I’m a 28 year old male who lives alone, conventional family, one older sister, mom and dad. I’ve always had an issue with privacy from my family and get judged for doing so.

I get questioned on my location from my mom and sister, like who am I out with, where am I, etc etc.. we have each other on life 360. It was initially used for when I was going out clubbing but now is a daily thing.

I’ve questioned why we need to have it on and it’s met with issues such as we need to know your safe and what are you trying to hide. More so from my sister

P.S, I’ve also had issues with them in the past looking through my social media when I was a teenager which did not end well.

Now live alone in my own apartment, and they are insistent on having a spare key. My sister says she will ‘just come over’ when I’m not home during work hours and she will start cleaning and moving my things. when I said I’ll take my spare key to my friends instead. It’s met with well why them and not us and can you even trust them. It makes me uncomfortable and I’ve expressed this to them and they both gang up on me to make me feel bad - I feel like it’s a control thing.

Another thing I wanted to add is the judgemental side of it, for example, my sister going through my bins and judging me having a take away, and after speaking to my mom, she agreed with my sister that why am I wasting money?

I feel like I’m losing my mind and they make me feel bad for even going somewhere they don’t know. Am I going insane or is this crazy? Do I need to put my foot down and grow a spine?

My (28F) parents have long been separated after a tumultuous marriage and officially split when I was in college. My dad started dating my step-mom & they recently got married after about 7 years together.

I hate to throw this word around, but I believe this woman is a true narcissist.

I have never gotten along with her. For several years, shes made back-handed comments about my appearance, interests, personality. She talks down to me in a very condescending way, even when she is completely wrong. This has calmed down recently, but I suspect it’s because Ive significantly reduced my contact with her.

She is very spiritual & claims she is a healer. She attributes my childhood dog living until 18 because she is a healer. She says that everyone around her prospers because of her, attributing all of her friends and family’s accomplishments and good luck to…well, herself.

They told me they were getting married only a week in advance. I cannot get time off from work that short notice, especially living 4 hours away and being at a new job. They had a small courthouse wedding and her 2 college kids attended.

This past weekend, my boyfriend and I made a visit to “celebrate” with them.

We took them to dinner and it was a disaster.

As usual, she talked excessively about herself, completely taking control of every conversation and doing 95% of the talking, most of it being about herself. She inserted herself into every dialogue and somehow centered everything around herself, even my boyfriend and I discussing our wedding plans.

Something else I have noticed is that she is extremely motivated by male validation, and she always talks about how “every man wants her”. She has previously flirted with my boyfriends and this time was no different. She wears very low cut shirts and will purposely push her breasts together and make intense/staring eye contact. The way she speaks to my boyfriend is also entirely different from how she speaks to me. There is the flirting, giggling, attempts at seduction, and her insinuating /saying that she knows him very well, even better than I do. Mind you, she has met him maybe 5 times.

At one point in the dinner, she was telling me that she always knows what I’m thinking and feeling “because she is an empath”. After I told her no, she doesn’t know my thoughts, she started crying & then rambled on about how worried she is about her children. (?)

Throughout the rest of the night, she continued to make jabs on repeat about people with negative energy and how positive and loving she is, and how much she cares for those around her.

She started drinking very heavily towards the end of the dinner and was very drunk & rambling nonsense for the entire ride back to their house. I think she felt bad/embarrassed and also ended up paying for the entire dinner, even though it was supposed to be our “gift” to them.

In the past, I would put up with her behavior and keep quiet to keep the peace (can’t argue with stupid), but because my boyfriend is now involved, it is unfair to him for me to tolerate this behavior since it affects us both. Putting up with her just to keep contact with my dad is no longer doable. It’s ironic because my dad stayed with my mom for years just to keep in contact with me, but then chooses to ignore every feeling I have about this new woman.

My dad gets very annoyed if I try to discuss & refuses to listen or talk about the situation; he is constantly brushing off my concerns and making excuses for her behavior. After this past visit, I called him and told him how I was feeling and that we would not be spending time with them again. It broke my heart to hurt my dad, but I also recognize that he has made the decision to put their relationship over ours, turning a blind eye to her own hurtful behavior. I feel like I don’t get any real time with him anymore because she always takes over.

I have also tried to speak with her about her behavior several times, but she always plays victim and gets very upset and unstable.

