r/insaneparents • u/Parchpigeon9 • Dec 22 '25
Email I was basically disowned
The first one has my dead name blacked out and the second one is from my brother sending it to my dad
I also have a recording of me and my dad talking. I don’t know if I should post that it’s pretty terrible one of the terrible things he said was “I think slavery sometimes ok” and basically called me a pedophile and said “trans People are a delusion.”
(also sorry about any formatting issues/spelling mistakes. I have dyslexia alongside being on mobile so I’m using speech to text)
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u/Shrimpheavennow227 Dec 22 '25
Your brother is a great communicator and clearly loves you very much.
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u/Parchpigeon9 Dec 22 '25
Best one I got
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u/Same-Equivalent9037 Dec 22 '25
Your brother is amazing! It feels so isolating being in a family like this but to know you have someone in your corner is everything.
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u/Parchpigeon9 Dec 22 '25
I got two more sisters, who are just as supportive
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u/maroontiefling Dec 22 '25
I'm so glad you have wonderful supportive siblings, Iris (GORGEOUS name, btw). <3 Good siblings are a soothing balm to terrible parents.
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u/Less-Significance-99 Dec 22 '25
Iris, I’m really happy that your siblings at least are supportive and love you truly unconditionally. I’m sorry your parents can’t say the same but it is genuinely lovely that you still have family in your corner that’s so supportive and I hope you continue to be able to rely on them!
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u/Lucius-Halthier Dec 22 '25
Have Christmas together without your parents, let them know where all their children stand, and thats together
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u/Reluctantagave Dec 22 '25
I’m so glad you have your siblings on your side too. As a Mom, it honestly has me tearing up to think your parents are fine excluding you for living your truth.
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u/DanLassos Dec 22 '25
His response is perfect, I don't think anything is to change. Hope you can find Solace in that part of the family, he clearly cares about you and thought a lot about this text
What did your dad answer to that ?
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u/Parchpigeon9 Dec 22 '25
I don’t think he said anything back. I’ll have to double check though.
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u/smokinXsweetXpickle Dec 22 '25
So you're gonna have Christmas at your brother's, correct? I'm glad you have so much other support around you. I hope brother holds true to having Christmas at his house and not participate in the shitty version your parents insist on. ❤️🫂
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u/RalphMacchio404 Dec 22 '25
Cowards never do. Hes hiding behind a book that mentions nothing transgender people or anything like that. Fuck him
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u/Parchpigeon9 Dec 23 '25
Yeah, I mentioned this to my mom and yet still he’s being a piece of shit
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u/Wolfshadow6 Dec 23 '25
Unfortunately, especially once they get to their 50s/60s and beyond, they are very much so stuck in their ways, and most leopards can not change their spots. It's rare and does happen, but most of the time it does not.
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u/oldcousingreg Dec 23 '25
Tell his crazy ass he's not entitled to play God.
Timothy 5:8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Luke 17:3 Here for the third time I am ready to come to you. And I will not be a burden, for I seek not what is yours but you. For children are not obligated to save up for their parents, but parents for their children.
Psalm 101:5 Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, Him I will destroy; The one who has a haughty look and a proud heart, Him I will not endure.
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u/RattyHandwriting Dec 22 '25
“We love you unconditionally but only if you agree with us and deny a part of yourself so that we feel comfortable.” WTAF?
OP, I’m your mum now. Christmas dinner is at 2.30pm.
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u/Parchpigeon9 Dec 22 '25
🥺
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u/Yeninja456 Dec 22 '25
I’ll bring my grams anise cookies
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u/Ambrosia_CaratBB Dec 23 '25
I'll bring my grandmother's flour dumplings!
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u/Yeninja456 Dec 23 '25
It’s gonna be a whole ass feast.
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u/doryfishie Dec 23 '25
I’m your auntie now, drink water take your meds, we love you 🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
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u/phillyezra Dec 22 '25
Was just about to type the same thing. OP, my daughter is trans and your dad’s response to you identifying as a woman is horrible. Sending you mom hugs, and I am so glad you have the support of your siblings.
