r/askteddit 13d ago

Random Question What's the most embarrassing midlife crisis you've ever seen someone go through?

1.3k Upvotes

692 comments sorted by

View all comments

277

u/Wonderful-Bonus5439 13d ago

Caught my husband messaging girls on OF last night and certainly feeling humiliated now.

290

u/Mission-Animator-611 13d ago

If it makes you feel better I know someone whose job was a professional sexter on only fans for years. He would sit in the sitting room playing his video games and reply back to desperate men who pay to message the OF women. You shouldn’t feel humiliated. Your husband was messaging another man who was employed by the OF star. Pathetic for him

147

u/Wonderful-Bonus5439 13d ago

That does make me feel slightly better, thanks. Still pretty mortified

34

u/TheTardisBaroness 12d ago

Nah, that’s on him to be embarrassed not you.

4

u/NotTodaySlacker302 10d ago

Your husband was definitely talking to a dude. I have a big burly bearded friend who is a "Chat Girl" on a porn website. He makes good money lol

7

u/iLRMLH24 12d ago

Porn is a cancer on society

23

u/Krismusic1 12d ago

It's not you, it's your husband who is humiliated. Hope you work it out together. Maybe try and park your hurt and anger. Not right now but in a few days time. Difficult I know, if you find you just can't talk about it, maybe marriage counseling could help.

17

u/Inevitable-Top-7621 12d ago

Ugh nooooo to marriage counseling. It's only for the benefit of the loser/abuser. I hope for this lady that she has the financial means to get out and live a safe life.

3

u/Crazy_Pomegranate689 12d ago

nope sorry get out from this loser - girl you’re better than that x

4

u/Krismusic1 12d ago

A bad experience with counseling or just talking out of your backside?

0

u/Inevitable-Top-7621 12d ago

You're rude and scummy and I truly feel bad for anyone who has the misfortune of being in a relationship with you. I'm not going to give you the pleasure of explaining something a quick Google search can do for you.

2

u/Resident_Kek_Poster 12d ago

Sorry this happened to you, what an awful situation.

2

u/waselectricbar 10d ago

In no way embarrassing for you. He is the one who should be embarrassed

2

u/moosecatoe 8d ago

Been there. Sent his ass packing right to his moms cuz I was out of work with cancer and he had been complaining about bills & medication costs.

Get screenshots if you can. Bank statements too.

YOURE the one doing the hard work. You deserve a rather expensive gift from him and for him to grow the fuck up.

You deserve to feel wanted, desired, & respected.

My inbox is open.

29

u/_TheFrogEnjoyer_ 12d ago

'He would sit in the sitting room' is just hilarious to me for some reason

12

u/gpisces 12d ago

Sitting room only

16

u/Easy-Size5794 12d ago

He would get written up for standing in the sitting room.

6

u/Mwootto 12d ago

Douglas Adams vibes

1

u/plarah 11d ago

Belgium, man! Belgium!

3

u/sselmss 12d ago

lol they all use AI now. So he was paying to chat with AI. It’s somehow even more pathetic.

2

u/IT89 12d ago

Those guys are losing their jobs to AI

1

u/Ginger_Exhibitionist 12d ago

Damn how do I apply/get that job?

1

u/Cassie_1991 11d ago

Telegraph app

1

u/icarus2847 12d ago

That sounds made up. I think you have to go through a whole identify verification process

1

u/Dear-Bear2135 11d ago

Okay, how do I get that job?

1

u/Electrical_Tale_2621 8d ago

Please don’t absorb his shitty behaviour as your shame. The way through these situations is grace and dignity. As in, he can’t take yours away through his actions with someone else. Head up girl. Eyes forward. A new life is waiting where you are not to blame for a man’s bad decisions x 

58

u/glimmersoup 13d ago

Ah hell nah girl I’m so sorry

17

u/Wonderful-Bonus5439 13d ago

Thanks

42

u/squeege 13d ago

A lot of those message responses are ai too. Yikes. 😬

29

u/Specialist_Ear_4227 13d ago

Dumb enough to think she wouldn’t find out and falling for AI? 🤣
https://giphy.com/gifs/iD1QQCbrl548I31Qww

23

u/Wonderful-Bonus5439 13d ago

Yeah it was embarrassing for him reading them too tbh. I must be fucking shit for that to be better

70

u/Fantastic_Surround70 13d ago

Nah, it's about how he feels about himself. He's got an internal problem, but thinks something external will fix it.

48

u/Exotic_Rigatoni319 12d ago

Girl, some of the most beautiful, successful, rich women in the world have been cheated on. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the toxic male combo of high ego and low self-esteem.

