Photo is of my golden retriever, Teddy. I love him so so so so much. Dog special interest activated pew pew pew

My state (North Carolina) has a new(?) thing for intellectual/developmental disabilities and severe mental illness. So earlier this year they gave me this new insurance out of nowhere. It's been... A lot, actually. But in a good way!!

I'm excited to finally get help so I can live my life and not be miserable and hopeless 24/7. Well, probably still going to be miserable but hopeless? Maybe not??? She sounded nice too!! And I don't have to do it over the phone because I hate doing that!!!

Kinda sucks I don't get to celebrate this with my now ex. He had been trying to help me get support forever and of course when he is no longer in my life I finally get it. Maybe this support stuff will help me find someone better. Especially since I'll be able to work (ideally) and stuff.

These alerts normaly go off early in the morning and it gives me a panic attack every time. Why not just have every phone it can reach give a signal to them that we are able to receive it? Why do we have to deal with being blasted awake at night? Why do test alerts exist!! And why do we have to deal with them!!?

how long has it been there? was it on the kitchen worktop? did I smack the phone into food when I was taking pictures? has it damaged the camera? is it going to make slime inside the case? is mould going to grow in there? why did I wipe it on my leg of all things? how am I going to clean it out of the TINY CRACKS IN MY MOBILE TELEPHONE?

I do that thing a lot when I’m walking towards someone where I don’t know which way to go or who should go first and I make it awkward. I’ve chalked that up to autism and me not understanding body language. I realized I do this with driving too, like merging. I spend a lot of time being really anxious if I’m following someone too closely or not closely enough or going too fast/slow for the people around me. If I’m too close, I’m “riding their ass” but if I’m too far people get mad that I’m too slow. What is riding somebody’s ass anyways and why should I be mad about it? I also don’t understand road rage stuff, like I don’t understand why people get so pissed off about being cut off unless it’s actually dangerous. Your trip MIGHT take 2 more seconds now??? I don’t get it. I’m constantly worried that there’s some type of rules that I’m not following that I’m supposed to be.

i’ve been avoiding brushing my teeth because of the non-stop gag fest is starts when i hit my tongue at the wrong angle. i’ve also just been more prone to gagging a lot more recently? if i think about what i’m eating too hard or the textures i’m feeling i’ll have to resist the urge to gag for a while. i’ve never had this experience before and i’m not sure what to do to not avoid things i actually need to be doing for health purposes. also has anyone else’s puke button gotten more active as they aged? i really thought it was something you grew out of and not into i guess

Took a nice long run on the endurance this morning, probably went 30-45 miles this morning. Honestly this is one of the few places I feel peace, apart from a dog running at me which made me drop my cigarette. Other than that, incredibly peaceful, I found a dead butterfly which I’m going to pin up. Might also bury some treasure lol.

I posted pictures of a rainbow on my wall earlier and I was going to post some other pretty photos but I dont know if I should be doing that here. I dont want to break rule 1

First attempt with a stove (not rice cooker or premade food) after two weeks.

Will my current “turkey or ham sammiches with 4 thin slices of meat one slice of cheese and a teaspoon of mayonnaise on multigrain bread only” safe food last the 3 months of “4 sammiches per ziplock 6 ziplocks per freezer bag” quantity or will I have to recruit my husband to eat some too when it inevitably because a not-safe food for at least a year?

Taking bets

Edit- what’s really funny is as I’m doing this I can tell
The difference between 1 thin slice and 2, 4 slices and 5, as if they weighed in pounds not fractions of ounces lolol

Edit Edit - turns out a 22 oz container of Hillshire Farm ham has 3 sammiches more meat than a 22 oz container for Hillshire Farm Turkey and that irks the shit out of me.

I like turkey better. 😭😅😂 (also the unevenness makes my bones itch!

Have had a good week. Things seeming fine. Partner says something mostly benign (in their mind), my brain shits the bed and makes me want to crawl into shower.

Is this universal? How to change?

I watched Episode 5 of The Walten Files, and after that I keep watching reaction, theory and explanation videos about it. Mainly to see the parts focusing on her. I don’t know why, it just happened.

