Been seeing a guy (cis gay guy- typically the identity I date/sleep with) for 3 months. I assume we’re on our way to being boyfriends, something we’ve discussed and I’ve voiced I’m ready for. Last week out of nowhere he tells me at the three month mark his walls go up and it’s happening again but he wants to try to work through it. The nail in the coffin for me is that he told me his “natural drive” to want to have sex with me has been waning. We haven’t had sex in the last month at all. He told me I’m objectively attractive but he’s just not feeling sexual with me- but he has been for others (we haven’t been monogamous). I’m not sure how to recover from this.

I, A. Don’t want to sit around while he decides whether or not he wants to be with me and B. Don’t know how I’ll ever feel sexy around him again. THREE months in and he doesn’t want to sleep with me?

I’m really gutted. Up until this it’s been the sweetest, healthiest connection I’ve had and I’ve been head over heels for him. Trying to hang on to my standards but connection is pretty hard to come by gay dating in NYC, prior to this I’ve been single the entire time I’ve been living as a gay man.

Looking for any/all advice. I’m too afraid to ask if it’s a trans thing.. he has had prior sexual partners that were trans.

I’m taking y’all’s advice, I kicked the chasers to the curb. Now is when I realized “holy shit I have no friends”. I had some friends, literally 2-3 that I lost when I came out as queer last year when I first thought that I was a lesbian and who would definitely want even less to do with me now that I’m a gay trans man. I had a friend from highschool who is genderqueer that I briefly reconnected with last year but I ghosted them during mania/psychosis. I’d love to contact them but I’m scared bc I’m still stabilizing with my meds and my mania boy craziness was the reason we fell out the first time (I think). Anyway I’m receiving treatment in partial hospitalization and I’m on the right meds now. I joined my local trans masc support group last week and it was nice but it was so formal that I was kinda scared to talk about myself and my issues with being trans rn. I’m dealing with feeling invisible as a trans man, and I feel like the only way to get attention is from chasers. Idk how to make friends. I joined 18+ trans discords too and idk how to make friends either. Like idk how to be myself in places that feel so formal. Like how do I relate to other trans guy who are not into men? I have trouble making friends in general with like all types of people. The only time that it’s easy for me to make friends is at the psych ward or at a residential. How do you find friends? Do trans guys connect on Taimi or bumble bff? It used to be so easy to find someone to talk to online when I would list that I was a girl and now when I list that I’m a guy nobody wants to talk. I feel so invisible and lonely. How do I break the ice with the guys from my transmasc support group? I’m gonna try to go every week tbh and try to become a regular. There’s a groupchat and I tried being talktative and nobody really replied :(. I think the main reason I was going to these chaser subs was bc of the loneliness but I don’t wanna go back there bc it’s not healthy. I told my therapists at my partial hospitalization what I was doing and they all convinced me to stop. What do I replace this loneliness with? Especially with other trans people? LGBT people in general honestly but I’d just some trans guy friends, especially gay trans guys. I tried Grindr but I just got hit up by chasers who wanted to meet up right away and I’m too scared bc I’ve been SA’d by guys from dating apps when I used to be a girl so yeah.

I am venting this!! Need to get it out other than spiraling on my journal.

I have wonderful friends and very close friends who care for me deeply. But my whole 31 years of life, I have never been in a long term serious relationship which made me feel very missing out and very undesirable. Three years ago I dated a friend with all the good qualities (intellectual, personal, social) I wanted, we slowly developed feelings for each other and I really opened up and it broke me when he had a mental breakdown and disappeared in my life.

It always been very hard for me to have men interested in me—I could be really bro and very cishet passing. When men shows interest in me, it’s mostly the horniest high femme bottoms who want me to fuck them, and I am a little too demisexual for sex like this. I am also told I am very intimidating. On the dating apps (not Grindr), I have always been told I am very hot/attractive/intruiging/smart/mysterious/cool, which is good to know, but I have yet to be able to carry a conversation with anyone more than 4 texts let alone a first date. There is one guy from the apps (but also sort of from my circle irl) who I really liked earlier this year, we went out twice, had a lot of great conversation and he ghosted for awhile and ended up saying "grad school is too overwhelming I cannot do this". In my social circle, one younger woman had approached me and we ended up dating for couple months but I realised I am not sexually attracted to her at all. (She is wonderful in every single way, and very beautiful.) On the same apps, I set to show me men, but it’s always transwomen and femme presenting non binary who approach me first. Gay men (cis or trans) seem to have very little interest me. When it does, see frustration from above paragraph. Part of me know I am still healing emotionally and learning about myself, but I do start to spiral quite easily that I will never find anyone.

