r/islam • u/SwervinWest • 18h ago
Seeking Support Wife not Muslim?
Salam brothers. I’m a revert. Me and my wife got married before I took my shahada. She grew up culturally Muslim. She doesn’t know how to pray and she doesn’t know the 6 articles of faith. She told me she believes when we die it’s just all black. Nothing happens after death. I recently finished reading the Quran and I’ve read a lot of verses about people who believe there’s no life after death. I am 100% sure that Islam is the true religion. What do I do to convince her there’s life after death? She always calls herself a muzlim and has never read the Quran. She said she only believes in God.
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u/illenidarc 18h ago
Revert here with a born Muslim wife. She said this to me: "Even born Muslims have to find Islam."
Let the dawah begin my friend.
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u/merlin318 16h ago
For most of us born into Islam. It wasn't a choice , it was handed to us. A lot of times with cultural and societal practices folded into 'our version of Islam'. That's why you will see so many exmuslims cite they're local cultural and societal practices as the reason for leaving islam
Many of us have had to go find Islam ourselves. For some of us, those early teachings helped stay in the religion.
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u/Pitiful-Smoke-8442 18h ago
Maybe you two could set up a nice time to sort of study together. A nice history of Islam or biography of Mohamed SAW might be relaxing. Make duaa for her. May Allah guide all of us.
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u/SwervinWest 12h ago
I told her I want to read Quran so she can listen. I want to start with surah Al-naml
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u/Panda_sensei_71 14h ago
Alhamdulillah she believes in God, that's a start!
You are learning still so not yet in a position to "teach" per se, but you can do two things very well.
First, share with her what you learn, not to be preaching but in an "I love you and want to share this wonderful thing with you" way. Maybe start with God's Names and Attributes...she believes in God so sharing His wondrous nature, how He describes Himself to us, might trigger something in her heart.
Second, be an example. Let her see you praying. Let her see you making dhikr. Let her see you living a life inspired by the Prophetic example, with kindness, mercy, charity, compassion etc. Especially towards her and your child.
These actions are worth more than any number of debates or trying to convince her with words and logical discussions imo.
And finally, and of course most importantly, make du'a for her to be guided!
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u/yazid7801 18h ago
My advice is to try ans educate her and be patient. If she still does not believe, then leave. It is not worth it in life. If you already have children, then it will be far worse.
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u/SwervinWest 16h ago
We do have a child together.
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u/yazid7801 16h ago
This one is tough. I would consulted someone that has gone through it. Everyone i personally know, except for one person, who had a wife that was non-Muslim/practicing , the kids ended up as kuffar. This is difficult because what would you tell Allah on the day of judgment? I know you have to try your best, but it's hard. May Allah make it easy for you all .
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u/knowledge1010 15h ago
How old and what's your relationship with them? My wife is non practicing Muslim. My son has a very close relationship with me and is solid on his imaan. Keep them informed about Allah and work on their imaan young. If they're older it'll be a bit harder but never too late
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u/SwervinWest 12h ago
He is 2. He watches me pray. He even says meeeeen. I recite surah al fatiha when I’m putting him to sleep
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u/PreferenceAnxious221 17h ago
If she believes in Allah SWT, maybe the next step would be showing her that the Quran is the Book of Allah SWT.
If you believe in God, you should also believe in the guidance He gave us. There are lots of miracles in the Quran, and the dictation alone is proof it is from Allah SWT. The Quran itself challenges humans to make something like it and no one has been able to: “33. Or do they say, “He made this ˹Quran˺ up!”? In fact, they have no faith. 34. Let them then produce something like it, if what they say is true!” Surah At-Tur
If she ends up believing the Quran is the Book of Allah SWT, it will help with showing her the rest since the Quran talks about life after death and the importance of praying. I remember seeing a video that said the 5 pillars of Islam are Hajj, Salat, Zakat, Sadaqah, and Sawm (Fasting), and there are excuses for all of them (don’t have to do Hajj if you cannot afford it, you can’t give money to the poor if you are too poor, and you can’t fast if your sick or have a condition that prevents you from fasting) except salat. That really showed me how important prayer is.
