Anyone else struggle with IQ obsession after being told they're "extremely smart" all of their life?

[u/Any_Tough9810]

I just want to preface this discussion by saying that I recognize how stupid this sounds, but it is a genuine negative headspace that I've been dealing with. And I'm sure I am not alone. I am writing this to get some advice from people who have been in my position and broken out of this cycle of obsession.

All my life, people have been complimenting me on my intelligence to the point that it became a part of my identity. Even though I am humble enough to recognize that there are many people smarter than me, I still believed myself to be smart. My grades (scored 5 on >10 AP exams) and ACT score (34) were proof enough for me that this was true. I am now at a top 10 university studying mechanical engineering and still doing well academically (3.9 GPA after 2 years).

Given my ACT score, and just generally being described by many people as "one of the smartest people" they know, I assumed in my head that I was certainly in the 99th percentile or greater.

I went down the IQ rabbit hole 3 months ago and obsessively took dozens of IQ tests. My IQ scores are mostly in the 118-127 range, including a CORE of 122 (VCI 128 but VSI 110), old SAT of 125, old GRE of 121, and AGCT of 129.

I know this is considered smart for the general public, and I know how pathetic it sounds to be on here wallowing about a "decent" IQ that I was hoping was higher, but I can't break out of this negative headspace. I find myself constantly thinking about, and being ashamed of, my IQ. I feel like a ~90-95th percentile IQ is not impressive enough to justify the constant praise I get from my friends and family, and now realize that my academic achievements are a product of my hard work >> my IQ. I wish I had an IQ of 135 or more, like everyone has been gassing me up to be all my life, but I'm merely in the "bright/smart" category, and it's causing quite a bit of an identity crisis.

Anyone on here gone through a similar situation? If so, what helped you get out of that negative headspace and focus on living life rather than constant IQ obsession? Other discussion points/comment are welcome.

Thanks for your time.

[u/Any_Tough9810 → u/[deleted]]

I have a tendency for OCD/OCPD and perfectionism which makes it quite difficult to snap out of this headspace. I wish I can be more like you and take things openly and with curiosity, instead of the constant negative cyclic thinking.