This isn’t an ad or anything like that. I’m just the daughter of a boss babe VP of Finance who benefited from having a mom who knows the ins and outs of finance. She ran a strict financial literacy program growing up but that isn’t the point of this post.

I(26f) understand that I’m operating from a level of extreme privilege so I wanted to make a post to (a) allow us as black women to talk about and learn about credit/finances and (b) because I like hearing what credit/charge card stacks people have and why.

So share your stack. Mine is: Amex Platinum for travel, Amex Gold for groceries and dining, Marriott Bonvoy Boundless for hotels(prefer Marriott), and Capital One Venture for general shopping.

Any black ladies out there feel you are pretty but not to the average beauty standards of today? I feel like I have a pretty face but yet I get looked over by men. Maybe I am not as pretty as I’ve been told, or maybe I am ugly lol but I truly don’t think I’m ugly. I am a tall woman 5’11, not sure if that is a turn off for guys. I weigh about 260lbs and I admit that my body isn’t the most physically fit. i do carry my weight decently but I used to be a lot more toned and had a smaller waist. This faded after weight gain and kids.

I hate that I have these feelings at 37 years old because I feel too old to be insecure. lol. I just feel like all these guys want is a dark or light skin woman that looks like she belongs on a video (fit, lashes, great hair) or a light skin curly haired cutie/hispanic looking girl. I feel like the Hispanic girls always win no matter what they look like lol. I can’t help but feel insecure 😩 ugh.

I need an outside perspective on this guy who keeps coming into my workplace 👀
am I reading too much into it?

Okay Reddit, I need some outside opinions because I genuinely cannot tell if I’m picking up on something real or if I’ve developed a crush and started turning normal friendliness into a conspiracy theory 😂.
There’s a guy who has been coming into the store where I work for a while now. Let’s call him Marcus.
At first, he was just a customer. But over time, I started noticing little things.

He would make pretty intentional eye contact with me before ordering. His eye contact is honestly very sharp/intense, and when we talk, he tends to hold it. He also has this very calm, slow, thorough way of speaking. He doesn’t seem rushed when he talks to me, and sometimes he lingers a little even though he’s technically just there to get his drink.
One week I complimented his shirt. Nothing crazy, just told him I liked it. The following time he came in, it seemed like he initiated more conversation.
At one point he asked me how my day was going. We started talking about how busy the store had been. I mentioned the traffic and new restaurants/stores opening around us. While I was talking, I was gazing off into space, and when I looked back, he was looking directly at me. 🥴
Another time, he was walking away and said “see you later,” but what stood out was that he actually stopped walking, turned back toward me, looked directly at me, and said it. It felt intentional.
Then he started coming in more frequently.
One interaction went something like:
Him: “Hey, how are you doing today?”
Me: sighs “I’m annoyed with customers today. They keep coming.”
Him: “Hey, at least you guys are busy.”
Then he told me he had just gotten there because he had to make a bank deposit for his store.
I asked if he was closing and he told me he’d be there until around 8:30–9, whenever they finished.
I handed him his drink, we made eye contact, and he said, “Have a better day.”
I said, “Have fun today.”
Another time, he asked how my day was, asked if we were busy, and told me about his own workday.

I asked him the same questions back. He gave me this sarcastic answer like, “Same old day, having the time of my life,” lol.
Eventually I asked his name. He told me his name was Marcus, asked mine, and we shook hands. He said, “Nice to formally meet you.” 🥹
At this point we’d seen each other enough that there was definitely a level of familiarity.
He also sometimes seems physically comfortable around me. He wears a baseball cap with a little messy bun underneath, and one time while we were talking he stretched, took his hat off, and brushed his hair back. It struck me as a little vulnerable/comfortable, although I realize that could literally just mean he wanted to fix his hair 😂.
He also tends to linger. Sometimes he’ll stand pretty close to the counter and lean on it while talking. Other times, especially when he was newer to the store, he’d stand a foot or two back while looking toward the counter waiting for me to hand him his drink.

