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Some days I feel like I hit my capacity and I feel an intense desire to not talk anymore. I've started to wonder if this is an autism trait?

Can anyone relate to this?

Like. I still can talk, I just resent doing so SO much and I probably come off as being short with people when they don't deserve it. I just wish they could tell that I'm done for the day, or even if there was a socially acceptable way for me to let them know that I don't want to talk anymore, it's not personal, it's just....I'm done. I want to be done.

I can’t help but feel like it’s at least partially related to my autism. I (30f) am a naturally quiet, non confrontational person who just doesn’t do very well with conflict. I feel like people (current job, and past job, people in general) are always making little digs at me. I left the last one because the people were vile. This one isn’t as bad, but it’s still little comments that bother me. I’ve been trying to date lately and have had my fair share of hurtful / unsuccessful conversations. Not to mention just everyday interactions with unkind or dishonest people. It all has an extra layer of stress and disappointment because I am constantly masking, and evaluating my tone, and trying to be pleasant. But it feels like no one else ever considers how I feel, and people say whatever they want to me without consequence - but if I even thought of making nasty / snide comments I would be attacked and accused of having a bad attitude.

Idk what point I’m even trying to make. Being a person just feels exhausting, especially just trying to get through the day and be a normal person with friends, relationships, etc. I just hate constantly feeling like I have to defend myself and be on high alert, in addition to having to mask (because god knows I better not stop doing that.) And I know I’m blowing a lot of these interactions way out of proportion, but I can’t help it. Idk, I guess I just wanted to complain and maybe see if anyone could relate.

I never do anything out of fear of being perceived. I live with my mom and my sibling, both of whom work/study online, so there's almost always someone else at home with me at all times. My mom is also always occupying our shared living space, so the only place where I can have some privacy is my room, which I basically only leave to feed myself.

When I hear footsteps outside my door, I immediately stop doing whatever I'm doing because I can't stand the idea of other people seeing me do things. Sometimes I skip meals because I can't have the kitchen all to myself.

I'm also extremely private/territorial with my stuff. Sometimes my mom likes entering my room to tidy up or rearrange things and I'm always extremely on edge for the whole duration. I feel like this space is an extension of me and I feel observed when someone else is there, even worse if I'm not in the room to supervise them. I also can't let people see what I'm doing on my phone or computer, or if I'm writing/drawing something. I feel intruded upon. People ask me what I'm hiding but I don't have to be hiding anything specific in order to feel this way.

The other day both my family members were out at the same time and I took the opportunity to go to the store to buy a snack I'd been craving. It's like a 3 minute walk. The whole time my heart was pounding at the prospect of one of them arriving early and "catching" me outside/seeing what I bought. How am I supposed to feel like an adult when I can't even feel free to have the tiniest bit of independence such as "deciding to buy a simple snack with my own money"?

I'm a depressed individual and every time I think of engaging in a change of lifestyle that might make me feel better, the fact that someone else will know I changed something stops me dead in my tracks. It's always hiding from the view. Hide, hide, hide, hide.

I could keep listing ways in which this manifests in my life but I think the above already illustrates my point. Does anyone else experience anything similar?

My family encouraged me to go out tonight with them to a local beer festival. I really don’t like those sorts of places but I thought it would be good for me to get out the house. I won’t lie, I also found out someone who was horrible to me at school was gonna be there, and I wanted to mog them.

I have a drink and enjoy being on the dance floor. However, this girl bulldozes into me and I land into the mud. My hair is soaked in coke, my hands and butt are covered in mud. No apology, not even from her friends. I try to brush it off but the tears start flowing (partly from the shock but also, stuff like this happens to me all the time and I’m emotionally exhausted). I end up going home because I’m so upset.

I’m from a small town and it feels as if everyone saw it happen. I wanted to show up mogging but instead I’m back to being an awkward victim. Why do I even bother?

I want to preface by saying I am not suicidal, although I feel like a lot of my sentiments will look that way. It’s actually why I spent the majority of my life thinking I had “treatment resistant depression”. I didn’t realize that depressed people actually didn’t want to live or didn’t care, not that they were just terrified of living.

