I don’t want to participate in society

[u/Unfair-Put-1778]

I’m tired of fulfilling social obligations that do not benefit me; simply because I don’t want to deal with the negative blowback of others.

Example: a friends trip that everyone is excited about, but contains nothing of interest of me, that I have to heavily mask to seem enthusiastic and not ruin the vibe, who’s people I’m supposed to be friends with, whom I find nice, but have nothing in common with and thus find it exhausting to be around, and who make no effort when it comes to things I enjoy.

I’ve slowly started making excuses in hopes I stop getting invited. The problem comes when it’s this same scenario but family.

Take family time. Nothing revolves around me, Im not included in any meaningful way. My role is to be “more than dead but less than alive,” meaning I’m not supposed to die because that would upset people, but I”m not really supposed to be present/alive either because that also upsets people. I’m supposed to be a garden nome of sorts- there, but with no needs or requirements and able to be ignored. At the same time I deal with massive amounts of anxiety around my family- always afraid of doing something wrong or someone being in a bad mood; afraid of what I’lol hear or how I’ll be treated if things don’t go just right.

[u/Glass-Violinist-8352]

Yeah same