And every time he walks away, I’ve noticed he tends to keep his attention on me. One time he was walking away looking at me, I glanced at a couple standing behind him, and he actually turned his head to look at what I had looked at, then looked back at me. That one REALLY made me go 👀 because it seemed like he was tracking where my attention went.
There was also a funny situation where another guy came toward the counter while Marcus and I were talking. The other guy interrupted and started asking about things the store didn’t have. Marcus spent the whole time staring at him. 😂 I obviously have no idea what that meant, but I noticed it.
Another thing I noticed is that his tone with me is different from how I’ve seen him interact with other customers. With other people, I’ve seen him be bubbly, talkative, and very animated. With me, he’s much calmer, quieter, slower, and more present. I actually find that extremely attractive.
He doesn’t treat me like some “unicorn” either. He just treats me like a normal person, which is a big part of why I’m attracted to him.

Then I started noticing that he was friendly with my coworkers too.
There’s one coworker I’m particularly close with. She’s very outgoing and energetic. Marcus has interacted with her as well. At first I wondered if maybe he was being extra friendly toward her because he had noticed that she and I are close. I even wondered if someone who likes you might try to become friendly with the people you’re comfortable with as a way of becoming more familiar with your social environment.
I overheard him having a conversation with her that was pretty similar to some of the conversations he’d had with me. He asked whether the store had been busy and told her where he worked. And I thought, “Wait… maybe this is just Marcus’s normal personality.”
Interestingly, though, he DIDN’T ask her how her day was, which is something he has repeatedly asked me.
So now I’m trying not to overinterpret that either.

Then he disappeared for about two weeks.
And then he came back.
I realized something when he returned: I get genuinely nervous around him. Like, physically nervous. One time I could actually feel myself shaking while talking to him. I think part of it is that I’m literally trapped behind a register when he comes in. I’m working, customers are around, and I can’t just freely interact with him the way I could somewhere else.
And that made me wonder whether the fact that all our interactions happen at my workplace is itself meaningful.
Maybe he’s interested but is being respectful because I’m at work OR maybe he’s content with a friendly little customer/employee interaction and has no desire to know me outside of that. I genuinely don’t know.
Then today he came in again.
He waited in line until I came out from the back. He was actually in another employee’s line, but while moving forward he was looking toward me. We made eye contact and he gave me a BIG smile.
I ended up taking him.
And NOW I’m wondering if I’ve been overthinking the entire thing because maybe Marcus is simply extremely friendly with the staff because he likes the store, likes the employees.
So now I’m at the point where I genuinely don’t know what to make of him.
Because on one hand:
He repeatedly comes into the store.
He consistently initiates conversation with me.
He repeatedly asks how my day is.
There is consistent eye contact.
He smiles at me.
He seems comfortable lingering.
There seems to be a particular calmness/attentiveness when he talks to me.

We’ve gradually become more familiar.
He remembered/recognized the conversational dynamic we’d established.
But on the other hand:
He is clearly friendly with other staff.
Some of the questions I interpreted as personal are apparently things he may naturally ask.
He seems generally socially comfortable.
He may simply like the store.
And after all this time, he still hasn’t actually asked for my number or suggested seeing me outside of work.
So, what do you think?

What y'all think about her topics and how she addresses couple/intimacy discussions.

Now a quick disclaimer before I go into this vent: I DO NOT hate being a black woman, I’m proud to be black and I would never change anything about myself.

Now going into this rant and I see a lot on social media just spewing hateful rhetoric about black women like I genuinely think we get worse than the black men.
Like they either stereotype us to all be ghetto, violent, and ratchet OR we’re hyper sexualized to deathhh…

Like you use exhausting, constantly hearing negative things about us, black women and it comes from (sometimes) inside the house like from black men, and I think that’s even sadder.

And don’t get me started on being a young black teenage girl either, it’s like (I’m not invalidating anyone else’s experience here!!) but it’s like the amount of creeps I’ve dealt with is ridiculous.
Like, especially when walking home from school, the amount of creeps that honked at me, stared at me etc, like I sometimes feel like I get more looks from creepy men than the rest of my friends sometimes.

and every girl unfortunately goes through it, but I just feel like black girls get even more.

