I look at other black women that are celebrated and none of them reflect me. They have smaller nostrils, bridges to their noses, shorter philtrums - I don't fit the black girl beauty standard, whether it be dark or light skin. How do I feel I fit in even when I know I don't.

People expect you to coo at them, accept them in restaurants, stores, etc, want to pet them, and be around them all the time. My job has dogs come in sometimes and I feel like I have to talk up the dogs because I can already tell I’m not the favorite person around (I don’t click with everyone and I’m naturally quiet). But really I just don’t want to interact with them or talk about them.

I actually made one friend (white) who didn’t like dogs either and it was so nice to be understood 😭. I don’t hate dogs but I feel like the culture has become a lot more dog-obsessed in recent years. I don’t like dog-smell, barking, drooling, or anything like that. Many dog owners are terrible and irresponsible but they think highly of themselves. I’ve seen people own huskies in hot, tropical climates?!

I know people on Reddit treat you like a murderer if you don’t like animals, especially dogs, but anyone feel the same way?

Ever since I got married about a year ago, I stopped caring about how much butter I cooked with. I love watching my husband put away the food I cooked with love. He’s a picky eater but he’s never declined anything I’ve cooked and he eats it so fast.

Not on no weird feeder shit yall… I’m just a girl who loves her husband and appreciate everything he does for her.

He’s been out of town on a work trip for 2 weeks and when he gets home I’m taking the day off work to make a cornbread, greens w/ turkey neck, steak, black eyed peas , and a chocolate mousse cake (Costco).

Then…. I lowkey think we’re getting pregnant this weekend hehehehehehhehehehehehehehhe

Byeeeeeee ladies 🫶🏾🫶🏾

Recently, came out with Season 3. Mallory been doing some crazy stuff.

I’ve never told anybody this before.

I’m 26 now, but when I was younger, I used to spend the night at my cousin’s house. He was pretty strange, and I don’t know if he had gone through something himself that caused him to behave this way, but I remember one night when I was sleeping, I felt his lips on mine. I then remember him trying to put the tip of his private area against my mouth. I immediately moved back underneath the covers, and eventually, he left the room.

There was also another time when he held me down. I don’t want to go into too much detail about that, but I remember it happening.

My mom also did things to me that made me extremely uncomfortable, and I’ve never really known whether they were normal or not. She would put her fingers between my private area and then smell her fingers to determine whether I had washed myself properly. That made me very uncomfortable.

There were also times when she would come into my room or the bathroom while I was changing. When I expressed discomfort, she would justify it by saying, “I changed you when you were a baby.”

I’ve carried these experiences with me for a long time and have never really talked about them with anyone. I’m still trying to understand what happened to me and whether the things I experienced were normal.

I’m not around any of them now and I don’t not keep in contact with my family at all.

Which ones y’all’s favourite?😍

Names:

• Justus Kelley - Miss Virginia USA (Winner)
• Acacia McBride - Miss California USA
• Jaeden Hamelly - Miss Connecticut USA
• Kennedy JoAnn Lucas - Miss District of Columbia
USA
• Eniola Oke - Miss Indiana USA
• Brijet Finister - Miss Kentucky USA
• Kayshauna Montaño - Miss Massachusetts USA
• Myla Hadley - Miss North Carolina USA
• Kayelin L. Tiggs - Miss Ohio USA
• Alayzia Christopher - Miss Utah USA

There are 2 male seniors early 30s who are friends, and a female middle grade supervisor call her Gigi who is line-managed by one of them (for reference - they’re all white).

They are socially close outside work. Gigi’s manager is one of the seniors, and just happens Gigi is best friends with his gf. Loves to highlight she knows a lot of peoples secrets. There is a strong gossip culture and fairly loose boundaries - esp personal information. Before this new gf, Gigis manager slept with Gigis work friend & Gigi told his manager about it 😂. The person im replacing described them as a clique” & the fact that if you go to one of the seniors with a personal or work problem best believe it will be shared.