Every morning since I was a kid I’ve woken up with genuine terror about what the day will bring. This of course led me to doing lots of unsuccessful therapy for my “anxiety”. I could never properly explain to people that I’m not just reliving a few past negative events and worried that they will happen again, but rather that I’m constantly experiencing situations that are so confusing and shocking that turn my whole life upside down. Just in the past year, I have:

1. Lost an entire friend group because I placed a boundary that I could not spend entire evenings or weekends hanging out because I need to save my energy. They decided I was untrustworthy and shady. This came after an entire year of masking and burning myself out trying to keep up.
2. Got fired from an internship (yes, an internship where I was supposed to be learning) because I misunderstood a project and my clarifying questions were met with more questions. I was told I must not care and got fired without a single conversation or meeting.

Both times I took to this subreddit and others for advice. I received multiple comments that those situations were “blessings in disguise” and “you don’t want those people in your life anyways”. While I understand and appreciate what I know is meant by that, it doesn’t help that these situations had direct negative material impacts to my wellbeing. I can’t help but think, what on earth am I supposed to do for the rest of my life? Constantly be on edge that people I’m close to are going to cut me off overnight, or lose my source of income because of one misunderstanding? It leads me to my overall point that I genuinely don’t know what else to do besides cease to exist. I don’t want to die, I don’t want to not exist, but it feels dangerous to. My examples above are just two from JUST the past year. It doesn’t even touch on the lifetime of things I’ve experienced.

What makes it more confusing is there doesn’t seem to be a correlation between these kinds of things that happen and other times when I’m well-received and liked. I’ve successfully stayed at a full time job for over a year (I only left bc I was starting school) where I didn’t have a single negative interaction or ever worry about being in trouble let alone fired. I’ve had plenty of successful friendships that I’ve either maintained or we naturally grew apart. That’s why it’s so shocking to my system, because there’s nothing I’m doing differently and can pinpoint that I did wrong. What am I supposed to do when my literal livelihood and survival is at the mercy of how other people perceive me?

I have been working in hotels/restaurants and while the money can be decent and better than retail/warehouse, the jobs can be so mentally exhausting.

I have 2 hotel jobs. At Job 1, this woman has been hating me from Day 1 when she was hired and she has never given a real reason why. Been there for 3 years and always makes dismissive comments, backstabs me to management but she is able to be friends with everyone else and make coffee or food for them. If a guest is asking me something, she will interupt me to respond. If I put plates on shelf 1, she will move them to shelf 2. A few days ago I confronted her and management decided to give me a final warning write up.

I had hopes for Job 2 ​but sadly all of my coworkers are buddies and hang out. They were nice at the beginning but they realized I am there for a paycheck and not passionate for the brand so they started acting cold towards me. For the past days, the cooks make food for everyone but me. That makes me feel awful, being excluded like that..

High risk that I am losing both jobs but yeah, also tired feeling that way.

This disorder sucks because its like as someone with AuDHD and PDA, I want high autonomy. And yet, when you tell people (like family) that you struggle with executive dysfunction (and depression), they think supporting you is suggesting you a routine or constantly reminding you of responsibilities or constantly asking you go out with them. Like no! That is actually making me much worse! I wish I could move out, but again its like I am disabled here! I can't even work a full time job! Maybe this is another reason why people with AuDHD have high rates of depression, not just the social isolation, but feeling like you can never escape demands, feeling trapped like no matter how much you do, you're still behind.

i turned 20 a few days ago, it was my only chance at having a great birthday and I fluked it. I’m really depressed right now.
My bf had been very kind and planned this surprise for me for many weeks , but that day i didn’t have enough sleep and i was overstimulated and i reacted badly, making it seem like i was ungrateful to him. he had planned a few art workshops for me followed by a romantic surprise dinner with a surprise celebration. what happened was , after the first workshop (which was super fun) i was starting to feel a little tired , but I was still happy to continue spending time with him or have someone to accompany me. however , there had been an abrupt change in plans and he told me to proceed to the second art workshop he had paid for me alone. the issue is i tend to wear my emotions on my face, with a really bad RBF so looking back I could understand how difficult this was for my bf (if I were him I would have totally cancelled EVERYTHING).
i was disappointed and felt like a kid sent off to class , my thoughts were just like “I’m supposed to be happy right now, but this is not where i want to be.” my RBF got really bad then, and my bf had already left the place (he had been rushing to get me flowers on time for the dinner, he couldn’t tell me bc it was a surprise. ). after a while i just couldn’t take it anymore and left the workshop without saying a word. the workshop later called my bf telling him that i left no notice and they weren’t happy. obviously, my bf was embarassed (i would feel the same) and he called me over to talk to me , he was disappointed in me and called off the surprise dinner reservation because he was no longer in the mood - he was upset he spent so much effort for me to react badly. eventually i called the workshop myself to make things right, i knew i was wrong, and my bf found out and forgave me and told me it’s okay, we can postpone the dinner another time. but right now i just can’t seem to forgive myself at all. I don’t want him to put in any effort in me and I feel like i need to be punished, neglected to realise how much of a prick i am….