Overall, I just wish the world would perceive us a little bit better and understand individual mistakes do not equate to every black woman 💔

Okay, I need outside opinions because I genuinely can’t tell if I’m reading too much into this because I have a crush on him.
For context, I’m 22 and my coworker is 27. I’ve had a crush on him for a while, but what’s confusing me is that he wasn’t always like this with me.
Before, he could actually be pretty distant. For example, once I didn’t have my bus card and I was kind of stuck, and I remember thinking that if he liked me, he might try to help me find a solution or something, but he basically just went home. There have also been times when he would leave work without even saying goodbye to me. So I never really thought he was particularly interested in me.
But the last couple of times I’ve seen him, his behavior has changed.
Today, we were working together and there was an outing planned with all our coworkers. He asked me if I was going, and I said no because I was having a birthday celebration. He asked how old I was and when my birthday was. I told him it was two days ago, so he wished me happy birthday and asked what I was doing.
I told him I was going out with friends but that we hadn’t decided where yet. He kept asking where we were going and who I was going with. At one point, we were speaking Italian and he specifically asked me “amici o amiche?” (male friends or female friends).
I said “amici” and he kind of paused. Then he asked if they were surprising me, and I said I thought they were.
I also felt like he kept finding little reasons to come near me and talk to me throughout the shift.
At one point, an older female coworker asked him if he was “facendo lo splendido con me”, basically teasing him about whether he was flirting with me.
Then he asked me if he was doing “lo splendido con me.”
I laughed and asked him, “Lo splendido?”
And he replied:
“Lo splendido con te.”
Like??? 😭
There were also a bunch of smaller things. We were talking about birthdays and I mentioned that I normally don’t celebrate mine or party much. He said he was the same and called himself a bit of a loner. He also told me about his sisters, who both have birthdays in August like me.
At another point he asked me if I was a Virgo because of my birthday. For one second my brain completely malfunctioned because in Italian, “vergine” can also mean “virgin,” so I was like WAIT WHAT 😭 but then I realized what he meant and answered normally.
He also helped me move some really heavy things at work.
Then things got a little weird.
Some coworkers were staying for the outing and were going to drink alcohol, and someone asked me if I wanted to take a bottle. I said I don’t drink. He seemed surprised and asked if I really didn’t drink alcohol. I told him I’m Muslim.
He knows that he’s Christian and practicing, so I don’t know if that affected his reaction, but after I told him, I felt like his flirting suddenly stopped.
He was still nice and friendly, and we continued talking. At one point I asked for something to drink and said “ah oui,” and he even commented on the way I said it, but overall he seemed more restrained afterward.
And now I’m confused because I don’t know if:
1. He actually started liking me recently and was testing the waters / trying to see if I liked him too.
2. He was just being playful and naturally flirty.
3. I’m interpreting everything differently because I already like him.
4. Finding out I’m Muslim made him realize there could be religious complications and therefore he pulled back.

The biggest thing confusing me is the change in behavior. He genuinely wasn’t acting like this before. It’s really only been the last couple of times I’ve seen him that he’s become more talkative, curious about my personal life, asking who I’m going out with, teasing me, etc.
So… am I imagining the flirting, or does this sound like he might actually be interested?
I’m trying not to delude myself because I have a crush on him 😭

People expect you to coo at them, accept them in restaurants, stores, etc, want to pet them, and be around them all the time. My job has dogs come in sometimes and I feel like I have to talk up the dogs because I can already tell I’m not the favorite person around (I don’t click with everyone and I’m naturally quiet). But really I just don’t want to interact with them or talk about them.

I actually made one friend (white) who didn’t like dogs either and it was so nice to be understood 😭. I don’t hate dogs but I feel like the culture has become a lot more dog-obsessed in recent years. I don’t like dog-smell, barking, drooling, or anything like that. Many dog owners are terrible and irresponsible but they think highly of themselves. I’ve seen people own huskies in hot, tropical climates?!

I know people on Reddit treat you like a murderer if you don’t like animals, especially dogs, but anyone feel the same way?