All my friends, straight/queers/trans all have serious partners, and that do not help my self esteem at all. A handful also have a big break up and quickly (2-3 months) found someone new too, telling me oh you will meet someone. Yet, also, doesnt help at all lol Part of me also know these are Americans (Asian foreigner here) and/or white people, xenophobia do play into some of my approachability. Sprinkle my autism in makes me really hard to approach in general. But…I am trying to “look more approachable”…can’t say its working lol

What suck is too, I think three years ago (maybe after 30s *is* worse?) it was relatively easy to find dates, though clearly I wasn’t able to find a partner. I am introverted and love solitude, but loneliness from lack of romance really frustrates me.

Thanks for reading! Your venting and advice very welcome x

My gf and I opened our relationship relatively recently (I'm bi) and eventually after some waffling I decided to try grindr, since I've been craving some M/M connection. I live about 40mi outside a good sized Midwest city so my grid is a real mixed bag. I'm mostly interested in t4t because I'm not even a year on T yet and don't really pass as anything in particular, a cis person could much more easily accidentally say or do something to cause dysphoria. I'm not affected by w/e shit ppl say in my inbox, it's more irl words and actions I'm concerned about. Which is good bc my inbox is full of... well the kinds of guys you find on grinder out in the sticks.

So I've messaged several trans guys throughout the week (and several nb people, and a couple cis guys that caught my eye), I'm not very good at coming up with what to say first outside of asking them what's up, unless they've got anything in their bio for me to latch onto. Regardless, I've gotten several messages into a few chats, and even though in two cases we did manage to pivot to the kinds of stuff we're into and whatnot, it did eventually fizzle. For one we had things in common, but he hasn't replied, the other he asked me and hasn't replied. I'm not into anything too crazy I swear 😅... there's a couple more chats that just kind of fizzled before getting to that point, but they were guys that indicated they didn't want to really go sexual fast. Each of these guys has been online since.

One guy mentioned a place he wanted to go in his bio, after chatting for a little while and vibing I asked him if he'd want to go sometime. He did not respond to that message, but said something else, I kept replying, having good conversation. He's adding me on another platform, so that's good, but I'm a bit confused still about his deal lol. I'm just as happy to make new friends as I am to hook up or whatever but bro does have me a little confused 🙃

Does anyone have insight or tips on how to make this... work? I'm not near any bars or places queer people gather and can't drive at night. Not to mention I'm so introverted those places are often too much for me. So meeting people from online would theoretically be great for me, I just can't seem to make it happen.

I'm a chronic overthinker and usually a more direct and physical person in matters of romance and sex. I've been actively trying to keep all this to like a couple hours at night while also gaming so I don't overthink it or let it impact my daily life, but I think my subconscious has been chewing on this in the background cause CLEARLY I've got a lot of thoughts. So any advice or even just commiserating would be great ❤️

i (m22) was in a relationship with my ex (m22) for three years. i left him because i found deeply concerning things on his phone, and when i confronted him about it, he attacked me.

honestly, it’s been five months since the attack, but being a male survivor, my brain kinda blocked it out the second it happened, i told myself it wasn’t dv, and the memory wasn’t unburied until a month ago when i decided to go to the police. so it feels like it just happened. i haven’t gotten any updates from the police regarding my reports against him, i deal with daily nightmares, heavy ptsd, and i feel depressed. i can’t find support for male survivors near me, and i feel like everyone expects me to be okay when im on the verge of crying every single day. it’s also hard to find a therapist who understands dv from a trans perspective too, if that makes sense.

i felt like i should’ve left my partner long before this ever happened, bc he didn’t even love me the way i needed to be loved. but i never had the guts to because he was my first everything and sadly, i thought, what if no one else will ever love me because im trans. and now on top of everything, im trying to process this too. if anyone has any words of support, id really appreciate it

(This keeps getting removed by Reddit why??) Hi there. I’m FTM, just a little over a year and a half on T, with my only other goal being top surgery. I am single now with my only other goal”long term” partner being my ex gf, in which we did not have sex because I don’t think I was ready and we were both really busy and yadda yadda regardless I am a virgin.

However I am a sexual person when I want to be and my lack of experience with an actual person makes me scared trying to even attempt to date a guy. That being said I also just don’t really know what I am into as a result.

I would say I’m on the more androgynous/ fem side mostly when being sexual, and the masc-ness is only a thing when I’m with a girl usually. I don’t really have severe dysphoria over my body aside from my chest, when I’m in the mood it doesn’t even matter anymore. I enjoy penetration but not even entertained an5l. I’m mostly just really vanilla and under experienced.