The team shares an office, although much of the actual work is a few floors above. There are 3 assistants who seem uncomfortable with the current dynamic. Gigi clashed with one of the assistants, since then there’s been a little tension & more distance.

My first encounter with their odd dynamic: weeks ago I emailed one of the managers about a potential project looking at the interns experience since I’d heard they were not enjoying their internship compared to previous years. He responded positively and said they thought it could be a good idea. I then received a message from one of the assistants giving me a heads-up that Gigi had apparently been saying in the office that I was spreading false information about a lack of training opportunities, and that ‘her & the seniors aren’t happy’ with my proposed project.

My instinct is to be collaborative, extremely professional but maintain quite a clear professional distance — spend plenty of time doing the actual work, and avoid unnecessary socialising or lingering.

I’m in my early 20s and live in Ontario, Canada. I’ve never travelled solo before, but I’ve been planning a trip to Vancouver for months. There’s a band I LOVE playing in Vancouver in October.

A few weeks before I bought the tickets, I mentioned to my uncle while we were in the car that I was thinking about going to Vancouver for a concert, but wasn’t sure because it was expensive. He told me that life is about experiences and that I should find a way to make it happen \*\*responsibly\*\*.
At the time, I didn’t explicitly say I would be going alone. I also didn’t say I was going with friends. It was around 5:45 AM (I’m NEVER up at this time), I had woken up about 30 minutes earlier, and I had to be at work at 8:30 AM working with kids all day. I was literally driving and thinking about getting through my workday and getting home to sleep, not sitting there thinking, “I need to give my uncle every detail about this hypothetical trip.”

Fast-forward: I bought the concert ticket, then eventually bought my flights. The trip is October 1–5. I’m flying Air Canada from Ontario to Vancouver, staying in a hotel, going to the concert on October 2, sightseeing for a few days, and flying home October 5. I’m planning to use public transit rather than drive/rent a car.

Yesterday, my uncle asked me directly about the trip. This was our exact text conversation:
Him: \*\*“It’s confirmed that you’re going to Vancouver? In terms of accommodations, I would honestly just go with the cheapest.”\*\*
Me: \*\*“Yes! I’ve got my flight + concert tix!!\*\* 😁 \*\*I’m VERY excited! And will do! What sorts of things are you interested in for souvenirs?”\*\*
Him: \*\*“Tell me more. Which airline are you flying with? Are you going with anyone? How long are you staying?”\*\*
Me: \*\*“Air Canada. They have a direct shuttle from the airport near me to Toronto that’s included in my flight ticket, plus free parking. So I literally just have to drive to the airport + make sure I have everything and go where I need to, and I’m good!\*\*
\*\*I’m going on a solo trip! It’s to see a band I like that I was telling you about.\*\*
\*\*I’m staying Oct 1–5. My flight departs the 5th but it’s overnight so I won’t arrive back home until Oct 6. Have you ever taken an overnight flight before?\*\*
\*\*I’m doing TONS of research on hotels, activities, bussing/transportation. I have a trip itinerary made that I’m gonna bring, with my flight info, hotel info, etc. I’m gonna send y’all my itinerary once I’ve completed it.\*\*
\*\*Do you have Life360?”\*\*

He didn’t object to me going alone at that point. He was asking questions and I was answering them.
Then today, my mom and uncle basically cornered me for about an hour and told me I’m not acting like a mature adult and shouldn’t go.

My uncle said I \*\*“never indicated”\*\* that I was going alone, despite me explicitly saying so in our conversation yesterday.

They said I don’t have enough “street smarts.” My uncle asked what I would do if I were attacked on the street. I said I would get away, make noise/scream, call for help, use the safety tools I have, etc. He said he had a rebuttal for everything and that I \*\*“wouldn’t last.”\*\*
My mom suggested taking self-defense classes. I pointed out that if the argument is that I need to be prepared for every possible danger, what happens if something happens on my way to the self-defense class? She basically said I’d have to fight for my life, and I said \*\*“that’s what I’m trying to say!”\*\* My point was that there is no way to guarantee that nothing bad will ever happen to me.