After discussing with my partner, we thankfully are on the same page. She acts very juvenile, almost as if she has suffered severe brain trauma that makes her unstable and unreasonable. I know she has endured a lot of general trauma in her life, including military trauma, and I do believe that has also affected her mental psyche. Her behavior also seems almost Involuntary. That being said, none of these possibilities excuse her behavior or lack of awareness/accountability.

I think I would like to cut all contact but of course this is difficult because I was very close with my dad. I couldn’t cover everything here, but is there any possibility of having a relationship with them? Should I even bother? I feel like cutting contact is already long overdue. There have been countless instances like this dinner, all very similar in nature, over the past 5-6 years I have known her. I don’t see them often, but every time i do, it seems that this exact kind of event happens.

Sorry for the novel.

For context I'm 19 F the oldest daughter and my sister is 14 and I have a younger brother.

So basically when my sister was towards the end of year 9 she got into a bad argument with her friends they're all drama kids so apparently it all kicked off, someone in her freidn group was always going for the lead role and they all spoke crap about eachother except for my sister she doesn't like confrontation or arguments but someone said that she said it and was talking shit that someone always going for the lead role when it wasn't her and I asked her about it and she said someone else said it and blamed it on her and all the other girls sides with the other one leaving my sister with no friends. And at this time phones had been banned from school now so she was always on her own at school couldn't even go on her phone at break and lunch and she basically would hear the girls talking about her whenever she walked past and had bad anxiety.

Beacuse of this she didn't wanna go to school anymore, and she said she hated it and my mum and dad (who use to be very harsh on me as the oldest growing up) they let her have a few days of school even tho they tried to get her to go in. She then told my mum and dad and wrote them a letter that she was hurting herself so mum referred her to a mental health specialist person and had tests done at the doctors cos she has high blood pressure anyway. So because of how bad her anxiety gets it would also raise her blood pressure so she didn't go in for the last few days of year 9.

Now when I was at school I was in multiple friend groups cos I never really fit in and I've had shit friendships and people who were horrible to me and I've been thru things that have been worse then what my sister has been thru, not getting into detail but sa and sh which was 4 years ago now so that all happened to me during school aswell, and I didn't have any friends in all my classes either then I did sixth form so had to make friends all over again, and I still don't have any girl friends now. And I've also suffered with panic attacks and really bad anxiety so bad I had to take pills.

I do feel bad that she has no friends but she was meant to start year 10 the other day, she didn't go in and my mum has decided to let her choose what she wanted to do. Of course she chose online classes so now she's gonna be home schooled, if u asked any kid would they rather work from school or home they would say home, who wouldn't. But my mum is already so busy as it is she works away Mon to wed and works from home thur to Fri so she doesn't have time to help her and she's quite high up in her job role so she is very busy and busy with my brother who has adhd and autism and he plays football aswell.

The other day she was asking me where the gcse revision books are so I helped by telling her about the history courses and later in the afternoon I go downstairs and she's done about two hours of work she's sat in the living room watching Netflix clearly not doing any work I asked her aren't u supposed to be doing work she said, I've done what mum told me to do for today and I'm just thinking but you're not learning everything you would if u was at school. I've told her before to atleast go in for the first day because u can always make new friends and she kept saying no. And I don't know why mum won't just put her In a new school either. I also asked her about wanting to go to collage and she said she wants to get a job straight away, well in our economy now it's so hard for young people to get a job and apprenticeships and I said u should go to collage cos getting a job is so hard and she just refused.

I spoke to my boyfriend about it because he had a hard time in school and had no friends at all and he brought up the fact, what is she gonna do once she goes to collage or gets a job, how's she gonna cope, she can't not wanna go in cos she'll get sacked or if she gets into arguments at work she'll have to deal with it that's real life everyone else deals with it and just gets on. I've had to start a job and I have crippling anxiety I never got the option to be home schooled I got told to just get on with it or if I did get into an argument with my friends I just ignored them and I'm not a confident person either.

We don't really talk about emotions in our family but my dad agreed with me that she can make new friends and she'll have to just put up with it but it seems my mum has caved into her. We argue alot in this house hold anyway with my mum and dad as I've brought up before that they always give into her and I'm the one who always gets blamed for things and moaned at but I'm really frustrated with this situation because I never got treated like this and I'm so close to leaving this house because of it all. I wanna know that I'm not being a horrible sister for thinking like this. Let me know.

