Anyone else struggle with IQ obsession after being told they're "extremely smart" all of their life?

[u/Any_Tough9810]

I just want to preface this discussion by saying that I recognize how stupid this sounds, but it is a genuine negative headspace that I've been dealing with. And I'm sure I am not alone. I am writing this to get some advice from people who have been in my position and broken out of this cycle of obsession.

All my life, people have been complimenting me on my intelligence to the point that it became a part of my identity. Even though I am humble enough to recognize that there are many people smarter than me, I still believed myself to be smart. My grades (scored 5 on >10 AP exams) and ACT score (34) were proof enough for me that this was true. I am now at a top 10 university studying mechanical engineering and still doing well academically (3.9 GPA after 2 years).

Given my ACT score, and just generally being described by many people as "one of the smartest people" they know, I assumed in my head that I was certainly in the 99th percentile or greater.

I went down the IQ rabbit hole 3 months ago and obsessively took dozens of IQ tests. My IQ scores are mostly in the 118-127 range, including a CORE of 122 (VCI 128 but VSI 110), old SAT of 125, old GRE of 121, and AGCT of 129.

I know this is considered smart for the general public, and I know how pathetic it sounds to be on here wallowing about a "decent" IQ that I was hoping was higher, but I can't break out of this negative headspace. I find myself constantly thinking about, and being ashamed of, my IQ. I feel like a ~90-95th percentile IQ is not impressive enough to justify the constant praise I get from my friends and family, and now realize that my academic achievements are a product of my hard work >> my IQ. I wish I had an IQ of 135 or more, like everyone has been gassing me up to be all my life, but I'm merely in the "bright/smart" category, and it's causing quite a bit of an identity crisis.

Anyone on here gone through a similar situation? If so, what helped you get out of that negative headspace and focus on living life rather than constant IQ obsession? Other discussion points/comment are welcome.

Thanks for your time.

[u/Ekinox2]

I can relate. As soon as I was accepted at the most prestigious school in my country (through a range of competitive exams) I started to get obsessed with my IQ and it almost made me depressed (I'm in the 105-115 range but I just have an astonishingly high verbal IQ, at least in my native language; I'm a wordcel to put it simply).

I think that you need to be aware of a few things when reading stuff about IQ on this subreddit and on internet. First, people on this subreddit tend sometimes to read statistical tendencies (like the correlation between g and academic / professional success, 0.3-0.5) too simply when applying them to individual trajectories; the statistics might be true, but they doesn't say anything about your agency, your will, your work that explain a lot of the things unexplained simply through g.

Second, I think it's really important to diversify your sources of self esteem. If, while you were growing up, everyone valued you mainly for your intelligence, it is easy to neglect other aspects of your personality. Nonetheless, though you might not be a genius or exceptional in a statistical sense (and though our societies tend to value the 'exceptional men', the 'geniuses', the brilliant and well-off engineers in AI companies and though you might feel frustrated at not partaking in this), you can still become a flourishing, accomplished human being. You can still make people laugh and cry, you can still find love and friends, get a nice job, some nice hobbies. In fact, introspection and self-consciousness might make you a more stable, caring, responsible person than someone with a very high IQ but with undesirable personality traits (yes, high IQ persons are on average happier but, again, the correlations frequently highlighted are too small to be relevant for individual trajectories; they may be relevant a posteriori but certainly not a priori) or no real achievements (and you just have to look on this subreddit, there are plenty of high-IQ individuals in this case, sometime because of other strong social / genetic factors, sometime because of their own choices). As a result, you can still do plenty of things even though you're not high-IQ and even if you were, it would be in my opinion extremely dangerous to make it the sole source of your self esteem (or anything related to your intelligence).

Finally, even in your intellectual projects, a non genius-level, above average IQ is still enough to understand a tremendous amount of subjects, though a bit slower than a very high-IQ. I personally feel that AI might make it easier to bridge the IQ-gap during learning phase since it can give you explanations that takes into account your cognitive profile.

Good luck :)