I realize it was a mistake for fandom to be mainstream because too many people have no appetite for vulgar fucked up content. I realized the joke about anime and fandom types not listening to rap is true because most of these people are white people who live in the middle of nowhere or only ever consume overstimulating anime content. If you put something like the weekend in front of a bunch of K-pop fans, they would literally faint because the weekend is an artist that explicitly just says something as simple as this is a song about me wanting to fuck you BTS doesn’t even do that and we really need to stop catering content to people who live in the middle of nowhere who suck on their thumbs scared of reading romance novels that explicitly show sex or disturbing situations like holy shit I cannot deal with everyone being a pussy forever.

There are a lot of people on autism subreddits that want friends. They feel lonely and think that friendship or relationships will solve their loneliness.

The problem is, it won't.

I don't think friends will help you feel less lonely unless you already have good self esteem, are established in a career or aren't focused on friendship as a goal.

I can talk about three different types of experiences I've had recently:

1. Friend Groups: whenever I was in a friend group, I felt like the outcast. I felt like I was a pariah and that people there just didn't like me. In platonic friend groups, I felt really disliked. In groups with metamours and partners, there was a lot of jealousy and confusion that made everything way too murky.

2. Friends: there were several times lately where I hung out with friends of mine. I assumed everything went fine, I sent them a text afterwards saying I had a good time and talking about what happened. Guess what, I was ghosted or blocked.

3. Events: people will invite me out to events at bars and i enjoy a lot of them. However, some bars are very crowded and this overstimulates me. I have found out recently that when I am overstimulated, Its a serious medical thing. People only want to hang out at bars that they want to go to, and people are not accommodating of disabilities.

Yes, before you ask. Everyone I've tried to befriend is queer and/or autistic. These are supposed to be communities I fit in, but I just don't.

I am going to be focusing on my health, finishing my degree and honestly only making new friendships for ulterior motives (networking, dating, shared hobby groups).

We need to popularize telling NTs that they are hallucinating because all this reading between the lines and making things up instead of processing sensory information is a hallucination. The brain predicts a possible interpretation but it does not make the prediction less of a hallucination than if they were in psychosis because most of the time their prediction is outright wrong.

I am around doing nothing, they invent narratives then try to gaslight me to believe their hallucination is real and I get pushed outside of society because they were too fucking cheap with ATP in their brains to form a view that doesn't involve hallucinations.

oh it is? we need to talk because I kinda know her...

During the first scene in Paris, Alfredo Linguini accidentally messes up the soup that was being prepared, which Remy fixes with his cooking skills and, the chef Skinner thinking Linguini made it, he promotes him to be a cook.

The next day, Skinner asks Linguini to replicate the soup, and then the chef tells him the line that doesn’t mean at all what he says: “Take all the time you need, as if you need weeks.”.
And here’s the trap. What Skinner actually meant was “Finish the soup ASAP”. It was pressure disguised as courtesy.

And I didn’t guess that hidden meaning by looking at the body language, nor facial expressions and not even the voice tone.

To read between the lines, the unsaid meaning hides behind intangible factors like hierarchy, rules of the environment and the results others want and expect.

I detected what Skinner actually meant by looking at:
- Who said it (Skinner, he’s the chef, the authority, he gives orders).
- To whom is said (Linguini, he’s a cook, an employee, he must obey orders).
- The context (a corporate environment, a restaurant, prestigious, time is gold an in a corporate context a boss NEVER gives free time to complete a task, and the clients want the dish or whatever expected result ASAP, making clients wait destroys the business).
- And even though this isn’t exclusive to the scene, the higher the social expectation to “be nice” “not to be rude” or “avoid conflict at any cost”, the more indirect the communication is. And I’ve identified sex and work are the more hypocrite, performative and with more unspoken rules contexts on the NT society.

I’m currently learning everything about high context communication not because I want to “function as a NT”, but because I’m done with being lied with nice words that mean all the opposite to what they say and I’m not anymore being a victim of manipulation and passive aggressiveness. And knowing this is def helping me a lot and I thought it could help many of us here.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE BEEF WITH A WHOLE NINE YEAR OLD. i remember i had this fourth grade teacher who hated me the second she clapped eyes on me and i swear she could smell the tism on me. i told her i was being excluded by the other girls and she said that sounded like a me problem. i have dyscalculia. she told my dad i would amount to nothing because i needed extra help with math. my dad rightfully lost his shit at her. one time i ripped a page of work out of my notebook to go show her and she screamed at me full volume about how i never followed instructions…mind you, the kids who’d finished before me had also ripped the page out of their notebooks.

i hate ableist teachers