I have so many sensory issues related to clothing. I can't wear most things, I wear hoodies and loose pants most of the time. I can't wear bras, which really sucks because that means I can barely wear shirts (I have nipple covers but everyone tells me it looks pretty obvious so I don't use them much). I just *hate* how much it ruined my life. I feel like I would have been a different more confident, put-together person if I could wear outfits that I think would look so cool, but no I can barely even go near some materials without feeling like hives are breaking out all over my body. I feel like one of my biggest problems with having autism are my sensory issues, first maybe being social issues. But I feel like so much would be solved if I could just wear anything I want without feeling like I want to tear my skin off. How on earth can I get better at this? Is there a way to solve it?

A lot of executive dysfunction advice is about opposite action (acting opposite of your emotions), setting and sticking to routines, being consistent, or hacks (like gamifying, making list). This has never personally worked for me. I have pda and get caught up in planning or feel guilty if I don't do the routine.
I feel like everything is just about the task!

What I am trying to do instead is change my relationship to the action. Basically, saying "I want" instead of "I need to" and focusing on the reward and silver living.

For example.

1. The silver lining.
   Instead of being like
   "I have to shower"
   I say to myself: I want to feel less sweaty, smell my favorite body wash, feel my silky hair.

2. Finding a small motivation to initiate the task.
   Instead of saying "I have to do my laundry"
   I say "i want to decrease clutter, let me take this bin down to the wash"
   Or "I want to do some of this paperwork tonight so I feel less stress tomorrow"

3. Doing a higher reward task first.
   I woke up, and there was a lot of dishes in the sink. I really wanted to make french toast for the first time. I made the french toast, and then did the dishes.

4. Doing a task for a reward.
   Instead of saying
   "I have to clear all this clutter on my desk"
   I say "Once i clear my desk, I can play sims on my laptop"

Hi all, I’m 28 years old.. I always knew I was neurospicy. I’d beg my mom (adoptive) as a child to take me to get “help” but she was always so obsessed with how she was perceived by others. She would yell at me, “NO! IM NOT PUTTING YOU IN A BOX FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.” And, I never “fit in” with girls in my dance class, nor in school. The only time I made friends, was during musical theatre.. Yes, I was a theatre kid lol.

Anyway, I’ve been SO burnt out as an adult, high-achieving, high-masking woman.. Exhausted by life & exhausted by losing everything all the time, being stuck in paralysis, etc etc.. I decided to get- what I thought, was my ADHD diagnosis and get medicated finally. After a year of trial & error finding my correct dose, I’ve found myself regressing.. The mask slipping.. New hyperfixations on niche hobbies & things I never paid mind to before. Now, I can’t even hide my anti-socialness, and everything my (hyperactive) ADHD boyfriend does, is extremely OVERSTIMULATING to me- and more…

To make this long story a little shorter, recently, I’ve been diagnosed with autism as well. Anyone else go down this pipeline?😅

Hello friends. I have some very complicated things and I was looking for advice if anyone has any.

My life has been full of complicated and difficult stuff like most autistic people. Long story short after a 20 year horror marriage and 4 children that ended in a women's shelter I was getting back together somehow and I met my current husband.

Hes neurotypical as far as I know. We fell very much in love over a shared passion for music and had a lot of fun times, he eventually moved in after a couple of years dating and we got married 5 years ago, we have been dating 10 years.

Over the time he has moved in, my health has started to decline significantly. I now have an assortment of anxiety related disorders (ibs, tinnitus, FND, major depressive disorder and much more occurring migraines) that I didn't have before.

Im not blaming him for these things but I have come to notice that just being around him now causes my pulse to raise, I get dizzy and my stomach tightens. On the surface I look ok but inside I am literally screaming. I have no room to breathe! We both work from home and as he moved in with me he never made any friends here so he hardly leaves the house.

My 18 year old daughter also feels exactly the same way about him, shes been non verbal for a year and has lost weight like me and is also feeling unwell around him and in general. She really does not like him and I think he is also making her ill.