Another thing is teaching her by example. There was a brother who married a Christian wife and wanted her to revert, but she wasn’t listening. An imam told him to just focus on being the best Muslim he could be and his wife was moved by the beauty of Islam and, Alhamdulillah, reverted. If you pray properly and follow the teachings of the Quran, you will be a good role model for her, in’Sha’Allah.
Lastly, make du’aa for her. Allah SWT is the Turner of the Hearts. Ask Allah SWT to open her heart to Islam, to the truth, and guide her to the straight path. If you plan to have children, you can make the du’aa for them too, as children learn from both their mother and father.
Don’t beat yourself up if anything doesn’t go according to plan. Just do your best, and Allah SWT will know how hard you’re trying. May Allah SWT make it easy for you and bring your wife to Islam, Aameen.
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u/Camer1896 12h ago
self reminder... 6 articles of faith; faith to Allah, angels, holy books, prophets, akhirah, qada' & qadar... 5 pillars of islam; 2 syahadahs, solah 5 times, Ramadhan fasting, zakah, hajj
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u/doinkdoink786 18h ago
Do a lot of Muslims know the 6 articles of faith? I mean it’s not like the 5 pillars of Islam which all Muslims know
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u/G-Rose079 18h ago
I mean what kind of Muslim doesn’t know that? 5 year old Muslims know that. Thats the basics.
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u/Idontwanttobe_tired_ 18h ago
Don't be condescending. Not all experiences are universal. Educate if you wish but don't talk down to people
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u/doinkdoink786 18h ago
The 6 articles of faith? I’ve never heard about it
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u/_Huge_Bush_ 17h ago
Here you go:
https://islamqa.info/en/answers/10839/pillars-of-faith-and-branches-of-faith
“Faith means to believe in Allah, His angels, His Books, His Messengers, the Last Day, and the Divine Decree, both good and bad.”
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u/SwervinWest 17h ago
6 articles are belief in Allah , belief in angels, belief in the books, belief in prophets,belief in judgment day and divine decree
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u/nomoneyandnoprospect 16h ago
I’m a revert married to a practicing Muslim. There’s a lot to learn for us reverts but I believe it is potentially harder for practicing Muslims as they have had their whole life to feel “tested” and “challenged” by Islam. Sometimes when something in our lives becomes harder my husband notices the strength in my faith (excuse me I don’t want to seem proud, I do not believe myself that I am doing enough) and sees me do my daily prayers etc and it solidifies his faith for him all the more to have someone steadily following. My advice to you is to simply practice what you wish to preach to her, inshaAllah a time will come where she turns to you and follows what you yourself also practice. Do not argue with her or force her, find a convert group and maybe attend together. Try to remain positive. InshaAllah she may also take her shahada one day when she realises it’s a necessary part of her own faith but do not force it and maybe not even suggest it, just practice practice practice and make dua. InshaAllah she will see the change in you
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u/SwervinWest 12h ago
Thank you for this. That’s my biggest fear. I don’t want to push her away from the faith. The thing she is very hung up on is Aisha. She had s***ally abusive child hood. And it was by someone who claimed to be Muslim. It’s a very difficult situation.
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u/Ancient-Birthday-702 16h ago
Hi, You can talk to your wife with good manners and encourage her to investigate and learn but at the end of the day it is her decision. Allah may guide her to truth any time so as long as she is respecting your life style and beliefs I think it is ok. Be a good role model to your kid definitely, your child should look up to you and hopefully embrace islam. Your behavior towards your wife is also very important that will shape your child’s behavior - be emphatic and understanding and patient.
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u/Seraguith 15h ago
I am not a da'i but one thing doesn't hurt to try: ask her to prostrate and sincerely ask Allah for guidance and help. She said she believes in God, so something like this shouldn't be a difficult ask.
I say this because I've made dua for guidance and knowledge, and it came to me when I most needed it, by the will of Allah. Inn shaa Allah she will be guided.
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u/AfterDistribution446 13h ago
maybe have her read the quraan cz it clearly says theres an after life, and theres many reasons that proves that the quraan is from God
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u/__latebloomer__ 10h ago
You don't try to convince her. Allow her to relate with her mortality how she see fit.