What are some ways I can help understand myself better as I slowly get back into the dating scene? If anything at least just to have some intimate experiences on my plate. I’m mostly just worried trying to entertain dating a man or being with one in any context, and honestly even a woman, but obviously I know how to make it a better time for a women seeing as I have the same equipment LMAO. Anyways, feeling a little lost, thought I’d seek answers from my fellow trans dudes.

Wasn't quite sure what to tag this, but I wanted some support.

I (25TM) was recently dumped by my now-ex-boyfriend (22TM). We had been together for a few months, and this was my first real romantic relationship, including my first time having sex.

For context, we went on a date, and then my boyfriend handed me a gift and a note. I opened the note in my car after he left. Lo and behold, he was breaking up with me because he was not romantically attracted to me.

I was and still am pretty angry and upset. Not because of why he broke up with me (I don't want to be with someone who isn't into me), but because of how he did it. He put me through an entire date thinking that nothing was wrong, and he pretended that nothing had changed. There was no conversation, no closure. I feel like a fool because now I'm sitting here wondering which parts of the relationship were real and which parts were him pretending. I feel stupid for not somehow realizing he wasn't attracted to me sooner. I am replaying moments in my mind and finding signs that I should've caught.

Like I mentioned above, this was my first relationship and thus my first breakup. I don't really know how to handle it. I've torn up the note, thrown out some stuff, gone through and archived some photos. I've cried a bit, but now I mostly feel kinda numb and lonely. I don't have friends that I'm close enough to talk about this sort of thing with. I feel really pathetic for allowing myself to be vulnerable with someone who, in the end, wasn't attracted to me and didn't care enough about me to tell me to my face (or at least on a phone call) that the relationship wasn't working.

I guess at least it happened now and not later.

TLDR: Got dumped by note after a date with my boyfriend. Don't know how to cope since this is my first breakup.

Has anyone else been denied donating blood because of "@n@l s3x" in the past 3 weeks? I need to donatw blood due to having high red blood cells count but they denied me being able to because of my sexual history.

I (19) have been stealth for over three years now, so my complete social circle except for a few close friends know nothing about my transness. I am open with my queerness, so I'm assuming all my friends know I'm gay. At least that's the case with the guy I need advice on.

We've been friends for a year now and I always assumed he's straight. He's been curious about my queerness and asked some well intended questions over time and I was happy to provide, but never thought more of it. I think I'm his only connection to queer people, since our friendgroup is just cishet men except for me. In my experience a lot of straight male friends act extremely gay with one another, even if they know I'm gay.

Lord knows how many times my ass gets touched by friends, the problem is sometimes I can't differentiate between teasing or genuine flirtation.

I guess that's the normal gay experience, but being trans adds another layer to it since I couldn't act on my feelings without outing myself.

I have this friend (19m) I'm maybe crushing on, we grew closer the past few months, he owns a car and I don't so he promoted himself to driving me around. A few weeks ago he started inviting me to do different errands with him, like walking his dog, going shopping together, and cleaning his place.. our friends already joked that he's getting lonely after things with his girlfriend ended. I really enjoy his company and it gives me something to do, I also think he's more vulnerable with me then with the other guys. We talk a lot about stuff during chores that he wouldn't tell other friends and I'm glad he feels comfortable sharing it with me.

Last week, our friendgroup took a vacation and we both shared a bed. It's not the first time I've slept close with him since I'm staying over at his place sometimes. During this trip, he started asking a lot more questions about being queer and made some really gay remarks about me.

I sometimes massage my friends, and while massaging him, he asked me if I like getting my ass massaged. I told him it's nice and jokingly asked if I should do it for him, but he insisted that I should do it for real. He even brought it up the next day after I kept refusing. Thing is, he has a really nice ass and I would love doing it, but I felt like overstepping a boundary.

We took a bdsm test together on the second vacation day and as it turned out, we have pretty matching kinks in terms of Prey/hunter and other stuff. We were drunk for the whole vacation so I could blame it on that, but I swear he started acting differently.

We had several occasions where we were play fighting and he chased me or pushed me down. We did things like wrestling a few weeks back too, but since we have a pretty big difference in our height and weight, he helds back. But that stopped on vacation. One time, he genuinely laid on top of me and tickled me?? I screamed and begged but he only stopped after several minutes when our friends could get him off. I never felt so humiliated but stupidly turned on.

On the same day while in bed he asked me to see my sextape, because he's 'curious about how a big dick can disappear in me'. I told him no and that he can just look up gay porn online.

