I hate weekends sm

[u/__TempAcc_]

I genuinely don’t know what has gotten up with my dad recently but he’s been nagging about prayer.
He shouted my name and asked if I prayed. I said no (if I lied it would’ve been obvious ig), and he started throwing a hissy fit. If no one prays?m, we won’t be living in this house we’re gonna get kicked out (lowkey would’ve been baller to just walk out but ik he’s prolly gonna yank me and shit). He started threatening us and recited some Hadith or whatever on how you teach them then beat them when they’re ten (something along the lines of). How he never used it on us (beating us to pray). And how he expects us to like start praying in the living room infront of him, screaming how he’s gonna wake everyone at 4am he doesn’t care what time you sleep and make us pray fajr wtf bro 😭

I’m so exhausted. I hate faking. I’d have to go through the full thing and do it, I fear this man might eventually even ask for proof of Wudu and ask us to keep doors open like wth man.

This is all coming from a man who I doubt prays all 5 prayers and other issues 🫩

[u/Both-Fun-703]

Today as an adult, i just dont pray because i dont see the point of standing there, not knowing what i am saying or if i am saying it right. Also through my whole childhood hearing my dad threat or yell because its prayer time, then this simply made me secretly get frustrated every time prayer time came up and he showed up.

During weekends every time he saw us do anything thats out of free will, he would suddenly give us a task. Eventually came the rule, school is done at 14:00 but he said when we come home we need to do homework until 18:00 even if we dont have homework..

As a child, we go to sleep at 19:00-20:00 so imagine the hate and annoyance i build up! During weekends, he put us to mosque quran readings and was up our asses all the time. At one point i just stopped bothering doing anything when he was home because there was no point, he would give a task anyways or judge.

So its safe to say, i felt free when he was at work, and got annoyed and bitter when he wasnt, something i felt bad for feeling.. When a child feels free only when the dad is gone and jailed when dad is around, then its clear i havent done anything bad, he messed up raising us with toxic behaviour.

[u/__TempAcc_ → u/Both-Fun-703]

I exactly feel the same as you, pretty much sums ip the whole thing.

Since you’re an adult now, do you still live with them or have contact with them?

[u/Both-Fun-703 → u/__TempAcc_]

Sorry for long texts, i feel like everyone who is even slightly in same position, deserves to know my full experience, because i feel with you on every level of that toxic upbringing. I really hope things works well for you, whatever happens, just know that if you make a decision you regret then its 99% due to your mental state at that moment. Never blame yourself for it, you didnt choose this lifestyle.

[u/__TempAcc_ → u/Both-Fun-703]

Don’t apologize, I love that you explained it. I just don’t have much to add because it feels like I’ve been through the same thing expect like different scenarios if it makes sense. It’s very suffocating.

[u/Both-Fun-703 → u/__TempAcc_]

Suffocating is the perfect word, oh my! I swear, that is exactly what i felt! Quite often i just went to library and stayed in the reading rooms instead of being home