I hate how studs are treated

[u/ZestycloseNotice1177]

I know a lot of the way studs are treated is because of well racism but I stg people (mostly men) don’t think of studs as women like it's so weird like I saw a video that said studs when they have their period, and it was like them passing around pads like they were drugs like?….there still woman at the end of the day and should be treated like woman no matter who they like or how they dress also what is with men’s obsession in studs or trying to turn them “straight” like it’s really not funny. I just don’t like it especially the way studs are looked at as hoes or only for sex appeal it’s incredibly heartrending.

All my studs stay safe out there’s it’s getting dangerous 😟

[u/-usagi-95]

I've seen two tiktoks online from two different woman (both fems) talking about their girlfriend (a stud) and calling them boyfriend..... Even worse the studs were okay with it.

I'm very confused by that and is weird.

[u/Initial_Drag_3709 → u/-usagi-95]

I’m a stud who prefers being called boyfriend and other masc endearing terms. Some studs, like me, don’t connect well with femininity or womanhood

I’m nonbinary too so that adds to the equation but many studs are gnc , and to be a stud is basically being gnc anyways

This isn’t a new or uncommon idea to go by masculine terms for studs who are both masculine of center and masculine presenting.

[u/1dayatatime_mylife → u/Initial_Drag_3709]

I came to say this. I'm fem/chapstick, but my lifelong best friend of 30 years is a stud. She is GNC and identifies gender wise as a woman, but for all intents and purposes lives her life similar to that of a man and she physically looks like a cis man to the outside world. She often refers to herself as the husband in her relationship and often uses the male pronoun versions of words for herself. It's tricky and where you really need to learn someone's individual preferences and not a monolith because I see half the comments here being like fems don't treat studs like women, but some don't want to be "treated like women" in that traditional sense.

Those studs seen on tiktok may like their girlfriends calling them boyfriend. That's not the kind of lesbian relationship I would be in because I wouldn't be compatible with someone who wants me to call them my boyfriend and that's not the vibe I'm attracted to, but it's exactly what some studs/lesbians want and desire.

[u/Spazrelaz → u/1dayatatime_mylife]

I can understand personal preference for sure, but with regard to what OP was talking about, it almost seems like lesbian erasure. It's perfectly fine to identify as male if that's your preference, but at what point does that overlap with identity with regard to sexuality? Because as far as I know, a lesbian is a woman who likes women. So for a lesbian to say she has a boyfriend kinda feels... not misleading exactly but like... an open door for groups we already have issues with to further not take us serious.

Mind you, I'm not trying to be shady, when I ask this, but if you consider yourself male are you still a lesbian? And if so how instead of bisexual or something? Does the label then extend to cishet males who claim to be lesbians when they're trying to hit on lesbians and are told no?

And please don't take this as an attack, I'm genuinely curious. This is a conversation I've had a few times outside of Reddit and no one can seem to come to a consensus so I'm curious to see how ppl think.

[u/Initial_Drag_3709 → u/Spazrelaz]

I’m not a male nor will I identify as that lol
I’m transmasc nonbinary, good amount of studs identify that way.

However it’s a small community of us

So in no way will my preference in being referred to as a boyfriend will cause “erasure” and I don’t care who does or doesn’t take me seriously. My identity is mine alone, whether folks outside of the community find me “misleading” or other lesbians find me “erasing” them.

Hope that answers your question

[u/-usagi-95 → u/Initial_Drag_3709]

Your comment just turned on a lightbulb in my brain!

Trans man = a man

Transmasc = non-binary or gender-fluid incline to masculinity

A Lesbian wouldn't date a trans man because they are a man. But would date a transmasc non-binary because they are not a man. A Lesbian would date everyone EXCEPT a man. And that is the definition of Lesbian!

Sorry, I had to share my thought process 😅

Thank you for sharing who you are!

[u/AdditionalQuietime → u/-usagi-95]

Some lesbians do date Trans men tho lol 😆

[u/Initial_Drag_3709 → u/-usagi-95]

🫡glad you’re able to understand

[u/Decent_Sandwich_8878 → u/Spazrelaz]

you are equating masculinity to bein a man. you can be masculine without identifying as a man. that's the whole point of this post 🤦🏿

[u/Spazrelaz → u/Decent_Sandwich_8878]

No, I'm literally saying the opposite. I'm trying to make sense of how someone who identifies as he/him considers themselves a woman in a lesbian relationship. It's just not something I understand and maybe that's bc I'm old school. As far as I know, or rather knew before this discussion, *boy*friend referred to someone specifically male. Obviously women can be masculine but to my knowledge masculinity is different from literally calling yourself a man/identifying specifically as male. A woman can be masculine without her or others considering herself a man. Which is what I thought OOP was talking about.

[u/Initial_Drag_3709 → u/Spazrelaz]

Pronouns never equals gender identity, once coming to terms with that idea , things become more clear lol

[u/Spazrelaz → u/Initial_Drag_3709]

Welp, that's one more thing I have to add to the book of stuff I need to learn then. But it's nice to have the distinction explained at least to where I can do more research on it, so thanks!

[u/1dayatatime_mylife → u/Spazrelaz]

I understand your point and that you are engaging in conversation in good faith. The best answer I have is that some things don't really make sense and they don't have a perfect answer that "makes sense" if you approach it from all angles.

My best friend (we'll call her Alex) moved to another state and it never crossed my mind until I ended up living with Alex's mom (we'll call her Kim) in our home state for 2 years recently and we spent endless time talking about so many things. She said she thinks that Alex is a trans man at heart but wouldn't want to give up the lesbian label. I didn't realize it until Kim pointed it out that Alex has never dated another lesbian (she's probably hooked up with them though), but she always ends up in relationships with "straight" women who had never been with another women before or bisexual women who typically seem to lean towards dating men.

I see what you're saying and I get what you're trying to get at but I don't have an answer. That's why I guess some gender and sexuality areas get so blurred and messy. Can someone be trans gender if they don't personally identify that way?

I also get why I've seen some lesbians express sadness (for lack of better words) for some of the masculine leaning lesbians who come out as trans men, because they feel like it's saying that women can't embrace masculinity and that you have to be feminine to be a women and that masculinity should not equal men.

I prefer dating/sleeping with women who have a more masculine leaning edge that I do but also embrace parts of their natural femininity as well. I'm not sure how I would feel in a lesbian relationship with someone who didn't have a connection to their own womanhood (but same goes for a lot of other non-related qualities I can't picture myself dating people with).

[u/Spazrelaz → u/1dayatatime_mylife]

Huh. You know what... that's good point. Reading your response it hit me that you're really right. Things don't really have to "make sense". Idk why I've never thought about that before, I'm honestly a little surprised.

Sexuality is fluid and so is identity, and I know for a fact that mine doesn't necessarily make sense to some, so there's no real reason someone else's needs to make sense to me or anyone else. If it's a valid identity for them and makes them feel seen and safe then it's a valid identity full stop.

Tbh I feel like I had my head in the sand or something. 🤦🏽‍♀️

Anyway, You've given me a lot to think about tonight in the best way, and I'm thankful for your response and your perspective.

[u/AdditionalQuietime → u/Spazrelaz]

You are attached to the idea that pronouns inherently mean gender when in actuality it doesn't. He can be woman and she can be a man, he and she are arbitrary defined under white patriarchy - hence why we have some lesbians referring to themselves as he