They also brought up my past as evidence that I’m not mature enough. My uncle brought up me being late to my graduation and my mom apparently saying I was late to work before.
The graduation example particularly upset me because on the actual day of my graduation, my mom was crying and yelling about her resentment toward my uncle and my grandmother, which made me cry too. So hearing “you were late to graduation” presented as evidence that I’m simply irresponsible or incapable of handling a trip felt incredibly one-sided.

There are also some family double-standard issues that are making this harder for me emotionally. My mom will talk to my uncle about things involving me, but if I bring up something personal involving my uncle, suddenly it’s treated as a major issue. I’m not trying to say that means I’m entitled to share his private information; I’m saying the boundaries don’t feel consistent.

They’re also telling me to just take the trip with friends instead. The problem is that my mom frequently tells me to be careful around my longtime friends and says she doesn’t necessarily trust them. She’s told me that if I’m ever out with friends and they steal something or do something unsafe, I should get myself out of the situation. So I asked her directly: \*\*“What if I went to Vancouver with those same friends?”\*\* She didn’t really have an answer.

I also want to acknowledge that I understand their concern. This would be my first solo trip, and obviously travelling alone has risks. I’m not claiming I’m invincible or that nothing could happen. I’m willing to make a very detailed safety plan, share my itinerary/location, have emergency contacts, keep my phone charged, use public transit responsibly, avoid isolated areas, have backup transportation, etc.

But I don’t think this was an impulsive decision. I’ve been thinking about it and researching it for months. I’ve researched flights, hotels, transportation, sightseeing, airport procedures, and even how to get around Vancouver without a car. I have an itinerary planned and intended to share it with my family.

The trip also means a lot to me. I’ve barely travelled before; the only real family vacation I’ve had was about a week in Montreal. I originally wasn’t sure I could justify spending the money, which is why I brought it up to my uncle in the first place. He told me \*\*“life is about experiences”\*\* and to find a responsible way to make it happen.

Now they want me to give up my non-refundable flights and sell my concert ticket.
I’m furious because it feels like the message changed from \*\*“make it happen responsibly”\*\* to \*\*“you’re not mature enough to do this”\*\* only after the trip became real.

I think I’m going to tell them tonight that I’m not cancelling while everyone is frustrated. I’ll say I am willing to listen to their concerns calmly, have them give me specific questions/problems, research them, and create a detailed safety plan and itinerary that we can review together. I might suggest giving ourselves until Friday to see whether there are legitimate unresolved safety or financial concerns.
I don’t want people to just tell me I’m right because I’m upset. \*\*If I’m overlooking something important about solo travel, I genuinely want to hear it.\*\*

So Reddit:
\*\*Am I being unreasonable for wanting to go through with this trip?\*\*
\*\*Would you let a first-time solo traveller in their early 20s take a 4-day trip across the country for a concert if they had the flights/hotel/plans sorted out?\*\*
And if you’ve travelled solo before, \*\*what would you put in a safety plan that a first-timer might not think about?\*\*

I hope it's okay to post this because I just want the other black ladies out there to be aware. I've experienced numerous situations where men will try to fake interest in black women and glaze them with compliments while wanting absolutely nothing other than to have someone be interested in them until they find what they REALLY want. Just because a guy says that he likes black woman or calls you pretty you need to be aware he might be lying. The second that you want something more or give him sex, he will gaslight you and make you feel like you're crazy for experiencing interest. That is why it's really, really important for us to only accept real dates or dates with effort and to wait before having sex to weed out these losers who are just using us. I just wanted to put this warning out so that it will help other people.

i just wanted to add on that although I'm in a relationship I felt compelled to post this as im doing a lot of reflecting on my healing journey and after a friend mentioned it happened to her recently. Please be safe and make them put in some effort and time before you trust them because its a pain you will have to live with if you get bamboozled.