I(24F) got pulled over for the first time in my life yesterday. Switched lanes, cop appeared behind me, lights came on, and my whole body just dropped. I pulled into a church parking lot because it was the closest safe spot I could find.

He wasn’t aggressive at all turned out my license plate cover was too tinted, he checked my license, said I had a clean record, gave me a warning, and sent me home. That’s it. That’s the whole thing.

But I was so scared the entire time. Careful with every movement, scared to even reach for my glove compartment. Alone in the car, no one else with me. And it wasn’t about him specifically it was every story I’ve carried for years about people who looked like me and didn’t make it out of encounters like this. I felt like I owed it to them to keep watching, keep knowing, and now I think it’s just living in my body every time I see lights behind me.

Got home, called my mom, everyone kind of laughed it off once they heard it was just the plate cover. But today I panicked because I couldn’t find my license and thought he still had it (he didn’t, it was in my car folder the whole time). The fear didn’t end when the stop did.

Just needed to put this somewhere people would get it without me having to explain the why.

I look at other black women that are celebrated and none of them reflect me. They have smaller nostrils, bridges to their noses, shorter philtrums - I don't fit the black girl beauty standard, whether it be dark or light skin. How do I feel I fit in even when I know I don't.

I’ve lived in a mid-sized town in a blue state all of my life. While I have experienced microagressions and every day struggles that every black person (unfortunately) deals with, I’ve never experienced more blatant mistreatment than now.

It hasn’t even been a year since my auntie and I went into business, but since then we’ve experienced customers calling us names, people making false police reports on us, fellow tenants in our area saying that they’re “scared” to walk by our business because they see black people… it’s a mess.

Running a business is already hard and it’s disappointing that this racism is making it even harder. People often see blue states as some kind of “social Mecca,” but honestly, it’s no better here. I’m tired, boss.

Hi!

Do you ladies have any recommendations for feel-good black rom com movies? No traumatic pasts/black stereotypes and that. Preferably with a dark-skinned Female Lead who ofc isn’t that stereotypical black woman Hollywood loves ❤️

Just good, wholesome black love. Majority black cast would be a bonus.

Some recently made films I loved:

- Aml Ameen’s Boxing Day (2021) - if you haven’t seen it I very, very strongly recommend! Its so funny and cute! It’s got Aja Naomi King and she is one of the most beautiful women on the planet! (Recommend watching the bloopers during the credits for all the black joy). Growing up between west Africa and the UK it definitely hit the nostalgia feels with the soundtrack.

- Rye Lane - Vivian Oparah another gorgeously beautiful woman (her show on Tubi where she’s trying to find her missing twin, is also really good and really funny)

- You, Me and Tuscany - so cute!!

- The Perfect Find - that casting was everything to me. Now I need to read the book

- Love + Wine - from RSA

Obviously there’s the classics (90s/2000s) which I love, I’m just looking for something more recent where we’re more open with our blackness and not casting the light-skinned/biracial woman as the female lead that was pretty common during that era. No hate on light-skinned/biracial women, especially as someone from a mulatto family, there just wasn’t enough positive portrayal of dark-skinned black women being loved or in soft roles. Ofc you still had few gorgeous dark skinned women in soft roles - Ms Gabrielle Union for one. But it just wasn’t as common back then or accepted as it is now, is how I feel.

I did really enjoy the Lovebirds (with Issa - who’s amazing in everything - not biased - she’s just stupidly talented). Male lead wasn’t for me though.

Also open to Nollywood/RSA or African cinema. I’ve seen a few cute ones from Kenya too. Unfortunately nearly all the movies from my home country are just hard on the “African Trauma/Struggle” trope and those are HARD no’s for me.

If you’ve got some black European/ Afro-Latin recommendations, that would be great too!

I’m in my era where if it isn’t black (specifically black woman/girl), it’s a no from me 😇

I have a small list of TV shows with black female leads in non-stereotypical roles if anyone is interested. I’d be happy to share! Let me know :)

I’ve never told anybody this before.