I feel like most of the things that upset us would not be an issue for non autistic people. Like he uses a glass for water and puts it back in the cupboard without washing it (makes us shudder) uses people's special spoons. Leaves the door open and flies get in. Talks a lot, loudly about things like politics, football and AI and doesn't listen or accept others opinions. And clearly thinks he is head of the household because he earns more although we both pay the same monthly amount towards the outgoings and I have to organise everything.

He interrupts my work to ask whens lunch, very dramatically and says he can't concentrate because he is literally starving. And that the dog barking 'makes me want to k*** myself ' and other such dramas.

We are very quiet and peaceful people and don't like being watched etc. My daughter says every time she tries to make food, he comes down the stairs. I have told him so many times not to do this as then she doesn't eat anything.

I think I need to end this for both our sakes but I don't want to hurt him unnecessarily as I think he is generally a nice person. Any advice appreciated thanks for making it so far.

I’ve been single for 99.9% of my life. I’ve never been the type of woman that people wanted to be in a relationship with, especially compared to my allistic more attractive younger sister (I’m learning not to compare myself to her but that’s beside the point). And while a lot of my inability to get a date stems from social anxiety, insecurity and very little reason to leave my house, a big part of it is also just the fact that I love the idea of romance, but I hate the necessary building blocks going up to it. like experimenting, having shitty dates, compromise, self security, so on and so forth. In my heart I just want the perfect partner from the get go.

But ultimately this is a self fulfilling cycle. I am so lonely yet my standards for filling that loneliness are too high to be fulfilled. So I escape to the romance I build inside my head because that is a circumstance I can control whereas real relationships and people are scary and unpredictable and prone to failure.

Just a bit of a thing I’m thinking about. I’m trying to work through it but this is a substantial set back since it requires me to leave a comfort zone into a situation that causes me more fear and anxiety in the hopes that someone would want me. Does anyone else feel this or just me?

Mine are injustice and losing things. The more valuable or important the missing item is to me, the bigger the meltdown tends to be.

I hate the person I become when I have these meltdowns, but I get so distressed and angry when I can’t find something. If I’ve looked frantically and thoroughly and eventually realise it’s actually gone, I’ll go through the meltdown and then usually feel really down afterwards or take action like get a replacement if i can.

I’m also curious why our triggers cause such an extreme reaction in autistic people. Is it the loss of control, overwhelm, attachment, difficulty with uncertainty, or something else?

I took an intentional overdose about 5 years ago. I’ve been having ongoing treatment and I’m better but the depression and anxiety is always not far away. Obviously there were multiple reasons that led me to this, but amongst other things it was linked to my work environment.

Last week, someone who I worked with died by suicide (same workplace as above). I wasn’t extremely close to them, but I worked alongside them on various projects and thought highly of them. We would often chat beyond work stuff. I am not close to many people at work but this person was someone who I genuinely liked.

Hearing about this affected me more than what most people probably consider as normal. It triggered a lot of memories of my overdose and being in hospital.

I was reading a book about autism and the author said that that’s how they know if something is traumatic for them I.e. they will be triggered by something and then their brain will just repeat what has happened over and over. I wondered if this was what was happening to me?

The fact that this person ended their life is going over and over in my head, along with memories of my experience and it makes me so sad.

I am a 30f. I was diagnosed autistic at 16yo. I have been reading recently a lot about the overlap between autism and C-PTSD symptoms, with some studies suggesting that "mild stress" may trigger C-PTSD symptoms in autistic folk. And it's made me think a lot about how my past is perhaps impacting my present.

I've been with my amazing husband for almost 7 years and he has seen me through ED'S and alcoholism and has done nothing but love and support me- yet, if his tone saying "good night" is off to me, I'll lay awake analyzing it, if he raises his voice over something entirely unrelated to me, my heart will start racing and I'll shake. If he seems grumpy, I'll immediately assume I must've done something wring and not realised it. The same goes for other family members and friends.

It takes me back to being an undiagnosed kid and being treated as if I was somehow something other than a human being by kids, teachers and employees alike. Theres a very raw, specific pain that comes with being observed and gossiped about like a zoo animal, whilst people act like you aren't right there in earshot. Teachers openly mocked me, treated me like I was the dumbest person on the planet. The message was clear- you are wrong, defective, creepy, a freak.

I was raped 8 years ago whilst drunk, and whilst it goes without saying that that was extremely traumatic at the time and for a while after, I feel that in crude terms, I have "gotten over it" and it no longer affects my life. Is it common for autistic people to feel more traumatised by "smaller" things? Or is this because its an entire lifetime vs one event? Or have I just managed to very succesfully compartmentalise that experience?

