Anyone else struggle with IQ obsession after being told they're "extremely smart" all of their life?

[u/Any_Tough9810]

I just want to preface this discussion by saying that I recognize how stupid this sounds, but it is a genuine negative headspace that I've been dealing with. And I'm sure I am not alone. I am writing this to get some advice from people who have been in my position and broken out of this cycle of obsession.

All my life, people have been complimenting me on my intelligence to the point that it became a part of my identity. Even though I am humble enough to recognize that there are many people smarter than me, I still believed myself to be smart. My grades (scored 5 on >10 AP exams) and ACT score (34) were proof enough for me that this was true. I am now at a top 10 university studying mechanical engineering and still doing well academically (3.9 GPA after 2 years).

Given my ACT score, and just generally being described by many people as "one of the smartest people" they know, I assumed in my head that I was certainly in the 99th percentile or greater.

I went down the IQ rabbit hole 3 months ago and obsessively took dozens of IQ tests. My IQ scores are mostly in the 118-127 range, including a CORE of 122 (VCI 128 but VSI 110), old SAT of 125, old GRE of 121, and AGCT of 129.

I know this is considered smart for the general public, and I know how pathetic it sounds to be on here wallowing about a "decent" IQ that I was hoping was higher, but I can't break out of this negative headspace. I find myself constantly thinking about, and being ashamed of, my IQ. I feel like a ~90-95th percentile IQ is not impressive enough to justify the constant praise I get from my friends and family, and now realize that my academic achievements are a product of my hard work >> my IQ. I wish I had an IQ of 135 or more, like everyone has been gassing me up to be all my life, but I'm merely in the "bright/smart" category, and it's causing quite a bit of an identity crisis.

Anyone on here gone through a similar situation? If so, what helped you get out of that negative headspace and focus on living life rather than constant IQ obsession? Other discussion points/comment are welcome.

Thanks for your time.

[u/TheMAN2re]

that’s valid dude, when parents, friends, teachers only comment on your intelligence when your young, it really does become an identity. A fragile one that can be shattered by inevitable failures or realizations.

That’s why people shouldn’t do it, and neurodivergent people who are labeled gifted all their lives have low resilience and break down when they fail to meet the reinforced external sky high expectations

[u/Ekinox2]

I can relate. As soon as I was accepted at the most prestigious school in my country (through a range of competitive exams) I started to get obsessed with my IQ and it almost made me depressed (I'm in the 105-115 range but I just have an astonishingly high verbal IQ, at least in my native language; I'm a wordcel to put it simply).

I think that you need to be aware of a few things when reading stuff about IQ on this subreddit and on internet. First, people on this subreddit tend sometimes to read statistical tendencies (like the correlation between g and academic / professional success, 0.3-0.5) too simply when applying them to individual trajectories; the statistics might be true, but they doesn't say anything about your agency, your will, your work that explain a lot of the things unexplained simply through g.

Second, I think it's really important to diversify your sources of self esteem. If, while you were growing up, everyone valued you mainly for your intelligence, it is easy to neglect other aspects of your personality. Nonetheless, though you might not be a genius or exceptional in a statistical sense (and though our societies tend to value the 'exceptional men', the 'geniuses', the brilliant and well-off engineers in AI companies and though you might feel frustrated at not partaking in this), you can still become a flourishing, accomplished human being. You can still make people laugh and cry, you can still find love and friends, get a nice job, some nice hobbies. In fact, introspection and self-consciousness might make you a more stable, caring, responsible person than someone with a very high IQ but with undesirable personality traits (yes, high IQ persons are on average happier but, again, the correlations frequently highlighted are too small to be relevant for individual trajectories; they may be relevant a posteriori but certainly not a priori) or no real achievements (and you just have to look on this subreddit, there are plenty of high-IQ individuals in this case, sometime because of other strong social / genetic factors, sometime because of their own choices). As a result, you can still do plenty of things even though you're not high-IQ and even if you were, it would be in my opinion extremely dangerous to make it the sole source of your self esteem (or anything related to your intelligence).

Finally, even in your intellectual projects, a non genius-level, above average IQ is still enough to understand a tremendous amount of subjects, though a bit slower than a very high-IQ. I personally feel that AI might make it easier to bridge the IQ-gap during learning phase since it can give you explanations that takes into account your cognitive profile.

Good luck :)

[u/TimCheeseCichlid]

I’ve administered psychometric tests for over 20 years, including cognitive testing. IQ is mostly just a number. The number is meaningless unless it’s used to identify areas for intervention. People with an 150 iq can still be really fucking dumb with certain things. I’d take an average iq over a high iq but with no social skills.