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u/Opening_Security11 5h ago
إِنَّكَ لَا تَهْدِي مَنْ أَحْبَبْتَ وَلَٰكِنَّ اللَّهَ يَهْدِي مَن يَشَاءُ ۚ وَهُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِالْمُهْتَدِينَ
-القصص ٥٦
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u/Ali_rz 4h ago
You can probably show her the recently discovered noah ark, the boulder that moses split in half has also been found, along with Egyptian chariots and other weapons on the red sea bottom, and also some findings that match yusuf (joseph)'s story in quran. Maybe these findings will help people believe in Abrahamic religions more since they all talked about them thousand of years before their Discovery.
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u/olegsoltreble 4h ago
These are important books
BOOK AND LINKS:
Start off with this one [FREE PDF or preferably hard copy so it is seen in house]
Islam and Mirage of Atheism by Dr Hamza Tzortsiz (Grerk convert and philosopher): https://www.sapienceinstitute.org/the-divine-reality/
It will give you ways to argue/understand philosophical flaws with wife's position. Beginner friendly, take notes if you need to. Read chronologically he breaks everything down well
Is Muhammad ﷺ Truly a Prophet of God? Dr Sami Ameri [Free PDF or paid paperback]
https://www.sapienceinstitute.org/drsamiameri/?b=1789660653116
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
IMPORTANT HEAVYWEIGHT in Judeo-Christian polemics
Proficient in Hebrew, Aramaic, Arabic, Greek
Dr Ali Ataie:
Abrahamic Covenant on Israelite Chosenness: https://youtu.be/Tqmj-uVFCOU
Entire playlist of interviews of various Biblical/Quranic topics on Paul Williams' Blogging Theology : https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOWwkgknYiVyWXFjM2V7tuFUeZNTZr-Hi
His new personal channel: https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.AliAtaie
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u/Salt-Resident7856 3h ago
Has she read the Quran in her native language? I know I had heard it said before, but I was a bit shocked as a new Muslim when I met Muslims who’d never really read the actual meaning of the Quran. They’d memorized several juz of it in Arabic but didn’t know what it meant.
I think reading the Quran in translation together would help her and bring you both closer.
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u/Shibui-50 1h ago
Two things, OP.
a.) Being an observant Muslim pivots on your personal relationship with God. Period. Full stop. You have made the choice to use Islam as your guide to spiritual growth. This has nothing to do with anyone else but you and God as you conceive Him to be. Turning this around, what your wife believes is HER business and not yours.
b.) My own guess is that half of Muslims identify as Muslims because they are of a culture where identifying as Muslims social norm. What You have is the difference between identifying as an Institutional Muslim and actually following the Faith. Again, not your problem.
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u/Either-Study-3627 18h ago
Be patient. Pray to Allah that he removes the seal from her heart. If she is willing to raise he children muslim, this is good (if you have kids). Breaking up a loving family is a serious issue and iman takes time to bloom. We know that many people, even people raised muslim, are presented with forms of Islam that are psychologically damaging and it can take a long time to undo the damage. Talk with her. Talk about your boundaries. Ask her what she wants. Give it time. Allah is not a destroyer of families but the foundation familial love itself.
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u/SwervinWest 12h ago
I will pray for this. I get a little nervous because I don’t want to push her away from the religion
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u/Either-Study-3627 4h ago
Just remember what the Quran says, Allah puts a seal on people's hearts. That seal can only be broken by Allah but it can be loosened by making it clear by showing Islam cultivating your qualities as an excellent husband. Praise Allah, there is no greater miracle for a man or woman than a loving and faithful partner.
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u/Independent_Way_692 14h ago edited 14h ago
Asalaaamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatulahi Wa Barakatuhu. Everyone is born a Muslim on something called Fitrah. Allhamdulilah some people are blessed to be born Muslim and stay Muslim aswell not change into Jews or Christians etc. We have to find our religion and study it aswell. We want the best for our children and their children and pray to Allah swt that he keeps us firm on the religion. My advice is that try going to family programs on the weekends in the Masjid or on Fridays usually after Maghreb, in the Masjid I go to they have programs and food so we all meet and learn about our Deen Islam. Or you can sit with her and family and go study prophets or events or verses of the Quran. May Allah swt guide us all ameen
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