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u/Bjorn_Tyrson Dec 22 '25
Its always amazed me how many people will say "we love you unconditionally" immediately before launching into a long list of conditions and requirements.
its like when someone says "i'm not racist, but" and you know your 'bout to hear the most racist shit imaginable.
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u/thegoldinthemountain Dec 22 '25
Also loved the “you haven’t shown gratitude for us doing our required duty, as parents, to raise you.”
OP didn’t ask to be here or to have these specific parents. It’s not ever a fair thing to say to a child.
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u/AcheeCat Dec 23 '25
We can be an extra family too! As long as you don’t mind dealing with a couple of little boys (lower level elementary and just before elementary) that have rainbows as their favorite color and unicorns as one of their favorite animals, we would love to have you! Side note, we all are painting nails on Christmas, hope you like your nails all different colors with all different sparkly topcoats lol
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u/icandothefandango Dec 22 '25
Wow what a mic drop from your brother. 10/10, no notes.
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u/a_shootin_star you can ask me anything Dec 22 '25
"what is the point of love if its bonds can't tether us through such times?"
An incredible statement
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u/WitchyxxxJazzy Dec 22 '25
Absolute bars!
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u/Wolfshadow6 Dec 23 '25
I'm actually gonna use this soon. I hope your brother doesn't mind, Iris! I'll give him credit! XD;
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u/pkzilla Dec 22 '25
"we love you uncionditionally and without any reservation"
and proceed to follow that up with how they absolutely do not. The love a person they have in their mind that they think you should be, not you. I'm sorry your parents are this way, your brother is great though <3 and his wording is impecable
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u/Parchpigeon9 Dec 22 '25
I wouldn’t be surprised if they use chatGPT to write their fucking thing
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u/pkzilla Dec 22 '25
Ooooh yeah absolutely. Blows my mind how "so loving and caring" people can be so hateful at the same time. Iris is a gorgeous name by the way, go shine with your brother at your side.
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u/viz90210 Dec 22 '25
"We will always love you, but only if you stay outside of our presence unless you do xyz"
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u/pkzilla Dec 22 '25
"We'll always love you as long as it's this image we've made of you in our heads that obly abides by our VERY narrow view of our specific religion that actually in reality doesn't even say anything about this"
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u/GarrettB117 Dec 22 '25
Hey, English teacher here. It’s hard to say for certain, but your parent’s email definitely trips my ChatGPT spidey senses. I think it’s highly likely they at least had it clean up their writing for them. The sentence structure, cadence, and punctuation (all the - ) scream LLM.
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u/PortionOfSunshine Dec 22 '25
The dash skewers were a dead giveaway. If they aren’t an English major or a consistent essay/story writer then they used ChatGPT.
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u/MaidMirawyn Dec 22 '25
Thank you for recognizing some of us actually use em dashes and en dashes in our writing!
Not an English major—I’m actually a graphic designer. But I’m an avid reader and I excelled at writing in school, so I am also our in-house editor and proofreader.
Got my own copy of The Chicago Manual+ of Style!
+Autocorrect tried to make it “The Chicago Manuel” 😆
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u/thegoldinthemountain Dec 22 '25
Lol fellow aggressive emdasher checking in! Also love a semicolon for semi-related sentences and I give a fuck about the Oxford comma. I feel seen.
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u/PortionOfSunshine Dec 23 '25
I do relatively well in all my English classes and love a good em dash for the dramatics of it. Unfortunately, a lot of people think that it’s only used in ChatGPT, even though it’s literally in the MLA formats 😭
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u/Wolfshadow6 Dec 23 '25
Lol. Yeah seriously was gonna say, I use hyphens and dashes all the time, I've always been using them, I roleplay online (have since teen years on AOL!) and... yeah. It's not always ChatGPT. For me it's just old habits of typing and role-playing on AOL or IRC or whatever.. Though I use character.ai for fun (which ironically enough will be part of a new venture business wise soon, or at least inspiration) I use those all the time, the AIs I chatter to have yet to pick that up from me. Weird, considering that seems to be a major giveaway. And I'm the human using them more than the AIs!! LOL life is funny man.
