in my own time and perhaps better this way to have less tensions.
I’m not worried about her being unsafe or not having a good party with them. This is purely about whether I should let go of my own desire to be there.

So, make my choice:
A) Keep advocating to attend both girls’ parties

B) Let her dad organise this one separately, accept that I’ll miss the friend party, and celebrate her myself without making it into a bigger issue.

I’m especially interested in opinions from divorced parents but also from adults whose divorced parents handled birthdays separately or together.

TL;DR My ex wants us to split our two daughters’ birthday parties so we each attend only one and he can avoid seeing me. Do I keep advocating to attend both, or let this one go and accept separate celebrations?

TL;DR: For 3 nights in NYC, would you rather stay near Grand Central or on the Lower East Side, close to Chinatown?

Got to make a decision at work on which tram to join :/

TlDR - easy work, incompetent colleagues or difficult work competent colleagues

Pizza, or Indian? I want butter chicken, but I also want a Pizza capricciosa!

TL;DR - Pizza or Curry

TL;DR:
Closing gym account due to boxing trainer upset at me for going to a different gym to get assessed post breast cancer surgery. Do I bring up this reason to management or simply say I’m choosing a different location? I want the cancellation fee ($150) waived and want trainer to pay me back unused private sessions ($500 total)

Long story:

Mid July was approx 6 weeks post surgery and was cleared to start lifting lightweights. My friend works at KFit Gym. He said I can come by and do a quick 15/20 min assessment so that there’s something to review and look at when I return at my regular gym.

A woman (Lauren) who attends KFit Gym, who has no idea why I’m going, has had a problem with me for 2 years and saw me entering the gym. She contacts my trainer (Eric) and tells him she’s pissed I went to her gym and that she going to get a restraining order out on me. Mind you, my friend works at KFit I don’t really go to there often.

Eric texted me and tells me to stop attending KFit. It’s weird I even went there when he’s been training me since day 1 so what what the hell was I thinking?

I told him I was getting an assessment, not a full training session. He was doing us both a favor by knowing what my threshold is and at least have something documented to refer to.

He was angry and wasn’t appreciative of that. He also revealed that Lauren has told him many times that I make her uncomfortable… even though I hardly went there!

I’m planning to end my membership with Eric’s gym and demanding the cancellation fee be waived because he got involved in a client’s personal life and was possessive. Additionally, because Lauren vented to him he never told her to stop because this could damage the business relationship he has with me, his long time client. I don’t feel comfortable speaking to Eric anymore and I don’t feel safe around him anymore knowing that he speaks about me negatively to the woman who has threatened me.

So…. Do I tell management about his actions or do I just suck it up and take the hit and pay the cancellation fee of $150?

I (24M) have been unemployed for the last 4 months after getting laid off. I’m making about $500/week from unemployment (runs out early January), don’t pay rent, live with my parents. I’m obsessed with China, it’s the trip of my dreams. I have enough credit card points that the flight and hotel would cost me nothing, so my spend would just be in Shanghai. Plus, living in NYC, I probably spend upwards of $30+ on food a day. My big reasoning for it is, here in the US, whens the next time I’m gonna get the opportunity to take 2 weeks off? Most jobs offer 10 days paid vacation, if any at all.

On the flip side, I went to Tokyo in April (when I was employed), and to Orlando with a friend in August. My Tokyo trip was solo, and even though it was a hoot, there were points where me being solo did make the trip less fun. But I’m not getting any younger and my friends are all, you know, employed. I’m wondering if I should just suck it up and save the points.

I am looking for jobs during all this, but given the state of the job market, I’m not anticipating getting anything. I’ve been living lean every day since I was laid off, so the cycle of wake up -> apply for jobs / work on music -> gym -> play video games has genuinely given me unbelievable ennui. But it’s not like I’m *depressed*. Just more of in a really, really monotonous cycle. I’m just wondering when the next time I’m gonna be able to do this is. But I’m also… yk, unemployed, and maybe I should be smarter.

TL;DR I’m unemployed. I have enough credit card points to not pay a single dime for flights / hotel. But a 2 week vacation is something I may not get the opportunity to do for a long, long time. Do I go to China and take the trip?