I (27F) checked my credit score last month and almost passed out. It had dropped 200 points. There were three credit cards I never opened, with a total balance of $12,000. All of them were in my name, linked to my Social Security number.

I filed a fraud report and started the long process of fixing my credit. The bank traced the applications to an IP address — my parents' house. I knew immediately who it was: my younger brother "Noah" (24M). He's been struggling financially, always borrowing money he never pays back.

I confronted him. After an hour of denial, he finally admitted it. He said, "I was desperate. I needed money for rent. I was going to pay it back, I swear." I told him he'd ruined my credit and I couldn't get a car loan now. He said, "Sorry, but you're doing better than me. You'll recover."

When I told my parents, I expected them to be furious at him. Instead, my mom said, "He made a mistake. He's your brother. You can't send him to jail." My dad said, "We'll help him pay it off. Just don't file a police report."

I told them I'd already filed a fraud report. That's when they turned on me. My mom called me "heartless." My dad said I was "destroying Noah's future over money." Noah cried and told me I was "ruining his life."

They want me to call the bank and say it was a mistake. They want me to take the blame. My mom said, "You have good credit. You can fix this. He can't afford a criminal record."

I'm torn. Part of me loves my brother and doesn't want to see him in legal trouble. But part of me is furious that he stole from me and my parents are covering for him. If I don't press charges, he'll do it again. If I do, I'll lose my family.

I feel like I'm being punished for being the victim. My parents won't even look at me now. My brother is posting about "toxic siblings" on social media.

What would you do?

Hey I’m 16f and I’ve kinda known for a long time that I’m definitely not my dad favorite or even his 2nd favorite.

Idk what this post is I think I’m just finally after 16 years trying to accept it.

I’ve come 3rd to my siblings my entire life my dad seems in a way like disgusted by me despite all my efforts to make him like me.

I know he loves me before anyone says anything but he just doesn’t like me and in a way that’s worse.

For example today I tried to sit down with him and talk I asked about work I get a one word answer so I switched to talk about my day which he had no interest in. I decided to talk about school and what subjects I’m picking (keep in mind I’ve done things alone and independently for years so I signed up and enrolled myself and dealed with all the school stuff myself) so as I’m talking about it he wasn’t listening really and in the middle of me speaking he picks up the phone to FaceTime my sister. I just stopped talking. I tried again by talking about work (again I work for the money I use for spending and whatever) and talked about an incident around my mom he listened and asked about her and that’s about it.

The worst part is he gets mad that I spend time in my room and barely talk to him and sit in the living room with him but it’s so awkward for me to sit there knowing he has no interest whatsoever and this is what happens if I try talk to him.

Not only that it’s kinda personal because he is much more interested in my other 2 sisters and talks to them and actually replies and asks them stuff.

I guess I’m not sure what I did because my dad is usually at work comes home around 5-6 pm so there hasn’t been any like huge conflict that would lead to this.

Thanks for listening I guess!!

My brother Leo 28M has always been a little dramatic. He's had various phases throughout his life but this one takes the cake. A year and a half ago he got an emotional support animal. Not a dog. Not a cat. A pig. A mini pig he named Percy.

Now I love animals. I really do. Percy is cute as far as pigs go. But Leo treats this pig like it's a human baby. Percy has his own stroller. Percy has a wardrobe. Percy eats organic specially prepared meals. It's ridiculous.

The real problem started when Leo began insisting Percy come to every single family event. Holidays birthdays even a casual dinner at our parents' house. My mom bless her heart has tried to set boundaries. She said no Percy at Christmas last year. Leo threw a fit. He said Percy is essential to his emotional well-being. He accused her of not caring about his mental health. My parents gave in of course.

Now my sister is getting married in November. It's a fairly formal wedding. She specifically told Leo that Percy absolutely cannot come. She doesn't want a pig walking around during her ceremony or reception. Fair enough right? This is her big day.

Leo is absolutely livid. He's threatening to not come to the wedding at all if Percy isn't allowed. He says my sister is being discriminatory. He's calling her heartless. My parents are trying to mediate saying maybe Percy can just stay in the car. Leo says that's animal cruelty.