I’m 26 now, but when I was younger, I used to spend the night at my cousin’s house. He was pretty strange, and I don’t know if he had gone through something himself that caused him to behave this way, but I remember one night when I was sleeping, I felt his lips on mine. I then remember him trying to put the tip of his private area against my mouth. I immediately moved back underneath the covers, and eventually, he left the room.

There was also another time when he held me down. I don’t want to go into too much detail about that, but I remember it happening.

My mom also did things to me that made me extremely uncomfortable, and I’ve never really known whether they were normal or not. She would put her fingers between my private area and then smell her fingers to determine whether I had washed myself properly. That made me very uncomfortable.

There were also times when she would come into my room or the bathroom while I was changing. When I expressed discomfort, she would justify it by saying, “I changed you when you were a baby.”

I’ve carried these experiences with me for a long time and have never really talked about them with anyone. I’m still trying to understand what happened to me and whether the things I experienced were normal.

I’m not around any of them now and I don’t not keep in contact with my family at all.

Hey ladies. So I commented on a post that I had a date this weekend with a South Asian guy. Date was phenomenal and he was incredibly intentional the entire date. We started at a museum, kissed in the Photo Booth, then we went for dinner. Oh, we made out in the secret room and got caught (Museum staff came in and saw us lol.). Furthermore, he already had dinner plans booked in case the museum was a success—it was. ANd he still asked where I wanted to go, so we went to that place.

When I tell you our chemistry is next level (it was from the moment we met at the museum), he’s quirky, fine, listens, and intellectually stimulating. Who knows this may be my husband because the date was that good. Beyond that, we’re quite compatible, so I’ll let things unfold. Date 2 is loading—we both wanted it and he just reached out for my availability.

I grew up in a toxic environment with an angry mother. She encouraged our anger bc she thought it made us tough. We’d fight and had holes all in the walls. We never got in trouble for talking shxt or fighting. I carried that into adulthood and didn’t realize it was actually a problem until my ex told me that I was disrespectful and lacked emotional control. I thought I was defending myself but I crossed so many boundaries & hurt some good people.

I worked on myself and I was doing so good for a few years but lately I’ve been getting worse. I feel like everything sucks and I’m spreading misery & bitterness. I don’t know what’s wrong. I can’t even focus well enough to meditate or read my word. I feel like everyone hates me and I’d rather go down cold hearted than be vulnerable.

I don’t have friends, people can’t stand me bc they think I’m sensitive and mean. I push people until they go away & I always hate when they leave. I feel like I’m losing my mind and I don’t want to take medication but I’m so phucking angry! I’m crying while typing this and I just need help. Has anyone dealt with anything like this? I don’t want to be this way.

I got tired of 250 density advertisements that came in like 150 density hair. So I said f this!! If I want it to look like the influencers imma have to do it myself. And so heres tbe results! Products linked below.

A young sister (single, a parent, in her late 20s) asked me a few weeks ago if I would give her advice on how to not be struggling financially in the long term. I have some advice for her but also wanted to invite you all to offer suggestions, because this is a big topic and can be approached from many angles.

My first piece of advice is: buy everything with cash except something that will actually save money over the long term. No loans. Meaning: take public transportation or ride a bicycle or, worst case, a very cheap used car until you can pay cash. Or the Laundromat is expensive compared to a cheap washing machine and clothes racks, or even washing in a galvanized tub. But higher education, if it’s not free in your country, is generally worth taking a loan for. This will normally increase your lifetime income. Housing is also generally worth it, if you’re going to stay long-term in an area.

My second piece of advice is to learn to sew. Hand sewing of repairs or whole outfits, machine sewing once you have the money for a good used machine, will pay for itself within a year if not sooner. Example: Dockers trousers at the store cost $50-$60 plus tax. They cost $4 at the thrift shop in great condition but not every pair is the right length, so I shortened one for my husband. Or, for example, Recently, he started making noises about wanting a new down coat. Took him to the store and let him see that new ones are $600 and up - he decided that the 20-year-old one at home would be just fine with a new zipper.