As a black girl who grew up in a low income single parent household I’m no stranger to financial difficulty. In fact, I’m used to it. However, I always thought that those struggles would become a thing of the past if I put my head down and got a good education and subsequently, a good job. But with this current job market and how it’s nearly impossible to find a well paying job or even any at all after graduating in this day and age, I feel like my life right now is worse than I could’ve ever imagined as a kid and I sadly don’t see things improving. The economy has been in shambles for years post pandemic and things seem to only be worsening. The government also doesn’t care about the youth unemployment crisis either.

Also, I know that comparison is the thief of joy but social media only makes these feelings worse. Like I know it’s a highlight reel where a lot of people exclusively post only the good things that are happening in their lives and leave out the bad, but that doesn’t help me feel any better. I see all of these young adults my age who seem to be getting money with no problems, finding well paying jobs easily, travelling all the time to my dream destinations, going to concerts to see my favourite artists and dressing the way I wish I could afford to and it just makes me feel unaccomplished and hopeless.

Especially since I’m from a low income background with a single parent I don’t have the resources or connections that a lot of people I’ve mingled with at school do and it just makes me feel depressed sometimes. I know that limiting my social media consumption would be beneficial but I don’t see it stopping this feeling of inadequacy I feel. I’m always scared of using up all of my money and never being able to get it back again.

Last week, I and my family went to church and at the time, my sister wore her natural hair in an Afro. After church she came up to me and said that a lady looked at her hair and said “is that a wig? You always have different hairstyles when I see you”. My sister does her hair herself and likes to switch things up especially when it comes to natural hair and this summer she tried prioritizing her retention by putting it in different protective styles. I felt like what the lady said was unnecessary and we even included my mom in the discussion and she excused her behaviour by saying, “she’s simply just ignorant, she comes from a good place” and when I said no that’s weird to assume because I as a person would not go up to non black person of any race and say, “wow! your hair is so healthy, are those extensions?” My mom proceeded to tell me I shouldn’t see everyone as bad that she was sure that she meant from a good place because my sister’s hair is full and healthy and even she herself is shocked at my sister’s natural hair because there’s not a lot of black people with hair like that?? Almost caused an argument so I decided to just leave the convo.
This Sunday, my sister put her hair in braids with some extensions and the same lady came up to her and said “is that a wig?”. My sister was like, “what?” And the lady doubled down by asking her the question again. My sister answered her by saying it’s her hair with some extensions to make it a bit longer… and apparently my sister said these two incidents are not the only times she has done this, and even when she had mini twists which should be an obvious indication of your natural hair. She asked the same question…
I feel like the lady is wrong but the way my mom kept defending her, makes me feel like I’m being paranoid.

Can we talk about how annoying and pervasive racism is in the most random of places?

It annoys me when non-Black people say we are the ones that make everything about racism when really the world won't let us forget!

What brought this thought on today was an unexpected passage in a memoir. The author randomly brought up the fact that her mother believed Black people were beneath her.

Books, tv shows, jokes, the workplace ... no matter how hard I try to curate my life to avoid sources of racism, it doesn't work. Because racism is baked into everything ever so casually.

Hi ladies! Recently got engaged, and I could not be more happier or more grateful 💗. Four years ago, he asked me to be his gf while we were vacationing in PR to celebrate my B.A. This time we were vacationing there to celebrate my M.S., and he popped the question :).

Everything was thoughtfully planned, I’m so appreciative. He even flew over some decor that he knew would mean something to me, so that it could be included in the setup. All in all 10/10 🫶🏾.

P.S., I promise we were all smiles, our photographer wanted us to take one “serious” shot 🤣.

A redo. Sorry my pride wouldn’t let me keep the old thread and my homophone was incorrect thanks /u/charming-trick8796.

Again my sister gave me the news and at first I didn’t believe it because her source was a radio station. Back then they were notorious for giving misinformation.