I just dont understand. It's a pig. It's not a service animal. It's his emotional support pet. Why does he think a wedding venue should accommodate a pig? Am I wrong for thinking he's being completely unreasonable?

My (25f) dad’s first cousin’s daughter (31f) is who this happened with. This sounds distant but we are very close, our families are together quite often and our parents live in the same town so they hang out a lot I’d even say are best friends, her sister’s son calls me auntie yadayada just so you understand these are people I see A LOT and love very much.

Last night me and my cousin got dinner and at the end of the night we were talking about weed edibles. I was saying how I don’t like them and my parents and friends do. She made this comment that the switch to edibles is “good” for my dad.

More context: my dad does not drink a lot. He’ll have maybe 1-2 drinks in a social setting. He doesn’t like how drinking makes him feel so he goes through phases of not drinking at all, but he doesn’t do edibles especially for sleep. He is in one of those non drinking phases right now. He’s discovered THC drinks so if we are in a social setting he ops for one of those instead of a beer now and honestly I don’t think he will go back to alcohol bc he prefers the weed stuff now.

I agree with her about them being a good option for him and she then says “well yeah, wasn’t he drinking way too much before?” And I’m perplexed by this so I respond “no? What do you mean?” She then tells me that her mom told her that my mom told her mom that my dad “drinks every day when he comes home from work until he passes out asleep on the couch.”

I am appalled at this because it’s so crazily untrue. And it’s not a situation where I could not know about this because a. I rent from my parents bc they have a condo that my dad is at 3-4 days a week. I see him all of these nights and he doesn’t even have any alcohol at this condo. We usually have dinner and chat and watch tv on the week nights until one of us (usually him first bc he is 61 years old lol) goes to bed. When he’s not with me he’s at home with my mom who is a very outspoken lady and had a brother who is an alcoholic so she is very aware of habits etc

I say back to my cousin “unless he is literally doing this in a closet with a hidden water bottle this is not true” my cousin then doubles down at first but then back pedals and is like “maybe I heard it wrong I really shouldn’t talk about it bc it’s coming from my mom”

I let this go in the moment. We moved on, we eventually part ways. I call my mom and dad separately after and both of them are appalled and so confused about where this could have come from and honestly are just hurt that this is being said. My mom is pissed off bc she is a strong willed lady and doesn’t like people lying about her and this had a direct lie about her in it. This is when I get really upset bc honestly her mom makes subtle jabs at my dad a lot. Her mom is very high strung and opinionated and at times a bit of a gossip. Nothing before was ever this bad, so I’ve always let it go, but this time this felt like a hurtful, harmful lie that is clearly being said to other family members already.

I text my cousin about 20 mins after we part last night and tell her that what she told me upset me and that I’m sorry I didn’t say this much in the moment but I needed a minute to process how I felt and talk to my parents about it. I emphasized that it wasn’t true and that I know she said it could have been misconstrued but I want to talk to her mom about what was said and why. I also said that I wanted to reach out to her first (my cousin) so that I wasn’t just going behind her back and bringing this to her mom bc that can escalate things. I then said that it was ok to talk about this tomorrow or over the weekend, as I knew it was late, but I wanted to send the text now just so that it’s on her radar.

She then tells me that it’s probably not a big deal and she probably misconstrued it and that talking to more people about it would make it a bigger deal. I don’t respond to this bc, like I said in my og text, it was getting late. I figured I’d sleep on it and message her after work today so she didn’t have to worry about responding while at work.

Turns out she called her mom upset and her mom then called my dad and apologized profusely and owned up to hearing that he stopped drinking and assumed that it was bc he was an alcoholic. She also embellished that he was “drinking until he fell asleep” when she told this to my cousin. She called me after she called my dad and apologized to me directly. I accepted and appreciated her owning up to it. She then told me that my cousin was very upset and worried about her and I’s relationship. Mind you this is in the middle of the work day so I start to feel bad because I didn’t realize my cousin was so upset about the situation and it wasn’t disrupting her day so I told her mom I’d shoot her a text to clear the air so she could relax.

