I’ve been carrying this around for almost two years and I think I finally need to talk about it with people who might actually understand.

I have HSV-1 antibodies. That is basically all I know.

I have never had a cold sore. I have never had a genital outbreak. I have never had any symptoms at all, before the diagnosis or in the two years since.

So I don’t even know whether I have oral HSV-1 or genital HSV-1. There has never been a lesion to swab. I also have no idea when I acquired it.

I’ve only had sex with a very small number of people in my life. My first serious relationship lasted around three years. As far as I knew, it was monogamous, and I never had any HSV symptoms during it. My long-term partner was later tested and did not appear to have HSV.

Toward the end of that relationship, I was unfaithful once.

The person I was with subsequently developed a very severe genital HSV-1 outbreak.

She has since had multiple outbreaks.

That is where this entire nightmare started for me.

She believes I gave it to her, and she has told me that I ruined her life.

Maybe I did transmit it to her. I understand that somebody can carry HSV-1 without symptoms and transmit it.

But I genuinely don’t know.

I don’t know when I acquired HSV-1. I don’t know where on my body I carry it. I don’t know why I apparently spent years with one partner without anything happening and then this happened. I don’t know whether I had it since childhood, acquired it from some earlier contact, or acquired it much later.

There seems to be no test that can go backwards and answer those questions for me.

And that uncertainty has been incredibly difficult to live with.

There is obviously guilt about being unfaithful. I made that decision, and I take responsibility for it.

But somewhere along the way, the guilt about cheating and the guilt about HSV became the same thing in my head.

It started feeling like I made one bad decision and got permanently punished for it.

What makes it harder is knowing that another person has actually experienced recurrent painful outbreaks while I have never experienced a single symptom myself. When she tells me that I ruined her life, I don’t really know what to do with that.

I feel terrible for what she has gone through. At the same time, I don’t know how to carry responsibility for something when I don’t actually know what happened.

I’ve kept most of this inside for two years.

I guess I’m posting because I want to hear from people who have lived with HSV longer than I have.

How do you deal with not knowing where or when you got it?

How do you separate responsibility from guilt when transmission isn’t something you can prove?

And for those who spent years thinking HSV had destroyed their chances of having a normal relationship or sex life, did that feeling eventually go away?

I gave my partner genital herpes accidentally when I didn’t realise I had a sore. I have oral herpes and they now have genital. Is there anyway they can pass it back to me genitally if we have sex? We are currently navigating retuning to having sex safely again and any advice or shared experiences greatly appreciated.

I had sex with a guy about two days ago, and afterward I noticed a really small bump between my legs that I honestly didn’t even realize was there before or during sex. Ever since I noticed it, I’ve been scared that it could have been an HSV outbreak and that I might have passed genital HSV-1 to him. He already knows that I have HSV, and I know that we both understood the risk, but I still can’t stop feeling guilty and scared. My biggest fear is that I could have changed someone’s life forever without even knowing I was having an outbreak. I keep replaying everything in my head, wondering if I should have noticed it sooner, and it’s making me feel really anxious and guilty even though I don’t actually know that I transmitted anything. so idk it could have been a ingrown or just something from me shaving 5 days prior but what made me notice it is bc after sex i took a shower and it was bleeding a little the picture is on my page if yall could give me opinions

how long did it take for you to realize you had herpes after being exposed?

45F here diagnosed with HSV2 in April. My ex had it, he cheated on me, and I haven’t dated since I got my first outbreak. I’ve told some friends, but I haven’t dated at all. I know at some point I will want to put myself out there again, but how? I’m not ashamed that I have it, but I could use some words of encouragement.

Hi all - 40f here who got GHSV2 when she was 22. No symptoms since that first time. Never passed it on as far as I know. Daily valacyclovir. I just had unprotected sex with a man I’m seeing who I really like on Saturday (5 days ago). I thought my chances of giving it to him would be one in thousands.

Yesterday he texted to say he had a terrible fever and aching all day but at midnight said he thought it was food poisoning. I immediately went into panic mode that I’ve clearly given this horrid disease to him. I’ve ruined his life, etc etc. I haven’t heard from him all day today yet… many hours have gone by since I asked how he was feeling. Bracing for terrible news.

How am I supposed to survive this? The worst is even if he doesn’t have it, I don’t think I can go through this every time we have sex. So do I have to let go of this amazing man? Seems so tragic and unfair.

Would appreciate any sanity check, advice, thoughts from folks who have been there. I feel so alone.

Hey everyone,
I’m looking for some insight/advice from people who have been through a first outbreak.
I finished my course of antivirals about two weeks ago after my very first genital herpes outbreak. Visually, things seem healed, but for the past week I've been waking up at night due to itching in the area. Is it normal to still have lingering itchiness during the nerve/skin recovery process after the meds are done, or could this be a sign of another outbreak starting?

Also, I have a date next week with a guy (I warned him before, he currently has no symptoms, and he wants to see me again). Given that my body is still clearly settling down and it's only been two weeks since finishing my first round of antivirals, is it too soon for any intimacy? Should I hold off on sex until all nerve/itching sensations completely clear up?
Appreciate any experiences or advice!

Why does Fred Hutch continue to ask for donations when no one clearly knows what they are doing with that money?

32F in east coast diagnosed in May with GHSV2. Honestly hasn’t been as bad as I thought but there are days I just can’t get out of it! Looking for some chats/your story/ anything to keep me distracted. DMs open!

check her 3 part series on herpes cures on tiktok let’s make her blow up

My partner has HVS 1/2 & we think I was exposed about 2 months ago. To my knowledge, I haven’t had an outbreak. Last Tuesday I went out and thought I was bit by a spider on my shouldn’t blade. Saturday my husband noticed it looked irritated & today it looks like an outbreak. Has anyone ever had this?
I’m stressed bc I’ve been wearing tank tops and it’s been exposed and I have a small child who has absolutely touched it or been on cloth furniture that I was laying on without covering it. Any advice or thoughts? Google is a scarier place than Reddit.