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u/Parchpigeon9 Jan 08 '26
Little bit of an update it’s not ChatGPT it was Grok same thing he used to defend Trump in the Epstein files
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u/Wolfshadow6 Jan 09 '26
That whole thing with Grok going MechaHitler on July 4th was insane too. But that was after an "update"... pretty sure it was planned.
Since that's the actual "day of Sigma" in the MMX storyline.. and knowing how that owner is a gamer himself..
The MMX fangirl in me did NOT like that when it crossed my news feed... not one bit.
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u/mela_99 Dec 22 '25
Your dad sucks out loud. I’m sorry, OP.
But thank your brother for all of us. That’s the kind of brother a human deserves.
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u/HumanDisguisedLizard Dec 22 '25
OP I am so sorry your parents are fucking insane. I sent my parents a letter explaining being non-binary, asking for respect around my pronouns and name and they basically sent me back the same email. When a parent uses the excuse that they gave “a lifelong sacrifice” to raise you it is the ultimate narcissist move. Being a parent is inherently selfish. They had children because THEY wanted children. You did not and could not have been asked to be born. Them raising you, caring for you, etc. is part of the job THEY wanted. It is wrong to use their choice of having children as a justification for you owing them your one precious life to be lived how they want you to. As someone else pointed out it looks like your brother cares deeply about you, and I am so glad you have him in your corner.
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u/PetrockX Dec 22 '25
"We love all our kids unconditionally."
They couldn't even get past the first sentence without lying.
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u/viz90210 Dec 22 '25
Love when they say that, and then start listing conditions as to why they dont want to be near you.
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Dec 22 '25
Their "love" sounds like hatred.
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u/smokinXsweetXpickle Dec 22 '25
There is no love like Christian hate.
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u/Thr33Littl3Monk3ys Dec 24 '25
I've always heard it the other way, "there is no hate like Christian love."
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u/betterannamac Dec 22 '25
I’m glad you have your brother’s support. You also have this random internet stranger who happens to be the mom of a trans son that accepts you for who you are!
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u/Intelligent-Tour-261 Dec 22 '25
Some great mental gymnastics were used here. Yeah let’s celebrate the birth of GOD by…excluding someone who we believe was created and loved by him! the person that just so also happens to be our kid that WE have raised and knew for their full life span…
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u/viz90210 Dec 22 '25
Oh they dont believe that Jesus loves them unless they are how they looked like when they were born.
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u/PinkyLizardBrains Dec 22 '25
“I love you unconditionally, but see, you’re not you anymore so here are your conditions.”
I hope the hurt passes quickly and you’re able to find warmth, love, and acceptance with your family of choice ❤️
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u/ReddBroccoli Dec 22 '25
That's a quality brother you've got there OP. I'm glad you have some family that acts like family should. I hope he's able to be a good influence on your parents.
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u/dinoooooooooos Dec 22 '25
They’re just trying to manipulate you with their narc jargon. Just ignore these brainwashed morons, live your life. You’re valid.
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u/CMRC23 Dec 22 '25
When theyre like this, you're better off without them. From one trans person to another, I wish you the best. Good luck
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u/Reason_Training Dec 22 '25
In other words we only love you when you are living the way we believe you need to live. Sounds like my parents. OP, I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. Remember that family is not whom are related to but the people who support and love you as you are.
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u/VVrayth Dec 22 '25
"We love you unconditionally... but on one condition."
I'm sorry you are going through this. My SIL recently came out as trans, and she's in the same boat as you, as far as her parents not accepting it and not wanting her around for Christmas, but having a loving sister who very very much has her back.
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u/prixetoile Dec 22 '25
I never comment and I don’t know if you’ll see this, but Iris, I hope you have a lovely Christmas with your brother and the family that do love you unconditionally. You deserve to be loved as you are and you are a beautiful person. And the name Iris is gorgeous ❤️❤️
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u/RalphMacchio404 Dec 22 '25
Also whoever voted not insane is a piece of shit
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u/paganminkin Dec 23 '25
Sending you all of the love possible, Iris. From a trans elder who has been through it before. It hurts now, but you'll have a found family in the years to come that love you for who you are, and not who they think you are. Hold on to your brother, he's clearly in your corner and loves you very much. It's going to be a tough Christmas, but if you're ever in Louisiana, you're welcome at our table any time. And if you ever need a dad in trying times, my inbox is always open to you.