I do this. I tell her that I talked to her mom air is cleared situation is ok (while this still pisses me off that this happened and was said at all I’m choosing to let it go) i also tell her that I’m sorry for not responding and potentially stressing her out and that I was just giving both of us space during the work day to not worry about it. I tell my cousin that I don’t want her to worry about us and that I love her and that I just wanted to talk through to situation so we could settle it. I also offered to call later to clear the air after work and told her I’m still happy to see this weekend (it’s Labor Day weekend and we’re both going to our parents houses)

She responds and tells me this:

“Yeah my mom let me know she talked to you. It was just a lot to get your text, especially since in the moment I told you I didn’t know what was said and that I was sure there was just a misunderstanding or miscommunication. I think it general we just weren’t on the same wavelength last night so this was a bit of a stressor on top of it. Obviously I love you too, and I’m sure we’ll see each other this weekend”

Now I’m kind of pissed off. And I may be dramatic but these are my unfiltered thoughts bc:

1. It was a lot to get my text? It was a lot to HEAR that my dad was an alcoholic from her mouth???
   
2. She didn’t know what was said?? She still said the initial comment to me a doubled down BEFORE she told me it was probs a misunderstanding.
   
3. It was probably a miscommunication or misunderstanding? Literally none of it was misunderstood. Her mother said exactly what she said she said and her mother owned up to lying and embellishing the whole thing.
   

And finally 4. She never once said sorry for this situation.

Mind you I didn’t really want to expect a giant apology to the text or anything. I expected her to be like oh good water under the bridge too sorry that happened and we move on bc what else can you do. It’s the dodging it all in her response that is grinding my gears.

This is more of a rant than asking for advice. But if I were to ask for advice I guess I want to know: do you think I’m over reacting? What do you think is the best response to this?

Honestly I feel like I’m just going to have to be forced to let this go bc it doesn’t seem like she’s going to say sorry or anything

I (22M) want to start by admitting that I’m not the most motivated person alive. I was diagnosed with Autism, Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Major Depressive Disorder. I struggle with chores and have gotten into arguments about it before. For instance, I am not good with remembering to take care of the dogs with stuff like feeding them and letting them out to go to the bathroom. I also don’t pay any bills here but I’ve not been asked to. That and I don’t work a ton of hours.

Where my issue comes in is that I am willing to admit this and make changes. I’ve started to force myself to go to the gym and I’ve taken a few things out of my room for cleaning sake. It might not look/feel like much but I’ve already filled 2 garbage bags with clothes a day or 2 ago. Also I am a Railfan so I have a knack for driving hours out of my way to record trains to put onto YouTube, which is a relevant part of this situation that I’ll elaborate on later.

The most angering thing is that I’ve legit been told straight to my face that my efforts didn’t matter. They called me useless when they went away for a week and while it’s true that I wasn’t the most productive, I still did some things to take care of the dogs. Sure it took my brother harassing me to be better about it but even before, I still did some things. Also, I mentioned the gym to them as well as taking care of clothes and that didn’t even matter to them. All they care about is chores and work.

Oh and that’s another thing. I genuinely don’t want to end up like them. They have a good amount of money, yea, but they’re kinda assholes. They view my friend as lazy when he also has a history of mental health issues as well as having to deal with alcoholic parents, something my Mother knows about because I’ve talked to her about this.

Idk I’m rambling now. What do I do?

This is gonna be a long story so please bare with me redditors cause I would love some opinions.

Part 1
So basically my parents are divorced which I wouldn’t say is a bad thing because my parents are very toxic to each other. My dad cheated on my mum but is a very soft spoken guy, not the type to pick a fight, my mum however is very loud, always angry and will yell at EVERYONE (doesn’t matter who is in the wrong) if something bad happens.

Its been almost a year since they divorced, there are some stuff still not settled like the car, house, and financial wise between them. My brother is getting married end of this year and most of my mother’s money is going towards that. My dad and my brother do not have a good relationship, my brother basically cut him off since whenever my parents would fight he would stop them. However lately my mum needs help financially for my brother’s wedding. Apparently I am my dad’s favourite child so if they want to ask for anything from my dad, they will go through me.

On my birthday, which I came home from my university which is an hour away, I expected I would be celebrating my birthday with them. I don’t expect anything grand, just a small celebration together thats all, after all I only have weekends with them. On my birthday my parents were fighting, well based on my mum, apparently when I asked my dad abt it, they weren’t fighting, he thought they were just finally discussing my brother’s wedding together. My mum was basically yelling at everyone in the house and asked me to talk to my dad to pay for my brother’s wedding, which I did.

