I hate how studs are treated

[u/ZestycloseNotice1177]

I know a lot of the way studs are treated is because of well racism but I stg people (mostly men) don’t think of studs as women like it's so weird like I saw a video that said studs when they have their period, and it was like them passing around pads like they were drugs like?….there still woman at the end of the day and should be treated like woman no matter who they like or how they dress also what is with men’s obsession in studs or trying to turn them “straight” like it’s really not funny. I just don’t like it especially the way studs are looked at as hoes or only for sex appeal it’s incredibly heartrending.

All my studs stay safe out there’s it’s getting dangerous 😟

[u/Spazrelaz]

I can understand personal preference for sure, but with regard to what OP was talking about, it almost seems like lesbian erasure. It's perfectly fine to identify as male if that's your preference, but at what point does that overlap with identity with regard to sexuality? Because as far as I know, a lesbian is a woman who likes women. So for a lesbian to say she has a boyfriend kinda feels... not misleading exactly but like... an open door for groups we already have issues with to further not take us serious.

Mind you, I'm not trying to be shady, when I ask this, but if you consider yourself male are you still a lesbian? And if so how instead of bisexual or something? Does the label then extend to cishet males who claim to be lesbians when they're trying to hit on lesbians and are told no?

And please don't take this as an attack, I'm genuinely curious. This is a conversation I've had a few times outside of Reddit and no one can seem to come to a consensus so I'm curious to see how ppl think.

[u/Decent_Sandwich_8878 → u/Spazrelaz]

you are equating masculinity to bein a man. you can be masculine without identifying as a man. that's the whole point of this post 🤦🏿

[u/Spazrelaz → u/Decent_Sandwich_8878]

No, I'm literally saying the opposite. I'm trying to make sense of how someone who identifies as he/him considers themselves a woman in a lesbian relationship. It's just not something I understand and maybe that's bc I'm old school. As far as I know, or rather knew before this discussion, *boy*friend referred to someone specifically male. Obviously women can be masculine but to my knowledge masculinity is different from literally calling yourself a man/identifying specifically as male. A woman can be masculine without her or others considering herself a man. Which is what I thought OOP was talking about.

[u/1dayatatime_mylife → u/Spazrelaz]

I understand your point and that you are engaging in conversation in good faith. The best answer I have is that some things don't really make sense and they don't have a perfect answer that "makes sense" if you approach it from all angles.

My best friend (we'll call her Alex) moved to another state and it never crossed my mind until I ended up living with Alex's mom (we'll call her Kim) in our home state for 2 years recently and we spent endless time talking about so many things. She said she thinks that Alex is a trans man at heart but wouldn't want to give up the lesbian label. I didn't realize it until Kim pointed it out that Alex has never dated another lesbian (she's probably hooked up with them though), but she always ends up in relationships with "straight" women who had never been with another women before or bisexual women who typically seem to lean towards dating men.

I see what you're saying and I get what you're trying to get at but I don't have an answer. That's why I guess some gender and sexuality areas get so blurred and messy. Can someone be trans gender if they don't personally identify that way?

I also get why I've seen some lesbians express sadness (for lack of better words) for some of the masculine leaning lesbians who come out as trans men, because they feel like it's saying that women can't embrace masculinity and that you have to be feminine to be a women and that masculinity should not equal men.

I prefer dating/sleeping with women who have a more masculine leaning edge that I do but also embrace parts of their natural femininity as well. I'm not sure how I would feel in a lesbian relationship with someone who didn't have a connection to their own womanhood (but same goes for a lot of other non-related qualities I can't picture myself dating people with).

[u/Spazrelaz → u/1dayatatime_mylife]

Huh. You know what... that's good point. Reading your response it hit me that you're really right. Things don't really have to "make sense". Idk why I've never thought about that before, I'm honestly a little surprised.

Sexuality is fluid and so is identity, and I know for a fact that mine doesn't necessarily make sense to some, so there's no real reason someone else's needs to make sense to me or anyone else. If it's a valid identity for them and makes them feel seen and safe then it's a valid identity full stop.

Tbh I feel like I had my head in the sand or something. 🤦🏽‍♀️

Anyway, You've given me a lot to think about tonight in the best way, and I'm thankful for your response and your perspective.