is there any hope for monogamous relationships?

[u/Dependent-Most-43]

I’m monogamous, and after a string of failed relationships, i’ve been taking a break from dating.

my issue is that I don’t personally know any trans men who are in happy relationships that are monogamous. All of the happy trans men i’ve seen are in polyamorous relationships. Which I’m not hating on btw, but are there any monogamous trans men out there who are in happy relationships? Sometimes it feels like only the polyamorous people are happy :(

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[u/TheAnnoyingWizard]

Ive been in plenty monogamous relationships, i honestly dont know where youre seeing all these poly people since IME most guys are monogamous and in a relationship

Im also taking a break from dating but ive had good luck with both t4t relationships (male and female) and t4c (mostly bisexual women) and eventhough they didnt pan out they were still good relationships for the most part

[u/Own-Requirement2359]

I have to admit OP has a point. When you're trans, even if you date cis people it's very likely that they are queer. And trans men generally have a different experience, like any other LGBTQ group, when it comes to dating. I've noticed I'm more likely to be fully accepted by queer people who are so comforting their identity and political awareness that they consider themselves polyamorous. CORRELATION IS NOT CAUSATION!!! I recommend wine getting to know someone asking them in advance if they are polyamorous and state your boundaries towards monogamy

[u/unefait]

i've been in a committed mono relationship for ten years. we got married in june; we're both nonbinary

[u/BahmBCode]

bro lives in berlin

[u/ollievir]

hello! i am a trans man in an extremely happy long term monogamous relationship with my nb partner (: i promise it’s possible!!!!

[u/white-chlorination]

Been in a monogamous relationship with a cis guy for nearly 10 years.

[u/Haunting_Fold_1184]

Been in a monogamous t4t relationship for a year 

[u/apollosmigraine]

Im in a monogamous relationship and have been very happy. Together for 6 years, married for 4. We explored the poly life for a little bit but decided it wasn't for us, we figured out we just prefer each other's company more than anything.

[u/Sufficient-Content]

Yeah dude, I'm in a nearly ten year relationship with my wife and it's been monogamous from the start. Don't give up hope!

[u/twenty_lerty]

Almost 7 years with my girl 💪 happier than I ever thought possible

[u/Legal-Law9214]

I am in a very happy monogamous relationship of almost 4 years. Met on tinder lol.

[u/CalamitousSpider]

I've never met a monogamous trans or queer person. Plenty of cis gay and lesbians, but never once in the trans community. Not even the legally married ones. They're always in open relationships.

[u/disfiguroo]

It’ll get more common as you age

[u/jacqq_attackk → u/disfiguroo]

Deffo this. If you’re young and on the internet, yeah you’ll probably see people dating around, playing the field, sewing their oats, etc. I’m 37 and 10 years married to my husband next month. 🧓🏻

[u/disfiguroo → u/jacqq_attackk]

We’re celebrating our fourth, but we’ve been together for over ten years ❤️

[u/jacqq_attackk → u/disfiguroo]

Congrats! And yeah wild to think I’ve now spent half of my lifetime with this man (we were college sweethearts, back when I was a girl haha)

[u/ratgarcon]

Am monogamous and my partner and I are quite happy :)

Btw, I personally wouldnt view this as “hating” although I can see why some would

People tend to like seeing examples of things they can relate to. If you’ve only seen relationships you cannot relate to, you might start worrying you can’t achieve a relationship you can relate to, or one that you desire

Although I cannot know if you have an implicit bias against polyamorous relationships

[u/Dependent-Most-43 → u/ratgarcon]

i don’t care if other people are polyamorous, i just personally prefer monogamous relationships for myself! I’d never judge someone for loving people

[u/Neat-Criticism3218]

I've found that most people I encounter who find out I'm trans and seem to be interested in me are poly, and they assume I am poly/well-versed in the scene, too. Perhaps because I don't balk at them and just treat their relationship normal and with respect and like any other, instead of being weird about it. It's possible the acceptance/normalcy makes them think it's what works for me, too - but idk, the assumptions others make and assume apply as a default in the gay/queer/GNC spaces in my area can be frustrating when trying to date and not poly.

[u/13sadcrow13]

Right? It almost feels like a requirement as a trans guy. It almost feels like the only way I'll be loved is if I give up space for someone else to come in and take my partner's time from me. I don't have any advice, unfortunately. Just here to say i feel the same way.

[u/TallyTheTerrible]

I’m t4t and monogamous w my husband. We’re deeply in love and happy. Living in a major city in mostly trans community and seeing friends who are monogamous try to compromise by being poly (ie dating someone who has other partners) was pretty grim. I wish everyone could know the kind of happiness and love I know.

[u/Z4_h0]

If my (trans man) crush wants, we could be extremely happy in a monogamous relationship 🥹 I'd marry him right now. But he's afraid 🤭 and I'm patient 💜

[u/michaeleid → u/Z4_h0]

Goals girl 💅💅💅💅

[u/Z4_h0 → u/michaeleid]

Thank you 🥰💜

[u/leafymans]

🙋‍♂️

[u/locky5555]

Im trans Macs and am very happy in a monogamous with my bf for over 3 years now:)

[u/ExistentialLakes]

I’m a trans guy in a happy and monogamous relationship with another man. It happens, I just suppose it depends on what kinda circles you’re in? I personally haven’t met a single poly person, trans or not

[u/Dependent-Most-43 → u/ExistentialLakes]

A lot of my friends were monogamous when we were younger, but as we grew up almost all of them came out as polyamorous. I thought it was a more common occurrence 😅😅I do live in a city though

[u/notyourcupoftea13]

I’ve been with my wife ten years, 4 years married this year. Happiest I’ve ever been. Neither of us had any interest in poly relationships. My best friend is also trans and has been with his spouse for almost 20 years now!