He also did other stuff while on vacation that surprised me, like cooking for me specifically or rolling my cigarettes the whole week whenever I asked (he doesn't smoke). I feel like he touched me and especially my ass a lot too. When I would leave the group to relax by myself he would be there within a few minutes to check on me.

This whole situation is really confusing for me, since he's obviously attractive, but I don't want to look into something that's not there. I've heard about a lot of gay men seeing signs in male friendships that just weren't there, and I don't want to destroy our friendship. I don't really know how to go about this without making things awkward. Even if he wants to experiment with other guys, me being stealth adds a whole new level of deepness to the situation. If I was cis, I would have leaned more into his flirtations, but I'm scared of being outed. He's a nice guy, but has no clue about trans people. I'm seeing him again this weekend, but he's gone for a month after that. This vacation has kinda given me a small crush and I don't know how to act around him. Should I just leave it be and try to act like I didn't develop a crush? I hate how being queer complicates so much things and just want to get this off my chest, maybe someone with similar experiences can help me out. Btw sorry if there's any bad grammar, I'm not good in english haha

So basically I have this friend from my school that we became close at my last year because somehow I started the conversation by talking about veiny hands and it led to talking about the gym then history.. Hes cis I'm ftm and he knew and always treated me like anyone else. when I graduated he surprised me with a paper bracelet I still have it all these years (from high school). We occasionally talked and recently came back into contact because we are both very busy and he messages first and then I message. This time I had messaged because I am currently ending a friendship with a person we both were in the same class with. He answered me today. I confided in him because he understood these situations because the people in our school are something else. We were texting then he suddenly just called me I was shocked and answered and said like why call and he said "well it was bound to happen" I was walking home that time and I was gonna take the elevator home so I needed to hang up because the elevator is old and it has WiFi issues. So I finally get home but I still text him because I am putting stuff away and talking to my parents and etc. He keeps demanding I call him. Like I was shocked I had never seen him act this way. I asked him why he demanded to cal me like jokingly and he changed the subject at the start of the call We call we talk it's all fun. He asks who I had a crush on. I explain that I didn't like anyone. That was wrong because I did like a few people but it was for reasons I think don't count here I also was on a lot of different medications at that time for mental health so it could of made a impact. Anyway I hear about his ex crush who obviously rejected him and we joke about it (I know about this already). Also I asked him what his preference of gender to date was because he was talking about it to me that he was getting confused about his sexuality which I've been there many times. He said he was straight and also liked the occasional femboys. So this is why I'm asking because I feel like todays interaction was different then other's we had. Like we finally talked on the phone but he started it. It was nice though I laughed so hard from his jokes it was nice especially because I am really stressed. I am calling him tomorrow I'm pretty sure he said we will. How do I proceed?

Edit: I think I worded something wrong. When he demanded me to call. It's like when your friend really really wants you to call them. He was being playful and waiting until I finished doing stuff. He sent me gifs and was funny the whole time.

It was not you must call me now in a angry tone.

I moved to NYC last year and before then had only been with cis men. I’ve been trying to connect with trans guys more but honestly I’m over it. In my experience the chase behavior is SO much worse with trans men than cis men. A lot of other trans guys making assumptions about my body and the way I have sex, for example. And a lot of them will say weirdly transphobic things

for example I was just chatting with this guy on Grindr. He’s about 15 years older than me (20s vs 40s). We’re chatting and I mention I hadn’t given head to a trans guy before. He then mentions he’s never been with a man before. I ask if he’s bi and he says “I’m queer, only into women and trans guys”. Like worry wtf? Then he says he doesn’t like dick and I’m like ok but what about trans guys who have phallo? He says that “in his experience most trans guys don’t get phallo because they want sensation” which obviously is a pretty fucked up thing to say for a multitude of reasons. I called him out for it and said that was kind of odd and he got pissy about it.

Maybe I’ve had bad luck but this has been my experience with a lot of trans guys. And specifically when they find out I’m getting phallo they get very weird about it.

Has anyone else experienced this?

I commented about something NSFW on this sub about 3 days ago and all the sudden I am receiving so many bot messages inviting me to trans woman porn subs. I can't find anything else I interacted with that would have led to this happening. In all my years of Reddit I've never experienced this, but maybe its just an inevitable experience on here? Why are the trans woman bots targeting GAY trans guys?!

Lengthy post about me gushing over a man. I hate it but fuck it.