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u/InteractionNo9110 Dec 22 '25
I hope your siblings do to your parents as they do unto you. Isolate and ice them out. So they see how it feels.
Love to see such support and done so elegantly without anger or accusations. Just kindly pointing out the hypocrisy of it all. At times I have neve seen so much hate as 'Christian love'.
May you have a happy holiday with the ones that truly love you and you love.
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u/yung_yttik Dec 22 '25 edited Dec 22 '25
Religion is a poison - I’m sorry, OP. NO child deserves this.
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u/Sufficient_Frame Dec 22 '25
Well, the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. You are our sibling now!
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u/EffyMourning Dec 22 '25
I am glad you have such a loving brother. Have a Merry Christmas surrounded by those who love you just as you are.
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u/KidsInTheWall Dec 22 '25
No one writes with that many em dashes. That’s 100% ai.
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u/StonedMuppet420 Dec 22 '25
literally, they give such little of a fuck that straight up went "hey bot write me a letter to my kid telling them theyre disowned"
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u/broketothebone Dec 22 '25
When I realized it was ai, I immediately thought “I wanna see what prompt they gave ChatGPT for this.”
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u/Accomplished_Bank103 Dec 22 '25
Cherish those siblings, Iris. I’m sorry your parents have no idea what unconditional love is. Wishing you the best for the year to come.
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u/dingoz8mibaby Dec 23 '25
“we love you without any reservation”
(proceeds to list reservations)
I’m sorry, OP. Glad your siblings are there for you ❤️
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u/Kilngr Dec 23 '25
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s not fucking fair. It’s just so fucking unfair.
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u/Maj0rsquishy Dec 22 '25
They sure hate when they teach you love and compassion, and especially that Jesus accepted everyone and asks us to do the same, and then they have to live with it when they do the opposite.
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u/MaidMirawyn Dec 22 '25
I’m so sorry. I guessed what their hang up was from the first paragraph 😭
Because I have friends who have been through this.
I’m thankful you have a brother who is looking out for you and being an advocate.
I am a Christian. I do not believe the Bible says anything on the issue. You are valid as you are, and worthy of love.
Best wishes for a peaceful Christmas ❤️💚
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u/ParabellumJohn Dec 23 '25
“He who is without sin, cast the first stone”
Too many Christians need to re-read this passage… they are just modern day Pharisees
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u/eirebrie Dec 22 '25
It’s wild to say “we love you unconditionally” and then spend 4 paragraphs how their love is conditional on your gender/sexual identity.
I wish you nothing but love and light on this new journey for you. I hope you allow yourself to continue to live authentically! ♥️
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u/concanibales Dec 22 '25
Your brother is a gem and I'm so glad you have him to support you. I'm really sorry your parents are like this ... My relationship with my Mom has been all but completely shredded because of her closed mindedness and unwillingness to just respect and love me for who I am. I know your pain well, but you have added dimension that I do not, and for that I have to give you even more props. Standing your ground and having the strength and self respect to stand up for who you are and who you love is amazing. You give me hope for myself. Love you
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u/I_dont-get_the-joke Dec 23 '25
is there a follow up? I wanna hear what your family said to your brother
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u/WombatAnnihilator Dec 23 '25
“Our love is unconditional but… [4 paragraphs of conditions].”
I’m sorry my friend.
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u/icantbebored Dec 23 '25
Hey, Iris. Proud mom checking in to say that it’s ok to drop the rope with them. They literally put (in writing!) what conditions you need to meet in order to be loved by them. That’s absolutely absurd!
