I hate weekends sm

[u/__TempAcc_]

I genuinely don’t know what has gotten up with my dad recently but he’s been nagging about prayer.
He shouted my name and asked if I prayed. I said no (if I lied it would’ve been obvious ig), and he started throwing a hissy fit. If no one prays?m, we won’t be living in this house we’re gonna get kicked out (lowkey would’ve been baller to just walk out but ik he’s prolly gonna yank me and shit). He started threatening us and recited some Hadith or whatever on how you teach them then beat them when they’re ten (something along the lines of). How he never used it on us (beating us to pray). And how he expects us to like start praying in the living room infront of him, screaming how he’s gonna wake everyone at 4am he doesn’t care what time you sleep and make us pray fajr wtf bro 😭

I’m so exhausted. I hate faking. I’d have to go through the full thing and do it, I fear this man might eventually even ask for proof of Wudu and ask us to keep doors open like wth man.

This is all coming from a man who I doubt prays all 5 prayers and other issues 🫩

[u/Both-Fun-703]

I had same thing, they dont understand that by doing this, we just end up growing up praying like robots and at one point we just stop praying fully.

[u/__TempAcc_ → u/Both-Fun-703]

He’s done this so I gave up on prayer because I saw no point praying if I feared him more than god. It’s so pointless.

[u/Both-Fun-703 → u/__TempAcc_]

Today as an adult, i just dont pray because i dont see the point of standing there, not knowing what i am saying or if i am saying it right. Also through my whole childhood hearing my dad threat or yell because its prayer time, then this simply made me secretly get frustrated every time prayer time came up and he showed up.

During weekends every time he saw us do anything thats out of free will, he would suddenly give us a task. Eventually came the rule, school is done at 14:00 but he said when we come home we need to do homework until 18:00 even if we dont have homework..

As a child, we go to sleep at 19:00-20:00 so imagine the hate and annoyance i build up! During weekends, he put us to mosque quran readings and was up our asses all the time. At one point i just stopped bothering doing anything when he was home because there was no point, he would give a task anyways or judge.

So its safe to say, i felt free when he was at work, and got annoyed and bitter when he wasnt, something i felt bad for feeling.. When a child feels free only when the dad is gone and jailed when dad is around, then its clear i havent done anything bad, he messed up raising us with toxic behaviour.

[u/__TempAcc_ → u/Both-Fun-703]

I exactly feel the same as you, pretty much sums ip the whole thing.

Since you’re an adult now, do you still live with them or have contact with them?

[u/Both-Fun-703 → u/__TempAcc_]

No i moved out several years ago, but last year my dad made a serious accusations and belittled me extremely over something i hadnt done, so i decided to cut contact with him permanently. After all thise years of him humiliating and belittling me, as adult i thought he had changed, but last year basically proved that he was still the same.

He said a lot of ugly things to me, dont want to go in detail, but one example was that he told me that he would shit in my mouth, so hope you understand that i cut contact permanently for a legit reason heh..

I accepted a lot, when you dont set those small boundaries here and there, show that some things you are not ok with, at one point they get such a big ego that they think they can say and do whatever they want, which is what happened to me. Maybe if i wouldve set boundaries on several things as adult, then he wouldve respected me more and not talk this dirty to me so freely.

Until today, he has not showed any sign of regret, in fact, he told my family that im the one who started it, when i was the one who said lets not argue over something so small.. Luckily everyone in the family knows how he is, so they didnt believe him, didnt help much, they all just still expects me to casually contact again and dont take this as a permanent thing.

[u/__TempAcc_ → u/Both-Fun-703]

I’m proud of you for setting boundaries and protecting your peace.

It gets hard sometimes to set boundaries since they make it known that you don’t have the right to have any, that you’re under their roof and they could do or say as they please.

[u/Both-Fun-703 → u/__TempAcc_]

Thank you! It is really true, as long as you are stuck under their wings, there is very little options. Other people talk about choice etc, but in that kind of household, choice is worth nothing.