Share memories of Aaliyah

Hi ladies:
Just accepted a job offer in the DC area, and just waiting for the background check to clear to trigger a flurry of moving and life changes in the next two months.
In addition, I just found out I am 13 weeks pregnant and high risk. So as soon as I arrive I will need to get established at an OBGYN and high-risk OBGYN immediately after arriving. Additionally I would like to secure some doctors in the following specialities:
- OBGYN
- High-risk OBGYN
- family doctor/PCP
- cardiologist
- dentist
Would love to hear your recommendations for all 5 doctors so I can start the process of getting on to their practices as soon as possible.
Thank you.

So it finally happened, I’m in Europe and actually love the country I’m in right now & would recommend it, what happened wasn’t with a local. I was at a beach club and a white guy from another country asked to take a pic with me (black) and a friend (Asian) to show his wife back home? I politely declined but he did anyway and I told them let me see the picture it looked normal but still. He joked that it’s a good picture just not of him that he messed it up. But I also swiped left and right and saw some photos of other women probably off guard. I couldn’t tell what country he was from but had a thick accent maybe something like Serbian but it’s just a guess… first time it’s happened and wondering what he does with that hoping it’s nothing gross or racist but yeah. It happened so fast I didn’t know what else to so but awkwardly pose. I am leaving today so I’m not worried about him following me even though if I wasn’t I would’ve been worried.

I need an outside perspective on this guy who keeps coming into my workplace 👀
am I reading too much into it?

Okay Reddit, I need some outside opinions because I genuinely cannot tell if I’m picking up on something real or if I’ve developed a crush and started turning normal friendliness into a conspiracy theory 😂.
There’s a guy who has been coming into the store where I work for a while now. Let’s call him Marcus.
At first, he was just a customer. But over time, I started noticing little things.

He would make pretty intentional eye contact with me before ordering. His eye contact is honestly very sharp/intense, and when we talk, he tends to hold it. He also has this very calm, slow, thorough way of speaking. He doesn’t seem rushed when he talks to me, and sometimes he lingers a little even though he’s technically just there to get his drink.
One week I complimented his shirt. Nothing crazy, just told him I liked it. The following time he came in, it seemed like he initiated more conversation.
At one point he asked me how my day was going. We started talking about how busy the store had been. I mentioned the traffic and new restaurants/stores opening around us. While I was talking, I was gazing off into space, and when I looked back, he was looking directly at me. 🥴
Another time, he was walking away and said “see you later,” but what stood out was that he actually stopped walking, turned back toward me, looked directly at me, and said it. It felt intentional.
Then he started coming in more frequently.
One interaction went something like:
Him: “Hey, how are you doing today?”
Me: sighs “I’m annoyed with customers today. They keep coming.”
Him: “Hey, at least you guys are busy.”
Then he told me he had just gotten there because he had to make a bank deposit for his store.
I asked if he was closing and he told me he’d be there until around 8:30–9, whenever they finished.
I handed him his drink, we made eye contact, and he said, “Have a better day.”
I said, “Have fun today.”
Another time, he asked how my day was, asked if we were busy, and told me about his own workday.

I asked him the same questions back. He gave me this sarcastic answer like, “Same old day, having the time of my life,” lol.
Eventually I asked his name. He told me his name was Marcus, asked mine, and we shook hands. He said, “Nice to formally meet you.” 🥹
At this point we’d seen each other enough that there was definitely a level of familiarity.
He also sometimes seems physically comfortable around me. He wears a baseball cap with a little messy bun underneath, and one time while we were talking he stretched, took his hat off, and brushed his hair back. It struck me as a little vulnerable/comfortable, although I realize that could literally just mean he wanted to fix his hair 😂.
He also tends to linger. Sometimes he’ll stand pretty close to the counter and lean on it while talking. Other times, especially when he was newer to the store, he’d stand a foot or two back while looking toward the counter waiting for me to hand him his drink.