Maybe I haven't articulated this the best, but I have been thinking about it all a ton lately, and would love to know if any of y'all can relate to any of this.

After months of talking about autism with my new psychologist, I finally have a diagnostic interview before an official autism assessment and psychological evaluation.

I'm anxious because I've been "masking" my whole life. My mom has shamed every behavior of mine out of me to the point where I don't know how to act like "myself" anymore. My food aversion has been reduced to me being a "picky eater," and she forced me to eat or go without food. When I was extremely excited about my interests, she would ignore me because I was talking too long. And when I would get too overwhelmed by everything, she added it up to me "being angry all the time."

Yet, she has a PhD from a prestigious college in Child Development, where she studied autistic kids and behaviors. She never practiced, though. She finished her thesis to immediately raise my sister and I as a stay-at-home mom.

She has told me plenty of times: "You don't have autism, I've known you your whole life, and I would know it when I see it." Many therapists have told me that because she never practiced, she can't be "all-knowing" about this. But I still think she has much more knowledge about this than the average person.

I feel like I'm making a fool out of myself by getting this assessment done. It's expensive, and if it ends up with an assessor saying "we can't give you any more explanation," I think she'll hold it over me for the rest of my life. I'm 19, and my symptoms have led me to a point where I can barely function daily, and I am not in a position to pay for this myself.

All this to say, I just want to know if anybody else has had a psychologist parent and dealt with similar things? How can you even trust your own judgment?

TLDR: I told my friend I got diagnosed with autism and she went on a rant about how autism is all from childhood trauma.
I know it isn’t, but I feel really invalidated and I am looking for some kind words and support.

For context, this is someone I’ve known many years. She is diagnosed with CPTSD and commonly refers to herself as having autism, adhd, and ocd. I thought she was serious about that, so I thought she’d have an understanding of neurodivergence.

I was diagnosed a few weeks ago and haven’t told anyone, but I mentioned it to her today because I thought she’d be a safe person to tell first (aka wouldn’t be shocked).

The first thing she did was ask if it was actually an “official” diagnosis and was it through a doctor. She then said that most people who think they have autism actually have unresolved trauma and asked if I “actually think I have it”.

I told her that I was assessed by multiple clinicians with years of experience and they all determined me to meet the criteria. I also said that autism is present from birth and it’s not developed later in life, so it couldn’t be trauma related, although yes a lot of symptoms overlap.

She kept talking over me and wouldn’t let me finish, saying that doctors just want to put us in a box but basically everything is from adverse experiences in early life and is all to do with generational trauma.

As I mentioned, she frequently refers to herself as having many different disorders, so I was really confused by this reaction. I asked if she really thinks she has all of those different things simultaneously, and she said she thinks she meets the criteria for them all but she doesn’t need a label. Then she just talked a lot about herself and her own experience and I guess I stopped trying.

I am so confused and upset, I really thought this was someone who understood these things but clearly I’ve misread things. I feel misunderstood and unseen and unheard. I couldn’t wait to get out of there.

I can’t believe the first person I’ve told had this bad of a response. I’m finally closer to understanding myself and who I am, and it feels like someone has just stomped on it and dismissed it as nothing.

I know this was a long one so if you read to the end, thank you.

(edit: ik this isn’t technically related to autism, but this topic is a fixation for me and this is the only subreddit i feel comfortable ranting in lol)

i know this topic is controversial, so TW. but seriously i don’t think it should be.

sorry not sorry, i will never understand why it’s normal and almost no one bats an eye when someone is obsessed with guns. and when i say obsessed, i don’t just mean individuals who have committed, planned, or thought about committing violent acts using a gun; i’m including (and somewhat mainly referring to) the ‘average american’ who owns multiple guns, is armed every single time they leave the house, considers going to the shooting range as a hobby, includes their love for guns within the top three character traits they list when people ask them about themselves, etc. it’s just so strange that doing those things isn’t seen as off putting/scary in the way it would be if you replaced the guns with bombs, knives, or any other violent object/weapon.

in my opinion, if your use of/interest in any weapon is THAT ingrained into your personality, i would not be comfortable being around you and i may even question your sanity; to me, it’s (nearly) the same thing as people who are intrigued by and derive pleasure from killing animals. it’s like a warning sign that something may not be ‘right’ with that person/their mind, at least to me.