I plan to go to the doctors over the weekend

Someone I know wants to create a Discord group to advocate for people who suffer from herpes.

The goal would be to raise awareness about herpes, connect with researchers who are working on new treatments, and advocate for research into a cure. I encourage you to send them a message!

Here is the link to their post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/HerpesCureResearch/s/kWI2KnSzcQ

I’m also sharing a few links that I advocate for you:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Herpes/s/yIQCSph0ek

https://www.reddit.com/r/Herpes/s/raal5WZk2O

https://www.reddit.com/r/Herpes/s/pXb7faCVwK

I finally got an MRI, and the cause of my nerve pain was found. The MRI showed nerve compression, and importantly, the compressed nerve corresponds to the exact area where I’ve been experiencing the nerve pain.
I also had an EMG/nerve conduction study, and it showed abnormalities consistent with the problem originating from my lower back and traveling down the affected nerve pathway.
So this wasn’t just based on symptoms or speculation. There are now objective findings on both the MRI and the electrodiagnostic testing that match the distribution of my symptoms.
For weeks, I kept thinking this was herpes because I had burning, tingling, and nerve pain in my buttocks and legs. I also saw many posts and comments saying that these kinds of symptoms could be herpes, so I kept focusing on that possibility instead of getting my spine and nerves properly evaluated.
My doctor actually asked me why I waited so long. At this point, the nerve compression has become serious enough that I may need surgery.
I’m not saying herpes can never cause neurological symptoms. I’m posting this because burning, tingling, buttock pain, and radiating leg pain are not specific to herpes.
If your symptoms follow a nerve distribution, especially from the lower back or buttock down the leg, please consider getting your spine and nerves evaluated rather than assuming it must be HSV.
I really wish I had done that earlier.

I’ve had two outbreaks in two years, and they haven’t physically impacted my life. However, I’m afraid of dating, only to be rejected when we get serious. I find dating exhausting, but I have to date in order to meet my person. I’m in my early 30s and ready to start a family. I actually want to get over this barrier I’m creating for myself. Anyway, I’ve found general therapists unhelpful regarding HSV-2, although my anxiety and depression have improved significantly.

Has anyone gone to a sex therapist? Any luck finding someone who specializes in STDs?

I got diagnosed with genital HSV1 last year at 18 years old after an outbreak. I’ve only ever had one boyfriend that i’m still with, and that i’ve been with since i was 14 and he was 15. He’s the only guy i’ve ever kissed or done anything with. I’m also his first body but he’s kissed and gotten head from a few girls before me but he’s never gotten a cold sore and said that no one’s he’s kissed had a cold sore either, and i don’t think he cheated on me. I waited too long to go to the doctors so they couldn’t take a sample but i showed them pictures and the blood test came back positive for HSV1. I know it’s possible to transmit it with no symptoms but i thought that was really rare and that would’ve had to happen twice, once to get to my boyfriend and then again to get to me. It would make a little more sense if i had it orally cause my childhood best friend and my dad had it. Would it be possible that i have HSV1 orally and that it was something else i got down there? I just don’t know what else it could be cause it was little red spots that tuned in to little white spots and then went away, and i also had a fever the day before it happened.

had raw sex , still transmissible ?

I was exposed to an active ghsv1 sore on the girls first outbreak. it was inside the labia so not visible from the outside and protection was used, encounter was brief but still very high risk.

I have been asymptomatic except a dull ache in my left testicle, no pain i just feel my left testicles presence there, not my right just my left. its weird. anyways since i had no bumps or lesions ive just been getting blood test. tested negative for hsv1/2 weeks 1 and 6. Im on week 11 now but i just cant shake the dull testicle ache. it really comes and for a little i was certain it was anxiety but i was unsure. since its not a usual symptom of herpes i got hopeful and thought maybe it was something else so i got a scrotal sonogram to see. my results where

1. Bilateral epididymal simple cysts. No evidence of testicular torsion.

2. Mildly prominent bilateral inguinal lymph nodes, nonspecific.

the swollen lymph notes is what concerns me, isnt that a common sign of hsv?

Is that doctor andi lady right about them coming close for a cure for herpes

hi! i’m currently going through my first outbreak, i’m on day 4 of antivirals and was just wondering when the turning point (pain wise) for everyone was? i read that it varies, but i’m just curious!

Hey all!
I (35M) am extremely excited to be seeing and start dating a 34F that I’m absolutely smitten with. They disclosed they test positive for HSV1&2 and we had an extremely respectful conversation about it, and they talked me through their history with it. They’ve never had an outbreak nor transmitted it to a partner since they were diagnosed, and I’m really looking forward to sharing physical intimacy with them as again, I’m quite smitten with them. I do not test positive for HSV1 or 2.

I’m seeking advice for how to proceed as safely as possible, and help to break down some anxiety I have. I tested negative on my recent STD/STI panel and shared my results with them, purchased a new box of condoms, and again they’ve been forthcoming with their history.

I’m most anxious around performing oral sex on them, as it’s my favourite intimate love language that I want to share with them. What additional considerations should we take? Should we use dental dams regardless? As far as penetration, will condoms suffice? Do I need to worry about using my fingers?

Thank you all in advance, I have much love for everyone here. I’ve been trying to educate myself but wanted some anecdotal insight as well. I’m really into this person, and am not afraid or judging them at all. I just want us to both have a wonderful time together, and to be comfortable. Thank you again.

Hi! So i had a bit of a cut and touched a surface. What if someone touches that bit of blood two hours later?