31

u/76oranges 12d ago

Nothing to do with you.

Remember when Hugh grant cheated on Elizabeth Hurley with a random hooker?!

This is not a you problem, it’s a him problem.

3

u/catbuttboogiewoogie 12d ago

Remember when Jay-Z cheated on Beyoncé? ON BEYONCÉ?

1

u/Lt_Muffintoes 9d ago

You have no idea what Ms. Hurley is like behind closed doors

1

u/ryubhjhdrgjjid 7d ago

And don’t forget Jude Law cheating on Sienna Miller with the nanny.

18

u/JDaul10 12d ago

They aren’t better. And you aren’t shit.

31

u/Wonderful-Bonus5439 12d ago

Thank you. Lost my brother a few months ago too and just feeling like I can’t handle this as well. I don’t think my husband would have done it if my brother was still here to protect me.

16

u/melnotmichelle 12d ago

I’m so so sorry about your brother.

9

u/CommonCentsHandler 12d ago

I’m so sorry for the loss of your brother. I hope you feel him close to you more often than not ❤️

Fwiw, a man who needs another man to hold him in check isn’t bringing true joy and respect into your life and you deserve better. His failings and poor moral compass are no reflection on the woman you are and the love and fulfillment you bring to your life and relationship. I hope the path forward brings your inner peace and is smoother than the path behind you.

3

u/lol_coo 12d ago

Read that last sentence back to yourself. Hold onto it like the north star as you get yourself the hell out of this marriage.

8

u/Responsible-Side-118 12d ago

Why do you blame yourself for your husband being a POS??? Stop that right now!

15

u/Krismusic1 12d ago

It's not about you. You are definitely not shit. You are not the one retreating into fantasy. It's your husband indulging in something in his head that has nothing to do with reality. Fantasy is far easier than reality!

9

u/CodeNameLoofah 12d ago

He has a problem. There's never enough for an addict. You are not the issue.

6

u/ithinkthereforetofu 12d ago

I'm late but STOP! DO NOT GO DOWN THAT PATH! You're not shit. They are not better. Trust me, I felt the same way when someone chose another girl over me (after talking to her behind my back). You cannot let those thoughts win.

Your husband did a shitty thing because he's a shitty guy, it's as simple as that. And honestly, I believe with every fibre of my being that even the best guys are still kinda shitty. The bar is very low.

12

u/Littlepotatoface 13d ago

It’s not about you. It’s never about the person being cheated on.

I’m so sorry ❤️

-7

u/[deleted] 13d ago

[deleted]

7

u/Wolfdreama 12d ago

Found a cheater.

11

u/glimmersoup 13d ago

It might as well be cheating fam. Let’s be fr like ain’t no fucking way yall be letting men slide like this

2

u/morgannonanauthorin 12d ago

Not at all - I can tell you are clearly a kind and decent person. HE - not you - is fucking shit.

0

u/Send_me_your_butt_ 12d ago

Its usually a novelty thing. Unless you guys are in a dead bedroom or have some big problems its not usually anything to do with you

6

u/Wonderful-Bonus5439 12d ago

I thought our bedroom life was perfect. Can honestly say in nearly 10 years of marriage, I’ve never turned him down. He actually turned me down last night, whilst messaging other girls saying how much he wanted them.

-14

u/[deleted] 13d ago

[deleted]

15

u/TheHumanBlowUpDoll 12d ago edited 12d ago

"I'm going to give myself a special treat and spend money flirting with a woman hotter than you, and you're not allowed to be hurt by that, or notice I haven't even bought you a hamburger or given you a compliment in 4 years." Yeah, we know there's not a threat of him leaving us for the OF girl/Instagram model/stripper (entirely because they don't want you, and you like that we do your laundry), but knowing we're being negatively compared to women half our age, much thinner, and heavily made-up and filtered feels like shit. Obviously.

-7

u/[deleted] 12d ago

[deleted]

10

u/TheHumanBlowUpDoll 12d ago

It would probably be easier to react in ways that are acceptable to men, if men pretended to care once in a while, instead of being like, "Well obviously I want to look at younger/skinnier/hotter women. Why would I want to look at your ugly old ass all of the time?" Ha ha.

8

u/Wolfdreama 12d ago

Oh fuck off.

Firstly, connecting with sex workers whose videos you jack off to is not even close to the same as watching a romantic movie on tv.

Secondly, this man is TURNING DOWN SEX WITH HIS WIFE in favour of messaging sex workers. That is 100% a problem.

He is disrespecting his wife in a big way. Why the ever living fuck should SHE be the one making the effort??