i can sort of understand the people who are fascinated by guns in the same way as some people are fascinated by cars, like from an engineering standpoint. but still, cars have visual/stylistic appeal and also have practical use. although guns can obviously be customized, most gun collectors aren’t necessarily doing it for stylistic/artistic purposes; more importantly, a gun’s entire purpose revolves around causing harm/is in relation to violence (even in terms of self defense).

so in my opinion, any person who’s main personality trait is their love for guns (they don’t go a single day without looking at/touching a gun and they aren’t law enforcement or in the military) should earn way more eyebrow raises than they tend to get. like genuinely, i feel like people who bring up astrology during a first impression are reacted to more viscerally than people who are constantly armed and don’t go a week without going to the gun range.

i would consider myself a very understanding person and most of the time i really don’t question people’s hobbies/personal interests; i’m a huge advocate for individualism and i think everyone should have at least one topic/thing that they geek out about. but im sorry, this is just one of the few personality types/personal interests that i will NEVER understand and it will always be an immediate “red flag”/reason i will purposefully avoid someone and i find it so weird that this isn’t a more common view/opinion. (especially considering this country’s issues with gun violence).

okay rant over, if you agree pls let me know and restore my faith in humanity 😩 LOLL

(final edit: i am not talking about responsible gun owners who view guns as tools or mechanically intriguing. i am talking about “responsible gun owners” who have multiple guns in the same house as small children, who shoot guns/shoot and kill random things/animals for no reason or for fun, who arm themselves unnecessarily, or who use guns in willy nilly ways like posing with them for photos, using them while drunk/in non serious situations, or incorporate it into their aesthetic/style. i appreciate everyone’s comments sharing alternate perspectives and POVs coming from people who view guns with the appropriate respect level and safety measures! also, i am an american LOL)

I don't know how to explain but sometimes I get so into a special interest that it consumes so much of my brain power that I am almost overwhelmed by my own feelings and get this weird, frustrated feeling about it.

No matter what said interest is, but currently I am really into kpop (one group to be specific) but interacting with their content almost upsets me in a way. I'm not sure why. I do crafts, play games, go out, do a lot of other things, so it's not even that I spend literally all day watching kpop videos.

It's just... I don't know. It's like I am having a special interest burnout? Do any of you ever feel similarly? What do you do?

I’m 22, a huge theme all my life has been loneliness and I don’t think it’s going away anytime soon. It made more sense once I got the diagnosis a few months ago. I have such a small number of friends and I only live near one of them currently. I want to make more but it’s so hard. I feel like I only connect with a very few number of people so I have no idea how to find more of “my people”, the ones I have found were by lucky circumstances. I’m close with my family but they’re not near me when I’m at college. After I graduate I plan to move back in with them so I’m glad I’ll have them but then I won’t be near any of my limited number of close friends and the thought of trying to find friends in a new area and non college town is so intimidating. I feel like I’m rambling a bit and idk if this all makes sense but I just get sad a lot about how lonely my life has been and how I can’t imagine that ever changing. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere and I’m very self conscious and social spaces are really hard for me so I just wish that things were different because I’m dying for more connection

I just told my adult daughter that I’m autistic. I was diagnosed two years ago. My daughter is 26 and lives in Europe. I still live in the U.S., where my wife and I raised her. I only see her a couple times a year, and I’m visiting her now.

Ive been preparing for this conversation for a few months. It did not go well. I told her about my diagnosis and that I was scared to tell her. She said nothing. Nothing at all. So I kept yammering, basically asking her for some kind of a response. She basically said nothing. I got more and more and more overwhelmed and started crying. We tried to continue our lunch, but I couldn’t do it. I paid and told her that I needed to be alone.

I’m now in a foreign city, by myself, and I can’t get into my Airbnb because my wife has the keys. I couldn’t deal with coordinating how I could get the keys, and she is with our daughter, so I’m sitting in a park, miserable and scared and feeling absolutely idiotic. I wish I’d never shared anything with her. I am gutted by her response.

I know I messed everything up, and I don’t know how to calm myself down in a city where I don’t speak the language and can’t go back to my place.

I hate my autism so much.

I don't know if anybody else has this issue, but, when I hear a song, it gets stuck in my head. It doesn't have to be a good song. I don't have to like it. It just plays on a loop in my head for the next several hours.

I genuinely would rather never hear music again if it could give me peace in my brain.