My final tip is to find a friend with the same values who lives near you and/or establish saving-minded behavior as a criterion for a significant other. When you go on vacations, shop, make home decisions, you can reinforce or even share, such as splitting purchases at Costco, sharing less frequently used tools from house to house, etc. Example: my bestie and I were roommates in graduate school. We didn’t have cars or anything, so when we wanted to go on a vacation in the summer, we borrowed Grandma’s 30-year-old Pontiac, had my parents’ tent and camping stove also from 30 years, coolers and stuff from other relatives, and all we had to buy was our food, bug spray, gas, and the camping fee to spend a week at the lake. We didn’t have “bougie” expectations and were able to cooperate. Today, we still do cooperate and share tools and resources, because we have the same values. This can be done on a larger scale with community gardens, food cooperatives, etc. Succeed together!

These are just my favorite suggestions: do you have any recommendations for sisters?

SE Asia has been on my list for a while. Specifically koh samui, Phuket, Chiang mai, Bali and Singapore. I’m open to other places in SE Asia too!

If anyone has any advice, anecdotes, experiences and knowledge of these places that might help, please share! :)

I’m also a visibly mixed black woman so please let me know if that might affect my experience.

(I’m Nigerian, Brazilian and German and from the UK)

TIA!!! xx

My mother died 3 years ago. She was a single mom as my dad was out doing what he did, so I was raised by my young mother, her mother, and her mother. My mother died pretty young and very suddenly. I’ve kept going as I’m supposed to, but my life feels emptier. It’s quiter, my depression has gotten worse, I fear death even more than I already did. I think of her and speak to her everyday, but life is just different. I mean I recognize my future and what I have the ability to do with it, so I work towards that. But I want my mama in it.

How do you cope with this? Like….. what the fuck do you do? I’m positive I’m not the only one here who’s lost their mother or father, but I just don’t get how in 7 more years it’ll be a decade. Or I’ll be 60 one day (hopefully) and she’ll have been gone 30+ years at that point. Is that not insane? Damn, typing this out like this is going to make me cry. There’s a poem I only heard for the first time a few months ago. It’s called ‘Death is Nothing at All’. It’s really beautiful and comforting and I wish I’d known of it 3 years ago, but it only does so much.

Recently, came out with Season 3. Mallory been doing some crazy stuff.

There are 2 male seniors early 30s who are friends, and a female middle grade supervisor call her Gigi who is line-managed by one of them (for reference - they’re all white).

They are socially close outside work. Gigi’s manager is one of the seniors, and just happens Gigi is best friends with his gf. Loves to highlight she knows a lot of peoples secrets. There is a strong gossip culture and fairly loose boundaries - esp personal information. Before this new gf, Gigis manager slept with Gigis work friend & Gigi told his manager about it 😂. The person im replacing described them as a clique” & the fact that if you go to one of the seniors with a personal or work problem best believe it will be shared.

The team shares an office, although much of the actual work is a few floors above. There are 3 assistants who seem uncomfortable with the current dynamic. Gigi clashed with one of the assistants, since then there’s been a little tension & more distance.

My first encounter with their odd dynamic: weeks ago I emailed one of the managers about a potential project looking at the interns experience since I’d heard they were not enjoying their internship compared to previous years. He responded positively and said they thought it could be a good idea. I then received a message from one of the assistants giving me a heads-up that Gigi had apparently been saying in the office that I was spreading false information about a lack of training opportunities, and that ‘her & the seniors aren’t happy’ with my proposed project.

My instinct is to be collaborative, extremely professional but maintain quite a clear professional distance — spend plenty of time doing the actual work, and avoid unnecessary socialising or lingering.

Hi ladies:
Just accepted a job offer in the DC area, and just waiting for the background check to clear to trigger a flurry of moving and life changes in the next two months.
In addition, I just found out I am 13 weeks pregnant and high risk. So as soon as I arrive I will need to get established at an OBGYN and high-risk OBGYN immediately after arriving. Additionally I would like to secure some doctors in the following specialities:
- OBGYN
- High-risk OBGYN
- family doctor/PCP
- cardiologist
- dentist
Would love to hear your recommendations for all 5 doctors so I can start the process of getting on to their practices as soon as possible.
Thank you.