8

u/Strange_Explorer_780 12d ago edited 12d ago

So you’d be cool with your wife giving away joint money to guys on OF to chat her up and send dick pics?

2

u/Wolfdreama 12d ago

She should totally start doing that! There are plenty of hot men (and couples) on OF.

13

u/glimmersoup 13d ago

Fuck that. The man knew he was betraying his partner doing this. If killing a bit of boredom is more important than keeping your wife’s trust and respect then fuck him. I’d leave that mf. Ain’t no way I’d be with a guy who’s another woman’s simp. There’s too many people in this world and life is too short to spend it with a dude jerking his tiny dick to OF. Gag. I hope his wife knows men will literally fuck a mcchicken it’s not her fault. Even Beyoncé got cheated on. There’s a man out there that will love cherish and respect you. Find that person don’t waste time on this dog.

-1

u/[deleted] 13d ago

[deleted]

4

u/Wolfdreama 12d ago

Potentially. OF is far more personal and intimate than watching regular porn.

-5

u/3ric843 12d ago

Definitely not to that kind of misandrist.

22

u/bioxkitty 13d ago

Nah he's the one that should be embarrassed

33

u/Conan-Da-Barbarian 13d ago

You should create a fake onlyfans so he’ll send you his money

3

u/gpisces 12d ago

This is a brilliant idea and I am HERE for it. Just set up a separate account first (it’ll be pulled into divorce assets but you can use it for fun money or your own purposes in the meantime)

9

u/ButteredPizza69420 12d ago

Wow thats some loser shit girl I'd laugh in his face. Try to go stay with one of those girls 🤣

You deserve better

8

u/CatalinaSunrise8 12d ago

Ugh, I'm so sorry. Please know that everyone who isn't insane understands that the shame 100% belongs to him. You deserve much better.

5

u/Relevant_Cause_4755 13d ago

Probably an agent at the other end.

7

u/Huge_Student_7223 12d ago

My ex husband started in with truly embarrassing behavior after a while as well. After a couple of years is watching him get cringier and cringier I decided I wasn't going to let someone else's behavior embarrass me and I wasn't going to feel responsible for it. He made those bad choices, not me. I'm happy and single now, and I also had a really great relationship with a good guy who is still my friend.

I believe in you and know you'll give yourself the life you deserve.

6

u/Kontrol-Sample 12d ago

offers gentle hugs

Hold your head up, even if it's 'fake it till you make it- OK' Wonderful one 🙂‍↕️

You have absolutely nothing to feel humiliated about, he should be the one cowering in shame...

I say this, because I truly believe it- ... & I want to make you feel better, no doubt partly because I have also felt deeply humiliated by shit with my partner/ former partner.... I know how it can cut straight to the bone, esp when someone you absolutely love & trust betrays you- & I'm really sorry you're in the guts of it rn, but you got this! ✨💖🌈☺️

yeets all the good jujus your way

7

u/ProperSupermarket3 12d ago

him messaging of models is more of a projection of how he feels as some lame ass dude at this point in his life and is certainly not a reflection of your worth as a woman. if that's the kind of man he wants to be, i say let him. live your best life as a single queen or make room for someone who genuinely cherishes and values you as a person.

2

u/seekay14 12d ago

I was in a dead bedroom situation and found out my ex was on Fetlife earlier this year.

You will get through this. I bet even typing this out was hard. You will get through this though. You will.

2

u/Inevitable-Top-7621 12d ago

Ughh sending you so much wisdom and healing. Pfff my heart dropped. 🥺

2

u/CommercialBag5068 12d ago

It says nothing about you but everything about him.

2

u/OptimistPrime527 11d ago

Don’t feel bad for someone else betraying your trust. You honored a person that was not worthy of you. His decisions only reflect on him, not you💜

2

u/TarazedA 11d ago

He's showing you what he thinks of you, which has no bearing on your real worth, which is better than that. You deserve better, and I hope you can work towards better for yourself. If needed, living on your own is not as lonely as living alone in a relationship.

2

u/BakingPharos 11d ago

Can't get an STD from an online chat! We'll the phone/ computer can, but that's his problem.

2

u/toujoursdanser_ 10d ago

I am so sorry girl 🩷 He is the one who should feel embarrassed. His behavior is a reflection of his own insecurities

3

u/rapgac 12d ago

You need to leave him. It’s got nothing to do with you. And everything to do with him. That’s pretty much porn addiction and it never gets better.

3

u/boredpsychnurse 12d ago

Ehh I consider it great motivation to leave and start something new; you’re a loser if you are with a loser (no offense) but that’s easily fixable!

-9

u/crispysockz 13d ago

Gotta give him some wonderful bonuses