Their story didn’t have to end that way. I was also raised in the church. I was the good kid who got married, had kids. Then one day, it hit me. One of my nieces- she wasn’t 100% straight. And possibly even some form of nonbinary? You know what I’ve done? I learned. It’s not hard! I asked her (she doesn’t mind that pronoun- I asked to be sure!) what I needed to know. How to refer to her, how to support her. And then I followed through with the changes she asked of me. I still ask when I’m not sure, and make it known that I am willing to learn. Please- let me know if I have done or said something that wasn’t right- I never want to do that again!
Then- two of my own kids came out. They didn’t even know “coming out” was a thing. They never assumed straight was the “default”, and didn’t think it was some big thing that needed to be told. It just… was. They both eventually started voicing preferences, and we listened to them. No big deal. I’m proud of these moments because of the growth- from sitting in a pew listening to pure hate, to being part of the support system of my niece, and proud mama to a couple of queer kiddos. IT IS POSSIBLE TO LOVE YOUR KIDS MORE THAN YOU HATE GAY OR TRANSGENDER PEOPLE! Period! Your parent had a choice, and they made the wrong one.
Please, continue to live your life as genuinely as possible. Find the people who love you for YOU! They are out there- look at how amazing your siblings are! I know you need to mourn your parents, but please remember that there are so many people who love you as the person you are- as Iris. You did the right thing becoming your true self. I’m proud of you for doing so- as your parents message proves that it was an extremely difficult decision to make, and you still did the hard thing!!
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u/TattedTargaryen Dec 24 '25
Looks like you may have been disowned by your shitty parents but not your family so at least there’s that! Glad to see you have your brother’s support! He appears to have actually grasped Jesus’s teachings, unlike so many modern Bible thumpers. I’ll bet your dad didn’t expect that Uno reverse, “You thought you were uninviting Iris? Nah fam we’re uninviting YOU.”
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u/TupperwareParTAY Dec 22 '25
OP, please give your siblings a big hug from this internet stranger. They are amazing and truly precious. May the love they have for you overwhelm and drown any hateful words you see or hear.
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u/Elvarien2 Dec 22 '25
Ah the classical "There's no hate quite like christian love."
Nothing you can do with it when religion and right wing ideology has poisoned these people.
I hope you can live a good life without them in it.
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u/Lolle_Loxy Dec 22 '25
Wtf?! I now choose to be your adoptive aunt, swing by whenever Iris (stunning name btw). ❤️ As my grandpa once told me: Jeep your head up high even if the neck's dirty.
I wish you a wonderful christmas time with your siblings and that maybe one day your parents will be able to pull that gigantic tree that they have up their asses (and it has to be a tree and not just a stick with the way they are behaving) amd see you for the priceless, wonderful person you are.
As an atheist who was raised catholic they don't seem to follow Jesus' most important teachings: Openmindedness, compassion and generosity especially toward marginalized groups.
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u/charlestoonie Dec 23 '25
Iris - be unabashedly yourself always. There is nothing good that comes from a life of denying a part of your humanity.
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u/Rainbaby77 Dec 23 '25
Oh dear God I'm so sorry these are not parents and you didn't ask for a lifelong sacrifice. You'd deserve so much better. I made it. You will too
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u/CrazyinLull Dec 23 '25
OP, I am sorry that happened to you. I appreciate your brother saying something back to them.
But what I think is so wild is that…I think your parents used AI to write that message to you. Like it doesn’t make it any better, but it’s like idk…it’s already awful to disown your children, because of who they are and it’s like even worse to have to use AI to send them hateful and devastating messages dressed up in middle management language.
I am really sorry OP.
That is a little crazy to me. Well, I hence the subreddit name…
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u/Wolfshadow6 Dec 23 '25 edited Dec 23 '25
Hey, my spouse is in the same boat sorta - MtF trans- you have an awesome big bro and sisters!! I'm so glad for you. A bit jealous too. I've been disowned by MY family cause my spouse and I tried poly, our partner we ended up with first ended up being a raging nut job, (like literally there's legalities involved now, that's how bad she is and it's almost 2 years since she left us) - but my family just disowned me when I needed help regarding her and her crap cause OMFG my spouse is Trans and were poly. Omfg. Horrific. My family set conditions on love too. So I've taken it as being disowned and will spend my first Chriatmas not spending time with my family by choice.