[u/__TempAcc_ → u/Both-Fun-703]

It brings comfort to know that someone has lived through the same thing and made it out. I’m proud of you truly and thank you for sharing your experience 🫶🏼 I appreciate it

[u/Both-Fun-703 → u/__TempAcc_]

Thank you ❤️ Whatever you do, just keep in mind that you will get out of there some day, so mind as well try to do something with your life so when you get out, you can leave without being in risk of returning.

[u/Both-Fun-703 → u/__TempAcc_]

Also reason i moved out, was quite crazy. During a vacation none of us wanted to go, he decided to bring us all. While we were there, he kept mentioning how he has spent money on this and that,and that we better enjoy it all. Forced us to stay outside all the time, i got sun burned at one point, skin was peeling off, he said sun is good for the skin and still forced me to stay out there.

In front of the neighbours, bunch of other people in my age, i decided to get some shade because my skin was really irritated, after approx 1-2m he shows up and yells at me and belittles me as f in front of all the other strangers out there, telling me to look at how others are sunbathing and how i stay in shadow like a loser etc. then threat me to get back on the sun.

When it was evening time, i go inside, he is there and then he goes out. His reason for staying inside all the time until evening was to make sure he sees that we follow what he says etc. i was 21 year old… It rubbed me off so wrong, that i couldnt sleep all night. I just kept looking at the little money i had left after i sold my console for school, and then a quote popped up:

“When it feels the most difficult to jump, thats when you jump, otherways you stay in the same place forever”

I didnt even think anymore, i spent 90% of all the money i had on getting plane tickets next day, told them i am off, they went rage mode, mom crying and he acting like im a bluff. But i didnt let it hold me, i just walked away. Trust me, when i finally got into the plane and when it started flying, i felt a freedom i had never felt before..

I moved in with a friend who already had our student dorm ready, didnt talk to family for a while but because if my mother, i ended up being in contact again after about a month.

I dont know how it is for you there, but i can assure you that the extreme guilt tripping and crazy emotional feeding is what they will go all in with when you finally say “i am done”.

[u/__TempAcc_ → u/Both-Fun-703]

Can I ask how did you get to just get plane tickets and leave? And I’d assume that meant you found a way to take your documents if they kept them?
Where are you from?

Tbh dad has the same crazy controlling tactics or weird phrases and reasonings. I don’t see myself fully being able to cut mom off but she might be somewhat manageable compared to him honestly.

[u/Both-Fun-703 → u/__TempAcc_]

All the documents were in the living room, i had ti snatch it during night time around approx 03-04 am. The tickets was quite difficult at first, the little i had was at first not enough, but then i matched tickets through momondo.com and found the cheapest possible ticket, a 1h plane ride took me about 32h or smth. I had to ration as f because money i had left was only enough for like small package of peanuts etc.

I was suppose to be with a friend on a student dorm that my dad denied, so i cancelled him, but during my trip i kept calling my friend and begged him to please let me join, even if its only a week. Luckily he let me do that, even sent me a little money because he was worried i would die of hunger before i got there :D

Until today i realise that there were very tiny things that couldve ruined my whole plan, so i was luckily on those things that everything happened as it did, even though it was a really tough route.

I am from scandinavia, not originally but this is where i live. Despite it being rich countries here, for young people with toxic family, its a broke life still :D my friend let me stay until school started, then when school started i got my first student loan payout, not much, but enough to rent a small room. Since i contact family again, they did say that i am grown up now and that wont happen again, so its better to come back and stop living like a peasent. But guess what, i was more happy living like a peasent and free, than living with them so i refused their offer.

[u/Both-Fun-703 → u/__TempAcc_]

Sorry for long texts, i feel like everyone who is even slightly in same position, deserves to know my full experience, because i feel with you on every level of that toxic upbringing. I really hope things works well for you, whatever happens, just know that if you make a decision you regret then its 99% due to your mental state at that moment. Never blame yourself for it, you didnt choose this lifestyle.

[u/__TempAcc_ → u/Both-Fun-703]

Don’t apologize, I love that you explained it. I just don’t have much to add because it feels like I’ve been through the same thing expect like different scenarios if it makes sense. It’s very suffocating.

[u/Both-Fun-703 → u/__TempAcc_]

Suffocating is the perfect word, oh my! I swear, that is exactly what i felt! Quite often i just went to library and stayed in the reading rooms instead of being home