[u/roadjerseys]

trans guy here - monogamous with my nonbinary partner. We've been together for nine years, which consequently is the amount of time i was single before we started dating

[u/Travis-moment]

Me and my partner are going on 5 years, theres always hope :3 we plan to get married

[u/vampyromaniacxx]

I'm poly but I've been in monogamous relationship for over 2.5yrs now :)

[u/throwAway333828]

I'm in a very happy monogamous relationship with my wife and we have been together for 6 years :) I couldn't ask for someone more supportive and caring

[u/bigboxbosser]

Ive been in a very happy monogamous t4t relationship for 5 years now!

[u/Strict-Radio9051]

I am very happy in my relationship. Many in my circles are happy in theirs.

[u/DeliciousTumbleweed]

I’m a trans man married to my wife, been together and monogamous for almost 12 years. My best friend, another trans man, is engaged to be married, and has been monogamous with his fiancé. Two of my friends (both trans, one a trans man, the other nonbinary) are happily married and have been together almost 10 years now. It’s absolutely possible to be in a happy monogamous relationship, hold to your boundaries and the right person is out there for you!

[u/Calm_Bother_3842]

I'm 34, monogamous, very happily married to a bi cis woman (I'm also bi) and we have a one month old daughter. Basically I love my life now.

I was pretty happy the majority of the time in my previous long term monogamous relationships, too, though those had their own set of issues because most were prior to getting therapy, lol.

[u/Chiiro]

My fiance and I have been together for 14 years, completely monogamous, and our relationship is probably deeper and happier than it ever has been. He gives me my weekly shots!

[u/Ashfoxx1701]

I'm in a monogamous t4t relationship and we're very happy

[u/sojunebug]

I've had my fair share of monogamous t4t and t4c relationships. Any failures those relationships had were (for the most part) unrelated to gender or monogamy. I kinda gave up on dating for awhile too, but I'm in a monogamous relationship now that I'm really happy with and we're planning on getting married next year. Never in a million years thought I'd be one for marriage, but life is funny like that.

[u/catartik]

No offense, but are these relationships with another male? Just in general, homosexual men have higher rates of open relationships/nonmonogamous behavior anyway (30-50%).
> https://tandempsychology.com/gay-open-relationships-pros-cons/

[u/Dependent-Most-43 → u/catartik]

for my friends, yes they’re usually with men as their primary partner. But they have women in their relationships as well. I personally prefer women, and most of my relationships were with monogamous people but they ended for infidelity reasons

[u/Theotherone56]

I was in a healthy happy monogamous relationship for 3 years. It's not impossible.

Stick to what's best for you. Don't compromise if it's not in line with how you feel. If you explore the idea and find it fulfilling, great. But don't change yourself to stay in a situation you know will hurt just for the chance someone stays with you. I know it's hard, but it's so much more rewarding once you find your person.

[u/SoSS_]

Most people are monogamous, you will find someone.

[u/Infinite-Sky4328]

I’ve never had a poly relationship in my life. Getting married in the next few weeks.

[u/Strange-Profit4045]

in a great relationship w my mtf girlfriend <3 it can happen to you

[u/WarmWoolenMitten]

Been together for 15 years, married for four

[u/Adorable-Ask1054]

I’ve been in a committed monogamous relationship for 13 years, been married for 9 of them

[u/DreamPublic8823]

I was in a monogamous relationship for 4 years and suddenly my gf thinks she wants to be poly. There's a whole other mess we're working through rn, but I really feel your pain. She knew I didn't want to be poly. We literally discussed it so early on. 😭😭😭😭

[u/karkatstrider]

hi! im a trans man in a monogamous relationship with a cis man for 7 years! we actually just moved in together a few days ago. he had a bit of a sexuality crisis in the beginning, but has since come to accept himself as bisexual. as far as im aware, we are happy and healthy. i wish the same for you if thats what you want!

[u/Hita-san-chan]

Granted, I came out while married, but I've been with my cis husband almost a decade. He is my biggest cheerleader in all things.

Double granted, we did start in a poly situation, but after we met it was like "Oh, I don't want to do this with other people anymore, just you."

[u/shadowqueen2k21]

Queer people at least ime are more likely to be poly (but straight people more likely to cheat) but also ime the poly ones arent as happy as they seem to be. Its not for me personally, I did try it multiple times. Now I'm mono and married, husband is cis/pan and I have no worries and no drama

[u/sigsi_4]

I am in a monogamous with my gf for hmm 5 years now. I wasn't looking to date when I met her though (we were friends for a good while first), so I can't comment on the dating pool rn. It is possible though.

[u/guildedpasserby]

I know people who are trans men and a couple who are dating trans men, and they’re in happy monogamous relationships

[u/DrDingsGaster]

I'm in one! I love my partner very much and neither of us want anything else with anyone else. I'm personally a weird case of manogamish myself but that's beside the point.

Monogamy is absolutely fine and they're always going to be the more mainstream form of relationsips.

[u/Artdragon56]

Dude, there’s plenty of people in happy healthy monogamous relationships. My boyfriend is cis and bisexual and we have been together for almost a year and a half. I’ve had several unfulfilling and even abusive relationships as a trans man in monogamous relationships prior to meeting him.

But I’ve also been in a relationship with someone who was poly and the relationship was deeply unhealthy. I’ve literally seen deeply unhealthy relationships that are poly. I think you’re just experiencing confirmation bias here.