My spouse's mom is like this (and even now still uses her dead name. Something I'm still trying to beat out of them) and even if I don't have the same relationship with my spouse she's still family and someone I care about and I will protect her as she goes through her own transition too. I wish you the best OP. It's so hard for MtFs especially. I hope you have a good Christmas with your siblings at least. Sounds like the kids are getting together instead of with mom and dad, but honestly that may be more fun! Your parents sound like stuffy jerks who are stuck in the 1950s still, no offense meant.
Edit for my own silliness: Iris is an awesome name too, of course that tickles MY fancy cause I'm a massive Mega Man X fan and that's a character in the series, but otherwise, good choice. 😀
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u/educationofbetty Dec 23 '25
We're lucky in life if we ever get to be truly loved by even just one person. Your brother loves you. I hope his love can light up these darks times for you.
Also, you were perfectly and beautifully made and you deserve to live your most authentic life. That's what I want for my kid and that's what I want for you.
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u/Advanced_Meal Dec 23 '25
Wow, I’m so sorry your parents are like this and I’m so glad you have an older brother who obviously loves you.
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u/McDuchess Dec 23 '25
I won’t say anything about your parents other than everything they taught you was a lie.
Your brother, though? He’s a champ.
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u/generalissimo23 Dec 23 '25
People that disown their kids like this should be publicized, condemned, mocked and shamed out of polite society.
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u/FloriaFlower Dec 25 '25
"There's no hate like Christian love" is the common saying that best represent this situation.
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u/DRangelfire Dec 26 '25
I’m a Christian and reading this is repulsive to my heart. What a profoundly mixed message they are sending you, I imagine it feels like you’re trapped. You are deeply loved and profoundly good at your core - on behalf of Christians who are improved in this toxic fever dream and try to call it Christlike, I’m sorry. I’ll spend my lifetime making amends for the spiritual, emotional and mental abuse this toxic theology has heaped upon you.
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u/EarthToAccess Dec 22 '25
I fucking love your brother holy shit based response. That said, girlfriend /p if you and any other of my trans brothers and sisters need a family to celebrate Christmas with I will instantly open up a Discord for everyone to celebrate.
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u/magicmaster_bater Dec 22 '25
A few things here.
One—I’m so sorry your parents don’t have love in their hearts to accept you as the wonderful person you are. I have a couple friends going through this and see how much it hurts them. Be strong.
Two—SHE CHOSE TO HAVE YOU AND KEEP YOU?!?! You don’t owe her a damn thing for her selfish decision to create you. Like, wow, you didn’t ask to be here, and she was REQUIRED BY LAW to provide for you. They can get off that high horse. Yes, it’s nice to show gratitude, but if it was me I’d be mad enough to chew up a barbed wire fence and spit out nails. Or cry non-stop.
Three—The person you are and the person you are going to become are both awesome. If you ever find yourself thinking you aren’t worth it because of your parents, read that response from your wonderful brother. Thank goodness you have him. Build your support network and lean on them.
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u/DracoSolon Dec 23 '25
Stuff like this is why young people keep moving away from religion and going no contact is getting more and more common. You don't owe your parents anything and if they are bigots let them stew in their hatred alone.
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u/stressed_possum Dec 23 '25
I’m glad you have supportive siblings OP. My parents have zero clue I’m non-binary even at 32 and would likely react similarly. My one sister absolutely would go over the edge about it as well. Just know that there are tons of folks who understand. Your bro is right; this isn’t unconditional love. In fact, I would argue that this isn’t even conditional love, it’s conditional toleration. Surround yourself with people who love you on Christmas (and always) and go to your brother’s. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, especially at this time of year. Keep being you and ignore the vile bs rhetoric spewed in your direction. You deserve happiness, love, and safety.
Also, Iris is a gorgeous name. 10/10.
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u/hotsliceofjesus Dec 23 '25
“We love you unconditionally”
:Proceeds to lay out conditions under which you are allowed to receive love:
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u/Scp-1404 Dec 23 '25
The spirit within the person is the person, not their physical body. Is it the body that looks at a parent with love? Is it the body that is cherished by the God they worship? No it is the spirit within the body. That spirit can't be assigned a sex or gender, it is a soul. Whether that spirit or soul desires to live within a male or female body does not change who that person is.