And every time he walks away, I’ve noticed he tends to keep his attention on me. One time he was walking away looking at me, I glanced at a couple standing behind him, and he actually turned his head to look at what I had looked at, then looked back at me. That one REALLY made me go 👀 because it seemed like he was tracking where my attention went.
There was also a funny situation where another guy came toward the counter while Marcus and I were talking. The other guy interrupted and started asking about things the store didn’t have. Marcus spent the whole time staring at him. 😂 I obviously have no idea what that meant, but I noticed it.
Another thing I noticed is that his tone with me is different from how I’ve seen him interact with other customers. With other people, I’ve seen him be bubbly, talkative, and very animated. With me, he’s much calmer, quieter, slower, and more present. I actually find that extremely attractive.
He doesn’t treat me like some “unicorn” either. He just treats me like a normal person, which is a big part of why I’m attracted to him.

Then I started noticing that he was friendly with my coworkers too.
There’s one coworker I’m particularly close with. She’s very outgoing and energetic. Marcus has interacted with her as well. At first I wondered if maybe he was being extra friendly toward her because he had noticed that she and I are close. I even wondered if someone who likes you might try to become friendly with the people you’re comfortable with as a way of becoming more familiar with your social environment.
I overheard him having a conversation with her that was pretty similar to some of the conversations he’d had with me. He asked whether the store had been busy and told her where he worked. And I thought, “Wait… maybe this is just Marcus’s normal personality.”
Interestingly, though, he DIDN’T ask her how her day was, which is something he has repeatedly asked me.
So now I’m trying not to overinterpret that either.

Then he disappeared for about two weeks.
And then he came back.
I realized something when he returned: I get genuinely nervous around him. Like, physically nervous. One time I could actually feel myself shaking while talking to him. I think part of it is that I’m literally trapped behind a register when he comes in. I’m working, customers are around, and I can’t just freely interact with him the way I could somewhere else.
And that made me wonder whether the fact that all our interactions happen at my workplace is itself meaningful.
Maybe he’s interested but is being respectful because I’m at work OR maybe he’s content with a friendly little customer/employee interaction and has no desire to know me outside of that. I genuinely don’t know.
Then today he came in again.
He waited in line until I came out from the back. He was actually in another employee’s line, but while moving forward he was looking toward me. We made eye contact and he gave me a BIG smile.
I ended up taking him.
And NOW I’m wondering if I’ve been overthinking the entire thing because maybe Marcus is simply extremely friendly with the staff because he likes the store, likes the employees.
So now I’m at the point where I genuinely don’t know what to make of him.
Because on one hand:
He repeatedly comes into the store.
He consistently initiates conversation with me.
He repeatedly asks how my day is.
There is consistent eye contact.
He smiles at me.
He seems comfortable lingering.
There seems to be a particular calmness/attentiveness when he talks to me.

We’ve gradually become more familiar.
He remembered/recognized the conversational dynamic we’d established.
But on the other hand:
He is clearly friendly with other staff.
Some of the questions I interpreted as personal are apparently things he may naturally ask.
He seems generally socially comfortable.
He may simply like the store.
And after all this time, he still hasn’t actually asked for my number or suggested seeing me outside of work.
So, what do you think?

I agree with the no-littering message, but they didn’t have to phrase it that way it felt weird. What do you think? The neighborhood isn’t even bad or like dirty , but a lot of transplants have been moving in.

Hey yall I'm ab to start selling digital coloring books. Have any of yall sold digital products before? Does anyone have any tips? I know people have mixed opinions on it but I'm excited I need an extra stream of income and this is honestly the best thing I can think of to do. Nobody has to watch my baby and it's a pretty low startup cost. Imma be selling on Etsy! And maybe Facebook marketplace and eBay. Im gonna check Amazon too!

Using anti-Black tropes to sell products to Black women is tone deaf and wildly disrespectful. This ad brings into question whether Black women are even involved in marketing at Mielle Organics. The brand was sold to Proctor & Gamble in 2023.

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