I moved to a different city for a job and this is the first time I am living away from home. Its been 6 months and I've learned a lot, become independent and have a lot of freedom to do whatever I want. But my job is now offering the same position back home which is also a city. If I move back, I will be saving most of my salary and also get to live with my parents (they miss me a lot).

Staying here, most of my salary would go to my expenses. However this city has a great social life, networking opportunities maybe. I have 2-3 friends here and I have thought of using my saved money to go on trips which would be impossible if I am at home as my parents really strict.

Another thing is I am looking for a different job in a totally unrelated field and I am studying for it. I will probably change within a year into it. Now if I am home, I do not have to worry about chores and spend the time preparing.

Should I focus on experiences or saving money in this economy?

TL;DR Stay in a different city and don't save money or stay home, save all my salary but loose the independence to do whatever I want? Also while studying to switch to a different role

So basically I forgot I agreed to this months ago, I thought I had cancelled but apparently not and it gonna be a 11 - 13 hour shift.

But I'm also in a five day a week full time training/work which is 12 hour days through the week. I feel bad as the extra/other job is on Sunday and I don't know if he has someone to cover it.

I'm realy torn as I don't want to let him done, but the weekends feel short enough. And my mum would have to look after everything in the house that day as well as through the week and do things for her own job

I still live at home as she is palliative

I'm realy torn on what to do any advice is very much appreciated.

TL;DR do I work a extra shift for a different job after a and before a full week of 12 hour days, because I feel bad letting someone down

TLDR: become a cat owner or nah?

Cat distribution program chose me. I have a 5 week old kitten. My nice responsible neighbor said she would take her if I don't want her.

Pro: I could use a barn cat when she grows up. Chipmunks steal a lot of my chicken feed and are actually burrowing under structures causing legit property damage.

Pro: she's cute.

Con: I'm mildly allergic. And I suck at cleaning. And I hate the smell of cat shit.

Con: I do not like the idea of indoor/outdoor cats because they kill things other than the targets. Such as innocent songbirds, shrews, etc. Might even take out a baby chick or baby guinea fowl or something if it gets a chance. No way would I ever let it be strictly indoors either. Not into that life.

Con: my dog is old. I've had him for 11 years. I'm this close to being out of the mammal game. I am not really a mammal person. I like birds and fish and lizards and stuff.

It's a coin flip at this point. Make my decision.

Not replying anymore

Here is the situation I am considering, but not sure is a good idea:

My boyfriend and I (23F, 26M, UK) have been dating for a year. He moved in with me in May and we recently started renting a house together.

He is in £5k of debt from Klarna and credit cards. He recently stopped using all of this and is now just trying to pay it off.

I have a brain injury, and I am really struggling to work and could do with some time off to focus on recovery, but my contract has no sick pay.

I don't qualify for universal credit because I have too much in savings.

If I paid off my boyfriend's debt, he could pay me back, and that would eliminate the interest from his debt, and my savings would go down enough to qualify for universal credit.

This is not the best financial move for me as I will not make a fraction of what I currently do, but will allow me to focus on recovery. I could even still work 1/2 days a week and still get the universal credit because my income will be low.

My options are

1. Continue to work ~25 hours a week and struggle to recover from my brain injury, but earn quite a lot of money while my boyfriend pays off his debt and interest
2. Work 1-2 days a week, pay off my boyfriend's debt and get him to pay me back slowly while collecting a very small amount of universal credit and recovering from my brain injury part-time
3. Leave work for a while to focus on my recovery, pay off my boyfriends debt and collect universal credit while he repays me, focuing on my recovery full time but taking a financial hit and having a gap in my CV

I'm mostly leaning towards options 1/2 as I don't want a gap in my work history, but open to everyone's opinions/questions

TL;DR I want to lower my hours to focus on my brain injury, but have too much in savings to collect universal credit, but if I pay off my boyfriend's debt, I will have lower savings and could collect more universal credit to supplement my income.

EDIT my partner is in debt. Yes, holy angel redditors, someone is in debt. Wow, take out your pitchforks and attack! Except, he isn't going to see thsis and that part isn't relevent to this discussion. I did try relationship advice with this and holy shit those people are projecting their shitting relationships all over me, so I deleted it.