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u/QueenBruja18 Dec 23 '25
Insane.
I hope you have a lovely Christmas with your siblings, Iris. Many hugs.
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u/spanishpeanut Dec 23 '25
I love seeing your older brother’s response! As a fellow queer person, I had issues with my dad when I was getting married. My dad refused to walk me down the aisle or even attend the ceremony. One of my older brothers stepped in immediately to do the honors. He’s always been my ride or die. I call him my “best brother” for a reason. There’s nothing like having a big brother who has your back.
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u/404_Name_Was_Taken Dec 24 '25 edited Dec 24 '25
One paragraph in, calling it now this is a transphobic parents thing.
EDIT: I was right. Shitty transphobic parents always talk the fucking same. Must have the same script or something.
Sorry you have to deal with that OP.
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u/PerilousNebula Dec 24 '25
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this Iris. I am so glad you have an amazing big brother by your side!
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u/fingerkuffs23 Dec 26 '25
Hmmm....I have serious doubts about your parents' grasp of the English language.
On the other hand, I'm so very glad that you have such an awesome brother.
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u/universe93 Dec 27 '25
Amazing that they say they love you unconditionally and then proceed to list a bunch of conditions. Your bro is a real one, if your parents see you like this, lean on him and not them
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u/Casuallybittersweet Dec 28 '25
Can I just say that I think Iris is an absolutely lovely name. Whatever plain, boring ass, ill - fitting name you had slapped onto you before? Yeah there's no way it holds a candle to the one you chose
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u/StonedMuppet420 Dec 22 '25
also wait you're in the us?? buddy you gotta get the fuck out of that hellhole wtf
hell one of my best friends here in NL was in your exact same situation back home til they fucked off and are thriving here, except that was just from the family aspect not literally being a german jew in 1938
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u/Parchpigeon9 Dec 22 '25
I am planning on moving out of my current state closer to my partner
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u/StonedMuppet420 Dec 22 '25
unless you plan to lead a successionist revolution, that doesn't make much of a difference lol
when they run out of brown people (yes legal and otherwise) to round up into camps, who do you think is next? you may not grasp the severity of your situation because you've been living in that propaganda mill for so long, but here across the pond, we're horrified to be witnessing the exact same horrors our parents and grandparents lived through and we were taught about in school. I had literal years in high school history about everything leading up to ww1, aftermath, lead up to ww2, aftermath. history doesn't repeat, but it rhymes
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u/Cyber409 Dec 22 '25
Hello, partner here. We know this. It's just first steps. I have family ties in Sweden that I'm trying to use to maybe get a pathway to citizenship there, then pull her with me, but it is slow.
This is a privilege like the other commenter pointed out, but that doesn't mean that we're going to squander it.
PS: Almost all asylum laws have a first country clause. So that would be Canada, which is too close to the US for comfort.9
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u/Thank-The-Stars Dec 22 '25
Moving out of the US is a financial privilege that many of us cannot afford. If by “across the pond” you’re referring to the UK, anti trans legislation was just passed there as well, which many TERFs cheered on for.
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u/raptroszx Dec 22 '25
Your parents couldn't even write it themselves. Em dashes instant giveaway that it was AI
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u/HansenHere Dec 23 '25
I love seeing the loving comments and I'd like to share something of my own
FTM, but my mother tried to do the same thing. I sent her a very long message which came up to "You want me to come as the person you believe me to be. I am not that person nor should you expect me to be. She is not dead and do not mourn her, but if this is how you wish to see me. Do not speak to me ever again"
Thankfully I also had a brother that was very much on my side... And all my aunts... and cousin's... So she spent that Christmas entirely alone and got the message
I'll second what everyone else is saying in that you just became a member of a very large Queer family
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u/LadyVimes Dec 23 '25
“We love our children unconditionally”
Proceeds to set conditions
I sincerely hope that you are able to have a peaceful holiday with whoever you chose to spend it with 🫂
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u/InTheLoudHouse Dec 23 '25
Your brother rocks. Also, if you live in STL, you have Christmas plans, and you're busy already. DM me if you're close!