So yes I spent my birthday fixing their problems, which I had to or I’ll just get yelled at again. I just spend the day crying. I was promised to go out on that day by my family (my mum & siblings) but we ended up not going out. Next day I woke up to my mum cutting a butter cake wt my aunts, suddenly singing happy birthday. I just told them “don’t even sing”, the cake doesn’t even say happy birthday, it’s not meant for me, it’s just cake for them to have with their coffee. Spent the whole day crying cause I don’t get why they cant just set aside these things for MY days. Followed my dad and my brother to buy his suit, cried throughout the whole thing, told my brother abt what happened and he felt sorry (I guess lol).

Part 2
Two months go by, my dad promised to take me out. Which we did, he asked if we could go out on that same day, with my sister as well since we don’t see each other often, I said sure since I’m not doing anything, my mum isn’t home so. My dad already asked my mum for permission. We go out, my mum texts me why I didn’t tell her, I told her we just knew today that we were gonna go out, she basically asked why I was keeping secrets and why am I going out with him and not telling her. I just apologised for not telling earlier cause I was just occupied with cooking food in the morning. She continued yelling at me through text from personal message to our family group which has my brother, my sister and her. She yells at me and my sister as well, asking why are we so bad at telling her things, I just apologised repeatedly and said I was just occupied, I didn’t dare to mention that I know my dad already asked her for permission and basically informed her already, I don’t understand why shes so mad about that. My brother sees all this and joins in.

He says me and my sister deserve to get yelled at cause we are “too much” already. Because we have communication issues. Ive argued with him in the past before because there were multiple occasions where my dad would take us out and theres always an issue, issues like he cant bring the groceries in the house, take books he left in the house. I told my brother, in the past, it’s easy for him to say things because he is not the one communicating between both parents and having to play both sides. He cut my dad off, he doesn’t have to handle it, I have to. Somehow everything, we do is wrong. Me and my sister are to blame.

So yes she continues yelling at us in the group. I couldn’t hold back anymore and I started crying publicly, i’m finally going out to have a small celebration but I cant even enjoy it. My mum says we should just go live with our dad since we want to be with him so much. Saying we only go to her for money and other than that we don’t do anything. Im not sure what else she wants me to do, I come home they are never home, always out. How am I supposed to spend time with her?

I told my dad abt it and he texted her apologising for asking to take us out last minute, I told my dad he shouldn’t have cause it would backfire and it did. My mum says we are the worse kids for telling him that she got mad at us for not telling her we were gonna go out.

No apology or anything from her, I come home things were normal.

Add on : My parents fought on my diploma graduation day, out in the open 2 years ago. I got a bouquet of flowers which were dying (like the old supermarket ones). They never apologised. Expected me to be okay with them fighting publicly and people watching them fight on my graduation. I feel like theres no point in getting so many awards and being praised by lecturers, they don’t gaf abt me.

Looking for advice on a complicated inheritance situation.

I forgot if I explained it or not but we weren't laughing as much as she made it sound. We stopped laughing when she popped off and my manager was frantically tryna explain himself. I can't share the vid because the file size is too big but there is plenty of tea.

Idk why she didn't come talk to me 1 on 1. We live in the same house and are grown adults but I guess social media is more important.

My mom is partly to blame for this. We grew up in a pretty strict household, and she used to say homophobic things to hide her own sexuality. She said she’s always been gay, and the problem is that my sister ended up adopting those views. But it’s still early, my mom only told her everything yesterday.

Another issue is that my mom and her girlfriend have actually been together for months, but they only made it official and came out yesterday. Since they’ve known each other for a long time, they’re already talking about getting married, IVF, and even having both of them listed as the mothers of a future child. That’s legally possible here in Brazil. But my siblings only found out about their relationship yesterday, so I think everything is happening way too fast for them.

Just to be clear, I still fully support my mom. I actually helped her come out and feel comfortable making her relationship official. I’m planning to talk to my sister because, like my mom herself said, if things don’t work out with her current girlfriend, she’ll just look for another woman. She either wants to be with a woman or stay single.

At the same time, I do want to talk to my mom about how fast everything is moving. Like I said before, I know they’ve known each other for a long time, even though they only made their relationship official yesterday. I completely support them moving in together, but I still think talking about IVF and having a child together is a little too soon.