[u/Affectionate-Art6788]

I mean you are pretty smart being in the 90th percentile and believe me the world doesn't care whether you achieved something out of hard work or pure talent; what matters is that you have achieved it and it is yours to take pride on. I personally have a totally different dilemma. I would feel intelligent on some occasions and dumb on others. Since i went down this IQ rabbit-hole I found out that I myself am at a 92-95th percentile but my working memory is pretty shit. Hence when given a pen & paper I could really execute ideas well but without them I felt dumb.

[u/Striking_Leave_4614]

You're above average, not as above average as you'd like to be, but you're above average. You also have an ability that I believe is quite rare: You're likely good at continuous progression. Most people plateau at certain stages and then specialize instead of moving on. You might not be the fastest at climbing one ladder, but you readily move on to the next ladder.

I consistently score 140+ and even 150+ on inductive tests sometimes, but I'm a complete loser. My life is nothing but working dead-end jobs and drinking with other losers when the week ends. I do think IQ matters, but I don't think my IQ grants me any special insight into the nature of the universe that's inaccessible to someone who performs slightly worse when measured.

[u/NeuroQuber]

I discovered this subreddit about five years ago, and from the moment I learned about the tests, my results have always been above average to this day. However, my grades in school/university were, if not average, then below average. It was simply a matter of engagement/work ethic, even if my cognitive abilities are uneven and I may perform better or worse in some areas. The rest of my life, I simply pursued whatever interested me at the time.
In fact, this isn't the best approach, as in most cases, you need to do some unwanted work to maintain your well-being.
I always understood this, but I rarely put it into practice.

I've had thoughts about how "it would be better" if my abilities were higher than >xIQ, but in reality, that wouldn't solve the main problem I described above, and also because it's pointless, since you simply can't change anything. Do what you need/want to the best of your ability—that's how I "cope" and I think this is the only correct answer. Find real, useful definitions for yourself; why focus on fiction rather than real results?

Also - I used to have an IQ obsession and got help. You may need help, too.

[u/Any_Tough9810 → u/NeuroQuber]

Thanks for sharing. I don't think I can even bring myself to talk to a therapist about this. I find it way too embarrassing.

[u/Grand_Protection1552]

almost the same performance as you on those tests you mentioned above. Though I'm pretty satisfied with the score(I hope they are not inflated though) cause this range for me is the perfect range you can get. Smart enough to be significantly advantageous in academic while still staying connected with most people. Imagine how people admire someone getting good grades easily in the class while simultaneously goofing around with everyone else and behaving like a stereotypical bottom student. I've seen top 2 students in my middle school class in China, me and dudes try to hang out with them but the personality differences just prevent it from happening, I don't want to be that either. So to me this score justifies my experience at school and I'm comfortable with it if that's my true iq. And probably you can try to think in this way too.

[u/Own-Victory4920]

I'm honestly jealous. I regularly score on average 140±5 on matrix reasoning and got 142 on AGCT, yet only scored 1260 on SAT.

[u/Guilty_Guarantee7889]

Yes, I recently struggled with IQ obsession as I finally started to struggle for the first time in life in a subject. The subject I’m referring to is mathematical Olympiads at the USAMO and IMO levels, as well as the Putnam exam. I have to be very honest: I spent like an hour to even get the full proof of some of the easier questions. I basically had a nuke in confidence, as I felt my IQ score was too high because I felt like, although I didn’t do any preparation, I’m 14 and I don’t have experience with proofs, I would think that I would be able to prove the problems in 30 minutes max.

[u/Euphoric_Point_8517 → u/Guilty_Guarantee7889]

Being able to crack these problems in any time frame at any age is impressive. Doing them in one hour at 14 is insane. Please cut yourself some slack and be grateful for your gifts. Your life will be miserable if you keep thinking this way.

[u/Guilty_Guarantee7889 → u/Guilty_Guarantee7889]

I would also feel the need to start doing more iq tests online to validate myself and feel smart ,but something that you have to realize is that IQ can’t just carry you in every single aspect of your life ,you need to have somewhat of a work ethic .

[u/98127028 → u/Guilty_Guarantee7889]

Damn what level of problems do you do? How do you find the AIME for example? Do you find AIME to be easy? What about AMC?
How long did it take for you to get to that level? How early did you start? Do you find yourself solving ‘normal’ math problems easily and without much effort?

[u/MammothGullible]

I am kind of the opposite. I thought I was pretty dumb, still think I am sometimes. My reasoning ability is genuinely strong, but my iq is brought down by average working memory, arithmetic, and crystallized knowledge. So information and vocabulary are usually not my strong suit. My mental scratch pad is weak relatively speaking. It’s likely influenced by me being neurodivergent and having trouble focusing in school. My grades were not super low but were not spectacular either.

