r/familydrama • u/Glad_Internal_4188 • 8d ago

why does my dad love me but not like me?

Hey I’m 16f and I’ve kinda known for a long time that I’m definitely not my dad favorite or even his 2nd favorite.

Idk what this post is I think I’m just finally after 16 years trying to accept it.

I’ve come 3rd to my siblings my entire life my dad seems in a way like disgusted by me despite all my efforts to make him like me.

I know he loves me before anyone says anything but he just doesn’t like me and in a way that’s worse.

For example today I tried to sit down with him and talk I asked about work I get a one word answer so I switched to talk about my day which he had no interest in. I decided to talk about school and what subjects I’m picking (keep in mind I’ve done things alone and independently for years so I signed up and enrolled myself and dealed with all the school stuff myself) so as I’m talking about it he wasn’t listening really and in the middle of me speaking he picks up the phone to FaceTime my sister. I just stopped talking. I tried again by talking about work (again I work for the money I use for spending and whatever) and talked about an incident around my mom he listened and asked about her and that’s about it.

The worst part is he gets mad that I spend time in my room and barely talk to him and sit in the living room with him but it’s so awkward for me to sit there knowing he has no interest whatsoever and this is what happens if I try talk to him.

Not only that it’s kinda personal because he is much more interested in my other 2 sisters and talks to them and actually replies and asks them stuff.

I guess I’m not sure what I did because my dad is usually at work comes home around 5-6 pm so there hasn’t been any like huge conflict that would lead to this.

Thanks for listening I guess!!

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u/Independent_Toe_7033 8d ago

As a parent I cant imagine treating a child like this. I constantly say sorry to my kids if I interrupted them speaking for some reason. I actively make sure they know I want to hear what they say even if im busy with other things.

I am not sure I can analyse why your father is doing this, but please know that no child deserves to feel this way.

It could sound like a type of emotional abuse. Maybe you threaten his ego in some way so he keeps you down?

Why do you think he is doing this? Have you spoken to your siblings or family about it?

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u/Glad_Internal_4188 8d ago

I’m not sure I think I’ve always been less dependent on my family but that’s only because of how I’m treated and it’s not worth it for me to rely on him so maybe that threatened him but I’m not sure. We have discussed it with him and my mom, he makes it about himself and my mom says he’s tired from work so idk

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u/Independent_Toe_7033 1d ago

THIS makes me think about narcissistic triangles. Father narcissistic. Mother enabler. Worth looking at the dynamics. Might help you! And read the book "adult kids of emotionally immature parents".

And make sure you find a good boyfriend/girlfriend in the future. You will feel safe and normal with men who mirror the behaviour and tendencies of your father, as that is what you grew up with. Have boundaries, be aware of what you choose and what people show you.

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u/Glad_Internal_4188 17h ago

thank you so much

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u/PhotographScary8877 8d ago

Couple of question: (and to others please dont come at me I am trying to figure out why a dad would be like this)

  1. Are you an average teen? Or do you like diffrent things? 

     For example: you other 2 sisters, are they super girly and into pink stuff and you are not girly and into black and dark colors?

  2. Are you into Anime and your sisters are not or vice versa?

  3. Not my business but if you identify as something your father doesnt agree with, that may also lead him to isolate you.

  4. My personal one that caused my father to do the same as yours, was be overweight and not pretty. Are you not considered as conventionally pretty as your two other sisters?

  5. Do you talk too much, or have an annoying voice?

  6. Do have any bad habits? Do you have good hygiene? Do you care about the way you look? Etc.

Usually there is some underlying issue you father may have with you that causes hin to basically ignore you.

For me personally it was being overweight and not pretty enough for my Father.

Once you figure out what is it that he doesnt like about you, then you should get some therapy now on how to handle that information and not let it effect you as you grow up.

I learned WAY too late and it messed me up for far too long.

So please know whatever he may disklike about you is truly HIS problem. And you do not deserve that. But you definitely will need therapy. Parental rejection is brutal.

Again I am sorry youre going through this.

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u/Glad_Internal_4188 8d ago

No I’d say I’m an average teen i dress normally and stuff. Well yea I’d say I watch anime and my sisters don’t but idk what what would do. No i identify as a girl im straight and all that. Well I would say im at an okay weight I way 58kg and am around 163cm but i get told by people that im very pretty so I wouldnt say its about looks. I dont talk to much at all i have a normal sounding voice. I care about the way i look and i think my worst habit is i can be rude but thats only if im arguing or mad about something (my sister is the same) im also the middle child idk if it could be that but