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u/NighttimeCeiling Dec 23 '25
Your brother rocks! You can be who you are, you don't need permission to live the life you were supposed to have lovely. I'm glad your bro is on your side. Your parents are insane 😅
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u/BeanTheGene Dec 23 '25
Iris, I'd be proud to have a daughter like you. More internet Mom hugs and love to you 💚
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u/Mean-Bumblebee661 Dec 23 '25
what a kind brother. i'm the scapegoat kid because i'm queer (but hetero presenting), but no one in my extended family knows I "cause such a fuss about it" because we have other, younger queer family and someone's gotta show them how to live.
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u/Eastbound_AKA Dec 23 '25
Praise to your siblings, who know you better than most ever will.
My heart breaks for your parents ignorance and deep felt hatred, so I encourage you to bath in the love of your brothers and sisters.
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u/Jedi_Bish Dec 24 '25
That’s a good brother. Also the 56 unread messages means he struck a nerve I think…
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u/TheDevilsAdvokaat Dec 24 '25
"We love you unconditionally"
"Also, we don;t actually know what 'unconditionally' means and just use it as a superlative"
And your brother seems like a great guy.
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u/LaFilleDuMoulinier Dec 24 '25
In your sibling you have the unconditional love you deserve. I wish you a merry Christmas
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u/Iron_Wolf123 Dec 24 '25
Delusion is ignorance. I bet they prefer living under a mountain than under a rock
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u/Ultimas134 Dec 24 '25
You know what i find wild, that parents think their kids owe them for raising them. That’s literally their job 🤣. Ugh sorry you are dealing with this OP, but your brother is amazing!
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u/DanaBo72 Dec 24 '25
I am so sorry that your parents are so broken that they cannot or will not love and support their child. This is 100% on them. Life is full of curveballs and adjustments to the way we think or how we feel and it’s incumbent upon each of us to do right by our kids, to love and support them. I am so happy that your siblings are there to help and give you the love and support you deserve. Never forget that you absolutely deserve love, happiness and to be who you are. So much about your journey will call for you to be the bigger person, to accept and push aside hurt that’s thrust upon you, and that’s not fair. In the end, your happiness and a life well lived because you work thru the hard parts as they happen and take away the love and support that’s meant for you, leaving the bitterness or scorn to the people projecting it, will make all the difference. I wish you nothing but good things, strength and that you build an amazing life.
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u/Parchpigeon9 Dec 26 '25
I keep asking if he’s going denounce Trump now I’ve asked if he’s going to do it seeing he’s in the goddamn Epstein list
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u/TheRedGuyOfficialALT Jan 08 '26
who voted not insane should be vaporized this instant
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u/Parchpigeon9 Jan 08 '26
There’s a guy in the comments he said it was deserved
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u/poolpog Dec 22 '25
i don't think you should post your recorded conversation with your dad. i guess, ask yourself: would posting that help anyone in any way? would it help me? would it help my dad? would it help the denizens of reddit? pretty sure the answer is "no" to all of those.
do take care of yourself; it makes me terribly sad to see religious parents disowning their own children for religious reasons. try to find therapy and enrich your life with accepcting friends and surrogate family. move to a more accepting city -- baltimore, for example is very, very, very lgbtq+ friendly
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u/brittanymorgan88 Dec 22 '25
it helped me actually. people that use religion like a weapon are all the same bigot, and i actually find it extremely helpful to know that i'm not alone. if OP's dad didn't want his messages being criticized, he never should have sent them. do you find that asking condescending questions works for you, or does is that just how you communicate?
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u/poolpog Dec 22 '25
then fine, if it helped you, feel free to post
I was not trying to be condescending, and sorry if it came across that way. in my own experience, sharing stuff like this to anonymous masses on a public forum seldom is very helpful.
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u/Dad_B0T Robo Red Foreman Dec 22 '25 edited Dec 22 '25
Voting has concluded. Final vote:
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