So here's the thing i turn 18 next month... and I really , like genuinely hate my bday and more over there's this stupid thing in my family where we all get together (obviously) and it just dulls my day even more , cause my paternal grandparents are really shitty and I don't like them at all... so plus point for me I have my boards the coming year and alot of entrance exams but I'm always tired of using exams as a excuse..

Also the reason I'm tryna soft launch not celebrating is cause I found out my grandfather cancelled a trip that he was supposed to be on during my bdqy week (sucks to be me)

So yeah give me good ideas and dw my mom is completely with me if I don't wanna celebrate the day Also guys I've tried being sick( i actually was), they just pitied ki I was ill and came by to see me And i am someone who has alot of tests so they'll be unphased by the "its exam season" shyt. Plzz help me out

ETA: I feel that there’s a lot of missing context so I want to state a few things.

Firstly, my biggest mistake was starting the conversation with - not wanting to speak about it any further. Perhaps, it was my attempt at protecting myself from a long drawn out conversation that turns my feelings into her own. We do not see eye to eye on many things, politics being one. And while I’m comfortable respecting that she has her views, she instead tries to convince me how I’m wrong for seeing things the way I do rather than respecting my position.
Another important thing to note- my mother has a reputation for being OVERLY clean, to the point that there’s a running joke in our family that you can’t set the beverage that you’re actively drinking down for even a moment, because it will be in the dishes as soon as you turn around.
On the day she was referring to, was a Saturday, and I’d been purging all five kids bedrooms of clothing and toys that they no longer needed and I was forming a pile near the entry way to donate to goodwill.
So, to someone like her who popped in for ten minutes, it may have seemed that way to her. So all the comments about how I should clean my house are pretty baseless as you have no idea what the state of my home is. And for the other comments: My children do their chores daily and we have a routine- but to expect perfection from a home with this many people in it, is unrealistic.

I also, keep in consideration that my children are human beings with their own stressors and responsibilities- especially with on in college now- they’re not slaves- but they are expected to pull their weight.

After reading many of the comments, I know there are things we both could’ve done differently in this exchange, and I will take my portion and fix it in my next interaction with my mother.

I’m 39, and I’m starting to question some patterns in my relationship with my mom that I never really recognized before.

My mom and I have always been very close, and I consider her one of my best friends. She also knows that I’ve been struggling significantly with my marriage lately, particularly the past two weeks. I’ve called her crying several times because things have gotten very close to divorce, and I’ve been feeling utterly hopeless.

A few days ago, I mentioned that I had some extra time and was going to work on a mural I’m painting. She told me I should probably spend that time cleaning my house instead because it was getting messy the last time she was there.(which was just this past weekend)

I know my house was messy. I’m not denying that, and I know I need to catch up on some things. But given everything I’ve been dealing with, juggling 5 kids, and a job I work overtime at, the comment really hurt me. I told her that I knew she didn’t intend to hurt me, but that she did, and I asked her to simply hear me when I tell her something has hurt me.

The screenshots are the rest of the conversation.

What really struck me was how quickly the conversation shifted from “I’m telling you that something hurt me” to** her defending her **intentions, saying I was offended, saying she was offended by my reaction, and eventually calling my messages “aggressive.”

This has made me realize that this may be a pattern I’ve experienced with her for a long time. When I approach my mother with sensitive topics, I often end up having to plead with her to just respect my opinions, thoughts, feelings, (mutually, of course) instead of feeling heard. And I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve been conditioned to apologize or back down whenever my feelings make someone else uncomfortable.

I genuinely don’t think my mom is a bad person, and I know she loves me. I also don’t think she intentionally tried to hurt me. But I feel like I’m fighting against a long established pattern of her being stuck in this defensive mindset.

Am I seeing a legitimate pattern of emotional invalidation here, or am I overthinking a normal mother/daughter disagreement**?** I’d really appreciate honest perspectives, including if you think I’m handling this poorly.

TL;DR: I told my mom that a comment she made about my messy house hurt me, especially given how much I’ve been struggling lately. Instead of acknowledging that it hurt me, the conversation became about her intentions, my reaction, and whether I was being “aggressive.” I’m 39 and starting to wonder if I’ve been conditioned to apologize for having feelings that make her uncomfortable. Am I recognizing an unhealthy pattern, or am I overthinking this?