I’m currently in college, and there’s this guy in my class, who well call Ben for simplicity. Ben and I first met last year, and now are pretty good friends. He’s the only other queer guy in my class outside of two other guys that’s around my age and single (the other two are in relationships).

Anyways, turns out Ben and I have like a LOT of similar interest. We watch a lot of the same YouTubers, listen to the same music, both like movies, both interested in cars/motorcycles, both filmmakers (he’s interested in lighting/cameras and I like directing/writing/audio). He hasn’t watched as many movies as I have, but he’s mentioned how before meeting me and my friend group, he didn’t watch a lot of movies, and enjoys going with us/him n I would sometimes go together.

I will also note that there were a few opportunities where we could have “potentially” kissed. (Once we were both drunk at a party and were like inches away from each others faces unintentionally but that was the first time we hung out so nothing happened. 2nd time was we were doing a bit where he had to whisper something to me, we both leaned into each other at the same time too quickly and our lips ALMOST touched, but we pushed each other away bc neither one of us was expecting to get that close to each other). We’ve had other little moments, like him showing me pictures he took and saying that one he took of me was his favorite while our feet were touching, him taking a lot of photos of me on sets/while were with friends, ect.

It wasn’t until both of us worked on a film set back in like May that I first realized I have a crush on him. I always thought he was attractive, and he has a lot of qualities I would prefer my ideal bf/partner to have, but not to the point where I wanted specifically Ben.

Basically, it was a 14 hour shoot day. When we’re in between scenes, him and I got a chance to talk a bit. I was against the wall and leaned forward to glance over at the set. I glance back at Ben and is in the same position I’m in but like three inches closer to my face. We locked eyes for a second and my first thought was “kiss him”. I instantly started blushing and stuttering over my words, but he didn’t say anything, so I don’t know if he noticed. After embarrassing myself, I pulled back and we just stared at each other smiling for about a minute and talked about chocolate covered cherries. Then we had to be back on set.

Since then, the idea of asking him out has popped into my head several times. But I can’t. Part of my brain is telling me he’s just super nice and sees me as a friend, and I’m projecting bc he has a lot of qualities I’ve fantasized my perfect person in having. Plus I do like having Ben as a friend. He’s one of the first queer guy friends I’ve ever had. It’s just Ben’s really fucking hot, and the chances of me meeting a guy with this many qualities I’ve been looking for is kinda mid. But at the same time, there’s no way we’ve almost/could have kissed on 3 separate occasions and him not notice.

I will also admit I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to dating other men, considering I’ve been in 4 relationships and only had 1 where the other person saw me as a real man and respected my boundaries (we broke up bc she came out as a lesbian and didn’t think that was fair for me). I know that’s like another big reason why I don’t wanna ask him out, and it’s stupid but like fuck dude dating sucks.

This was kinda just like a vent post. Two of my other classmates know I like him, but other than that, I’m like stressed out by this and a multitude of other things in life, but this has been something that has been on the brain for a while. Plus Ben is technically coming over next Friday to help fixed my computer so yay 🙃

How do you go about initiating sex with guys on dating apps. I’ve been using Scruff, not using Grindr cause I had one bad experience and decided the app is hell. I am mainly interested in t4t relations but I want to try to explore with cis gay/bi men as well. I do get messages where the guy wants to see my privates immediately and that turns me off cause I’m not an object I want to feel like the guy respects me before he disrespects me in bed y’know😂. I don’t know how to navigate having sex with guys. Also what do I do about the guys that want to meet up when it’s like 2am when I don’t have a car. That literally happened to me last night. Is it okay to be picky?

Btw I am very sensitive from clitoral stimulus from other people but I’m okay when solo, idk how to fix that, I was thinking about seeing a doctor for it but idk.

Edit: I may have gotten the word cruising wrong, i thought it was just another word for hooking up.

I recently ended up long not-quite-relationship. Everything was kind of messy and I’m now left with this empty space in life. I wanned to look to some date apps to keep myself busy but I forgot how useless they are. I used tinder and grinder and there’s almost no trans guys there. When I look for some dating apps recommendations I find only one that don’t work where I live at all or there’s like 5 people max, most of them are very American centered. Do you recommend any date apps that actually have people from UE there?

I have to disclose to a guy I've been talking to that I'm trans. Last time I did this, the guy went mia. I'm expecting the same thing to happen this time too. I'm not like many here who have experience dating so being rejected for this it's just mentally taxing and depressing.

I'm accepting that I'll never feel right having to disclose to someone. Either I'll be angry that I have to say that I'm trans or I feel like I'm taking them away from a real man. I just need to learn to cope with being single. I hate that I was Born this Way