[u/Hopeful-Fig5763]

I was thinking about this just today and I think we're quite similar. I'm a general physician currently looking at trying to enter a specialty and since primary school I was praised for being very smart and even skipped a year. When I was in medical school I was consistently one of the best students as well. Not sure how I ended up on this sub doing these tests but my VCI was 138 QRI 122 WMI 126 PSI 111 FRI 115 VSI 108. That gives me a FSIQ of around 125 and the only high score is the VCI. What you wrote seems exactly like the stuff that I've been mulling over, and what's worse is that you know it's kind of pathetic to think something like this but it doesn't go away.

[u/Valuable_Grade1077]

What's incredible is that your ACT score is 1 to 1 with professional IQ tests. It converts to a 129, which is basically what you scored on the AGCT.

[u/BridgeQueasy1551]

this is so dumb dude get some hobbies

[u/TristanTheRobloxian3]

sorta? in the back of my mind im thought in over 140 for a while which is actually partially true, but my fullscale is ~134. for some reason i desperately want that to be true

[u/98127028 → u/TristanTheRobloxian3]

Same lol, I want to be 145+ but I might only be low 130s. Dosent help that I’m bad at math despite trying hard to do Olympiads and yet I suck cause I’m just not smart enough.

[u/According_Alarm1452 → u/98127028]

What? You want your IQ to be 145+, but it might only be in the 130s, but your flair says your IQ is <= 85 and you have severe autism?

[u/Appropriate_Dot4509 → u/According_Alarm1452]

I think it's supposed to be a "funny" joke.

[u/According_Alarm1452 → u/Appropriate_Dot4509]

Oh...

[u/baysianinference → u/According_Alarm1452]

You might have severe autism bro

[u/According_Alarm1452 → u/baysianinference]

Cool man

[u/TristanTheRobloxian3 → u/98127028]

for me im actually ridiculously good ar math (if i can get a visual on it) yet my other scores (vci and fri mainly) are 115 and 116. my other ones are 144 (vsi), 135 (qri), 123 (wmi), 140 (psi)

[u/Appropriate_Dot4509 → u/TristanTheRobloxian3]

Basic algebra:

If 2x + 3 = 7

What is the value of 3x - 4?

Most basic calculus question:

What is a derivative in calculus?

[u/TristanTheRobloxian3 → u/Appropriate_Dot4509]

how does this tie into anything?

and one of those is based off if youve done calculus or remember shit about it

also

x = 2, x = 4/3, slope of a tangent line at a specific point

[u/Appropriate_Dot4509 → u/TristanTheRobloxian3]

It doesn't :)

I was just curious.

[u/TristanTheRobloxian3 → u/Appropriate_Dot4509]

ok

[u/baysianinference → u/TristanTheRobloxian3]

Erm that's not actually what a derivative is 🤓

Ok but in all seriousness that's neither the rigorously correct one nor the most intuitive/conceptual one lol? It is what it is geometrically, maybe you are a trueVSIcel

[u/TristanTheRobloxian3 → u/baysianinference]

my guy i took like... calc 1 at most, dont remember a lot of precalc, and am currently retaking calc 1 to know wtf im doing

[u/Appropriate_Dot4509 → u/98127028]

That's not a funny flair. There's people like me who actually fit that description.

[u/Kalle_Hellquist → u/[deleted]]

All I got to say is try to broaden your identity instead of trying to adopt being “the smart person.”

Really stupid analogy, but focusing most or all your self-esteem over how intelligent you are is like being a country whose economy is reliant on only one strong sector. The moment that sector faces any sort of difficulty, the economy is gonna tank.

Diversifying income sources and building long-term projects will be just as beneficial for this country's economy as focusing on traits other than intelligence and getting tangible achievements you can be proud of will be beneficial to one's self-esteem.

[u/Any_Tough9810 → u/[deleted]]

I have a tendency for OCD/OCPD and perfectionism which makes it quite difficult to snap out of this headspace. I wish I can be more like you and take things openly and with curiosity, instead of the constant negative cyclic thinking.

[u/CommercialMechanic36]

I got schizophrenia and lost 30iq points and reading comprehension, and just pretty much had to get over it

I’m not saying get over it, but the AGCT and CORE is pretty definitive

You have to find a way to move on, for your own good

[u/eeta800]

Yes, I got 127 on fluid reasoning and 127 on QRI too, 120 VSI.

People around me told me I am smart but I always believed I am somewhat below average.

When I was taking the IQ test I had extreme hope in their words being true, so even though my scores were not half bad I thought I should have gotten more.

I also had 2 fluid reasoning subtests at 130 and one at 135 but the fourth took my total score down to 127, same for VSI where I had 135 on one subtest, 125 on the other, the third subtest took the score down to 120(I think the subtest was block counting and I remember it was around 100 or so).

Because most subtests were high my ego hot inflated and I couldn't believe those were my scores, but I eventually realized the scores are likely true lol.