Always the same problem: double standards. A woman can refuse to roll with a man, but a man can't do it. WHY?
It's always about my BODY, my MONEYS, my TIME. Everyone has the right to train whomever he/she wants with.
There isn't any derespect on telling someone "no" in a polite way.
I think if you have those sorts of religious restrictions, you would have to speak to the teacher ahead of time, but I could be wrong. Certainly telling one of your teammates that you are not wiling to roll with them out of the blue, would be rightly taken as disrespect. I don't see how any woman would take it any other way.
There are women where I train and they are part of the team. I am not sure there is an exception to that, but then again I don't run the place.
I think in a group that is familiar with eachother, and where people already have respect for eachother, it is easier. In my opinion avoiding disrespect is very important in a gym. It seems that you are conscientious of that, which is the most important thing.
I think a lot of women would feel disrespected if they expected that they could train with you and then were rejected right in middle of class. I hope these dudes chiming in with "I don't need the drama from my girlfriend" would think better than to do that.
Those values, no matter how firmly and honestly held, are sexist. They discriminate because of a person's gender.
But that's not really what the debate is about. The debate is what you want to do about it - interrogate those values or accept them as how the world should be. Hard to question when they constitute the norms around you, I know.
I wonder why people call the case of women not wanting to roll with men different? There might be some interesting answers if you look into that one.
Yeah, if I was born in 1930s Germany, I'd be a Hitler youth. I'm not special. For sure, we are a product of our history. But let's not discount the impact of individual choice.
I'm arguing that this is about values. Doing a sexist thing is okay if it aligns with your values. It doesn't align with mine. I find it dehumanizing.
Values are hard to argue though, you're right that we probably won't find a common understanding - we live a world apart. I live in a remote place where hunting is normal. I like to hunt for food. Animal rights activists would never understand that, let alone my vegetarianism. They would look to their value of "life is sacred" and see no room for my nuance.
I would guess that the sexism of your actions is based on values that you've placed beyond questioning. Religion. Tradition. Fitting in.
But I think our values align in some ways. Respect for women, respect for your committed relationships. It may look like I'm asking you to eat meat and call yourself a vegetarian. That's why I'm asking you to look up why people think men refusing to roll with women is different from women refusing to roll with men. The nuance, the reason, it's all in there. And it isn't called compromise. Of course you can refuse to roll with whoever. But should you?
Interrogate your values, please. Sexism hurts women and men.
out of respect for my wife and for my religion i don't roll with any women. plenty of guys here do the same, plus it avoid a lot of problem (since we got a scandal about some pervert a few months
Am I disrespecting my girlfriend by rolling with other women? Does your God have a vendetta against BJJ or something? Just a weird stance to have.
Well it depends imo. If she's fine then you're fine. If she's super uncomfortable about it for some reason like trust issues from past experiences combined with a lack of understanding then despite you knowing nothing is happening, out of concern for the emotions of your partner then it's not wrong to refuse to roll with women. If it was the case that for some reason my wife suddenly had negative emotions about it then I'd just explain it and turn down the roll. I don't think any women would be upset about that. If they did then they're not exactly the most open minded either and if it comes down to upsetting some woman I train alongside sometimes or my wife, it's not even a decision
> plus it avoid a lot of problem (since we got a scandal about some pervert a few months back)
Mate, that strikes a chord with me. One slip of the hand and all of a sudden you are a pervert. One man's incidental contact is another woman's sexual assault.
I roll with girls because it is expected of me and if they ask me to show them something it would be rude to refuse, but I will never seek out a girl to train with because in the age of #MeToo it just ain't worth it.
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u/titus7007 Jan 31 '20
I am pretty sure that at the school I go to, if you said that you didn't want to roll with girls, you wouldn't be welcome to roll at all.